Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Everyone always said he looked like his father. They always say he has his hair and eyes but he doesn't see that.

His brother doesn’t see it.

His mother doesn’t see it.

His childhood friend doesn’t see it.

So why couldn’t other people understand that? That he didn’t look like his father. That he didn’t inherit his blond hair and golden eyes. That he didn’t inherit any of his traits. So why couldn’t any of them say he looked like anybody else? Why must it only be his father?

Well…

Actually…

Scratch that.

He knew the reason why. 

Nobody knew this specific reason except his closest people. And he wants to tell more, but he just…

He just couldn’t bring himself to do so. I mean where does he even begin? He starts off by saying, ‘ Hey! So-and-so is actually my dad! So stop saying I look like the deadbeat who left me behind’ . 

Yeah.

That sounds horrible pretty good . 

He almost wants to laugh at how desperate that would make him sound.

He couldn’t believe he was actually considering saying that. What did his mother use to say? Lies have very short legs and they don’t get so far? Yeah, That . I guess living this white lie couldn’t hold on forever.

.

.

.

Even if he wanted it to.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

He was twelve when the world started to roll (somewhat) in his favor. He was finally feeling nor mal after a year of pain, and honestly couldn’t wait to see what this future had in store for him. Although, he would have preferred not to have spent most of his money on a hotel room his first night here. But, hey, he couldn’t complain as long as he got to talk to–

• ‘You actually got the job?!’

Ed grins smugly as he could picture his brother’s eyes bugging out of his head (funny how all he could still see was his baby brother and not the suit of armor he stuck him in ).

“I got the job, Al.” He repeats, listening as he could hear him shift in excitement on the other side.

• ‘I knew you could do it!’

Al sighs with relief.

• ‘I can’t wait to tell Win and Granny.’

That got the eldest to smile bittersweetly. 

Yeah. I’m sure they’re not going to be that happy that I got accepted into the military. Which wasn’t far from the truth. Although they were happy he’s been given an opportunity to get their bodies back, they still weren’t thrilled with the fact that he was aiming for a job that’s meant for adults.

Now he was really frowning, almost missing what his brother had to say.

• ‘So, what’s the command center like?’

“The command center?” Ed asked, scratching his head in deep thought as he paced around the hotel room (or at least pace around where the cord could still reach). “Well, this was Central’s base, the main one. Apparently I’m going to be stationed in the Eastern one. I’ll be heading over there tomorrow to check it out and sign a few things.”

• ‘Oh. I wonder what Eastern’s like?’

“Not sure. But I heard they have a good dormitory there, so we wouldn’t have to struggle to find a place to live. And they have a few local libraries too.” His smile returns ghostly. “You’ll never run out of books to read, Al.”

He heard his brother laugh, a genuine laugh that he hadn’t heard for a long time. It made him feel good inside that his brother could remain positive during times like these.

• ‘That’s great. I can’t wait.’

“Me neither.” 

‘Cause the faster I sign this paperwork, the sooner I can start working towards our goal. He’s been telling himself this since he left the base, it slowly was becoming a comforting mantra to him when he was alone.

He didn’t realize that they both went quiet, both lost in thought. Or… At least that’s what Ed thought was going on with his brother. Instead, all he heard was the lowering of Alphonse’s voice, sounding almost afraid to say the next thing that’s been simmering there since the beginning of their conversation.

• ‘Hey, Ed?’

He pauses his pacing, eyebrows pinching together. “Yeah?” Ed asks, holding his breath at this point. It was rare when he heard his actual name passing his sibling’s lips, so he knows whatever’s simmering is a sensitive topic.

• ‘Did…’

He heard shifting on the other side again.

• ‘Did that Lieutenant Colonel Mustang recruit you like he said he would?’

Ah… Ed realizes quickly. Now he knows why he was acting this way. It was because of him . 

“Yeah.” He scoffs, trying to play his nerves off, and hoping to stir this talk in a different direction. “That bastard’s actually a Colonel now, so… that’ll be fun to remember.”

That’s not the only thing I’ll have to remember. He internally winces at himself at that idiotic thought. And, on cue, it was like his brother could read his mind as he follows up with,

• ‘So is it actually… him?’

Ed immediately froze, but still grips the phone handle tightly, his steel knuckles creaking from the pressure. Geez, he did not want to think about this right now. But he should have known better, because how could he avoid something like this?

He swallows, licking his dry lips. “Yeah.” He replies, softly. He almost couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Yeah, it’s him.”

Of course it’s him. He looks just like the person in my mother’s photograph.

• ‘So…’

Al starts speaking to him like he was glass, careful not to break him with his words. Ed fucking hated how senstive he was to this topic. Ed hated that his brother knew that too. He hated how his brother knew he needed to shred water around him. He was the older brother, for crying out loud! He should be the one doing the comforting. Not his younger–

• ‘What are you going to do?’

Al’s voice seeps in again, making Ed grip the phone tighter, almost hearing it crunch now. But this time there was a small shakiness to it, as his amber eyes stared at the whitewashed floors, lost in the markings. 

What am I going to do? He wonders that too. In all honesty, as much as he thought about this a lot during his year of surgery, he still wasn't sure what steps he was going to take. How do you even take steps in a situation like this?

“I…”

He slurs and swallows the invisible bile.

.

.

.

“I don’t know.”

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

After they burned their house to the ground and Al came back with him is when it all started to get tricky. Although Ed never wants to admit it out loud, he knows that he and his brother are still just children. Only Eleven and Twelve years old, with a little bit of street smarts to get them by. Money was a bit scarce at the beginning, and trying to earn people’s respect/trust while they traveled was like pulling skin and teeth; But that’s besides the point. It had taken a few missions before he convinced the soldiers guarding the base’s main entrance to let his brother in.

Ed had his suitcase slung over his shoulder, carelessly marching in the direction of his superior’s office. He listened as Al was curiously taking the place in, almost like he was in wonder, like a kid in a candy store. This action was another thing that reminded Ed how young his brother really was. 

“Brother, is it weird having people saluting to you?” Al finally asked as a passing soldier gave the alchemist a salute and a good afternoon.

Ed shrugs, glancing behind for a second. “Frankly, I think it’s kind of annoying. I hate all these titles and the bullshit military regulations.” He’s complaining because that’s what he was talking about. The fake respect from some people just because he’s ranked ‘Major’. It drives him insane.

“Brother.” Al warns at his profanity, causing him to shrug again.

As the two boys rounded the corner, they nearly ran into the man they were looking for.

The Colonel looked up from his view on the documents in his hand, a subtle surprise on his face. "Oh, Fullmetal. I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow."

Ed shrugs yet another time. "Yet another dead end, bastard."

Roy's lip quirked, but kept a straight face. "Well, that's a shame." His eyes trail up to the suit of armor, fondness following. "This is your brother? Right, Fullmetal?"

"Oh, yes. I'm Alphonse, in case you forgot. " Al reintroduced himself, his big hand pointing to himself flusteredly.

"How could I forget?" He looks back at his subordinate, sternness slipping back. "Well, I've got a meeting to attend, but there’s a mission on my desk for you that might be useful. Just look at it and let me know if you’re interested by tomorrow so I can approve it.”

"Sounds good to me." Ed replies, with a shoddiest nod.

"Oh, thank you, Colonel." Al said, bowing his head gratefully.

Roy lets a little joy flood his coal eyes. "No need to thank me. I'm just holding up my end of the line." He replies just before slipping past them. "Leave your report for the last mission on my desk. I'll take a look at it when I get back." 

"Thanks again, Colonel." The brothers watch as he leaves, and once he is out of sight, Al turns to his sibling with high hopes. "He seems nicer than I remember him. Which is good, right?" It didn’t take a genius to notice the sad expression on the eldest face, causing the youngest a bit of concern. “Brother?”

"He seemed so happy to see you…" Ed replies, above a whisper. 

Al's physique falters. "Brother?"

With a sad smile, Ed turns in the direction he needed and starts walking again. "Come on, Al. Let's go check that mission out."

Alphonse follows of course, but he never thought he would see the day his brother would be sad about losing affection to someone he barely knows.

Well…

He knew why he was sad, but Alphonse didn’t know how to feel about a problem that wasn’t his. All he knew is that it hurt his soul to see his brother this way.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

He was thirteen when he heard words that he didn’t think would affect him that much. Words that made him feel… a lot. Too much, actually.

Over the past year of being in the military has been a rollercoaster. Ed and his brother had good days and bad days. Mission that left him feeling good about himself, while there were others that made him want to crawl back into the abyss he calls depression. Which was where he was now. Another dead end. Another failure. He just…

He just didn’t feel right today.

Maybe it was because Al went back to Resembol for a little while, or maybe it was that season where everyday seems cold or rainy, or maybe it’s the constant fear that he’s never going to get their bodies back. 

Or maybe it’s just him. Maybe he was the problem. Maybe he was just–

“Fullmetal?” 

Ed stops his mindless movements in the hallway, his distant gaze following the voice to someone beside him. He met his Boss’ business front and stiff posture, but even he noticed that his ‘guard’ seemed to be slipping. 

Slipping, huh? Ed wonders why every time he comes across the Colonel it was always the same reaction. The raven haired man was always stern but you could see him slipping the moment he entered the room. It was weird in his opinion.

Why would you want to risk losing your job over someone like me? The guilt eating away at him, hurting him more than it should have. 

Why?

Why did it have to hurt so much? Why did the Colonel have to be his–

“Fullmetal?” Roy tries again, seemingly getting his full attention now, and looking subtly concerned ( Why? ). “Are you okay?”

Ed blinks and tries to brush it away. “Me? Pfft, I’m fine.” He replies, waving his hand around and standing taller. “Listen, Bastard, I left my report on your desk if you want to read it, or whatever.”

The blond starts making a move to leave, head back home like he planned, only for the Colonel to snag him by the shoulder and spin him around, palm coming up to rest on his forehead. 

Ed freezes under the touch, and stares at him with confusion.

What is he–

“Well, you don’t have a fever.” Roy says, as his subordinate pulls away.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Ed said, cheeks flushed.

“Are you feeling alright?”

Ed blink again. “What?”

“Are you feeling alright?” He repeats, and quickly scans him head to toe subtly. “You’re awfully pale.” 

The teenager continues to stare, not sure what to make of this unusual response. “Wha… I-I’m fine! I’m just tired. Geez, just… lay off me, will ya?”

Why does he care how I feel? Ed thought bitterly as he kept a straight face. He couldn’t show him that he was weak, he couldn’t show him that he was falling into a hole that he can’t get–

“Alright then.” Roy finally said after a moment of silence. He decided it wasn’t best to push it when it comes to the kid (it took him a while to figure that one out). “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Finally.” Ed says with a sigh, and starts spinning on his heels to leave.

“Fullmetal.” The Colonel pauses his subordinate again, paying no heed to the glare he was getting. “Take it easy.”

The alchemist felt his brain short circuit that moment. “Huh…?”

“Take it easy. I don’t want you passing out on me.” Roy says, concernedly. “If you want, you can come in at noon instead of seven.”

“But…” Ed doesn’t understand. Why is he– “W-What about my report? I have to–”

“Ed.” His voice was gentle and soothing. He sounded like he truly cared about what he was saying and who he was saying it to. “We'll talk about it tomorrow. Go rest. Okay?” 

Yet it still wasn’t registering. How could the Colonel say all this to him? He was just a dog in the military. He was a soldier to be tossed around, helping him get through the ranks. How could he… he…

“B-But…” Ed stutters again, because it doesn’t make sense. Unless the Colonel actually means what he’s saying. But that would mean…

That would mean he actually cares about me. That can’t be true… right?

“Fullmetal, promise me you’re going to take a rest.” Roy cuts off his rambling thoughts just in time. “Don’t make me make an order.”

Ed searches his superior’s face, trying to catch anything that would be a lie but there was nothing. All he could find was the slight seriousness about him ordering him to sleep, but other than that, everything on his face seemed… genuine. 

Genuine. The blond realizes quickly.

Mustang actually cares about me.

Ed breaks his gaze with him, nonchalantly crossing his arms. “Fine. Whatever you say, bastard…” He said, keeping a blank façade on. He could feel the invisible dam starting to–

“Good.” Roy said, pleased with the answer. He flashes him a quick smile while passing by. “Rest up, Fullmetal. Spring’s our busiest time of the year for work. I want to make sure you’re healthy enough to do it.”

Ed waited until the footsteps were fading before whispering, “Sure thing…”

His chest felt tight, his emotions bubbling below the surface. After all this time, he thought the Colonel saw him as nothing but an object to use for a promotion. A dog he could throw in the pit and make him fight. A soldier to take all the hits. But after this conversation, all his hurting feelings about the Colonel went away and was replaced with something light and beautiful.

Mustang actually cares about me. He thought once again, and chuckled in disbelief. 

Mustang actually cares about me. Those words were like a prayer on his lips, and brought out feelings he never gave much into before. And Ed…

Felt like crying. 

But he didn’t. Not at the base. 

No.

He waited until he got home to do so.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Ed’s fourteen when everything started to feel real. He finally felt comfortable enough with everyone he’s met. He might never say it out loud, but he loves his teammates. They’re like the fun Uncles everyone wants around, and Hawkeye, despite her cold exterior, has a very loving warmth to her. It almost reminded him of his own mom. Hughes was great, a proud man who loves his own family to death. He could be… much sometimes, but he couldn’t complain. Armstrong was an interesting fellow, his subordinates were too, but he earned their trust so that’s all that matters. And the Colonel? Well…

Today made him love him even more.

It started off with a stupid question from Lieutenant Havoc, a question of ‘Who would win in a fight? Fullmetal or Flame?’. And a quick nonchalant call to the Führer made things happen. Ed duked it out with his superior, and although he thought he had it in the bag, it turns out he didn’t. The match had ended quicker than anyone expected, while the ruler of the country called it off officially and told everyone participating to clean up the mess (much to their demise). 

Frustrated wasn’t a strong enough word for what the protégè alchemist was feeling, sitting on his knees as he grits through his teeth. 

God, damn it. I was so close. Ed squeezes his fists close tightly, one knuckle creaking and the other turning white.

Now that stupid bastard’s going to rub it in. Speaking of–

He saw the familiar set of boots in his view and looked up, Mustang was looking down at him with a smug expression that he predicted.

“Well, now we know who’s the better fighter.” Was Roy’s reply, and Ed held his tongue.

Bastard.

Ed looked away, irritated. “Don’t get your fucking hopes up, old man. You caught me on my off day.” 

I’ll get you next time, you–

Ed notices a hand now in his view, his superior officer’s hand was bare unlike earlier, showing off his bruised and calloused palm. Something that was strangely familiar to him. The blond teen sighs and takes it, letting himself be pulled to his feet.

“I guess we gotta clean up now.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck as he gazes at the rubble all around them. “Shouldn’t the military have its own cleaning crew?”

“You got soot on your face.” Roy replies, catching him off guard. “Why don’t you clean up first and then come back.”

Ed felt that invisible lump return, and tried to quip something witty back, but couldn’t. He tried searching for… anything that could help him out on the Colonel’s face, but instead he found nothing but… 

Well…

He didn’t know what to call what he actually found.

Instead he just gives a small nod which was enough for his Superior.

“Good.” Roy says and leaves, but not before giving a quick ruffle to his golden locks. “And nice work, Fullmetal. We should do this again.”

Mustang would never truly realize what those words meant to the youngest. He never will.

.

““We should do this again.””

.

Those words lingered in the air longer than anything said before.

.

““We should do this again.””

.

Ed wasn’t sure how long he stood there, but it sure felt long and weightless. It felt like he was floating on air, and probably would have if it wasn’t for his brother coming along and dragging him to the washroom inside.

“I’m sorry you lost, brother. I know that probably meant a lot to you.” Alphonse says, watching the eldest splash water onto his face. “But… don’t be embarrassed! You still did really well. And… besides, T-The Colonel’s older too, and obviously more experience, and–”

“I’m not mad, Al.” Ed admits, throwing his sibling through a loop.

He tilts his head, stunned. “You're not?”

“No.” Ed looks his way, water still dripping off his skin and bangs. He had a huge smile plastered on his face. “I’m actually really happy.”

Al’s soul eyes blink. “You are?”

“Yeah!” His grin grew. “I failed, but he still congratulated me! Congratulated me! I mean, I was sloppy today, sure, and anyone with a brain could see that, but he still praised me even after I messed up. Can you believe that?” He laughs, and turns back to the sink, finishing what he started. “I mean, he’s praised me before but this felt different. Good different. I… hope I can do something again to recreate that. I–”

Al stays quiet as a mouse as he brother continues to go on and on about their interaction. He hasn’t seen him this happy in a long time, which he never thought he’d be overjoyed to see. 

Despite not actually having a face that could move, anyone could see the youngest Elric having a growing smile on his baby face.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Ed’s fifteen when things get hard again. Hell… if only he knew this year would be filled with suffering he would have figured out a way to skip it all together.

What started off with a simple ‘equivalent exchange’ amongst alchemists took a turn for the worse. After the dead end with Cornello, and the train ride from hell on the way home, Ed asked the Colonel for help in bio-alchemy. And of course, Mustang knew a guy.

A guy he wishes he never fucking met.

In the end he couldn’t save one little girl. 

Mustang words cut deep, deeper than he thought. He pointed out that Ed would likely see a great deal of more evil and may even be ordered to commit atrocities of his own as a ‘human weapon’ of the military. And although he knows that’s true, he knows he’ll probably have to do something he doesn’t want to do down the line, but for god’s sake…

He’s still a child human. 

He still a fucking human who grieves. A grieving human being that should have buried his emotions quicker because…

Hell broke loose again. 

Now he was facing certain death yet again. An assassin was running wild, killing any state alchemist he could get his hands on. Literally.

Of course something like this would happen to me.

He tried to run away, tried to save himself and Al, but fate had other plans for them. This killer had damaged the armor, blown off his automail and was now towering over him, telling him to pray to his God.

Defeated and mentally drained, Ed manages to say, “Unfortunately, there isn’t any God I like to pray to.” His shaky hand curls into a ball as his brother starts yelling at him to run. “Am I the only one you’re going to kill today? Or are you going after my brother Al too?”

“If he interferes I will eliminate him too, but you, Fullmetal Alchemist, are the only one who's receiving judgment today. You alone."

Good. That’s what he wanted to hear.

With a shaky gaze, a desperate one too, Ed replies back with, "'Kay. If that's the case, I want your word. Promise me you won't hurt my brother."

Al gasps in the background, muttering his name in disbelief. 

"I will keep that promise." The killer said, reaching down for the young man's head while Alphonse started screaming, telling him to run away.

Well this is it. Ed almost couldn’t believe it.

I wonder who I’ll get to see…? If there truly was a place to meet up afterwards, he wondered who would be there to greet him.

I wonder if I’ll see Nina or Alexander, or Maybe I’ll see Mom again. Or maybe… I’ll see my real mom, if she’s actually there. He wonders what that’ll be like if it’s actually true. Would she be greeting him with open arms?

He even mentally sighs over his final thoughts.

And I didn't even get the chance to complete my goals. He’s breaking a promise he’s made to his baby brother. He’s breaking a promise he made himself. He didn’t even get to the chance to tell Mustang the truth about–

Just as those fingertips ghosted his face, a gunshot was fired into the crying sky. 

“THAT’S ENOUGH!!!” Roy yells, surrounded by his men and many more soldiers who are taking aim at the killer. 

Time seemed to freeze when it happened, and never has Ed been more grateful to see anyone in those blue uniforms he refuses to wear. He almost died of happiness and relief upon the sight.

Mustang came. They all came.  

The killer and the Flame exchanged words but he wasn’t listening. Despite the murderer still standing over him, he wasn’t worried. He was safe. He gets to live another day.

He almost chuckles out loud in surprise, and secretly thanks the universe for another chance at life.

He sighs blissfully.

.

.

.

I get one more chance to tell him the truth.  

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Even with the painkillers he felt like a building had dropped onto his head. Oh, wait…

A building did drop onto his head.

A quick peek inside the abandoned Laboratory 5 took a dangerous turn when the building decided to come crashing down onto him. Luckily, Armstrong’s subordinates and Alphonse were around to dig him up but still…

A building? A building that decided to cave in on him? He thought those incidents only happen in novels. 

But it’s me, so why wouldn’t it happen to me? So now he was here, laying in his least favorite bed, in his least favorite place, surrounded by his least favorite people while his brother decided to go off and get him some dinner, leaving him completely alone.

He sighs heavily.

Can this fucking day get any worse?

“How’s the weekly hospital visit this time, Shorty?” That obnoxious voice broke through his sulking, and instead started making his blood boil.

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTY?! YOU BASTARD!” Ed snaps, his eyes shrinking into a glare. He finds his superior closing the door behind him quietly. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I heard about the stone.” Roy replies, voice low with an underlining of something that couldn’t be identified.

Ed raises an eyebrow while crossing his arms. “Yeah? How’d you know?”

“Well, Sergeant Brosh and Lieutenant Ross aren’t exactly great at keeping secrets.” Roy explains, coming up to stand next to his bed. “I can see why they’re perfect under Armstrong’s command.”

Ed frowns, slightly annoyed. “Yeah, well, they shouldn’t be running their mouths off to anyone in a blue uniform. That includes people who outrank them. Who knows if they’re even on their side, you know?”

I already made a mistake telling some people about the taboo, and I saw how that ended up. I can’t just let anyone know this about the sto–

“So what are you going to do?” Roy asked, pulling him from yet another trance.

His eyebrow raises high again, puzzled. “Huh?”

“The stone.” The name was like a jab to the heart. “If you find one, what are you going to do?”

“Well–” Ed scratches the top of his head, getting his thoughts in order. “Al and I agreed we’ll try to find a different method.”

Now it was the Colonel’s turn to look confused, surprised even. He tilts his head, watching his subordinate closely. “So you’re not going to use it?”

“Hell, no.” Ed immediately says. That question was quickly dismissed like it was a disease. “It’s a rock made from genocide. As much as I would love to get our bodies back, I wouldn’t feel right using something like that to get what we want. I’m not a psychopath, Colonel. I’m–”

“I’m proud of you.”

And once more the teenager was like a deer in headlights. “What?”

“I’m proud of you. Most people in your shoes would jump at an opportunity like that.” He smiles with pride, a big enough one that reaches his eyes. “I’m proud of you, Fullmetal. You really are the best of all of us.”

Ed’s eyes widened slightly, at the touching words, and how he sensed such a deeper emotion behind them. In fact, it was a bit… concerning. 

“Mustang–”

The door opens up briskly and Al crouches to get in, carefully balancing a tray of cafeteria food in his hands.

“Brother, I got you– Oh, Colonel Mustang. I didn’t know you were stopping by.” The youngest Elric said, perking up at the man’s short lived appearance. 

He nods swiftly with a bit of shame. “Only briefly. I have to get back to the office.” He takes one last glance at the kid in the hospital bed. “I just wanted to make sure my subordinate was alright.”

“He’s a little banged up, but the doctors said he could be out of here soon.” Al said, happily.

“That’s wonderful news, but that would require somebody following the doctor’s orders.” Roy poked at the boy.

Ed scoffs, crossing his arms again. “Whatever…”

“Bye, Colonel.” Al said, waving him off as he exited the room. He gets a wave back, and sighs as he sits into the chair next to the bed. “The cafeteria didn’t have much, but I managed to get you…”

Honestly, for once, Ed didn’t care what dinner could be. Instead he was more worried about why the Colonel looked and sounded so sad when said those words.

.

““You really are the best of all of us.””

.

I get it, I really do. But what I don’t understand is why you sounded so heartbroken when you said it.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

He still had his ups, and still had his downs, but he tried to remain strong as he and his brother tried to navigate a new route to their goal. It was tough though, especially when they met a group of people called the Homunculus, and then there was the close call with Hughes. But despite all that, he seemed to start expecting the unexpected. I mean he was thrown so many horrible ways he expected to wake up and fight for his life. So he should have expected this. So…

Why didn’t he expect this ?

.

.

.

Ed slammed his metal fist into the shooter’s face, a satisfying crack followed as he watched him fall backwards into unconsciousness. His lungs burned, heart racing and adrenaline high. It was to be expected. He just fought a fight that was likely leading to death, so he expected to be out breath and–

The wind was nearly knocked out of him when he remembered.

He snapped his whole body around, wasting no time to run over to the person lying on the ground.

“Mustang!! Mustang!!” Ed nearly topples over, nearly slipping in the small pool of blood beneath his feet. But that red color didn’t stop him from getting onto his knees, hands hovering over with uncertainty. “Mustang! Y-You’ll be okay! I stopped the shooter! Open your eyes!! Mustang!” 

His pleas managed to stir something in the man below him, drawing out a painful groan in the process. He soon saw those coal eyes crack open.

“F-Full… metal…?” Roy choked, his vocal cords sounding like they’ve been tied.

“I-I’m here! I’m not going anywhere. I’m just–” Ed flickers down to where the Colonel was holding the wound with his own hands. “Just–” He covers those flame gloves with his, earning a wince. “Keep applying pressure! You’ll be fine.”

Roy responded in another groan, making a panicking teenager look around for anything useful. He makes contact with a few stun looking MPs.

Turning his serious expression back on, Ed snaps. “What the fuck are you all standing around for?! Call an ambulance!!”

“Uh, yes, sir!” They stuttered, saluted, and scrambled away, leaving Ed more angry than he already was.

“Fucking, bastards…”

“F-Full… m-metal…” Roy croaked again, eyelids starting to feel heavier. 

“Yeah?” Ed replies, quickly. His Boss had his undivided attention now. “What is it?”

“F-Fullmetal… I don’t… I-I don’t think I’m gonna…” He makes a sound like he’s wheezing for air. “M-Make it…”

Golden eyes became the size of saucers. “What?! Don’t say that! You’ll be fine! Help’s on the way!”

“N-No… I don’t think–”

“Shut up!” Ed snaps, shaking his head. His orbs started to sting with unshed tears. “Shut up, Colonel Bastard! You’ll be fucking fine! You have to be! What about your goal of being Fϋhrer? You can’t just throw that away!”

Roy lets a sad smile on his lips, making a chuckling sound. “It’s a-alright… The L-Lieutenant knows t-to take m-my place.” Another chuckle. “S-She’ll be fine… they’ll all b-be…”

“No!” He shakes his head again. “No, they won’t! They need you! This whole fucking country needs you!”

“F-Fullmetal…”

“I FUCKING NEED YOU!!!” Ed screams, a tear escaping down his reddened cheek. “You can’t die… not until I’m ready…”

You can’t die until I tell you–

Roy stares dazingly at him, too numb to try to move and comfort him. “F-Full… Ed… It’s okay… I’m–”

He makes a sound he didn’t even know he could make just as an excruciating pain shot up his spine. He tensed quickly before relaxing again, eyes starting to drift off shut and–

“No, no, no, no, no–” Ed started mumbling, hands gripping onto Mustang’s body like a last resort. “Mustang? Mustang? Come on! Wake up! Don’t do this! Please! Mustang?!”

But his superior seemed like was lost in a dream, stargazing somewhere far off as his eyelids closed completely; His hands on his chest started to roll of his chest and–

“No… No…” 

Ed could feel how still he was, how cold he was starting to become.

“No… Mustang…”

He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe this should be even allowed to happen. He just–

No. He can’t just leave me now. He can’t just die. He can’t just–

He felt his pulse starting to fade.

And on the top of his lungs he screamed,

.

.

.

“DAD!!!!!”

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

It took a lot of convincing to get him to leave the waiting room and change out of blood soaked clothes, but he did. Miraculously, his Commanding Officer was going to pull through, despite the bullet being so close to his most important organ. He felt like he could let out the breath he was holding when the doctor’s announced he would be fine to him and his teammates.

Thank the universe for that.

Now it was just the waiting game. Waiting patiently until they were allowed to see him, waiting patiently as they tried not to let their negative thoughts get to them. The challenge was hard, but it’ll be worth it to see the Colonel alive and kicking. And when the time came, the guilt started to eat away at Ed, and he decided to stay back for a little while. He let the Colonel see everyone else first before going inside. His trembling hand was on the door knob, feeling his brother’s gaze on him from behind.

“Sure… you don’t want to go in with me?” Ed asked, trying to stall which was apparently very obvious.

Because if Al could eye roll he would have. “Oh, my… would you just go in there? And stop being a weirdo?” He said, before opening the door himself and shoving his brother inside, then closing it.

Oh, I’m so getting you back for this.

Ed’s vengeful thoughts fading when he saw the Colonel. The poor man looked like was put through hell. So pale and dead in the eyes as he catches a glance his way.

“Ah, Fullmetal. I was wondering when you would show up.” Roy said, sounding better than he did earlier, which was a huge relief.

“Thought I let them see you first. They were all agitated when I gave them a call. Especially Hughes.” Ed replies, stuffing his hand into his pocket and walking closer to the bed.

“Well, Hughes is like that even if you get a paper cut.” The Colonel quipped, getting the kid to smile just a little bit.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” He lets it slip, falling back into a blank expression. “So they probably told you that the bastard who shot you is in custody now.”

“They mentioned.” Roy nods slowly. “But, they also mention something about him having a broken jaw.”

“Fractured.” Ed corrects and then shrugs. “I didn’t punch him that hard.”

"If you say so." He pauses to look over him. "Are you hurt?"

The teen raises an eyebrow. "Seriously? You were shot and you're asking me if I'm hurt?"

"I'm your boss, I'm supposed to ask."

"Pfft. Whatever, I get that. But you can't just–"

"I heard what you said."

"What?"

 "I said, I heard what you said. Before I blacked out. You called me 'Dad'."

Ed froze.

Oh no. 

"Colonel, I can explain. "

"Even after all this time, I didn't think you saw me as a father figure, Fullmetal. I have to say, I'm shocked. "

"Oh…"

Oh. So the Colonel doesn't actually believe…

Ed mentally shakes his head. "Uh, Well… f-forget what I said. It’s not like–”

“I don’t mind that you called me that.” Roy cuts in, truthfully. “I think it’s nice you think of me that way, Fullmetal.”

Think of me… Inside his pockets his fingers curled.

Right. He only thinks. 

Ed’s cheeks turned pink as he looked away. “Well, don’t look so fucking happy, that’s not going to be regular occurrence…”

“Well that’s a shame.” Roy’s face falls slightly. “I was hoping to call you son.”

He blinks. “Wha…? You–” He points at him. “You can’t just tease me like that!”

“Who says I’m teasing?” The Colonel says, a dead serious expression that no one could miss. But it was an expression that his subordinate couldn’t quite get through his head.

“Y-You…” The words seem to die on his lips.

He’s… serious? He thinks of me like I’m…

“If I had a son, I hoped he’d be like you.” Roy continues, oblivious to the teenager’s internal struggle. “Independent and headstrong. Not afraid to say what’s on his mind, but still knows when to slow down and feel human. If I had a son–” He smiles. “I hoped he’d be like you.”

Ed’s heart clenched at those words, and it was almost enough for him to blurt out the truth. 

Almost.

He also almost missed the tiniest glint of mischievousness in his Boss’ eyes.

“Well, call me ‘Dad’ and I’ll give you more praises, son .” Roy said, comically. 

“Oh, fuck off, bastard. Like I’d give you more praise after today.” Ed says, facing the door. “Don’t fucking pull a stunt like that again or I’ll revive you from the dead, and kill you my self.”

“Oh, I'll count on you for that.”

“I’m serious.” Ed stops in front of the exit, face sterned. “Don’t fucking do that again. You’ve got goals ahead of you. Goals that you need to finish. Not anybody else. You understand?”

Roy copies his expression. “I understand, Fullmetal.”

“Good.” He turns away again, opening the door. “Rest up, bastard. You got paperwork waiting for you.”

“Oh, goodie…” The Colonel mumbles, leaning back and resting his eyes. “Tried to see if you can shred that without Hawkeye knowing.”

Ed throws up an explicit gesture before closing the door behind him. He lets out a sigh, his mask slipping away. He could sense someone staring at him and looked, his brother was gazing at him cautiously.

Lips pursed together, he replies with already knowing the answer, “Eavesdropping?” 

Alphonse looks taken back, slightly. “Brother–”

“He’s fine. He just needs to rest.” The alchemist pushes past him, strolling down the hallway that’ll take them to the front of the hospital. He tries to ignore the loud clanking behind him, trying to bury himself into his head to hide away.

“Brother–”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Brother–”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Al. Drop it .”

Why can’t he drop it? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? The blond wants to crawl back into that abyss when they get home and never come out. Why did this situation have to be so hard? Why does it have to be so damn suffocating?

He heard his brother sigh in frustration just before grabbing him by the shoulders, spinning him around once they were outside on the sidewalk. 

“Brother!!” The armor cried, and Ed nearly jolted away from the touch like his hands were made of lava.

“What?!” He snaps, annoyance written on his features.

“Don’t snap at me. That’s enough.”

“Enough? Why are we having this conversation? Just leave me be!”

"No!” It was Al’s turn to snap, just enough to get his brother to stay quiet for a second. “Enough beating around the bush. When are you going to stop worrying and tell him? What are you so afraid of?" 

Ed frowns painfully while looking away. Trying to hide the hurting feeling in his stomach again. "I'm just… afraid he would reject me too."

“Reject?” Al repeats in disbelief. God, he wants to smack his older brother sometimes. “Ed, he just said he thinks of you as a son. He–”

“Yeah, Thinks. ” That word felt vile on his tongue. It stings to even say it, to conjure it. “Thinking will never be enough. Thinking is just…” He fucking hates that word. “It's not the same.”

“Then tell him.” Al said, hating the way he could see his brother crumbling before him. “Even if it’s a shock to him, even if he doesn’t want to believe it, or accept it… it’s better if it’s out there. He needs to know.”

But Ed shakes his head, mind already made up. “No. It’s taken me a long time to get where we are. And I like it, and I don’t want to ruin it.”

And without anything further said, Ed left before he could cave in.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

It’s been a while since then. A month? Two months? Eh, he wasn’t sure. All he knows is that it’s gotten cold outside. Enough to make him shiver and bundle up nicely.

He sighs, dropping his pen. He lets it roll into the crease of his journal, leaving behind pebble size droplets of ink on the pages. He was just… feeling so tired again. Maybe it was because they hit another dead end again. Or maybe it was because he couldn’t feel his flesh toes from the weather. Or maybe… it was something else he couldn’t quite figure out.

Ed eyes the words he wrote moments ago, thinking.

Maybe I should stop today. Obviously this is getting to me.

The creaking of their dormitory floors caught his attention, and leaned back in the kitchen table’s chair to find his brother grabbing his shopping basket off the floor.

“Where you going?” He asked, curiously.

“Oh, to the store.” Al perks up at the voice. “Remember? You said you wanted me to bake a cake for you this year.” 

Ed blinks and raises an eyebrow. “A cake?”

His response made Al chuckle. “Yeah, silly. Your birthday’s in a few days, remember?”

My birthday? His eyes trail to the calendar hanging up, and sure enough there was the date as plain as day.

“Is it already February?” He said, surprised. 

“Yeah. You didn’t notice the snow we’ve been getting?”

“Sorry, must have slipped my mind.” Ed mutters and closes his journal.

Alphonse watches his movements carefully. “You okay, Ed?” He asked, concerned.

“Yeah. I’m okay. Just tired.” Ed pushes himself out of the chair, an exhausted smile on his face. “I think I’m going to take a nap while you’re gone.”

“That’s probably a good idea. Have a good sleep.”

Ed gives him a wave to set him off, his smile falling once he is gone. A sigh escapes him as he grabs his journal, taking it with him in the bedroom. He throws it down onto the nightstand, pulling back the covers on his bed. He stops to ponder. 

I wonder if I should take something to help me sleep. A good, soundless sleep should help him feel better. And he remembers the medicine Fuery gave him one time on a mission together.

He wanders into the bathroom, digging around in the medicine cabinet until he finds the bottle.

This should do it. Just a tiny pill will help him drift off, that’s all he needed.

Just a tiny pill.

.

.

.

Not someone’s hands coming around his face, chloroforming him to sleep.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Livid is not a strong enough word Alphonse would use to narrate what the Colonel was feeling. In fact, he’s never seen the Colonel look so angry.

“What do you mean you didn’t see the guy?!?!” Mustang snaps at the two security guards who were trembling under his gaze.

“W-We d-didn’t see anybody, s-sir! W-We swear!” One of them had the guts to say it, which pissed off the soldier even more.

“You're supposed to walk around the dorms every thirty minutes, and you’re telling you didn’t see anyone suspicious enter the place?!” 

“W-We didn’t, sir.”

“You didn’t check anyone’s pass?!”

“N-No, sir!”

“Un-fucking-believable.” 

When Al returned from shopping two hours later, finding his brother nowhere to be found, at first thought he would have guessed his brother went to hide somewhere; Clear his head. But finding the sleeping pills all over the bathroom floor, holes in the wall and the shower curtain torn down, he knew what really had happened. 

Someone had taken his brother. 

And now he was watching as MPs flooded the area, with Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye not far behind.

“Un-fucking-believable.” Roy mutters again, rubbing the bridge of his nose before casting a chilling gaze to the guards. “Get out my fucking sight.”

“Y-Yes, sir!”

“Colonel Mustang?” Al cuts in when he sees him cool down. “I-I don’t understand. All we’ve done are reconnaissance missions lately. W-We haven’t interacted with someone for a while, so… I… I don’t understand. Why would someone take my brother?”

Under the cold exterior, Roy’s face softens subtly. “I don’t know, Al. But we’re going this out. I promise.” He says, trying to sound as reassuring as he could. Which seemed to work when he gets an ‘okay’. Once that was done, he looked at his right hand woman, locking eyes with her.

“Why don’t you take him back to the office, and alert everyone else about the situation. I’m going to take one more look around, in case we missed something.” 

“Understood, Sir.” Riza said, before gently placing her hand on Al’s arm. “Come now, Alphonse. We’ll start our work at the office.”

Another ‘Okay’ from the kid was enough for them to part ways. Roy wastes no time to head back inside the building, climbing to the top floor and ordering anyone inside out. He wanted to do this alone right now. No cameras or people running into him without saying sorry. Just him and whatever evidence he could find, which… wasn’t a lot. There were no signs of someone breaking in through the door or windows. No signs of struggle until you got to the bathroom which he thought was odd.

Obviously whoever this was, attacked Fullmetal in the bathroom. But why there? And how did they get there without being noticed? That was the tricky part, which was probably going to be the hardest to solve.

He sighs as he finds himself running his hands over the windows in the bedroom again. He doesn’t know why he keeps doing it, but he feels like it’s the most logical way. However, it was freezing outside. Sure enough the Elrics would have felt a cross breeze, right? And not to mention they were on the third floor.

None of this makes sense. And when he was about to leave, something caught his eye. On the wooden side table there was a journal of Ed’s that he hadn't seen before. It was bigger, bulky than his alchemy journal, and it was the color of oak.

Strangely he felt drawn to it, and picked it up. He flipped open a random page, the date going back to around two years ago. It read:

.

‘Today my dad said something to me that I didn’t think would make me feel the way I do. He told me to “Take it easy”. I didn’t think he cared for me that way. I honestly thought –’

.

Roy shut it before he could read more. This wasn’t just a journal. It was a very personal diary. A diary that was…

About his dad of all people.

Which he thought was rather strange. He remembers the boys mentioning their father had just left them one day when they were really little. So why was he writing about him?

That’s… really strange. And as much as he wanted to put it back and pretend he never saw it, he couldn’t overlook the fact that there was a pen holding it open. With a good, quick look at it, he notices that the last entry had the date from today.

Oh, shit. He realizes that this counts as evidence. He sighs, closing it.

Well. I’ll let Alphonse skim through it. Ed shouldn’t be mad if his brother reads it.

Roy starts walking off with it when suddenly a small object slipped through the pages towards the floor. And with quick reflexes, he manages to grab it. 

“What’s this?” He holds it up close, feeling the familiar texture of a photograph. The back was facing him, and the diluted cream colored had cursive writing written across it. It read: Mother and Dad, 1897. 

Roy raises an eyebrow, confused. 

Huh. I didn’t think Ed would care enough to have a photo of his father either.

And as soon as he turned it around out of curiosity, he immediately felt like he had been struck by a truck. With his breath caught in his throat, he drops the picture like it was burning his hand, letting it descend down onto the floor like he should have done earlier. 

Calm down, Roy. Maybe you just looked at it wrong. Tensely he peered down on it, hoping that the printed image would change.

It did not.

In the photograph he saw none other than himself. His younger self, fifteen years old and looking nicely dressed ( Something his Aunt drilled into his head ). Next to him was… 

“Amelia.” He whispers, staring at the familiar woman with curly golden locks and emerald eyes. An old flame that he hadn’t thought about in years so–

So why does Ed have a picture me and– 

His eyes widened.

Oh, no–

“No, no, no…” He starts muttering like a mantra as he fumbles with the journal in his hands, opening the pages back up, rereading everything he just read moments ago.

.

‘Today my dad said something to me that I didn’t think would make me feel the way I do. He told me to “Take it easy”. I didn’t think he cared for me that way. I honestly thought –’

.

“No.” He flips the page, soaking up every word.

.

‘Today my dad helped me out with–’

.

“No.” He flips the page.

.

‘My dad actually was really–’

.

“No.” He flips the page, soaking up every word.

.

‘Dad was in a mood, but that’s–’

.

“No.” Flips a page. “No.” Flips a page. “No.” Flips a page. “No.” Flips a page. “No.” Flips a page. “No.” Flips a—

.

““Colonel, I can explain.””

““Even after all this time, I didn't think you saw me as a father figure, Fullmetal. I have to say, I'm shocked.””

.

He drops the journal to the floor, taking a step back, a hand covering his mouth.

No. It can’t be. But it was. All the missing pieces came together so suddenly that it now makes SO much more sense than before. 

No. That would mean… But he knows what it means, and that’s what makes this situation so much scarier than it already is.

That would mean that Ed is… Ed is…

.

.

.

.

.

That Ed’s my son.