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English
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Published:
2023-05-04
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594
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1/1
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To win, you have to lose first

Summary:

Stephen finds it difficult to carry the burden of knowledge, and Tony is his only support

Notes:

Sorry for my "perfect" english)

Work Text:

Staring into the eyes of the millionth time, Stephen wondered, "Was it all worth it, for that look?" Of course it was worth it. He could kill himself for Tony. But equanimity and intelligence always took precedence.

Thousands and thousands of times digging through the wreckage of memory, drawing lessons from it - Stephen hadn't come to a single conclusion. Mistakes upon mistakes, and even the universe itself presented one fatal one. The universe where Stephen loses Tony is an imminent mistake. A universe where they're together - only five years! - reminds Strange of the fact that life is meant to be fought and loved.

Tony, on the other hand, has learned to live again. Accepted the fact that there aren't many, breathed in a full breath - which dragged on for half a year - and fell in love. So much so that the exhalation continues to this day.

He felt sorry for Stephen. More pity than anything else in the world. He wakes up to see Strange awake next to him, who apparently only slept for two hours, and hugs him so hard and tight that Stephen doesn't breathe, hugging back obediently. Right now, between what's done and what's to come, the hardest thing is to live.

"I want to..." Pulls Tony, lying on Strange's chest "...to be with you for the rest of my life. Is that possible?"

Stephen strokes the top of his head, gently tousling his hair. He can't sleep. His mind is swirling with the duty he invented to protect Stark for fear of his imminent loss. Stephen finds it hard to carry such a burden on his shoulders, but he still hugs him obediently, feeling like the ultimate liar.

"Yes." He didn't regret the fact that it was Tony who lay beside him. It is his lips, sweeter than any honey, that the wizard is ready to kiss as he feels that very hasty loss. It is him he loves to the point of losing his pulse - handsome, brilliant and kind. Losing Tony for Stephen is like dying in the most grievous agony. It is easier to live in ignorance than to look daily at a man you will soon no longer hold in your arms.

"Then kiss me." Tony asks and gasps as Stephen looms over him and kisses him as if those millions of victims, vanished, forgotten are the least that Strange is willing to do for Stark. Tony kisses back, puts his arm around the shoulders of the completely confused wizard, and in an instant realizes what it feels like to carry the burden of omniscience, feeling the tears in his kiss.

And later, when all the stones were once again at the avengers' side - a new war was about to break out that would decide everything. All their dreams could come true.

But Stephen, holding back the water tornado, looked out for Stark in the others. And it was only when he saw his eyes, full of understanding and confidence, that he reminded him that they only had one chance.

Tony lunged at Thanos and Strange wasn't sure he could take it. His hands, which held the threat tightly - trembled more than before. He was shaking all the way to the snap, and after that he was destroyed for good.

Stephen was gone. His own thoughts echoed in his head like a mantra: "Sometimes, to win, you have to lose first."

Only his empty eyes stared at Stark's lifeless body, as if through and through, and Stephen realized that he was the only one who had lost.