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Merlin knew his quiet evening had been too good to be true.
He’d been on edge since he and Arthur arrived back in Camelot after a hunt had gone wrong. Not only had the outing been disastrous, on top of that, the prat had been ignoring him for no reason. Upon arriving at the castle gates a few candle marks ago, Arthur had immediately dismissed him for the rest of the evening and retreated without another word. He was even informed by one of the kitchen staff, that “The King’s evening meal has been taken care of, he wished for us to inform you that you needn't bother serving him tonight”, and that was that.
He had been sitting in his room for what felt like forever, thinking back over the day for anything he could have done to upset him.
***
That morning, as soon as he realised the two of them would be going on a hunt alone he had a bad feeling. Hunting in general never usually ended well, even more so on the chosen route for that day, The Valley of the Fallen Kings. They were practically asking for trouble.
And trouble was exactly what they got. With a pointed look in Arthurs's direction, which the knight bashfully chose to ignore, they sprung into action. Luckily the ambush hadn't been a large one, and from the sidelines, Merlin had been able to dispatch any bandits who got too close to either himself or more importantly, a distracted Arthur. A few falling tree branches here, and a few burning sword handles later, between them both they had most of their attackers handled. Even he could admit that getting caught up in the fight sent a thrill through his body. When the last mercenary fell at the King’s hand he released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, and he easily fell back into the role of “clumsy servant” as he bumbled over to Arthurs's side, only to stop completely short when he realised Arthurs cold glare was already upon him.
Without a word he’d climbed up onto his horse, leaving Merlin to scramble to catch up.
***
The longer he sat the more concerned he became. Maybe he was angry that Merlin had seemingly run away to hide. But that couldn’t be it, on more than one occasion Arthur had practically lectured him on what to do in that situation, which was to do exactly what he had done, run and hide, or stay out of the way more like.
The only reason he could ever imagine Arthur to be this angry with him was if he had somehow seen him do magic. Surely he couldn’t have, though now he thought about it, he had been caught up in the fight too. He hadn’t been as careful as usual. He could only hope Arthur was just in a bad mood. He couldn’t decide what would be a worse secret for Arthur to find out about, the magic, or the fact that he was in love with him.
The stone in his stomach grew heavier with each passing minute he waited. He wasn’t even exactly sure what it was he was waiting for, but he couldn't relax. Gaius couldn’t even make him a sleeping draught as he was currently in a small village bordering Camelot tending to the victims of a passing disease. He could probably make it himself, he had the skillset, and it would serve as a good distraction. By morning he was sure everything would go back to the way it was.
***
Meanwhile, in the King’s chambers, Arthur was pacing back and forth furiously. He was sure he would burn a hole through the floor at the rate he was going, heat emanating from his body in waves from the level of his anger.
Merlin, his skinny, defenceless, oaf of a servant, had been practising magic behind his back. He had been betraying his King and his country for god knows how long. From the looks of it, for quite some time if his obvious ease wielding his powers was anything to go by. And despite all that, he knew his anger was only a defence against the pure heartbreak he felt at the discovery.
Merlin was supposed to be his best friend, his most trusted confidant. The person he loved most in this world. He had once assumed that person to be Gwen, but after trying, and failing to court her, he realised it never would have worked. Both their hearts had already been stolen. Although after his recent discovery, he was realising he and Gwen had fallen for the same type, magic users.
After Morgana revealed herself, he had been devastated. In a way he had failed her as her brother, even not knowing that's who he was until much too late. He hadn’t supported her, and she hadn’t trusted him to protect her if the truth came out about her magic. And deep down he knew he had to talk to Merlin, or at least shout at him. He couldn’t let another person he loved down, even if they had betrayed him again and again.
With that thought, his mind was made up. He couldn’t wait another night to confront the boy who had slowly but surely carved his way into his heart.
On the walk, or more like run to the physician’s chambers, his anger resurfaced somewhat, and he was glad, if he could stay angry, perhaps his feelings wouldn't slip into his words.
***
When he arrived, he didn’t bother knocking. If Merlin was doing something he shouldn’t be it's not like it would come as a surprise anymore, so why show him the courtesy of knocking, especially when he never bothered to give it to him?
The door slammed against the wall as he charged in, face contorted in anger. “Merlin!” he bellowed, causing the sorcerer to jump in surprise.
Merlin turned around, hands still clasped tightly around the pestle he had been using to grind lavender and hemlock. His eyes widened as he took in Arthur’s furious expression. “Arthur, what's the matter?” he asked cautiously.
“Don’t play dumb Merlin,” he spat venomously, voice filled with the pain of betrayal, “I know you have magic.”
Merlin’s heart sank. He wanted the earth to swallow him whole right there. He had always known this day would come, had even imagined it happening that very night, but he had hoped those worries were unprecedented, turns out his gut feeling was right. He really needs to start trusting his instincts more. “Arthur,” he choked, his throat suddenly as dry as Camelot during the magic drought, one look at Arthur’s face and any thought of lying went out the door. Honestly, he was tired of the lies. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I have magic. But you have to understand, I was born with it, I didn’t choose it, and since coming here I've only ever used it for you, been loyal to you.”
Arthur’s anger flared even brighter at that. “Loyal?! If what you say is true, if you were really born with magic, you’ve been lying to me this whole time!” And as if he was realising the weight of his words as he spoke them, his next words came out stuttered, tears coming to his eyes despite his battle against them. “I thought maybe, after seeing what you did today, you learnt magic to protect yourself, but all this time you’ve lied to me. How could I ever trust you again, I don’t even know you. You’re no different from any of the other sorcerers who have tried to harm Camelot. You’re no different from Morgana.”
Merlin’s own eyes filled with sadness and he took a cautious step forwards, “ I only kept it a secret because I was scared,” he barrelled forwards before Arthur could interrupt, “not of you. Not really.” He took a steadying breath. “I always wanted to tell you, but I wanted to protect Camelot, and I needed to protect you. I was scared you would send me away Arthur. Please you have to understand.”
Seeing his desperation, Arthur’s anger began to wane slightly, but he was scared too, every sorcerer he’d ever encountered had tried to hurt him. Why should he believe Merlin was any different? “If you wanted to protect me, why couldn’t you trust me to do the same for you?”
Merlin didn’t have a good answer to that question. His voice trembled with emotion, “Because I was selfish. I wanted to keep the friendship I’d grown to care so much about. I wanted to always be able to stay by your side. I didn’t want you to see me differently. But then the lies kept growing, and it had been so long that I knew you would hate me for lying if not for the magic. I tried to tell myself before you were King that I couldn’t burden you with having to make a choice between duty and friendship, but I realised somewhere along the way that the lies were doing more harm than good, and for that, I am truly sorry.”
There was a moment of tense silence as both men grappled with their emotions. Merlin’s so strong they were overwhelming, and Arthur’s a battle of conflict within his mind. Finally, the blonde spoke up first, “You should have told me the truth sooner,” Merlin held his breath, “But, I can’t deny the years of friendship between us. And I can’t deny my feelings, even if they are completely unrequited.”
A flicker of hope ignited within Merlin’s eyes, a fire completely different from the golden hue they tuned when he used magic. He wanted to ask about that last declaration but held himself back for now, he took a final step toward his King before kneeling down, looking up through his eyelashes, “My King, I swear on the fidelity of our friendship that I have never, and will never use my magic against Camelot or her people,” he paused, but he had to be completely honest, “unless…unless not doing so would result in any harm befalling you. I know it is selfish, but I would let the world burn if it meant you were safe, and I would let myself burn along with it, for my love for you would allow me to do nothing else.”
Arthur hesitated, but slowly and surely, with a sense of finality, knelt down in front of the warlock, so close their knees pressed together, and reached out to hold the other man’s hands in his own larger ones. “I want us to move past this, together. But above all, I am the King of Camelot, and if you were ever to betray that trust again, I would have no choice but to banish you, do you understand?” Arthur needed to clear this one final barrier between them before he allowed himself anything more.
But Merlin’s face broke into a wide, relieved grin, as he gripped Arthurs's hands tighter, “I understand, Arthur. I’m grateful for your forgiveness Sire, I promise to do everything I can to one day be worthy of it, even if it takes a lifetime.”
Seeing the sincerity in Merlin’s eyes, Arthur was finally able to let go of the last ounce of anger and pain he had been clinging to. “Having you here, fully yourself for the first time, is more than enough, and something I don’t plan on taking for granted. In light of tonight's honesty, I must share my own secret with you.” Arthur mustered all of his courage, “Merlin, I’m in love with you, I have been for a long time.”
“Arthur I…” Merlin began, his voice full of mixed emotions, despite sensing the direction the conversation was taking, he hadn’t allowed himself to really believe it, his astonishment must have shown because in the next second, he felt Arthur’s fingers gently gripping his chin, tipping his face back up so blue met blue. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, I dreamt of it, but never believed it could be a reality.”
“Well, you were always a fool, weren't you Merlin.” His voice was filled with warmth, and the way he drawled Merlin’s name in the way only he could, brought fresh tears to his eyes, only now they were joyous.
“I love you too Arthur.” The words felt so simple, so right falling from his lips. He couldn’t believe he was finally able to say them out loud.
At that moment, the weight of their unspoken love was lifted, and the hardships they had faced together faded away into nothingness, as did the world around them. They drifted closer and closer, their hands once again finding themselves interlocked in a tender embrace. And after what felt like an eternity and no time at all, their lips met in a soft, lingering kiss, filled with a depth of emotion words would never be able to encompass.
Time seemed to come to a standstill- which Merlin later refused to admit was actually his magic literally stopping time- as they poured all their longing and affection into a single press of their lips. The castle walls echoed with the sound of their hearts beating as one, their souls intertwining finally, no longer any barriers or lies between them, connecting in a way no enemy, war, or even decree could separate.
When they finally pulled away, still leaning their foreheads together, both knew that their love had the power to conquer any and all challenges they might come to face. With a newfound understanding of the bond they shared, they would face the world, and their destiny, together, to bring about a new golden age, united by a love that was bound to endure.