Work Text:
02/26/2023
You’re Safe With Me
Ringing in my head.
Eyes, glassy haze.
My body laid upon warm
soft bedding.
Caressing weary bones
Drained muscles
Catching fleeing tears.
Thoughts ringing in my head
Hurting as much as my headache.
Rumination
Worrying
Checking and checking and checking
And…
Nitpicking. Lifting my shirt to
trace over a silk white ribbon
laced across uneven ribs.
Tightening into a neat bow.
Oh gosh, this headache
It’s been here for days
Won’t it go away?
The door slams open, my haven ruined
They’re back.
Staring at my reflection
Scanning my reflection
What’s wrong? Resounding voice,
Low, unprovoked.
My head hurts, has been for days. I
Don’t know why.
Have you checked online? Maybe
You’ll find out why. Head turned to the side
Brushing up against my ear
Temptation
Touch heavy upon my temple
My pulsating vein, a reminder.
Come on, what’s the worst that can happen?
Everything. Anything.
Sad, but true.
Eyes dart to my phone, within reach
Well, are you going the check?
It’ll put your mind at ease.
No, I’ve been down that road before.
What I lack in info, I make up with
prior knowledge and creativity.
A strand of hair is moved behind my ear
the hand traces down my cheek, tiny lines
of agitation surface in its wake. Settling
on my jaw.
Squeeze tight.
Muscle cramps, teeth ache.
Its probably nothing…I think. Searching
isn’t in my best interest.
Nails pierce the soft delicate skin of my temples
To my brain.
Honey sweet poison seeps in
Numbing.
Comforting.
My hand clutches the phone
I don’t live. Not like I used to.
Without care.
Free, before tender hands
Reassuring solutions
Daily checks
Turned into constant rituals.
Silent scenarios, ideas, thoughts
Reverberate along my skull
A well-trained orchestra
And They were the conductor.
Rivers of tears resurfacing
Surprisingly.
If I don’t give in, I don’t care
I take one step out
Only to be beaten, dragged
Back
Home.
Thrown in and slammed on
The worn carpet.
What if you die?! Sent to the hospital?!
Develop something horrible?! If you leave,
YOU’LL PERISH!
Breath erratic, back against the foot of my bed
Curling in
Giving in
Whispered apologies when I find nothing
See, all you had to do was listen to me.
And you’ll be okay.
As long as I listen, I will be.
Mind at ease
Cycle repeat