Chapter Text
"Stop, here, please." Alhaitham yawned as he asked the cab driver to pull over. The man squinted at him through the rearview mirror in surprise. Before he could ask, Alhaitham told him again, "Yes, here is good, thank you."
The vehicle pulled over to the side, a darkened street, rundown and shady. In the daylight Alhaitham would not be caught dead here, not coming as he usually dressed and looked. But tonight, he’d gone with a slightly more casual get-up. With no makeup and unstyled hair, he pulled on a deep emerald green hoodie to disguise his face, paired a little modestly with a nondescript leather jacket, and boots. He hunched his shoulders as he stepped out.
The cab sped off, and Alhaitham was alone. He knew these back alleys. He knew them well. Or rather, he knew one path in particular that was a well-traveled haunt for whenever he came. About once every two or three weeks.
No one would recognize him here. Alhaitham, actor, model, singer, was no more. Tonight, he was just a man on a mission.
Three blocks straight, one turn to the right, a swerving curve to the left, past another block, and under the awning of a dilapidated-looking storefront. He passed through the building, waved, and received a wave from the friendly auntie who let him use the back door of her building. The storeroom gave way to a long, lowly lit hallway. Alhaitham passed the bathrooms with a hand covering his mouth, then pushed into another room with a slightly better atmosphere.
Immediately the smell of food assaulted his senses. Alhaitham sighed in relief, and his stomach rumbled. He stuck his head into the restaurant kitchen and waited. It was a bustle of activity as cooks and their assistants crawled everywhere through the row of stovetops and counters, nearly a dozen employees once you counted the waiters running in and through the circus picking up plates and trays and carrying them away.
Less than a minute later, one of the cooks turned around and grinned.
"Alhaitham! You made it," said the man.
Alhaitham gave a crooked smile in return. "My table available?"
"For you? Always. Make yourself at home, I'll send you one of our most discreet waiters pronto." The man winked, and Alhaitham got one quick look at that dimpled face before thanking him and stalking off through the restaurant.
It was his favorite place, of course. On Thursday nights whenever he was free, he came here to relax, to sit in one of the smaller dining areas with more than enough privacy and anonymity and eat a plate or two of one of the most famous dishes put out by the distinguished Cyno, related to a great family of restauranteurs.
He found his table now, a quiet two-seater in a room behind partial curtains with only three small tables beside his. Two of them were occupied now. An elderly pair of ladies sat together over a pot of tea. A single older gentleman sat at the other table slurping a bowl of noodles.
Alhaitham smiled. Always, the restaurant made sure to seat in here only people who would be unlikely to recognize him. He stared warily at the third, available table, but shrugged and decided Cyno would have seen to it already. He took a seat, pulled off his snapback, mussed his uncombed hair, and opened the menu.
"Hello, sir, my name is Kaveh. Can I get you a drink or an appetizer tonight?"
Through his lashes, Alhaitham dared to look up, his face otherwise pointing down. Even at that angle, a stunning male visage of winged eyes, high cheekbones, and a glorious smile beamed down at him. Kaveh, as this waiter said his name, was chipper, gorgeous, and perhaps a little haughty. He couldn’t have been younger than Althaitham, which put him within the normal age range of some of Alhaitham’s crazed fans, the kind who would recognize someone like Alhaitham, and that’s exactly why he didn’t go to restaurants on his own except the ones he felt comfortable in.
“Sir? A drink for you?”
Alhaitham cleared his throat, still refusing to look up in case the man hadn’t yet recognized him. “I’m sorry, but would it be possible for me to speak to Cyno?”
“C-Chef?” Kaveh startled, one hand reaching nervously toward his tied-back blond hair. “I… of course, sir, I’ll bring him right away.”
The waiter bounded off with a little less spring and Alhaitham breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed he hadn’t yet been recognized. Luckily he’d caught this so soon else this spot may have been ruined for life. He continued to read through the menu, eyeballing the same three dishes he always alternated ordering. In less than a minute Cyno was by his side, mercifully alone. Terf and gruff as ever, Cyno knelt down to put their heads on the same level and whispered.
“Is something the matter?”
“Yes,” Alhaitham whispered back. “The waiter. I thought you promised me discretion when I came into this place.”
Cyno blinked, confused. “I’m sorry. Did he do or say anything? Kaveh can be a little chatty to be sure, but if he went so far as to upset a customer-”
“It’s not that. He said nothing wrong,” Alhaitham carefully explained. “It’s just, him… Cyno, I appreciate the older crowd you’ve put in here with me, but the waiter is young enough to know who I am. Cyno?”
The chef had begun to smile, his fist covering his mouth.
“Uhhh?” Alhaitham cocked his head to the right.
“Oh, Alhaitham, you have nothing to worry about. Kaveh’s not from around here, and he is the most clueless person when it comes to entertainment. He doesn’t know a thing about celebrities born in at least the last four decades. He’s a workaholic exchange student majoring in architecture and never goes out. Last week a coworker asked him what he thought about the latest Nilou movie, and he’d never even heard of her. I think you’re safe.”
Cyno’s words reassured him only a little bit, but he allowed Cyno to leave and let Kaveh come back to take his order. The waiter approached differently this time, as if worrying he did or said something wrong, and not because he recognized Alhaitham. With that, Alhaitham let himself be pacified and tried to smile. Kaveh’s tentative return smile was vain but cute. Apart from curt discussions about the food, they did not converse. Still, Alhaitham left a sizable tip on the table when he was done. He barely heard the waiter squawk at the amount before he was exiting the restaurant in the same direction in which he had come. Feeling mildly better about things, he went home straight away and after a small glass of wine, fell quickly to sleep. In that brief fluttering between wakefulness and the dead, he wondered—startling himself as he thought it—if he would dream about that waiter tonight.
He didn’t.
Two weeks passed before Alhaitham found time to return to the restaurant. This time, as always, he was seated in his favorite backroom alcove. And this time, just like his most recent visit, Kaveh was there.
“We meet again,” said the waiter with obvious favor, winged ruby eyes twinkling.
Alhaitham eyed him covertly from beneath the emerald green hood he refused to remove from his head. It seemed almost like a trap. Wasn’t that how fans typically cornered him? Acting polite and dazed, and then suddenly they turned rabid? Kaveh, however, was merely smiling. With his crisp white shirt and black pants, a black apron tied around around his waist, he waited with all the patience of a server and Alhaitham had to remind himself to calm down and act normal. This is just Kaveh, the waiter Cyno assured Alhaitham wouldn’t even recognize his name.
“Uhh, yes,” he replied matter-of-factly.
Kaveh blinked. A few seconds later, when Kaveh had not responded other than to look slightly affronted, Alhaitham flashed him the barest glimmers of a smile. That seemed to do the trick.
“Well then, welcome back. What can I get you to drink?”
For years, Alhaitham had been mentally trained to second-guess any question asked of him. Simple orders like what he wanted to drink could mean something else entirely. Like, where do you live and can I come home with you? Aren’t you a famous celebrity and can I sleep with you tonight?
Okay, perhaps that was a little too advanced for the average occasion, but it had happened before.
“Water, thank you.”
Even Alhaitham had to grimace at how bland he was making himself sound. Outwardly though, his answer didn’t appear to faze the waiter. Kaveh grinned and promised to return shortly, turned delicately on his heels and he scurried away. It was an accident that Alhaitham just happened to be staring after him, in the general vicinity of the waiter’s ass, when the man, hearing his name called out by another server, turned to check, and also caught Alhaitham staring.
Immediately, Alhaitham resumed staring at the table, menu before him like nothing was wrong. How stupid, how ridiculously, pitifully stupid! A trick of the light perhaps, that was it. Alhaitham wasn’t suspect at all. He just… couldn’t help but stare for those few precious seconds.
Because damn, Kaveh had a very fine ass. And legs. And a smile.
Alhaitham could barely dare to even look at his boots for the rest of his meal. Pretending everything was normal, and refusing to answer questions about whether something was wrong with his food, Alhaitham ate fast and left another enormous tip. Then, like all good would-be perverts feeling guilty about their thoughts, he ran for his life.
“You’re distracted,” said his friend one evening, barely a week later.
“What? I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Dehya sighed. “Exactly. See, you aren’t even listening.”
Personally, Alhaitham thought that was a semi-unfair statement. It had nothing to do with Dehya whatever. In fact, Alhaitham had spent the last two days pondering on whether or not he should accept a new role in a movie that his agency just put past his head. Acting, and the thought of acting, always took some time for Alhaitham to warm up to. It was an important decision.
“I’m… thinking,” Alhaitham uttered, stalling for time. He was supposed to be giving quality time to his longtime best friend, but honestly, this restaurant Dehya picked out for them to quietly grab a bite to eat, wasn’t doing the trick.
“About?” Dehya prodded. A sly smile crept up on her face, side-lined by a smirk, a particular Dehya trademark. “What, have you met somebody and are too shy to tell me?”
“Huh? Of course, not,” he said a few seconds too late.
It was true. Totally, one hundred percent true.
“Really?”
“Really,” Alhaitham insisted. True in the manner that no, in the previous seconds, he hadn’t been thinking about anybody interesting. He really had been thinking about the potential movie part. So why then, did the sudden image of a pretty smile and shapely butt come into his mind…
He shook his head and fully intended to cross that thought out of his mind. If only he could also forget about this bland-tasting food. His stomach, at that moment, craved another restaurant’s menu.
“You know, it wouldn’t be a bad thing,” said Dehya after several more minutes, and several failed conversations, had passed.
“What wouldn’t be a bad thing?”
“If you started dating again.” Dehya shrugged at Alhaitham’s immediate look of confusion. “I’m just saying. It’s been, what, five years since you successfully had someone?”
“It hasn’t been that long-” Alhaitham interjected scornfully.
Dehya laughed, before pausing to take a long swig of her drink, then adding another bite of food to her mouth. She’d barely swallowed before continuing on, as if Alhaitham wasn’t already pleading with her to desist. “The odd hookup doesn’t count, Alhaitham. I’m talking about settling down, getting all cozy and domestic.”
“You want me to get married?” Alhaitham deadpanned.
Again, Dehya laughed. “Well, no, not right away. That would be weird.”
Right, because even Dehya in her long-lasting relationship with the woman who’d started out as her personal stylist wasn’t engaged yet. Though Althaitham suspected that might change soon.
Alhaitham nodded, content that this conversation was coming to an end. Dehya had other ideas.
“But Alhaitham, come on. You’re totally that kind of guy.”
Alhaitham’s eyebrows went up. “‘ That kind of guy ,’” he quoted back to her.
Dehya rolled her eyes. “You know what I’m talking about. You like the normal things. You like having somebody. I know it’s been five years and you haven’t gotten yourself a boy-” Alhaitham automatically hissed and looked quickly around the restaurant. Dehya sighed, then lowered her voice a whisper. “-a boyfriend because you’ve been so busy with your career. But lots of actors do actually find the time to have regular relationships, even outside of the public eye.”
“But…”
Alhaitham was suddenly at a loss on how to continue protesting. Whatever he had to say, Dehya knew it all anyways. He and Dehya, like most of Alhaitham’s current friends, met years before when they were still fledgling rookie actors. Back during the days when they had no popularity to speak of, befriending people—dating people—wasn’t that hard. You met a person. You either liked them or you didn’t, and life moved on from there. Back then, Alhaitham never had to worry if people cozied up to him just because he was famous. Too many relationships in the entertainment world worked like that, and the lack of genuine feelings had moved Alhaitham many times to sickness. A ‘friend’ suddenly asking for favors, a ‘crush’ mentioning how cool it would be if Alhaitham might… incidentally introduce him to someone important.
The number of people Alhaitham had met and gotten close to in the intervening years was small. Dehya, Cyno, and the last man Alhaitham had been in a serious relationship with, all came from before. Since then… Alhaitham only had acquaintances, people whose company he enjoyed, but he never really let them into his life. Not into the personal, private part of it anyways.
Dehya was still looking at him. Oh sure, she could manage to nonchalantly eat her dinner, but her eyes still roved to and fro, and every time they landed on Alhaitham’s face, Alhaitham felt her thoughts.
“I know what you mean…” he conceded finally. “It’s just, hard, okay?”
His last hookup had been a celebrity. The one before that had been a stylist already in the industry. Both were men who could be trusted to maintain Alhaitham’s privacy, but the problem is that Alhaitham didn’t actually feel anything for them. He trusted them to enough to have a quick lay, but not when it came to his heart.
He missed having a boyfriend. What Dehya said was true.
“You don’t really know anyone you like? Even halfway like?” Dehya asked.
“Not really. I guess, no.” Even as he said, Alhaitham’s mind was imagining someone else. An impossible dream though, surely.
“Not even one, huh?” said Dehya with half of a smirk.
Alhaitham didn’t bother responding.
He did, however, show up again at the restaurant the following Thursday, his usual night.
Cyno met him coming through the back entrance hallway. Alhaitham almost felt guilty for giving him the usual friendly smile, as if he wasn’t here to dine for a more… self-serving reason.
“Back so soon?” his friend quipped.
Alhaitham hung his head, grateful for the shadows in this part of the restaurant that kept his reddening cheeks, hopefully, from showing.
“Guess so.”
He was here later than usual actually. The restaurant would be open barely an hour more. And that in itself wasn’t so usual, for Alhaitham’s schedule was hectic and sporadic, and it shouldn’t give Cyno pause, except today, Alhaitham’s old friend seemed to stop and judge him just a little longer than necessary.
“You should have called ahead of time.”
“What? Why?” Alhaitham’s heart immediately began to pulse. “Is Kaveh not here today?”
Internally, he groaned. That was not what he meant to say, damnit.
“Is Kaveh…?” Cyno couldn’t even repeat his question all the way through before he started to chuckle.
“I meant, is my table occupied or something?” Alhaitham tried to mend his slip.
Still, Cyno laughed. His snicker was soft and dry, something Alhaitham couldn’t be annoyed about, other than the fact he’d made a major goof and now risked being seen right through like glass.
His friend finally stopped, a hand massaging his own throat, like that would stifle his mirth, hint of a smirk still showing. “Your table’s fine. The host knows to never seat anywhere there on a Thursday night, just in case you show up. I meant to say, if I had known you were coming, I would have warned him ahead of time.
“Huh?”
Alhaitham felt his eyebrows go through the roof.
“I swear Kaveh’s got a crush on you. Keeps asking me who that mysterious diner is-”
“You don’t think he suspects?” Alhaitham quickly asked, his heart rate beginning to race but for a different reason this time.
“No. Of course, he doesn’t,” Cyno reassured him. “Like I said, the kid’s got no clue. But Alhaitham,” he lowered his voice somehow droll and still conspiratorially, “it’s kind of obvious…”
“What is?” Alhaitham whispered back, the two of them leaning towards the other in the middle of the hallway.
“That he finds you hot.”
Cyno righted himself and then smirked. Alhaitham wanted to take offense to his tone. Cyno was working as a busboy in his great-uncle’s restaurant long before Alhaitham was famous and Cyno proved capable enough to move up the line in the family business. In all that time, Alhaitham’s looks had been the subject of Cyno’s jokes.
‘You clean up good, Alhaitham. Shame how your fans will never know what an actual slob you are when you’re not behind the cameras.’
Alhaitham scowled and made to walk away before Cyno could tackle him about his made-up good looks. The downfall to having long-term best friends, like Cyno, like Dehya, is that they know all your weaknesses, old and new. Like how much time Alhaitham has to put into his daily skincare routine, how his hair, without treatment, is naturally too oily, and how he’d never dress nicely without a housekeeper who comes in twice a week to wash and press his clothes. Perhaps there was something, after all, to meeting new people who had yet to experience Alhaitham in his natural habitat.
Kaveh met Alhaitham promptly at his usual table. They exchanged menus, Alhaitham ordered his meal. He stared extra hard at the tabletop when Kaveh walked away, challenging himself not to be crude and start staring again. It seemed most of his efforts were put to good use, for this time Alhaitham managed to relax and not worry about whether his waiter or the restaurant’s fellow patrons would recognize him. He also spent a great deal of time observing different paintings in the room, art he suspected had always been there but he’d never truly looked at before. Something with ducks… flying. Another with ducks swimming over a pond. Scintillating material painted with… who knows what, from an art style Alhaitham of course could not name, but…. if he accidentally from time to time considered Kaveh to be quite above any of that artwork, and probably better suited to be appreciated than ducks, it wasn’t intentional. Almost.
Because he couldn’t help noticing, however much he tried, was how Kaveh seemed to treat him. Although Alhaitham spoke to the waiter with nothing more than polite courtesy and received thus in return, there was still a palpable tension in the air. Perhaps it was Cyno putting thoughts into his imagination. If Kaveh thought Alhaitham was ‘hot’ he didn’t show it with words or even looks. He was the picture of professionalism, and yet… Alhaitham was not immune to the strange presence between them, no doubt brought on by his own knowledge of a secret confession he should not have known.
Kaveh’s voice, lulling Alhaitham into ordering a dessert had taken on an almost magical quality before Alhaitham even realized what he was doing.
“Is there time? Isn’t the restaurant about to close?”
The waiter chuckled politely, his hands clasped loosely in front of his apron. “Oh, I’m sure there is. The kitchen will be open for—” Kaveh started to drone on, just as Alhaitham stopped him.
Offering an unusually forward smile, tight-lipped but genuine, Alhaitham leaned back in his chair and stared straight into Kaveh’s eyes. The response was immediate. The waiter’s lips froze mid-sentence. “For… for…” Then he shut his mouth entirely and his eyes blinked furiously a couple of times.
“The kitchen closes in five minutes, doesn’t it?” Alhaitham offered.
Kaveh, suddenly pliant, nodded to confirm.
“And you get off in five minutes.” This time, Alhaitham did not phrase it as a question.
There was more hesitation this time, but Kaveh nodded again before quickly offering an apologetic smile. “I…” he began. Like before he could not finish his sentence, not under the full weight of Alhaitham’s stare.
Alhaitham had been told more than once about his movie-star good looks and charm. Not for nothing was he one of Sumeru’s rising stars. With all the modeling jobs, movie roles and a mini-album—the single of which was still being played on the radios, on television, and in department stores across the country—it was amazing anyone of Kaveh’s age would truly not know who he was. In another person that might have bruised Alhaitham’s burgeoning ego, but here he found it refreshing.
He also found himself thinking about Dehya’s suggestion that he just get out in the world, and date.
“I’d hate to be disloyal to the restaurant,” Alhaitham considered his words slowly, carefully, “but aren’t there some late-night cafes open in the area? Would you… would you like to go… to one… with me?”
They went out the back entrance of course. Alhaitham waited in the dark hallway outside the employee changing room for Kaveh to clock out and reemerge in regular clothes. Kaveh, now in something resembling designer jeans and a t-shirt adorned garishly with a myriad of colored sequins, ran a hand sheepishly through his hair when Alhaitham saw him, a shy smile blooming on his face. He’d even added earrings which he’d evidently worn there and been forced to remove for workplace ordinances. Turquoise feathers adorned with beads now fluttered from each ear, and a bracelet to match.
“So…” his voice was just short of warbling.
Alhaitham’s eyes drifted from the jewelry, then back to his face. Kaveh almost bristled, as if Alhaitham might dare to say something about his style. Alhaitham didn’t dare.
“After you,” said Alhaitham, his hand leading the way. As Kaveh stepped forward, he touched his other hand gently to the back of Kaveh’s shoulders. The man flinched almost imperceptibly, and Alhaitham dropped his arm.
“Do you know where you want to go?” asked Kaveh, when they stood out on the street looking almost nervous. Whether because of the alleyway they stood in or because they were sort of on a date, Alhaitham didn’t know, but he lead them quickly towards one of the brighter streets to put Kaveh at ease. Just to be safe though, he flipped his hair so that his bangs might cover his forehead in the hopes it would disguise his face.
“Some place that serves coffee or dessert?”
Kaveh quickly pointed to a cafe that fit the description. Inside the lights were blaring strong, the whole front a wall of glass windows. Even at this hour of the night, it was half-packed.
“Uhhh, how about somewhere a little less… busy?” Alhaitham murmured.
Kaveh laughed, the first sound that suggested he may actually have a sense of humor. “Less busy. Okay, I know a place on the next block that should fit the description. Although I have to warn you, if you’re looking for a place with private booths and dark alcoves just to make out in, I’ll tell you now, I don’t put out until at least the second date.”
He flashed Alhaitham a smile as they walked, briskly against the wind, his arms wrapped around his middle.
“Second date?” Alhaitham puzzled, amused.
“Or the tenth. I’m picky like that.”
“The tenth, huh?”
“Yeah.” They exchanged a quick smile and continued walking. Though they shared the sidewalk with a few other couples, Alhaitham saw no one take a good glance at him. He was still relieved when they reached the cafe Kaveh had chosen and it was indeed less packed, and just a bit dim. Keeping his head down, he hunched over the glass case by the register as they picked out what to eat. They both ordered tea. By the time they sat down, Alhaitham with his back to most of the cafe, he sighed.
Kaveh sat down and gave him a funny smile.
“You’re a little weird, you know that?” The way he said it though sounded like he didn’t mind.
“Weird how?”
“I don’t know. The way you walk, I guess. Do you always go around with your head down? I mean, I’ve met some people who are really tall and for some reason they try to make themselves smaller by doing that.”
“I-I do that?” Alhaitham feigned innocence.
Kaveh grinned. “It’s alright. It’s kind of cute.”
Alhaitham met his eyes at the same time Kaveh blushed a delicate shade of pink. Thankfully breaking the awkwardness, the barista behind the counter chose that moment to announce the completion of their drinks.
“I’ll get them!” Kaveh immediately shot up. Alhaitham minded himself for the few seconds he was gone, hoping his own cheeks were not as red as they felt. As far as first dates went, this was pretty decent so far. He checked his watch. It had been only ten minutes since they left the restaurant. Fifteen since he’d technically asked Kaveh out. Plenty of more time for this night to go wrong, and they still hadn’t crossed that hurdle of what Alhaitham did for a living. Somehow, if Alhaitham answered with ‘minor celebrity’ that might beg the question and lead to more details. On the other hand, though Alhaitham really didn’t want to lie, he was also enjoying the fact that Kaveh had no idea who he was, no preconceptions about Alhaitham or his lifestyle. It had been years since he had gotten to enjoy having something like this. A few more dates wouldn’t hurt anything, right?
Several days later, it seemed Dehya didn’t agree.
“You told him you were still in school?! And he believed that?”
“I told him I’d gone back to school.”
Alhaitham hadn’t hung his head more since his and Kaveh’s first date whenever they walked under a lamppost.
“It’s kind of true…” Alhaitham was partially enrolled in one of the city colleges taking a course on live drama to improve his acting skills. His agency had insisted. Even though he rarely attended in person, he could still tune in to the live simulcasts and show up on the rare days when he was required to act.
That didn’t make his omission any less of a lie. Next time, Alhaitham thought. Next time, there would definitely be an opportunity to talk about it. After all, he and Kaveh had just met. What if they decided after a few more dates that they were incompatible after all and then what would be the point of Alhaitham having ever said something?
Except that Alhaitham didn’t tell him on the second date. Nor did he mention it on the third.
Kaveh, true to what Cyno had hinted at, barely had time to spend large swaths of time with Alhaitham. Their dates were usually late at night after Kaveh was done with his shift at the restaurant. Sometimes Alhaitham met him on a dark street corner outside the second job Kaveh worked at the supermarket. They walked the streets together and talked over cups of hot drinks or pastries, Alhaitham throwing his diet to the wind because this… this was nice.
“God… I’ve been dying for something sweet,” said Kaveh, nearly drooling over a French dessert, half of it falling off the little plastic fork he was using to shovel it into his mouth.
Alhaitham beamed unabashedly at him, probably with little hearts streaming out of his eyes. It was hard not to look at Kaveh with anything less than wonder.
“I take it you like it?” Alhaitham had brought them to a place he knew, trusting in the late hour so the place was nearly deserted.
“Yesss,” mumbled Kaveh, food in his mouth. Even like this, he managed to close his lips around the dessert and smile across the table.
They couldn’t stay out late because Kaveh had an early morning class the next day. Alhaitham had yet to find out where Kaveh lived since they always parted midway, but that didn’t bother him. This dating thing, taking their sweet time, was starting to grow on him. Everything Dehya had said about Alhaitham enjoying the ‘normal life’, it was true. But getting to date normally, getting to date a man so casually, wasn’t something Alhaitham would take for granted.
“I had a feeling you’d like this place.”
“Four dates, Alhaitham, and you already know me so well. I think I’ll keep you if you don’t mind.”
Alhaitham smiled even wider. It didn’t seem necessary to use words to communicate his assent, for Kaveh did not require them. Outside of his role as a waiter, he was chatty and personable. He filled the blanks between Alhaitham’s awkward statements—and the holes in Alhaitham’s background—with an ease Alhaitham hadn’t known possible. He was filled with smiles, and while not overly clingy, he possessed all the traits of a potential, touchy boyfriend, which Alhaitham liked.
The way he leaned across the table now and let his fingers graze across the back of Alhaitham’s hand was one such sign. It wasn’t demonstrative, and it wasn’t showy. In the company of other patrons or passers-by on the street, Kaveh did not try to touch him at all. But there were little moments like this that Alhaitham was beginning to cherish.
He had such lovely hands. Alhaitham’s gaze was drawn to them, the soft pads of Kaveh’s fingers over the rough back of his hand. His hand twitched, and Kaveh looked down too. Alhaitham flexed his hand, fingers elongating just as Kaveh wedged his fingertips in between Alhaitham’s knuckles.
Kaveh chuckled, and Alhaitham blushed.
“Wanna walk me home tonight?” Kaveh asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’ll even let you kiss me goodnight if you want.”
Of course, it wasn’t going to last. Dehya had warned him time and time again. Cyno had been so bold as to ask one night if Alhaitham was ever going to tell him. Alhaitham waved off both of their concerns away with a promise of soon, soon. For a celebrity like him to be caught dating, and caught dating a man, it would be big news. It was a precarious situation which didn’t technically hinge around Kaveh knowing who Alhaitham was, but still Alhaitham was hesitant. Would Kaveh look at him differently if he knew? What if something happened and people found out, would Kaveh’s life suddenly change?
Interestingly, Alhaitham worried almost less about himself facing the consequences of their relationship, and more about Kaveh’s perceptions moving forward. The one bonus to the media catching wind of them, a male-male couple, was that Alhaitham could always play it off as a platonic friendship. He knew, however, from gay acquaintances in the industry, that that explanation didn’t automatically fly well with the other party. And by date night number nine, Alhaitham was starting to worry that his opportunity for sharing the truth had long since passed.
“You look tired,” said Kaveh. His characteristic smile was faded with concern. Like all their dates, it was late at night. The light drizzle that hung over the city had given way to a strong burst of showers. They huddled together under an awning in front of a bookstore waiting for it to pass.
“A little,” said Alhaitham, yawning. He’d started the read-throughs for his next movie role today, and the meeting with the cast and writers had gone late. Alhaitham almost canceled their dinner date, but after two months together he could not bare the idea of not seeing Kaveh that night.
Kaveh shuffled even further into Alhaitham’ side. They had but one umbrella between them, which did little to keep their clothes from being splattered. Alhaitham didn’t mind the closeness.
“I think it’s letting up,” said Kaveh.
“Is it? I don’t know….” Alhaitham intentionally wavered. He used the opportunity to draw his arm around Kaveh’s back to hold them together, confident that there was no one on the street but the random car, and no one in the storefront window behind them to see. He heard Kaveh’s muffled laughter in the crook of his arm. Then the man shifted until they were facing each other, slipped his back arm around Alhaitham’s waist and used his front hand to pull down their umbrella.
“Kiss me while we wait?” he whispered huskily into Alhaitham’s ear.
And just like that, the rain coming down, hidden by their umbrella, Kaveh’s sweet breath dusting the skin of Alhaitham’s lips, Alhaitham tightened his hold and kissed him hard. Kaveh was never so pliant under such attention. He was silent, but his body spoke for him. With eyes shut, he kissed back whatever Alhaitham gave to him, a rough dance of tongues they’d been perfecting for weeks. He tasted like tea and the last dessert they shared.
“Alhaitham,” Kaveh gasped when they parted for barely a moment. Then Kaveh drew their lips together once more, this time emboldened to place his hand along jaw and chin, driving the motion of Alhaitham’s head to his whims.
When they broke apart, Alhaitham obviously flustered, Kaveh looking pleased, they didn’t move the umbrella. Instead, Kaveh stared over Alhaitham’s face with a gleam in his eyes. “You kiss like a dream, you know that?”
“Do I?” asked Alhaitham as he tried to summon his trademark glamor. Most of the time it fell just short of hot, bordering on cheesy instead. Whatever his success this time, Kaveh did not seem to mind.
“Y-yeah.”
As if he were embarrassed, Kaveh shoved his head into Alhaitham’s coat, burying his face and nuzzling in. It was perfect. They were so perfect together. They could converse, they could kiss, they routinely made time to see the other. Two months may not be long on the lifetime spectrum, but it was a better start than Alhaitham had ever hoped to have again.
“Hey, Kaveh?”
“Hmm?” came a small whimper from the folds of his jacket. Kaveh refused to look up. Instead, he turned his head around to face the window, safe from whatever teasing look Alhaitham wanted to give.
Alhaitham laughed. He could have giggled at this right amount of perfection and cuteness that was the guy he was dating, Kaveh.
But then Kaveh’s head shifted a few more inches to the back, and Alhaitham saw something that made his heart stammer and give out.
Kaveh froze in his hold, soft chuckles gone, perfectly silent as he stared at the store window. There, on the showcase magazine racks of the bookstore was Alhaitham’s face. And not just his face, but his name as well, emblazoned on the front cover of Sumeru’s Vogue magazine.
Slowly, as if Alhaitham’s world was not suddenly crashing down, Kaveh straightened his body, pulled the remaining fractious inches away from Alhaitham, and stared at the magazine.
“I… what…?” he said softly.
Alhaitham closed his eyes and bit his lip, heartbreak already settling in. Guilt already overpowering that.
“That’s your face,” Kaveh stated matter-of-factly. “That’s your face… that’s you.”
Alhaitham peeked, but Kaveh was still not looking at him directly. “I, do some modeling.”
“You do some modeling,” Kaveh repeated blankly. “That’s Vogue magazine. How do you just do some modeling? I thought you were a student.”
Alhaitham swallowed heavily before answering, “I am kind of… but, that’s… that’s secondary I guess to—”
“To what? Modeling? So, what, you’re a renowned model, so good that you made the cover of Vogue magazine? Why didn’t you tell me? We’ve been seeing each other for two months. Anytime in those two months you could have been like, ‘Hey, Kaveh, why are you so stupid as to not know my face. I’m Alhaitham, sexy-as-fuck model’. What the fuck, Alhaitham, why didn’t you tell me?” He was looking at him now, full on incredulous and moving towards pissed.
A whole host of scenarios ran through Alhaitham’s mind, most of them worse than the one before. ‘I didn’t think it was important.’ ‘I kind of hoped you’d never find out.’ ‘I liked you being innocent of who I am.’ The knowledge, however, that Kaveh would hate every one of those answers, and also that Dehya would kill him for them later, made him stop.
He said instead, “I’m an actor too.”
Kaveh’s pupils, unbelievably, grew larger against his eyes.
“And a singer.”
“A singer…”
“I have a mini album. And I’m filming a movie right now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I… I’m not accustomed to people not recognizing who I am, and when I met you, Cyno said you probably wouldn’t know who I was and that was just so astounding and exciting because for years I’ve had people following me around, stalkers, etcetera, but you were different and—”
“Hang on, hang on, hang on.” Kaveh threw out his hands, jaw crooked on his face as he took this in. “You’re a celebrity. An actual celebrity, and Cyno knew, but neither of you said anything?! You just played me and—Fuck, Alhaitham, I thought you were just a friend of Cyno’s who didn’t like crowded restaurants and that’s why he saved you your favorite table. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?!”
“I…”
“It’s been two months!”
“I know.”
“So what, you know. What am I supposed to think now?”
He moved to take a step away. Instinctively, Alhaitham stepped forward to keep him close, but Kaveh threw out his arms again, practically flailing. It was still raining, not as hard as before, but Kaveh’s clothes started to gather the fallen raindrops, bolstered by the wind. Alhaitham moved his umbrella to block most of it. Instead, Kaveh’s arm hit the handle, the umbrella slipped from Alhaitham’ grasp and fell to the ground.
It only took that little thing to make Kaveh stop and pause. He stared at the fallen umbrella with sallow eyes and a sinking expression. Alhaitham’s hands itched to touch him, but for once he did not dare. He deserved this moment, every little bit of it, so much that he refused to make a move until it seemed like Kaveh was ready to listen.
“Were you going to tell me?” asked Kaveh after a few more minutes. His voice had gone soft, the fight in him was gone. He sounded as weary as he looked.
“I was. I really was, but.” He could not finish that thought, his voice catching in his throat.
“Are you even allowed to see someone like me? Like, don’t you have rules you’re supposed to follow?”
“I’m not an idol. I don’t have dating restrictions.”
“But you have fans, right? That’s why you only go with me to certain places, because you’re hiding the fact that you’re… that we’re together?
“I’m hiding the fact that we like each other because it’s no one’s business except ours!” He was unable to keep the desperation out of his tone. Kaveh, momentarily chastised, took another step back. But he did not run away. He blinked his eyes furiously and ran a hand through his bangs, which were steadily growing damp. A few droplets clung to his cheek and he rubbed those away too. They looked like tears, except that Kaveh’s eyes were dry. He was more stunned than anything else. Hurt, obviously, but shocked to the point where he’d almost run out of words.
“You should have told me…”
Alhaitham heaved a great breath, closed his eyes, and slowly let it out. “Kaveh, I can explain, really I can. I wasn’t playing you. I just, wasn’t ready to share you with the world yet. I wanted us to get to know each other first. I wanted you to learn about me, first, and not person everyone else just thinks I am. Kaveh, I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.”
“You don’t have to apol--” Kaveh spoke softly before stopping. Then he restarted with greater deliberation. “I mean, what am I saying? You do have to apologize. You should definitely apologize. But I get it, I think, what you’re saying. I just… need a minute to think things through.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need,” said Alhaitham hastily. “All the time for you for to accept my apologize and forgive me, just please… don’t shut me out?”
Kaveh could not give him an answer that evening. He could in fact barely look at Alhaitham in the eye. Instead, Alhaitham let him stand on the sidewalk, then after retrieving the umbrella, held it over his head, and he let the rain do the rest of the talking while Kaveh mulled over what he’d just learned.
“I’ll… call you in a few days. Maybe?” he told Alhaitham.
It wasn’t what Alhaitham wanted to hear, but he would have to accept that.
He went around in a slump for the next few days. He barely answered Dehya’s calls, telling her only that Dehya had been right, but after listening to his friend rant then try to calm him down, he refused all efforts to be placated. Every time he looked at his phone, there were no new messages, no missed calls. Once, he walked by the restaurant where Kaveh worked. He turned around quickly before he could be tempted.
Two days stretched into three, then four, then five. Still Kaveh did not call him.
On the sixth day though, it happened.
“Meet me at the usual corner?” asked Kaveh with a terse voice. “10 o’clock?”
It would have been their tenth date. And no, after the events of the week, Kaveh still did not put out. But his smile when Alhaitham saw him standing there was pretty, and his wave was gorgeous. And the silent hug Kaveh greeted him with, melting into Alhaitham’s front like he’d never been anywhere else… that spoke volumes.
And then he said, with more than enough bitchiness–not that Alhaitham could fault him–“Now, tell me everything from the beginning, or I’m never seeing you again.”