Chapter Text
Silence
It was the only thing keeping him company tonight instead of the warmth from the other cat. He continued to lay in bed while staring at the ceiling. No matter how many times he closes his eyes, the gray tabby fails to fall asleep. The older cat told him that he will come back around 2 am from work and the tabby fully understands that…
But he still hates this.
After a while of nothing, he got up and exited the small bedroom. The apartment wasn't much but it was definitely better than living in his car. He still couldn't believe that the black cat managed to convince him to stay here. He always feels like he is taking advantage of him, since the tabby can't return any of his kindness or generosity. Mordecai would always hold him closer and whisper that he is overthinking things sometimes.
It still feels wrong to the tabby.
Having all of this love and kindness exchange of nothing. He was receiving the whole world, but the black cat didn't get anything in return.
'How cruel the world can be sometimes.' The tabby thought to himself as he made his way towards the kitchen. Everything was spotless and bright to his eyes. It wasn't surprising since the black cat cleans the whole apartment every Saturday at 9 am and finishes up around 1 pm. The tabby opens one of the wooden cabinets and pulls out a glass cup.
He memorized the spot where the cup was since he already knows that Mordecai will say something about the cups being misplaced. He is like that everyday and even when they are alone. It was hard for the tabby to get used to his many schedules. Even now, the tabby wasn't fully sure if he memorized all of them yet. He was trying his best, but…
It's too much
After filling the glass with some water, he made his way towards the small living room. There was only one couch and a table in front of it. He remembered having an argument with the other cat when it came to decorating the living room. He wanted a poster of pancakes on every wall but the other one said no. It really hurt his heart, but decided to play it off as a joke.
"You are right! It will look like a crazy clown is living here…"
"I am glad that we finally agreed on something, Mr. Rickaby."
"...yeah."
Sitting on the couch didn't bring any comfort to the tabby. It was too cold and hard, since winter was coming. The tabby figured he should be wearing something warmer but decided not to. He didn't want to mess something up like he always does. He could hear some passing cars outside and would see some lights entering the room before disappearing into the night.
What was he doing here?
He didn't know anymore.
He left everything and everyone behind to be with this man.
Did he make the right choice?
"Stupid head! Don't think that way, what are you thinking about? Of course you made the right choice." The tabby whispered to himself and wrapped his arms around himself.
It was cold tonight, like the heart of the man, who he fell madly in love with. He felt awful thinking those thoughts every night when Mordecai was gone. He just wanted to hug him and tell him to never leave him alone again.
Then a sick and horrific thought entered his mind. A thought that he couldn't bring himself to say out loud, for fear that it might come true.
'But what if he finds someone better than me?'
Rocky knew that he was loud and annoying to everyone around him, but what if Mordecai had enough of him and found someone who is smarter and handsome than him.
What will happen then?
What will happen to him?
Rocky shakes his head violently before covering his face with his paws. He had left his job, friends, and even his last family member behind. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go anymore.
The tabby stood there for a minute before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. There was no point in thinking that way right now. He just had to trust that the black cat wouldn't leave him. After washing and placing the cup back to its place. He walked to the bathroom and washed his paws out.
Maybe if he washed his paws clean, these toxic thoughts would go away too. It makes sense to him, clean paws lead to a clean head…right? Maybe he was finally losing it, but it didn’t bother him much. After finishing washing his paws off, he stared at the mirror. But failed to recognize the reflection staring back at him. They had all of their fur messy, and had bags under their eyes.
That wasn't him.
It couldn't be him.
After staring back for a while, he wiped his paws off and left the bathroom. After checking that everything was in their place, he goes back to the bedroom. He made his way onto the bed and let out a yawn.
'Wonder what time it is…'
After looking at the ceiling for a while, the bedroom's knob began to slowly shake. Rocky quickly closed his eyes and faked being asleep. Soft footsteps could be heard getting closer to him, but he kept his eyes closed. After a while of silence, he could feel someone cupping his left cheek and running their fingers on his forehead.
"I am so sorry, my dear. It seems like I arrived late again. I really wished we could have slept together."
A kiss was placed on the tabby's forehead before the hands left his face. The sounds of clothes dropping echoes the room and the door to the closet was opened at the same time. It took every will power from the tabby to not open his eyes and take a peek as his lover undressed in front of him.
A minute passed and the tabby could hear the older car making his way onto the bed. He felt a pair of hands around his waist that pulled him closer to the other cat.
"I am truly sorry that I couldn't see you go to sleep tonight. I know this isn't easy for you right now. I really hope one day you will understand that I just want you to be safe and happy. I-"
Before finishing his sentence, Mordecai placed his head against the tabby's back and for a second, Rocky knew what he was doing. It was an act that he was never meant to see or hear, but he knew that the other one did.
He was crying.
"I-I can't lose you now. Not after everything I have done so far…you really mean everything to me and I wish I could tell you this in person but I feel ashamed…that you will think that I am weak…I…I truly love you, Rocky."
After letting everything out, Mordecai closed his eyes and slowly drafted to sleep. Rocky continued to stay in the same position while thinking about everything he just heard. It really broke his heart to hear his love cry like that, but he couldn't do anything. At that moment, he wanted to say those words back to him. Those four words that will forever haunt him and never let go of his mind.
"I love you too."