Chapter Text
Mary had been running for too long, but she couldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried. She knew she shouldn't run away from herself, but gods did she try.
She never felt as though her feeling were correct. She always felt wrong, as though she wasn't correct. She didn't understand half the things her peers talked about. She wasn't a pureblood. She tried to assimilate. She became known as the school slut, often rumoured to have a body count in the hundreds. She even dated known playboy Sirius. In reality, she had only ever tried to do anything with Sirius, and neither of them made it very far. But it gave her power. Power she could use to make herself less of an outcast. To try and help her fit in. And it worked, for a while, but then she got tired of hiding. Instead she started running.
She ran from herself, not wanting to face her truth, no matter how hard it tried to catch up with her. She ran from her friends, trying to avoid their questions, dodging their concerned gazes. She ran from Lily, in order to avoid awkwardness.
This time she was actually running. It allowed her to think, without having to worry about anyone else's thoughts. Maybe she ran too much, but she felt as though it was the one way she could control her life, the one way she could be steady. It was the one constant that she didn't need to run from, but, instead run with. It allowed her to escape everyone-
"Oof," Mary ran into someone, hard, judging by the fact that they were both on the ground. She quickly got up, offering a hand to the other person, who quickly took it. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you."
"That's fine, I didn't see you either. You have amazing hair." The other person responded.
"Thank you." Mary recognised them. Penny or-
"Pandora, I can sense you were trying to figure it out." She held out her hand.
"Mary." She took it.
"Oh I know your name."
"You do, why?"
"I enjoy watching you sometimes, you are very majestic."
"I'm majestic?" Mary was starting to wonder how sane Pandora was.
"Oh yes, very majestic. You seem troubled." She reached put and pressed her thumb to the crease between Mary's brows, that she hadn't even realised had formed. "What is troubling you?"
"I don't want to burden you with my problems."
"Oh no, it's okay, I like working though other people's problems with them, they're like riddles, but more meaningful." She held out her hand, which Mary took. She led her to a bench in a small alcove of to one side of the castle. She settled in, sitting down, smoothing out the pastel rainbow dress she was wearing. Mary sat down next to Pandora, albeit less eloquently. "So what is troubling you?"
"I feel like I'm constantly running from something." Mary said, feeling surprisingly comfortable with Pandora. She seemed to exude comfort and kindness. It made her feel safe.
"Do you know what you're running from or is it just that there is an impending doom hanging around you, not letting you escape?"
"A bit of both, I guess," Mary had never really thought about it, generally opting to shoving down so far that she forgets it's there until it suddenly springs out, like an over full wardrobe, "I think I'm running from myself. I just haven't thought about it enough, and, honestly I don't think I really want to. It seems scary, finally facing what is wrong with me. I really don't want to face what sets me apart."
"Being different isn't a bad thing. Really it's an amazing thing, it's what makes us human, what makes us alive. So dig deep and find what makes you different, and then we can figure out why you're so scared of it."
So Mary started to dig. First she started thinking about how she never had any crushes on boys. Then how close she was to her friend Janine. Then how she always admired every older girl that would look her way, not even sparing a thought for the guys. Then how good Lily looked at the beginning of 6th year. Then how flustered she got when Lily got to close. Then how she craved Lily's touch. Then how much she wanted to feel Lily's lips on her's. Oh merlin this was not a good train of thought to be having.
"Every train of thought is a good one, it's just about how you deal with it after. And right now we are going to talk about it." Pandora took Mary's hand in her's, the warmth of it shooting through Mary's arm, relaxing her immensely.
"I don't get crushes on guys." Mary admitted after taking many moment to compose herself.
"Oh, so do you get crushes on girls, or is this a 'you don't get crushes' situation, or is just guys you don't get crushes on?"
"I get crushes on girls, well one girl in particular, but having crushes on girls isn't correct."
"Why isn't correct."
"Because I'm not correct, and no other girls have crushes on girls."
"Neither of those statements are true. You are correct. And other girls do have crushes on girls."
"No they don't, I'm just wrong."
"No your not." Pandora turned to face Mary, pulling her legs up into the bench, causing them to brush against Mary, resulting in what felt like an electric shock to shoot up her leg. "Besides, I have crushes on girls, and I'm not wrong. No one can be wrong, we are made the way we were meant to be made. But I do think you should think about why you feel wrong about having crushed on girls."
"I don't know." Mary replied, trying to find a more meaningful answer to Pandora's question.
"Do you think it's wrong for people of the same gender to be together?"
"Maybe, I don't know, I haven't really thought about it all that often."
"I am starting to think you have a tendency to shove all your feelings so far down that if you even try to reach them, your fingers wouldn't even be anywhere near them."
"I hate emotions, they make me feel exposed, and weak."
"Then why are you finding it so easy to talk to me about your feelings?"
Mary didn't really know the answer to that question. Pandora had left her stumped again. She never spoke to anyone about her feelings, but with Pandora, they all seemed to pour out. It was like Pandora rode the waved of her emotions, making sense out of the chaos as it crashed around them. Pandora seemed to act like a calm, reassuring presence, making her feel comfortable, and like she's at home.
"You just have a really calming presence about you."
"Oh that's lovely to hear, I always thought I was more chaotic, I usually make people nervous more than anything. So why do you think you liking girls is wrong."
"I guess my dad always mentioned how he hated 'those gays' and never allowed me near any one who seemed even slightly different. I was only allowed to have white friends, whose parents had to be of a high position of power. I didn't grow up around anyone with the same skin tone as me, excluding my mum. I never really saw anyone of another race other than white or black until I came to Hogwarts. I was always taught to assimilate, to never be different, and liking a girl makes me different."
"I know you may not want to hear this, but being different isn't inherently bad. Sometimes being different is one of the best things in the world, it makes you unique, it makes you, you." Pandora emphasised this by squeezing Mary's hand, sending another wave of warmth up her arm.
"Thank you," Mary choked out. When had she started crying, she doesn't remember starting to cry? Suddenly she was encompassed in warmth, as Pandora's arms snaked around her body, pulling her into one of the best hugs she has ever received.
"You're welcome, though I think you should always have someone to tell you that you are unique and special, even if you aren't going through an identity crisis, sometimes it nice just to be reminded that someone cares for you, I'm just happy to be that person right now."
"You still deserve thanks, though, so genuinely thank you. Maybe now I can start to feel comfortable with the idea of possibly liking girls."
"I know that when I was trying to figure out how I felt about people, even without your upbringing, I found it hard to accept that I can like the people I like, even if it takes me a while to get there. I used to think I was wrong, but then my mum once told me that no one is inherently wrong, even if society tries tell you otherwise. Though I do feel some people are wrong, Snape for example, but not because of who he likes, but instead his affinity for stalking, harassment, and his inability to use shampoo correctly. Everyone, including you is a gift given to this earth, never made with existing mistakes, anything wrong with the person is learned, and, as far as I know, attraction isn't learned, it is discovered."
"I'm glad you have found peace within yourself, and with your attraction, but I may take a bit to become comfortable with the idea that maybe I'm not the one whose wrong, but society."
"That's OK, you don't have to immediately be comfortable with it, and I am happy to be the person who reminds you that just because you are different, doesn't mean that you are wrong, it just means that you are unique."
"Thank you, you are definitely one of the best gifts the world has been given." Mary said, giving Pandora a hug. "I've got to go, but thank you so much for being such an amazing weird, and thoughtful person, and helping me feel comfortable enough to work through my emotions."