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It was a beautiful day by anyone’s standards. Winter had come and gone, leaving behind only small puddles as the snow melted from the grounds, uncovering the grass for the first time in months. Small shoots of green were beginning to poke through the lawn, dotting the view with patches of green in a sea of brown. Already there were new leaves sprouting from the trees, flowers blooming in the gardens, and people were milling about, pleased with their ability to go outside without freezing their toes off.
All of this was in direct contrast with Blake’s rather bleak mood. As was with any faunus, the start of spring meant one thing: awful people making awful jokes about their reproductive habits, like they had the right to pry into hers and other faunus’ lives. It might not have been so bad, but she had taken to leaving her bow in her nightstand to gather dust. After nearly two years at Beacon, she was sure that she had convinced her fellow classmates to respect her for who she was instead of what she was.
How naïve she had been.
Coupling the worst types of comments on her sex life as well as the fact that she hadn’t been able to get a proper night’s rest in weeks thanks to all the stress she had been under, and Blake was feeling rather down.
Sure, the Grimm had been stopped before they could do any major damage to the city, but that wasn’t the problem.
The racist comments that she and her fellow faunus received on a daily basis was though.
Torchwick was still out there, and she had let him get away on the train instead of stopping him.
Adam and the White Fang were still out there causing havoc and giving faunus everywhere a bad name. She had seen a news report that violence towards faunus had spiked in the wake of the numerous dust robberies and various crimes that had been perpetrated in the Fang’s name.
She was still on the outs with Weiss, unable to breach the topic of her being not only a faunus, but an ex-member of the very group that had caused Weiss and her family such pain. While the two girls had made up, Blake could still feel the gaping hole where Weiss’ trust used to be. No matter how much Weiss said otherwise, those blue eyes of hers couldn’t lie; the heiress didn’t trust her anymore.
Blake didn’t blame her.
Once she added in the nightmares, lack of sleep due to said nightmares and the amount of time she had been using to research the Fang’s movements once her friends were asleep, and the lack of hunger she had felt lately… Blake barely felt human anymore.
As if you were ever human in the first place.
It seemed like the weight of the world was on her shoulders these days, and Blake was uncertain how much longer she could bear it. Her teammates hadn’t noticed her change in mood, and Blake wasn’t sure if that was something to be pleased about or not. Ever since the last time she had fallen, she had taken great pains to make certain that everything appeared normal to her friends. And especially to Yang.
The blonde had taken to hovering around Blake like a worried mother hen at times. But even then, she was still easy enough to misdirect, with Blake only needing to tell her that “of course she was alright, just a bit tired due to finals coming up.” Her partner thought the world of her, something that Blake took advantage of, as much as the thought of it sickened her.
She hated lying to Yang.
Deep down inside, a small part of her pleaded to just come clean with her teammates again. To let them know that she was not alright.
Someone please notice me.
I’m not okay.
That feeling was squashed ruthlessly, shoved down until it shut up for good.
Blake didn’t have time to deal with it, not now. She had to track Torchwick and his cronies down and expose his manipulation of the Fang. The men and women that were called terrorists by society had once been her only family, people that she had called her brothers and sisters during better times. Peaceful times.
She would give anything for them to see the truth about how they were being used.
The sun shone brightly in the sky, making her scowl and rub her eyes tiredly in an attempt to stave off the inevitable headache. Her stomach rumbled in protest to its emptiness, but Blake ignored it in favor of skimming through her scroll for information on the last reported heist made by Torchwick and the Fang.
With how exhausted she was, Blake never noticed the way three sets of eyes stared at her worriedly.
And so the next few weeks went with Blake becoming more and more withdrawn. Amber eyes became dull and flat, ribs more pronounced to the point that Blake had taken to wearing baggier, longer sleeved shirts and avoided mirrors. Her performance in any class that required any physical effort had plummeted, although she had managed to keep her grades up through sheer willpower.
The voices in her head screamed at her that she was useless, worthless for not getting any closer to an answer.
It was hard not to listen to them.
The day had started off like any other one. As it was a weekend, Blake decided to take advantage of the fact that there were no classes. The faunus had woken up early, sleep plagued by nightmares and leaving her feeling like she had been hit by a truck. A cup of coffee served to peak her a little bit, allowing her to function once more. By the time her team had arrived in the cafeteria, Blake had long since left to the library to browse on one of their many computers for any new information.
There was nothing since she had checked less than twelve hours ago, but something was bound to pop up. It was there that she stayed until her scroll dinged; a message from Yang telling her that it was time for supper and that she should meet them.
Supper?
Eyes burning from staring at a computer screen for half the day, Blake double checked her scroll. It was indeed supper time.
Where did the hours go?
Blake let out a soft groan of defeat, logging off of her station with a few keystrokes before standing up. Her back ached from sitting for so long in one position, and her stomach was doing its best to try and devour itself.
Hours wasted and still no closer to the answer. Useless.
Plagued by her inner demons, Blake barely even noticed as she walked right past the cafeteria’s doors. She did, however, notice the vigorous arm motions her team leader made as she acted out something for the rest of the table. They hadn’t noticed her presence outside looking in through the window.
They don’t need you.
Blake flinched at the voice. It was like someone was whispering directly into her ear, voicing every dark thought that she had.
Still a stray after all.
She shook her head in response, backing away from the window. She didn’t want to see them anymore. She just wanted to go leave.
That’s right, run away. It’s all you’re good at, after all. Go on. Run. Run, Blake! Run!
Blake ran.
Everything blurred around her as Blake ran, gravel crunching underneath her shoes and the wind stinging her face. She didn’t know where she was going, didn’t care really as long as it was somewhere she could be alone. Eventually the gravel turned to polished floors, and then to concrete as Blake found her way up onto the roof.
They’d be better off without you.
Blake clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sob that rose up, shoulders shaking with the force of her cries. Maybe the voice was right.
“They’d be better off without me,” she whispered to no one. Steeling herself, Blake crossed the few steps over to the ledge and peered over it. The drop was a long one; even with her aura acting out in a desperate act of self preservation, she was unlikely to survive the fall. The faunus inched forward, the tip of her shoe hanging over the edge.
Do it.
Do it, you worthless piece of shit!
No one cares about you!
“Shut up!” she screamed, pounding her fists against her head. “Just shut up already!” Miraculously, the voice fell silent. Whether that was because she moved even closer to her death, or because she had finally said something, Blake wasn’t sure. But if the only way to get away from it was to jump, then that was what she’d do.
Blake took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes before closing them. She was teetering on the edge now; one final step would send her over.
I’m sorry…
“Blake!!”
The faunus whirled around, eyes opening as her name was screamed across the rooftop. Yang was standing at the doorway, a horrified look in those purple eyes that Blake had come to love so much. A bitter smile came to her lips; of course Yang would find her.
Can’t even die right, can you?
“Oh god, oh god, Blake please don’t move!” Yang’s hand was out, reaching for her as if to pull her close. To save her from what she was about to do.
Blake didn’t want to be saved. She took a step to the side, heel shifting back just a bit. A stone came loose under her foot, plummeting down to the ground below. “Don’t come any closer,” she gasped out. “Don’t, I mean it Yang.”
The blonde froze, hands going up in a placating gesture. “Okay baby, I’m not moving. I’m staying right here. Just please, step down from the ledge!” Yang’s voice cracked, tears sliding down her cheeks. It hurt Blake’s heart to know that she had been the one to make the brawler cry. “Please Blake… just come here, whatever’s wrong, we can fix it together! Talk to me! I can help!”
“You can’t help me.. No one can.” Blake let out a harsh bark of laughter, watery and heartwrenching. “Do you… Do you ever feel like the world would be better off without you?” She sniffled, the tears coming harder now. “I’m useless! I can’t do anything right! No one needs some stupid faunus piece of trash!” Her words were broken by raspy sobs. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore..”
“I need you!” Yang’s words made Blake look up; the blonde was trembling, anguish written all over face. Seeing that she had gotten Blake’s attention, Yang continued on desperately. “I need you, Blake. You’re my partner, my best friend, my.. please… Don’t do this. I can help you, Ruby and Weiss can help you. We all care about you.”
“I.. Yang..” Blake’s eyes welled up, stepping towards Yang just the slightest bit and closer to safety. Yang darted forward, snatching onto Blake’s wrist painfully tight and yanking her away from the roof’s edge, clinging to her. One calloused hand cradled Blake’s head to her chest, the other one stroking raven-colored tresses as Yang whispered to her that everything would be okay, that she was never going to let go, that Blake was safe.
Blake just sobbed harder, hands grasping onto Yang’s shirt as she shook in her partner’s arms. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she choked out, “I can’t- Yang, please… help me..” Her voice trailed off into a whimper.
“It’s okay baby, I got you. I got you Blake. I’m here..” The brawler could only hold her tighter in response, rocking her back and forth as she promised that Blake was alright and that she was loved.
Blake knew that she would have to face what had just happened eventually, but for now she was content to stay where she was. The faunus eventually cried herself to sleep, too drained to stay awake any longer after the emotional trauma she had just gone through.
The last thing she noticed before she finally gave into her exhaustion was that the voice had finally stopped talking.
There were no nightmares for her that night.