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“He's more myself than I am. Whatever
our souls are made of, his and mine
are the same.”
-Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
—-
It finally hit Bowie that he had lost. He was distracted by the dancing and the talking and the everything that he had never come to terms with the fact he lost a million dollars. He sacrificed his relationship for the game, his friendships, just for him to lose out by the skin of his teeth. Bowie had slipped away into the cabins, longing for a moment of calm before the storm, whatever that may be. Of course he was happy for Priya, she worked hard her whole life for this very moment, but still. Burying his face in his hands, he tried to find the moment where it all went wrong.
Was it when he cut Raj off to “focus on the game”? Or when he betrayed his only alliance by voting off Chase instead of Julia? Or was it just that he wasn’t lucky, that if he had puked his guts out only a second later, he could have won? For the first time, Bowie didn’t know the answer. He didn’t know what to say to the people he pushed aside, or what to do if they didn’t forgive him. He was lost in the sea with no lighthouse to save him.
“Bowie?” There was a small knock at the door, and an awfully familiar voice to go with it. He didn’t want to answer, not after he humiliated himself in front of him. Bowie was weak, and no one could ever see him like this. “Please, I want to talk to you about.. well, you know, us.”
Us. How he could still refer to him and Bowie as a pair after the taller boy refused to speak with him all night was baffling. “Us” was scary, being together could be more terrifying than Scary Girl with a jackhammer and a knife. Bowie didn’t even know why he was scared, because he was the one who was out of the closet first, the one comfortable with his own skin. Raj is the one who should be scared of the ridicule, Raj is the one who should be scared of what people are going to say. Raj is the one.
“I know you’re not feeling great, but I just- I… I really want to talk to you, Bowie.” He stood up walking towards the door. He couldn’t help himself, wanting to pull himself away but knowing he couldn’t resist. He could never resist him, from being caught staring at his stupid hair or dreaming about them having a date on the beach. It was impossible to pull himself away from him.
“Hi Raj. Do you want to..?”
“I mean, that’s what I was asking.” They both chuckled, looking at each other like they had known the other forever. Bowie led Raj in, hand in hand until they quietly took a seat on the floor. “Are you okay? Because you look all sad and I really care about you-“
“I think I’ll be just fine, Raj. I’m just… tired.” Bowie felt his head dropping to Raj’s shoulder, and the latter’s face getting much, much redder. “This show is really draining. And disgusting.”
“Y-Yeah, I wish I was there for the puking challenge because I totally would’ve won!”
“Gross, but I can totally see that.” Bowie giggled, rubbing Raj’s hand with his thumb. Within seconds, his mood skyrocketed from total despair to cheesy, soap opera level adoration for the jock. Raj made Bowie feel lightyears worth of emotions in moments. It was almost as if Raj loved Bowie more than he loved himself.
Love is a fickle thing, Bowie would always say that to Emma whenever she started a monologue about how much she hated/loved Chase, but this was different. It wasn’t spontaneous or unpredictable, it was almost like this was meant to happen. They were right, like perfect puzzle pieces or like the sun and moon. Everything felt right with Raj.
“Bowie? Are you sleeping, dude?”
“No, just thinking.”
“About what?”
“You.” A smile slipped onto Bowie’s face as Raj tried to hide the bright blush spreading onto his cute, soft face.
“Um, I wanted to ask you something. I know you’re going through a lot, with losing a million dollars and everything, but I just wanted to know… What are we? Are we boyfriends, or just friends, or complicated, because it’s fine if we are-“
Bowie sat up straight and tilted up Raj’s chin so they were staring straight into each other's eyes. The taller boy softly pressed a chaste kiss onto his lips, pulling away moments later to caress the other’s face. “I think you know.”
“Totally.” Raj had the largest grin on his face as he pulled Bowie in for another kiss, this one much more playful and filled with complete and utter joy. The kind of joy you want to feel always, the kind of joy that makes you love life. The whole world melted away and it was just Bowie and Raj, quietly loving each other as they embraced. They soon melted into a pile on the floor, pecking each other's lips as they watched the other in fondness and warmth. Bowie had never felt this way about anyone he had ever dated. He had never felt so appreciated by someone without them ever even saying anything. Maybe Raj was the lighthouse he had been looking for all this time.
“Oh my god Bowie, you wouldn’t believe what just-“ The door of the cabin slammed open and the pair immediately separated. Emma stood stunned in the doorway as she saw the two boys until the glossy look in her eyes turned to realisation. “O-Oh my- I'll just leave you two alone.”
“No, it’s fine! There’s plenty of time for you to complain about Chase. Sorry, babe.”
“No, I- Well, we- It’s…”
“Hey,” Bowie brushed himself off and knelt to whisper to the dazed boy on the floor. “I love you. See you later, okay?”
“Mhm…” Raj was practically making heart eyes at Bowie as the latter walked out of the cabin with Emma, gathering himself and running past them, assuredly going to talk to Wayne.
“So, are you guys serious?”
“You could call it that. Anyways, you and Chase…”