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Dub a Dub, Scrub

Summary:

The scrub in question is Caelus, and he needs a bath. It’s up to Dan Heng and March 7th to rid their friend of his eau de garbâge. Trouble is, Caelus has a synthetic body and has never bathed, so he needs a little encouragement.

“He might feel better if we start out first. Show him it is safe.”

March blinked a little, processing the suggestion. “Oh!” Her fingers flew to the buttons on her top. “Sure, let’s give it a try!”

“I was not suggesting we…” Her skirt went next, then her thigh garter, quickly followed by her shoes and underwear. Dan Heng’s face got redder and redder. “…take off all our clothes.”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

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March 7th and Dan Heng knew each other’s habits at this point. On nights when the chill of space seeped into their cabins, Dan Heng would stumble to March’s room, take a blanket, and return to sleeping on the archive floor. She never complained even when his stolen blanket pile grew and grew. 

Meanwhile March had the terrible habit of keeping every slip of paper they came across. Dan Heng once saw her making a scrapbook with receipts and torn-out book pages. She never got around to finishing it though.

But Caelus? He was brand new, and his joking demeanor made it seem like he knew way more about the world than he did. Living in close quarters with him had revealed some less attractive qualities, mainly a particular odor. 

“We gotta do something about the smell,” March said one day, sipping some oolong Dan Heng had brewed. 

Usually his first move would be to rebuke her, but with a sigh and a frown, he nodded. “As soon as possible. But how?”

Caelus hadn’t shown the habit on the space station, where waste was limited and thrown into chutes attached to the wall, but on Belobog, there were trash cans everywhere. Their fellow trailblazer made it his mission to dive into each and every one of them. 

Covered in juices of who-knows-what, he would emerge triumphantly with a key in his fist while March gagged at the mess. He hadn’t bothered showering at any of the hotels they stayed in either. How could they tell? Well, Caelus’s stench was a homing beacon.

Now it was just up to them to corner their trashy prey. Luckily, they only had to follow the stink trail. 

Caelus was minding his own business, bothering Pom Pom, sniffing Himeko’s coffee, and asking Welt pointed questions in the lounge, when his two friends came up behind him. 

“Cae, when was the last time you had a bath?” March asked, interrupting a conversation about Earth animation studios.

“Uh, never?” Dan Heng went a little green and March’s smile turned to a grimace. “My body is synthetic and doesn’t need it, I think. Why?”

“No reason,” March said, putting a hand on Dan Heng’s shoulder. “We were just thinking of using the facilities here on the Express and wanted to show you around!”

“We were?” With a glare from March, he corrected himself. “Yes, we were.” 

“All that dirty snow and running in the mines made me filthy. Just going to take a scrub a dub dub and teach you how to turn the hot water on!” 

“But I was talking to Welt…”

Welt gave a bemused chuckle, waving a hand at Cae’s entreating look. “You go with them. The Express has some features you might not be familiar with.” 

“But…”

“It will be quick,” Dan Heng assured. March wove her arm around Cae’s, and the two of them marched him down the hallways to the bathroom.

 


 

It was not quick, mostly because of Caelus. He had managed with all his strength to refuse to go through the bathroom door. 

Dan Heng grunted as he once again elbowed Cae in the back. His friend hung onto the automatic doorframe for dear life. 

“It’s not that scary! I don’t know what my body is made of either, and I shower all the time,” March said, tugging on the trailblazer’s arm as his nails made awful scratching noises. “And there is no way we’re bringing you to another planet smelling like this!”

Cae made a noise somewhere between a squeal and a howl in response. His friends begged, pleaded, and then finally gave up with their noses pinched. March took a step back and waved a hand in front of her face.

“Wow that reeks. Ugh, we can’t force you to do anything. You’re way too strong for that. Won’t you trust us on this?” 

Dan Heng nodded at her and then at Cae, who was looking at the ground and still grabbing the edge of the door. 

“You know,” Dan Heng said, prompting Cae and March’s eyes to lock on to him, “in some books I read in… well, I read a long time ago, parents would encourage children to do something by demonstrating the process.” 

“What do you mean by that?”

“He might feel better if we start out first. Show him it is safe.” 

March blinked a little, processing the suggestion. “Oh!” Her fingers flew to the buttons on her top. “Sure, let’s give it a try!”

“I was not suggesting we…” Her skirt went next, then her thigh garter, quickly followed by her shoes and underwear. They formed a pile on the white bathroom tiles. Dan Heng’s face got redder and redder. “…take off all our clothes.” 

“Why not? It’s easier,” she said, standing in front of them with her hands on her hips. Apparently, space ice people did not come with a sense of modesty included. “Come on scaredy shorts, follow me!” 

March dashed in the direction of the large, inset bath, much faster than anyone should over imitation ceramic. Then she made her way down the curved steps leading into the water.

“It’s scaredy pants,” Dan Heng corrected, sighing and following her lead in talking off a few layers. His pants stayed on though.

Usually, March would have cannonballed into a body of water as large as the Express’s oval, communal bath. However, she stopped her naked running to dip a single toe in to test the temperature. Steam wafted off of the surface, forming thin clouds in the air. 

“Wow, Pom Pom really keeps this at the perfect heat. Look at all the scented bubbles you can add too!”

She began humming and pumping a dispenser labeled “eucalyptus and forest memories” while Dan Heng strode behind. To his credit, he did not stare that long at her ass as she fiddled with the touchscreen control pad and picked out soap settings. Caelus definitely did though, noting that her pink curtains matched her carpet. After all, his limited memory didn’t have any footage of naked asses. Or abdomens other than his own, which lacked a belly button like Dan Heng’s. 

Cae’s hands lost their death grip on the door as he leaned over to squint at a hint of dark hair trailing down his friend’s stomach. Synthetic bodies came mostly hairless, so it wouldn’t have occurred to him that his friends' might be dissimilar to his own. He’d seen Dan Heng shaving a small mustache before, but they didn’t often lose their clothes around each other. Well, except for that one time March’s skirt caught on fire in the blast of an enemy canon. 

Cae had quickly thrown her his jacket to douse the flames and tie around her waist while she screamed, “Oh no, I just bought this!”

He let out a small sigh. Synthetic body concerns or no, his friends had gone out of their way for him. Plus the pink bubbly foam March had started pouring into the bath was plenty inviting. She had procured a hair tie from thin air, looped everything up in a bun, and descended down the watery steps again with a sigh.  Dan Heng sat on the rim of the tub to roll up his pants and dip his feet in the warm water. 

The two pretended not to notice the sound of belts unbuckling or their friend’s steps behind them. Well, except for Dan Heng getting up, grabbing Cae’s clothes pile, and chucking it into the wall-mounted laundry chute. March snickered as he stuck his hands in the suds to get rid of the trash juice. 

Cae made a squeak of distress. “Those… were all the clothes I had.”

“You can borrow mine,” Dan Heng said, with a pointed glare at his now pants-less friend. Caelus looked at the floor meekly, and March grabbed his ankle.

“Come on, don’t leave me in here by myself!” She gave a sharp tug, pulling him off balance and nearly sending Cae’s skull in direct collision with the tiles. Dan Heng caught him by the armpits and lowered him into the steaming water at a gentler descent. 

“Whoa, didn’t realize you’re missing a belly button.” March poked Cae in the stomach as he squirmed. “That’s kinda cool.” 

“March, we just got him in. Don’t scare him off.” Dan Heng once again stepped in, sitting behind Caelus with a shampoo bottle in hand. 

“It’s fine,” Caelus shook his head, smiling a little. “You both have already been manhandling me everywhere.”

“Eh, see, he’s used to us! Plus Dan Heng’s fingers are magic. He once helped me wash up when I broke my arm, and he gives the best back scrubs.”

Dan Heng made a snorting noise that could have been affirmative or could have been derision, making his friends laugh. Meanwhile, March noticed Caelus looking at her right ear as she raised a handful of water to wet his hair.

“What’s up?”

“Just, is it okay if I?” Cae reached out, receiving a nod from March, and gently took out the earring she had forgotten to remove. Her hand flew to her ear, cheeks pinkening as he gently set it on the side of the tub. 

“Oh, thanks!” 

He gave her his signature neither curved up nor curved down smile.

Dan Heng stayed mostly out of the water, concentrating on washing Cae’s hair and back.  He pressed something on the touch screen and retrieved a shower caddy, rinsing out the shampoo before adding some conditioner. 

Cae sighed at the sensation of water and fingers gliding over his skin. March sat in the tub with him, giving even his fingers a thorough once-over with a wash towel she had found. At one point she made a sputtering noise and started scrubbing behind his ears. 

“Do you really need to scrub there too?”

“Yes, stinky.” Though to be honest, Cae was smelling much more like flowers now. March gave his bicep a squeeze. “You know, if this counts for anything, your skin feels just like mine. It’s just a bit more firm?”

“His hair is strange though,” Dan Heng said while massaging Cae’s scalp. 

“Hm?” March reached up to comb her fingers through the newly-conditioned strands. “Oh, it’s extra soft!”

Cae squirmed a little under the extra attention. “You both have gotten everywhere right? You don’t have to baby me if you have other things to do.”

“Nah, it’s kind of fun. Like bathing a big puppy.”

Cae’s unreadable eyes squinted at her in suspicion, but before he could protest, she sunk her fingers even deeper into his hair. 

“Okay, now time to rinse!” Without further preamble, she dunked Cae’s head under the water. He came back up sputtering, knocking face-first into her chest along the way.

“My bad,” he said, though March simply tilted her head. 

“Eh? It didn’t hurt.” She resumed scrubbing his arms, pulling his other hand out to dollop some body wash into his palm. “But if you insist on apologizing, you can help me out a bit.” 

He nodded shakily and used the hand she wasn’t cleaning to scrub his ribs, stomach, and thighs. 

Then Dan Heng grunted and pulled him farther back, onto an inset-step underwater. He squeezed Cae’s torso with his thighs to hold him in place for more scrubbing. March followed, taking the front and hovering over where his lap would be under the clouds of pink bubbles.

At that point Caelus started pokerfacing even harder than usual. He was so stiff that Dan Heng noticed, grumbling a bit as he tried to wipe a stiff muscle in his middle back. March got up on her haunches to reach Cae’s neck. 

The innocuous motion set him off somehow, and he tried to back further into the wall of the tub. March ignored him, and then she squeaked as she felt something touch her leg. Both of them froze as March processed what she was sensing. 

“Oh, I bumped your dick!”

The two men looked at her in horrified silence. 

“Shit.” Caelus pulled his knees to his chest, covered his face with his hands, and started rambling, “I…was waiting for it to go down, and I didn’t know what to say. I’ll just finish up on my own.” 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad or anything,” she assured, pulling his hands gently away from his face. “Hm, and you could finish up on your own, or,” she gave a cheeky wink to Dan Heng, who blanched in response, “we could… help out?”

“You can’t be serious.” For the first time in a while, Dan Heng held scathing eye contact with March.

“Why not? Welt gave us the goods after all. We should use them.”

“‘The goods?’” Cae looked at Dan Heng, though why he expected an answer from him only Aeons could tell.

“Welt had a chat with us when we boarded. Something about, ‘It’s our first time having young adults as crew members, so here are some essentials. Don’t want any surprises,’” March said in a gravely imitation of their companion. “And it turned out the essentials were boxes of pills and condoms! Jackpot.” 

“March, did you need to recount that?”

“Well it’s better he knows. I’m on the pill. And unless y’all have been canoodling with space peeps on the down-low, I figure you’re clean enough.”

“Aeons, March.” But Dan Heng didn’t deny it.

As was his habit, Caelus stated the obvious. “I think we’re both surprised you’re telling a story about Welt giving you a sex talk. Or suggesting this at all.”

She wrinkles her nose at him as if he was being the unreasonable one. 

“Come on, can you blame me? Dan Heng’s such a stick in the mud that we haven’t gotten the chance to use the condoms yet!”

Dan Heng’s eyes got wide. “I was not aware it was an option.” 

“Well I’d rather you two than some random space stranger,” she replied in a quieter voice. Both men shrugged. She had a point there.

“So are you, as they say in some solar systems, down to clown?”

Two pairs of eyes turned to Caelus. If he had the functionality, he would have blushed.

“Sure. I mean, yes. Definitely yes. If Dan Heng is okay with it.”

“I am unopposed.”

“Hooray!” She splashed the tub water in glee, her boobs jiggling as she bounced. “Let’s finish scrubbing the rest of you, dirty boy. But for now, I’ll keep this warm.”

March crowded into Cae’s space, making him back up a little and clamber onto the next shallow step. He was almost completely out of the water, enough that he could feel the warm air against his cock. Dan Heng stayed behind, leaning over his shoulder to see what March would do next.

With efficiency, she stroked Cae a few times while he hissed at the friction. She looked up at him, and he nodded before she moved closer. 

After teasing his slit with her thumb, she angled him towards her and sank down. Cae couldn’t tear his gaze away from the sight of his cock disappearing inside her. He shivered, experiencing a whole new kind of warmth and wetness. His mouth fell open.

“Ooo, that’s a nice stretch,” she said, wiggling into place. Caelus’s hands flew to her waist as he attempted not to combust. “You’re even hotter than the water.” 

Dan Heng’s firm chest behind grounded him as March’s body sucked him in. He could feel his friend’s breath on his neck as Dan Heng watched them both. 

“Must be…Qlipoth’s blessing,” Cae forced out, while Dan Heng rubbed a soothing hand down his back. 

“Eugh, don’t mention Qlipoth while I’m on top of you.”

“Okay, message relayed.” 

He adjusted his hands to a more confident position, skating the back of his fingers under March’s breast as she continued to “clean” him. Her smaller hands explored Cae’s chest, the flat plane of his stomach. For an archer, her palms were impossibly soft, her skin cool to the touch. It was a contrast to the tight heat that sent jolts up his dick every time she shifted. 

Dan Heng actually continued to add soap to various parts of his sides and back, but as the pink bubble layer popped and shrank, his touch grew bolder. He pushed himself closer to Cae, to the point that a growing hardness pressed against his friend’s ass. It also gave him a better reach as he scraped a nail across Cae’s nipple. He reached out to do the same to March, which made her shiver as his thumb moved in languid circles. 

After Caelus felt another sigh against the nape of his neck, the air was replaced by a warm mouth. Dan Heng began to suck and nibble along his neck and shoulder. True to form, he stayed as thorough as he did pouring through the archives. The trail of kisses climbed up past Cae’s chin to his face. 

The man made a little displeased hum when he couldn’t quite reach Cae’s lips from his angle. Dan Heng turned his chin towards him to turn a peck on a cheek into an open-mouthed kiss. 

Cae’s hands went everywhere and nowhere, trailing across Dan Heng’s neck to bring his mouth closer, flexing at March’s waist. They finally clenched at his sides as if he didn't know what to do with them. He gritted his teeth, trying to be good and stay still, both to respect his friends and so he wouldn’t come on the spot. 

Dan Heng was not having that though, and bit his lip once to pull out a gasp, replacing teeth with his tongue. He took Cae’s hand by the wrist, guiding it to tangle in his dark hair. Depending on where March touched or Dan Heng kissed him, his grip would tighten. The tighter he gripped, the louder Dan Heng’s moans sounded in his mouth. 

March perked up at the noise, doing a pleased little shimmy that made Caelus curse. “Aw, is someone feeling it?” 

She glanced over Cae’s shoulder to eye the bulge in Dan Heng’s pants. “You know, we could help with that,” she said, and without too much preamble, Dan Heng started pulling at his clothes again. He unzipped his fly and pulled his boxers down just under his balls and ass. 

“That was easier than I expected.” March grinned, but Caelus followed Dan Heng’s example and moved quickly.

Holding March’s waist so not to dislodge her, he leaned over at the same time as Den Heng rose up on his knees. His half-mast cock was now in line with Cae’s face. A little cross-eyed, he gave the length a tentative lick, his tongue following the curve of the underside. 

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing?” Dan Heng asked.

“No, but I can try?” Cae gasped in between licks to the tip that made Dan Heng moan. 

“Lemme show you first,” March said, nudging Cae aside. “I’ve watched some videos!” 

Somehow she kept Caelus’s cock inside her as she leaned sideways, puckering her lips around her teeth. Without any preamble, she took a hold of Dan Heng and swallowed him as quickly as she had sunk down on Cae.

Just this time, she came back gagging. 

Dan Heng looked down at her, unamused. “No that’s not how you do it.” 

Outside of porn anyways. Before they could start bickering, Caelus leaned back to lave his tongue over Dan Heng again. March followed his lead, going down to suckle his balls as well, and soon Dan Heng had nothing more to complain about. 

He fisted the base they couldn’t reach, closing his eyes as they sucked and licked him to fuller hardness. Cae’s cock in the meantime grew even more inside March, slowly stretching her as he got off from pleasuring them both.

March made a face at her first taste of pre, but immediately dove back in to kiss Dan Heng’s glans. More liquid gushed from his tip as he groaned. The suction and warmth of their mouths made him struggle to breathe.

He started getting visibly impatient with being so far away from them, biting his lip like he wanted to kiss them more. Blushing all the way to his chest, Dan Heng pulled them away from his dick by their hair. He shucked his now-soaked clothes, stepping down into the water. March cackled in glee, grabbing each man by the wrist to set their hands at her supple hips. 

“Okay Cae, all stretched and ready to go.” 

He grunted an affirmative, thrusting up with a groan. Considering they hadn’t any lube, March was dripping plenty by this point, and the slide was smooth. Dan Heng leaned in with his greedy mouth, kissing March and then Caelus in turn. His free hand dove below water, fisting himself in a tight grip in time to Caelus’s movements. It all became a mess of friction and panting in the billowing steam. 

Their heads leaned together, bowed as if in prayer. They gasped each other’s air more than successfully connecting their mouths. Dan Heng once got a faceful of March’s hair and spat it out, but she was plenty distracted with bouncing on Cae’s cock. She wrapped his arms around his shoulders to help her momentum, moving faster and faster.

It was an embarrassingly short time before Cae choked on nothing, his fingers gripping March’s hip for dear life. He shook like the Express pulling to a stop, and white liquid seeped out of March along with her slick. Dan Heng followed soon after, his cock releasing a cloud of cum underwater. He nearly lost his balance, with March’s hand shooting out to steady him. They both gasped like marathon runners, exchanging sheepish smiles. 

March snickered. “Virgins, hah!” 

“So are you,” Dan Heng retorted with a furrow of his brow. 

“We don’t know that!”

While they threw insults at each other, Cae replaced his soft cock with two fingers. He experimentally made a “come hither” motion, feeling his cum mixing inside of her. March gasped, curling in on herself, and Dan Heng shut his mouth. 

He looked between the two of them, and then licked his fingers, dipping them down to explore March’s folds as his friend thrust inside her. 

He listened to her say, “No, lower. Higher? A little… yeah, there,” until he reached his destination. Adding more spit to his finger, Dan Heng rubbed circles into her clit as her cries grew sharper. Her legs shook, and each man steadied her with a strong grip. 

Surrounded by their bodies, she rode their fingers faster and faster, gasping when her core clenched and spasmed. 

“Aeons, don’t stop,” she said moments before her breath caught in her throat, and Caelus felt her tighten around him. 

Dan Heng’s eyes widened as she started trembling uncontrollably, and even Cae looked a little surprised by how long she shook. They both kept stroking her through it, and the first wave was followed by a jerky second. 

She sighed, pushing Dan Heng’s hand away and leaning her forehead into Caelus’s collarbone to catch her breath. They both continued to stare at her as if they had seen an Aeon in person. Dan Heng rubbed her back like he had for Cae.

“Ooo, I’m going to feel that tomorrow,” she finally said in a sleepy mumble. “Let’s get dry so we can go cuddle.” 

The boys nodded frantically, helping her clean up before standing. 

Instead of towels, the Express had a ceiling vent which blew hot air. It dried each of them with a push of a button. It did make the boys protectively grab their junk and March’s hair poof like a dandelion, but otherwise was pretty effective. 

“All clean!” March said, stretching her arms up in the air. Cae joined her, cracking his neck a little.

Meanwhile Dan Heng’s mouth got impossibly thin as he glared at a floating white substance. “…now we have to clean the bath.”

March made a popping noise with her mouth.

“Well, it isn’t my juice that’s everywhere. Have fun boys!” Then she ran away to the adjoining changing rooms.

They both grumbled but got to work draining the pool, scrubbing away the residue, and adjusting the settings. It didn’t take too long, but Dan Heng did complain that they had to do it all “still naked.” 

Cae just laughed. “Then you can explain to Himeko why there’s cum in the bathroom.”

Dan Heng’s face made a hilarious expression of horror at that. 

Once the job was done, March popped back into existence.

“I had to dig around but look what I found!” In her arms, she held three dark green robes. “Gotta introduce Caelus to the best part of baths: the aftermath.”

She threw one at each man’s face. After Dan Heng helped Cae tie his, they moved on to March’s room. Caelus snuggled into the fluffy fabric, letting out a content sigh. Dang Heng sat on the floor, but March and Cae lounged in the bean bags she had bought on Herta’s ship. 

“Yep, hanging out in a warm robe and letting your hair dry? Ten out of ten," she announced, Dan Heng squinting at her in skepticism.

“I would rather be dressed.” 

However he made no move to leave them. He actually scooted closer, leaning against Caelus’s side as March played with his hair. They spent the next hour listening to March’s space pop music as she hummed along. 

“We should do this again,” Caelus said, watching as his companions gave him sleepy nods. 

 


 

All in all, the bathtub mission ended successfully. That is, until Caelus found a landfill on the Xianzhou Luofu. He came back to the Express with a broken crane bot in his arms and a grin on his stained face. 

Dan Heng rubbed the back of his neck, and March covered her face with her hand. “Aw geez, really?!”

 

Notes:

I'm down bad for the TrailTrio, and it shows. Feel free to comment about how down bad you are for them too.