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I drowned out the beating of the drums, focused wholly on the tug I felt deep within me. Every fibre of my being charged with electricity, hyper-aware of her presence. Knew she was there, waiting.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d smelt the fresh pine of the woods, or felt the cool night breeze trace across my skin. Every waking moment beneath that mountain was a nightmare worse than death. Trapped by the mask that bade me hide my wings and shelter my soul in a desperate attempt to save my friends. My family. My people.
I’d played her game perfectly tonight, whispering sweet pledges that granted me a slice of freedom to do her bidding.
My body might be controlled by Amarantha. But my mind was captivated by her soul’s song. She’d consumed my dreams, both asleep and awake, for 18 long years.
Her happiness was my happiness, her nightmares my nightmares, all of them amplified as she’d ventured across the wall and into Prythian. Why she came to Prythian, I did not know. But I treasured every moment we shared, thankful for the brief visions of peace from the horrors of my world.
So I span the Nightmare Queen a line about capturing traitors and winnowed here to the rolling hills of the Spring Court where the stars in the night sky all but led me to her.
I climbed up the hillside and made my way through the now-silent forest as I followed her scent.
Fire Night was upon us: the Spring Court’s Great Rite.
I shuddered at the thought of what awaited my return later, as Amarantha forced me to participate in a special ceremony between the two of us.
For a brief moment beneath the cloudless sky, I allowed myself to indulge in the scene and allowed a brief smile to cross my lips as Fae laughed and danced and sang around bright bonfires.
Not Velaris by any means, but a sight to behold nonetheless.
Cauldron knows I’d waited long enough for these small pleasures. 50 years imprisoned within the mountain with no opportunity to look up at the sky, to raise my head and dream.
And I let it all in. Memories of Starfall above Valaris where stars soar and dance gleefully above with no care in the world. Of drinks shared and laughter exchanged with my family as we revelled in the Rainbow of Velaris.
But I was taking too long.
A tug deep inside me nudged my attention back to the grounds of the Spring Court. It beckoned me towards the edge of the forest where the festivities were well and truly underway.
Not Starfall. Not the Winter Solstice. But I knew I was needed there all the same.
So I went. Quicker now, responding to the urgency I felt within me as though a loving hand pulled me forward towards a bonfire near the edge of the trees - just far enough away from the main festivities that I’d have the chance to remain unseen by Lucien and others I needed to avoid. Not Tamlin - he would be preoccupied with his role in the Rite now.
But it didn’t matter.
I’d found her. She was there.
Hidden in a dark cape, I could barely see her. Barely make out her features to see the girl who so often delighted my dreams. It didn’t matter. I knew it was her. After all this time, I felt whole. More than that, I felt invincible, knowing I’d found her – the girl whose thoughts so often forced their way through the barriers of my mind.
Something was wrong.
I sensed her fear before my mind processed the scene before me. I sensed the air shift as she fell toward the ground, unbalanced by three Fae males who refused to take no for an answer.
I winnowed towards her, just in time to catch her before the ground swallowed her whole.
“There you are. I’ve been looking for you,” I said.
And I meant it. The thought of her and her alone kept me going as Amarantha’s tentacles fed on the remaining good in Prythian, leaving nothing but torture and torment. For almost two decades I’d be consumed by visions of her paintings.
Snippets of her anger.
Clips of her world.
Snapshots of her suffering.
They pained me more than the ruin of Prythian. Knowing she was hurting left a void of suffering within me. A void I filled by caring for her, from a distance, by whatever means necessary.
For almost two decades I’d yearned to find her without luck – until today.
The mask of the Lord of the Night Court firmly in place, I said: “Thank you for finding her for me.”
When they didn’t move: “Enjoy the Rite.” I’d deal with them later.
Let them have fun while I savoured this moment. They were welcome to whatever pleasure they could get their hands on.
Cauldron knows they’d need it when I altered their memories and condemned them to the torturous grave Under the Mountain.
As they scuttled away back to the main bonfires, she stepped out from under my arm and looked straight at me. For the first time in months, I felt as though someone truly saw me for who I am.
The most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Her face was radiant, her hair a mirror to the bonfire sparks danced in the air. I stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, soaking in every inch of her and searing it to memory. This was the first, but I prayed to the Mother that it wouldn’t be the last.
I had to hear her voice. “What’s a mortal woman doing here on Fire Night?”
“My friends brought me.”
Her friends? I stiffened my face to calm my brows and stifle the frown emerging on my head. Not the three Fae males who were oblivious to Amarantha’s pending wrath, I was sure.
“And who are your friends?”
“Two ladies,” she replied, a lie made obvious by her increased heart rate. A human tell.
I defied a smirk, deciding to play. “Their names?” I asked as I edged close to her, almost subconsciously.
No response. Great girl, I thought. But rather than voice my feelings aloud, I laughed and simply said: “You’re welcome for saving you. Strange for a mortal to be friends with two faeries.”
She edged further away as I circled her, weighing up the girl of my dreams while I considered all options.
For her to be here unharmed, she had to be Tamlin’s guest. There was no other situation that made sense.
So the rumours were true. He was trying to break the curse. My heart plummeted, realising the obvious.
“Aren’t humans usually terrified of us? And aren’t you, for that matter, supposed to keep to your side of the wall?”
As she glared at me in defiance, “I’ve known them my whole life. I’ve never had anything to fear from them.”
Suddenly furious by the sheer danger she was in, by Tamlin’s obvious lack of concern for her safety, for the unforgivably close call to her being vilified by those human-hating scumbags, “And yet they brought you to the Great Rite and abandoned you.”
“They went to get refreshments.”
Another lie. At least her loyalties couldn’t be questioned. Mulling it over, desperate to spend more time in her company and nowhere close to giving her freedom in the midst of the worst of the Spring Court, “I’m afraid the refreshments are a long way off. It might be a while before they return. May I escort you somewhere in the meantime?”
A long shot, but the only arrow I had in my quiver.
“No,” she replied. Her gaze told me enough. I’d learned the importance of freedom the hard way; by having it taken from me and hidden in plain sight somewhere just beyond my reach.
I couldn’t do it to her. If I’d learned anything in the past two decades, it was the importance of choice. Cauldron knows I understood that better than most.
I’d destroy all of Prythian for her. But I had to honour her wishes.
“Enjoy the Rite, then. Try to stay out of trouble.” And I walked away.
“So you’re not a part of the Spring Court,” she blurted.
I almost laughed at the ridiculousness. Me, part of the Spring Court? Grabbing my last ounce of willpower, I lessened my grip on the mask and smiled as I allowed the little power Amarantha had left me with to shine. Turning back to her once more, allowing her beauty to once again mesmerise my thoughts, “Do I look like I’m part of the Spring Court?”
When she looked contemplative, I relaxed and said, “No, I’m not a part of the noble Spring Court.” Could never, would never, be a part of this land. To join with the monster who murdered the best parts of my family. Who betrayed my trust for his own personal gain. The thought made me sick.
“Why are you here, then?” she called.
My body warred with my mind to let go of the burden, to break down the walls and tell her everything. To let the Lord of the Night Court mask drop, and show her Rhysand. But most of all, to tell her the truth.
You.
You’re the reason.
I was desperate to trace my fingers across her lips. To run my fingers through her hair. To cradle her body to mine, to share my memories and welcome her into my world. But I couldn’t.
It was no longer mine to give.
I now belonged to the hate and horror of Under the Mountain where the beauty of Velaris was hundreds of miles out of reach.
It was pointless anyway, considering her allegiance to the Spring Court.
Even as my heart ached to know more of her, to be with her, it was time to raise the mask again and let Fate determine our destiny. I prayed to the Mother we’d meet again in another life. One where this much-needed mask was nothing more than ash in these fires. Where my power shines brighter still for the girl at my side. On my side. My team.
“Because all of the monsters have been let out of their cages tonight, no matter what court they belong to. So I may roam wherever I wish until the dawn,” I finally responded. The truth. Sort of. At least, the closest version of the truth I could give. A riddle of sorts, but all the curse would allow me to admit.
After all, I’d become a monster of Amarantha’s making. In my efforts to protect my people at whatever cost, I’d forsaken a part of myself I doubted I’d ever win back.
Stony and unforgiving, she turned to leave. “Enjoy the Rite.”
I watched from the shadows of the forest as she ran towards the bonfires – hurrying from the Lord of the Night Court – and head-first into Lucien. It was confirmation enough that the rumours were true: she was our last chance to break Amarantha’s curse and save faekind. Fated to fall in love with Tamlin, and grant Prythian the freedom it had dreamed of for half a century.
How could I get in the way of that? With the stakes so high and fate’s plan in place, I wasn’t even a contender.
My heart ached and I yearned for a friend to share the burden with. Mor, Cassian, Azriel. Cauldron, I’d even talk to Amren if given the chance. I’d spent far too long without a friend, shouldering the burden to protect my city, to keep my friends safe.
I’d do it all over again if it was the only option.
Heading for the forest before Lucien could spot me, I forbade myself from indulging in self-pity. I almost lost hold of it, pining for my lost life, for a lost love, over before it could begin.
But I’d finally found her. No matter how bitter-sweet, she was no longer just a dream. She was real to me.
Tonight was the greatest gift I’d received in two decades.
With another hour of freedom remaining before Amarantha’s suspicions would start to grow, I knew what I had to do. 30 minutes of freedom, before I’d hunt those three males who’d touched her and sacrifice them to Amarantha. I winced at the thought of what I had to do but knew it was worth it to protect her.
With one last look towards the bonfire where she’d last stood, I smiled. After years of hiding them away, I flexed my shoulders and nudged my wings awake. My back ached as they emerged and I grunted with the pain as I forced them back to life. As I shut out the rest of the world and focused my mind on her, I took to the skies.
Soaring, triumphant. One last flight to remember the best night of my life.