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It’s late one night when they all decide to take the Sorting Hat test. After Arthur let slip that Merlin might know where the real Hogwarts is, the whole of everyone had descended on their place demanding an explanation, which had then led to a movie marathon, replete with pizza and alcohol, a particularly stupid debate about wands versus no wands, and of course, house sortings.
Merlin doesn’t really see the point, quite sure that Arthur will be a Gryffindor, and as such, that he, too, will be a Gryffindor.
He’s half right.
Arthur and Gwaine, much to Arthur’s annoyance, are Gryffindors. So are Kay and Elyan. Also to no one’s surprise, Morgana is a Ravenclaw. Leon looks both proud and shy when he gets sorted into the smartypants house as well. Lance and Gwen get all lovey dovey at both being Hufflepuffs, so Gwaine offers to give Perc a kiss when he gets placed there too. And Merlin…
“Slytherin.” Merlin sits back in his chair, a little confused.
“Called it,” says Gwaine. A few of the others nod.
Merlin looks to Lance, but his friend is avoiding his gaze. “Did everyone think I was Slytherin?” he asks the room at large.
There’s a little pause as a few looks are traded.
“Well, yeah,” Gwaine finally answers, looking a little confused. “You’re driven, single minded, sneaky-”
Perc elbows Gwaine.
“-like a fox,” Gwaine adds on hurriedly. “You know, sneaky in a good way.”
Arthur places a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “It’s not a bad thing, Merlin. And it doesn’t mean you’re not brave, or clever, or… whatever it is Hufflepuffs are-”
“Hey!” Gwen and Lance yell in unison.
“-it just means you’re…” Arthur seems to be looking for the right word.
“Sneakier than all that.” Merlin puts in for him.
There’s another pause and Merlin’s worried he’s brought the mood down. He pastes on a thoughtful smile and tips his head to the side. “Well, I can talk to snakes.”
Arthur blinks, “Really?”
“Sure. Just don’t tell Kilgharrah I called him that.” Merlin winks at him and there’s laughter scattered around the room.
The conversation goes naturally onto other things and the night ends up just fine, even if Merlin has a few new things to think about.
A couple of days later, Merlin waits until Arthur is out, then takes the test again, being scrupulously honest. Maybe… he doesn’t know what, but it’s a moot point as he comes out Slytherin again anyway. He’s so absorbed in thought, he almost doesn’t hear Arthur get home. He taps frantically at the mouse, changing tabs seconds before Arthur steps into the room.
He then tries to pretend like the tell-tale music isn’t still playing from the infernal machine behind him as he smiles widely at Arthur.
Arthur, Goddess bless him, gives Merlin one ‘you dumbass’ look, then also pretends like tell-tale music isn’t still playing. He heads for the kitchen, talking over his shoulder about some boring economics thing or another and generously giving Merlin the time to figure out how to close all the tabs and shut down the stupid computer.
He may or may not magic the blasted thing off.
And Merlin thinks that’s the end of it. He’s the semi, or possibly potentially, evil one of the group, the internet having accurately seen into his soul, and he’ll just have to learn to live with it.
Except the next time he sees Gwaine, passing him in the throng between classes on campus, the other man is wearing a Slytherin scarf. Gwaine just waves when he spots Merlin, not stopping, not giving any explanation and Merlin is left thoroughly confused.
Likewise, Gwen is just leaving the campus café as Merlin is entering, and she gives him a quick hug in passing, before waving bye as she hurries off. With her Slytherin notebook clutched on top of her usual textbooks.
Merlin spends the next half hour scowling into his coffee, not managing to do any of the reading he was planning on. In the end he decides to ask at dinner. He, Arthur, Gwen and Lance have made plans to meet for tea after all.
His lectures end for the day, and Merlin heads for the meetup spot, astounded to see Lance already there and apparently arguing heatedly with a couple of other guys.
“…can’t possibly think that. There wasn’t a single one of them worth anything!” a rather irate bloke with auburn hair and silver rimmed glasses is saying as Merlin gets in hearing range.
“But that’s not the point,” Lance answers calmly. “The point is the potential. It’s not guaranteed they’ll go bad, that happens because of influence and circumstance. The house itself has nothing to do with it.”
House? Merlin stops in his tracks. They can’t possibly be arguing about what he thinks they’re arguing about. Can they?
“Oh come on! It’s canon! Every dark wizard for the last, something like, hundred years has come out of Slytherin!”
They are! They’re talking about bloody Hogwarts houses. And Lance is defending Slytherin. It’s not even his bloody house! Merlin gets moving again, sidling up beside Lance. Who turns a bit pink about the edges, but ploughs on regardless.
“Slytherins are ambitious, but loyal. They’re cunning, but savvy, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. They’re almost as smart as Ravenclaw, almost as brave as Gryffindor, they just don’t jump into things without thinking, that’s all. And they’re confident. And it’s cool to be able to talk to… reptiles.”
Merlin can’t help snickering at that last bit. “And what would you know about it, Hufflepuff?”
Lance rolls his eyes at him. The other two guys look him up and down, understanding dawning on the one that had been silent previously.
“Oh, so you’re the Slytherin,” he says to Merlin. To Lance he adds, “So you’re just holding his bag and using it to stir trouble? Not very Hufflepuff of you.”
Lance bristles. “Hufflepuffs are loyal too, this is my mate, this is my bag, and the two of you started the debate in the first place.”
The bespectacled guy shrugs, unrepentant. “That’s what you get when you go flashing house colours. Alright then Lance, see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, see you Ben, Andrew.”
And to Merlin’s bewilderment, they all smile at each other before Ben and Andrew hurry off to the nearby bus stop.
“What was that?” he asks Lance once they’re gone.
“Oh, my fault I guess. I’d forgotten they were die hard fans. Ben does some fantastic fanart for HP, and Andrew has a side hustle in wands at conventions.”
“He has a what in what at what?”
Lance blinks and tries very, very hard not to smile. Merlin can see him struggle so just crosses his arms and waits. Lance is still struggling by the time Arthur arrives.
“What’s wrong with his face?”
“He’s trying not to offend me.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not working,” Merlin adds, mostly for Lance’s benefit.
Gwen turns up before anything more comes of that though and they head into the restaurant.
Merlin spends the rest of the meal completely on edge wondering when he can ask. Or even what to ask. So it’s not really his fault at all that when Arthur turns to him with a question about the kitchen blind in their apartment, Merlin blurts, “Why are you all carrying Slytherin stuff now?”
There’s silence at the table. Then Arthur picks up his wine, sits back in his chair, and with his best ‘I am King how dare you question me peasant’ look on his face says, “Because there’s nothing wrong with Slytherin.”
Merlin scowls, “I know that, but I don’t get why-”
“You don’t seem to know that. There’s nothing wrong with Slytherin.”
Merlin crosses his arms, scowl deepening, “I know th-”
“And there’s nothing wrong with you. Except that you’re an idiot. But then, that’s why you’re not in Ravenclaw.”
Merlin’s scowl has gone away because his jaw has dropped open. From the corner of his eye, he faintly notes Lance and Gwen watching the exchange like they bought tickets. Gwen is looking a little soft around the edges.
Arthur takes a drink of wine and is now wearing his ‘I am King and ever so smart and also a smug prat’ look on his big dumb face. “You’re worried that being sorted into Slytherin somehow makes you evil.”
Merlin opens his mouth to argue, but Arthur cuts him off with, “Or at least potentially evil. Except you’re not.”
Merlin closes his mouth, annoyed beyond measure that Arthur does, actually, know what he was thinking.
“You wouldn’t be able to be evil if your life depended on it.”
Oh, now that is a step too far and Merlin bristles. “I’ve done plenty of evil things I’ll have you know.”
“Like what?”
“Poisoned Morgana.”
“Firstly, that was several lifetimes ago and I’m talking about present Merlin, not crusty old historical Merlin.”
Merlin feels himself go bright red, but again, Arthur just keeps going over the top of him.
“Secondly, you gave Morgause the name of the poison. So. Go on. I’m still waiting.”
The tips of Merlin’s ears are burning. He watches Arthur’s eyes rove over them and down, past his face, to his neck, then further. A little of Arthur’s smug dissipates as he visibly swallows.
Merlin starts blushing for a whole other reason. Damnit.
“I… ah… I. The Disir, the previous ones, are dead because of me.” Merlin doesn’t like admitting that. But he can’t stop himself somehow. It’s like he maybe does want to prove he could potentially be evil. And then see what they make of that.
“Oh, well, they aren’t really though, are they?” Lance puts in from the sidelines. “You just got rid of the spell they were using, so…” He trails off with a shrug.
“I sacrificed a witch to the Dorocha.”
There’s a little pause at that, the other three trading looks.
“The one where the portal to the afterlife has to be opened and closed with a human sacrifice?” Arthur asks.
Merlin just nods as Gwen gasps and covers her mouth with a hand. Merlin decides the white tablecloth is now fascinating.
“Alright. So who did the initial sacrificing?” Arthur’s voice is soft, patient, none of the smug left.
Merlin just scrunches his mouth up, annoyed they’re arguing with him on this.
“The witch did, didn’t she? You’re trying to prove you’re evil by citing the time you stopped a murderer from killing more people.” Arthur sighs. “Merlin, you have more power in your little finger than basically anything else on the planet. And you make butterflies. And mini dragons. And you protect people. And you save lives.”
Merlin’s eyes flash back up to Arthur’s face, ready for a truly heated argument, but he’s brought up short by the sight of Lancelot and Gwen, and even, to a lesser degree, Arthur, looking a little teary.
“No one is claiming you’re good incarnate, or that you don’t have a vicious streak when you get going, but Merlin, you’re no more evil than I am.”
“Or me.”
“Or me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Slytherin. And there’s nothing wrong with you.”
Merlin bites his lip, willing himself not to join in on all the dewy eyed-ness.
No fear of that though, when Arthur adds, “Except your gullibility in the face of online quizzes. I mean really, are you going to be this bad when we get to the Disney Princesses? Because if you freeze half the town just because you come back as Elsa, I’m not going to be impressed.”
“Elsa? I’m not Elsa.”
“You’re so Elsa. No one could be more Elsa.”
“Arthur, he’s not Elsa,” Lance chimes in.
“Thank you,” Merlin nods to him exasperatedly.
“He’s Rapunzel,” Lance goes on. Merlin’s mouth is dropping open all over again.
“Lance, he was Rapunzel back in the olden days. Now, currently, he’s Elsa.”
“You’re both wrong.”
Merlin groans, “No, Gwen, not you too?”
“Sorry Merlin,” she says, not sounding the least bit sorry, “Gwaine has a pool going. And you’re Mirabel.”
“Mirabel?” Arthur scoffs, “She’s not even an actual Princess. She’s not even one of the options. Is she?”
“She’s the star of a Disney movie and saves the day. And she’s the perfect combination of Elsa and Rapunzel. Just like Merlin.” Then Gwen smiles warmly at him. Like this is something to be pleased about.
“You’re all insane.”
Arthur points a finger at him, “We’re not the ones that went on a downward introspective spiral because of an internet test made up by a power mad Potter nerd.”
And, well, point, but also, “You’re exaggerating. I did not spiral.”
And that’s that. They spend the rest of the night arguing about the most stupid stuff, Merlin feels very loved in spite of possibly still not feeling like he wholly deserves it, and maybe Slytherin isn’t so bad after all.
And when, the next time he ducks home to see Kilgharrah, the old dragon is draped in the biggest Slytherin scarf he’s ever seen, Merlin feels like it would be very hard to be evil, given all the amazing souls he shares his life with.