Chapter Text
NEW EMPLOYEE INTAKE FORM
Name: Yang Jeongin
Date of birth: February 8, 2001
Job title: Receptionist
Start date: April 24, 2023
…
24 April 2023 at 9:14 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Welcome! New hire onboarding
Good morning, Mr. Yang,
Welcome to the company, and I hope you’re settling in alright. My name is Kim Seungmin, and I work in our Human Resources department.
I will need you to pass by my desk when you get a spare second; I know it must be busy on your first day, but we have some paperwork to go over together. You can find my desk in the annex, back right.
Looking forward to meeting you.
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
24 April 2023 at 9:20 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: The pleasure of your companionship
Mr. Yang—
I humbly request the honor of your presence over lunch. As a new hire, it seems only right to welcome you to our lovely company.
Please do let me know if you are amenable to my suggestion, and I shall anxiously await your response.
Your admiring coworker,
Hwang Hyunjin
Sales Representative
24 April 2023 at 11:13 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: The pleasure of your companionship
if i cuss you out over the work email will i get in trouble?
also lunch sounds great, i’m starving. hyung’s buying, right? for my first day?
24 April 2023 at 11:21 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: The pleasure of your companionship
lmao who’s gonna get you in trouble? hr seungmin? fat chance
((if you’re reading this: hi seungminnie! love you!!))
24 April 2023 at 1:20 PM
From: [email protected]
To: ALL
Subject: A friendly reminder…
Good afternoon to all,
This is just a friendly reminder from the Human Resources department that company email is meant for internal, business-related communications. If you must relay a sports score or invite a fellow coworker for lunch, please refrain from doing so with your company email address. We have a chat function within our email server that should be much more suitable for such informal communications.
If this continues to be a problem, I can have a talk with our IT department and see about installing a filter for Internet usage on our office Wi-Fi.
Always watching,
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
24 April 2023 at 1:34 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: A friendly reminder…
if you take my cat videos from me i’ll learn everything there is to learn about baseball and ruin every single match for you, i’ll drop by your desk every morning to spoil the outcome of every last game i swear to god
Menacingly,
Lee Minho
Sales Representative
24 April 2023 at 1:36 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: A friendly reminder…
Noted.
Also, they’re baseball games, not matches.
Quaking in his boots,
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
NEW CHAT
Hwang Hyunjin started a new chat.
Hwang Hyunjin added Kim Seungmin to the chat.
Hwang Hyunjin (1:42 PM)
so the “love you” i added didn’t win you over
Kim Seungmin (1:47 PM)
No.
Hwang Hyunjin (1:48 PM)
you think if you got dick you’d be less uptight?
Kim Seungmin (1:59 PM)
No.
And that’s bordering on sexual harassment.
Hwang Hyunjin (2:00 PM)
if i tell you the same thing in the parking lot after work will it be better
as a friend and not a coworker
Kim Seungmin (2:43 PM)
How about not over an office-monitored communication?
Dipshit.
Hwang Hyunjin (2:46 PM)
harassment
bullying
i need to file a complaint with hr
oh wait……
what do i do if my complaint is with hr???? who do i complain to
Kim Seungmin (2:47 PM)
Oh my god STOP blowing up my work chat!!
I hate the dinging sound it makes.
Hwang Hyunjin (2:48 PM)
what dinging sound??
huh
like this?
i dont get it
is this a dinging sound
ding
ding
ding
ding
ding
ding
ding
(message cannot be sent)
did you BLOCK me?????
the hr guy can’t block someone!!!
kim seungmin!!!!
i’m coming to your desk
24 April 2023 at 3:14 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: An apology
Jeongin,
I apologize again that our meeting was cut short by the arrival of our colleague. We still have a bit of paperwork to finish up that must be done ASAP, so if you wouldn’t mind finding me tomorrow so we can finish up your intake paperwork.
As always, feel free to direct any questions my way. I know it can be difficult and overwhelming starting a new job, especially with such… colorful friends.
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
24 April 2023 at 4:56 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: An apology
Sorry for shooting this off at the end of the day! I just got a little swamped with calls and then the copier ate my paper and I dropped a little coffee on my shirt and couldn’t get it out in the bathroom and ahhh!!
I’m not sure how easily I can make it over to you during regular office hours - my tasks seem pretty demanding. Not to make excuses! Just… it’s a lot. Would it be possible to finish the paperwork up early one morning or stay late one afternoon? I know it’s a huge inconvenience. I’ll even do it over lunch!
Let me know,
Yang Jeongin
Receptionist
April 24, 2023 at 4:58 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: An apology
Certainly, Jeongin. Like I said, I know it’s difficult adjusting to a new job. How about we meet tomorrow over lunch at my desk to finish everything up? Just promise you won’t drop kimchi on the intake paperwork.
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
April 24, 2023 at 5:01 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: An apology
Lunch would work great! I swear, I’ll bring something unspillable to eat tomorrow. Plain rice it is!
Anyway, have a great evening, see you tomorrow!
Yang Jeongin
Receptionist
[A note wrapped around a detergent pen, left on the keyboard of the reception computer]
Try this on the coffee stains, it’ll work better than the hand soap in the bathroom
NEW CHAT
Yang Jeongin started a new chat.
Yang Jeongin added Kim Seungmin to the chat.
Yang Jeongin (8:32 AM)
Hey, it was you who left this stain-remover on my desk, right?
If so, thanks! :)
But I washed the shirt last night, the stains came right out. So no worries!!
Kim Seungmin (8:54 AM)
Don’t worry about it, I keep extras in my desk.
Just keep it in case you have another mishap.
I can’t help with copiers eating paper or the phones ringing off the hook, but I always have stain remover.
Yang Jeongin (9:01 AM)
Well, thanks! See you at lunch! :)
Kim Seungmin (9:03 AM)
Have a good morning.
April 25, 2023 at 9:21 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: unbelievable
Are you flirting????? With the new receptionist???? Because I swear I’ve never seen you respond so fast to a chat or wished anyone a good morning
Maybe stain remover can be our always,
Changbinnie
Head of Sales
April 25, 2023 at 9:35 AM
From: [email protected]
To: ALL
Subject: Re: A friendly reminder…
Hello again,
Another, extra friendly reminder to our management team as well: this message applies to you, too! Company emails are strictly for business only; all other communications should ideally wait for after office hours. However, if you cannot restrain yourself, please keep it limited to the chat function. If this chat function is abused, I will have it disabled, along with your cat videos.
On a power trip,
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
NEW CHAT
Lee Minho started a new chat.
Lee Minho added Kim Seungmin to the chat.
Lee Minho has renamed the chat: [give me cat videos or give me death]
Lee Minho (10:02 AM)
i’d tell you to suck a dick but that’s sexual harassment
so please go shove your head in the toilet
💞💞💞💞💞💞
CHAT WITH Yang Jeongin, Kim Seungmin
Kim Seungmin (1:21 PM)
Sorry, what was that song you were humming at lunch?
I can’t get it out of my head.
Yang Jeongin (1:44 PM)
Huh?
Sorry it was just a choral piece I performed in school!!
Can’t remember the name but the tune gets stuck in my head sometimes too ㅠㅠ
Kim Seungmin (1:47 PM)
I see.
Sorry, it just sounded really nice.
Yang Jeongin (1:55PM)
No worries!!
best friends forever 💞💞💞
handsome dumpling (1:42 PM)
i missed my baby at lunch :((( i had to eat with changbin and i think i smell like boiled chicken breast now
baby bread has renamed the chat: [coworkers who tolerate each other]
baby bread (1:45 PM)
chill i just had to sign paperwork with hr
like you dont spend half the day at my desk anyway
don’t you have a job
handsome dumpling (1:48 PM)
i have the lowest sales record on the team 💞💞
fucking the boss helps with not being fired
even if he smells like chicken breast
he’s still hot
baby bread (1:57 PM)
SEUNGMIN HELP I’M BEING SEXUALLY HARASSED AT WORK
SEUNGMIN!!!!
HR SEUNGMIN!!!!!!
handsome dumpling (1:59 PM)
stop that
baby bread (2:00 PM)
i was told it calls him like a bat signal
handsome dumpling (2:04 PM)
please he has better things to do than snoop through employee chat records
April 25, 2023 at 3:53 PM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Notice of abuse of email chat function
Mr. Hwang,
I hope this email finds you well. In a random spot-check of employee chat records, I couldn’t help but notice some inappropriate messages you sent to Mr. Yang Jeongin, our new receptionist. The transcript is as follows, for your convenience:
handsome dumpling (1:48 PM)
fucking the boss helps with not being fired
even if he smells like chicken breast
he’s still hot
It is inappropriate to discuss private relationships in such explicit detail in the workplace. Additionally, no matter how “hot” you may find your boss, it is an inappropriate thing to say in a professional environment.
Please consider this email your first warning. Following three, your chat privileges will be revoked and HR will have no recourse but to monitor your work communications even more closely.
As always, please direct any questions and concerns directly to me.
Seriously, always watching,
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
[A note slipped onto the desk of Hwang Hyunjin, Sales Department]
STRAY COMPANY
hey sorry i didn’t mean to get you in trouble for real
[A note slipped placed onto the keyboard of the reception computer]
STRAY COMPANY
hey sorry i didn’t mean to get you in trouble for real
come to work with an iced americano for me tomorrow to make up for it
no but srsly, it’s ok
seungmin just thinks he’s funny sometimes
friends who work together wanna die together 😁
real-life fairytale prince (5:03 PM)
ok it’s officially after work and this isn’t a work chat so you know what that means!!!
kim seungmin, suck my ENTIRE ass!!!!!!!
jutdae (5:04 PM)
Seungmin are you being mean to my boyfriend again???
#1 office visual (5:04 PM)
fight fight fight fight fight!!!
if hyunjin and seungmin throw hands in the parking lot, i already left, so someone please make an insta reel out of it so i can see too
catboy cat dad (5:06 PM)
i’ll start a betting pool
you’re both skinny and weak but if changbin fights to defend hyunjin’s honor seungmin’s dead meat
and once again seungmin, i’m begging you!!!
leave my cat videos alone!!!!
real-life fairytale prince (5:07 PM)
he sent me a warning for sexually harassing innie!!!
for saying i’m fucking changbin (duh!!!), that he smells like chicken breast (duh!!!) and that he’s hot (DUH!!!!!!!!!)
jutdae (5:07 PM)
you think i smell like chicken breast
channie this is your fault
kangaroo (5:10 PM)
leave me out of it
i’ve tried banning work talk from this chat how many times???? and none of you listen to me outside of work
#1 office visual (5:11 PM)
that’s not true!
i barely listen to you inside of work either 💕💕💕
kangaroo (5:11PM)
jisung i’ll kill you
#1 office visual (5:12 PM)
SEUNGMIN SEUNGMIN HR SEUNGMIN!!!!
I’M BEING HARASSED AND FEEL UNSAFE
BY MY OWN BOSS!!!! THE BIG BOSS!!!!
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (5:13 PM)
you rang?
also i clocked out, hr seungmin is no more
and hyunjin i’ll have you know i was defending jeongin’s innocence
real-life fairytale prince (5:15 PM)
that kid’s not innocent
never has been
jutdae (5:16 PM)
but seungmin might like that huh?
👀👀
why’d you clock out late today seungminnie
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (5:18 PM)
i was charitably helping a coworker in need
jutdae (5:18 PM)
mhmm
and does this coworker have a name that rhymes with Schmang Schmeongin
#1 office visual (5:19 PM)
schmang schmeongin that’s fucking good
kangaroo (5:21 PM)
sigh
this is NOT a work chat… but….
please remember all workplace relationships must be properly disclosed to HR
i had to read the hyunbin file myself… the horror…… i’m scarred…..
real-life fairytale prince (5:22 PM)
seungmin’s hr
is he gonna disclose it to himself
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (5:25 PM)
there’s no relationship!!!
really, he was just showing me a song he thought i’d like
and to repay him i tried to unjam the copier
yeah that shit’s broken
oh! channie: we need a new copier
kangaroo (5:26 PM)
this is not a work chat
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (5:26 PM)
then i’ll remind you tomorrow. at work. with a work chat.
#1 office visual (5:30 PM)
since this is NOT a work chat…..
anyone trying to get blasted tonight???
[a note attached to a cup of iced coffee, placed on the desk of Hwang Hyunjin, Sales Department]
We’re even!!
April 26, 2023 at 8:35 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Requested office supplies - URGENT
Good morning, Mr. Bang,
It has come to my attention that the copy machine in the reception area is broken beyond repair. It would seem that someone (though it is impossible to know who) has entirely dislodged and unhinged the paper tray. (Like, it’s fully broken, there’s no getting that thing back on there.)
I am sending this email on behalf of Mr. Yang Jeongin, receptionist, who seems to already have enough on his plate. Please replace the copier at your earliest convenience; it will save Mr. Yang a great deal of trouble.
Snarkily yours,
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
April 26, 2023 at 8:43 AM
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Requested office supplies - URGENT
Thank you, Mr. Kim.
The requested office supplies have been purchased and should be delivered by the end of this week. I will inform Mr. Yang to look out for it. I hope that in the future, people will be more careful with our shared office supplies.
I couldn’t help but notice your email sign-off. It seems mildly inappropriate for a workplace environment, but don’t worry - I can reciprocate the snark.
Watch this,
Bang Chan
CEO, Stray Company
April 26, 2023 at 9:02 AM
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected] , [email protected]
Subject: Lunch and Learn - Exciting new opportunity!
Good morning!
Mr. Yang, allow me to formally (as formally as possible, over email) introduce myself: My name is Bang Chan, and I am the head of this company. Welcome aboard!
I understand there’s much to learn and adjust to, and in an effort to make your transition as seamless as possible, Kim Seungmin in the HR department has graciously offered his help. He’ll be spending his lunches for the next month at least helping answer your every question. Please don’t hold back; our Seungmin is an expert! Any small question you have about emails, printers, faxes - he can answer! This new arrangement will begin effective immediately - and please don’t worry about lunch! Seungmin has a corporate card to use to take care of everything.
I hope this will aid in your transition to our office environment. Please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or concerns regarding this new arrangement - any other questions related to office life should be directed to Seungmin.
Thank you,
Bang Chan
CEO, Stray Company
April 26, 2023 at 9:10 AM
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected] , [email protected]
Subject: Re: Lunch and Learn - Exciting new opportunity!
Mr. Bang,
Thank you so much! It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, and I’m very grateful for the opportunity. Everyone at this company has been very kind and welcoming so far.
I just wanted to reach out to say thank you, for this opportunity as well as for ordering the new copy machine.
Take care,
Yang Jeongin
Receptionist
NEW CHAT
Kim Seungmin started a new chat.
Kim Seungmin added Bang Chan to the chat.
Kim Seungmin (9:12 AM)
You devious bastard.
You absolute snake.
Bang Chan (9:13 AM)
I’m not hearing “matchmaking genius”???
Or even a thank you???
Wow.
I’m putting your love life on company money.
I’m letting you use the corporate card!!!
Kim Seungmin (9:30 AM)
We’re going to the best damn steakhouse in the city.
Bang Chan (9:34 AM)
Romantic!!!
À LA CARTE STEAKHOUSE
04/26/2023 1:03 PM
TABLE 4
SERVER HEESEUNG
1 CAPPUCCINO………………………………….$8.00
1 FOUNTAIN BEVERAGE………………………..$4.00
2 CAESAR SALAD………………………………..$18.00
1 PRIME DIP………………………………………$18.00
NO HORSERADISH
1 STEAK FRITES…………………………………$26.00
NO HORSERADISH
1 CHOCOLATE CAKE……………………………$13.00
TO GO
SUBTOTAL………………………………….……..$87.00
TIP 24.00
TOTAL 111.00
THANK YOU!
CHAT WITH Yang Jeongin, Kim Seungmin
Yang Jeongin has renamed the chat: [Horseradish haters]
Yang Jeongin (1:45 PM)
hyung
you have to help me finish this cake i’m serious
i’m stuffed
Kim Seungmin (1:49 PM)
I can’t.
I’m considering just laying on the floor by my desk.
I can hardly even breathe I’m so full.
Yang Jeongin (2:02 PM)
was it okay?
that we spent so much money?
Kim Seungmin (2:03 PM)
I was given the company card and instructions to take our new receptionist out for lunch.
Bang never specified where.
And we deserve an expensive steakhouse.
Yang Jeongin (2:14 PM)
oh my god
hyunjin just tried to take the rest of this cake
and i was gonna give it to him, right?
but mr. bang came out and said it looked tasty and asked me for it!!
so he’s probably not mad, right?
i mean, i gave it to him and he smiled at me
Kim Seungmin (2:20 PM)
No, he’s definitely not mad.
So don’t worry about it.
Hey, think of any restaurant you want to try, yeah? We’ll go there tomorrow.
And I mean ANY.
If you try to pick a cheap one I’ll just find a ridiculously overpriced one for us to visit instead.
Yang Jeongin (2:22 PM)
Ha, deal!
CHAT WITH Kim Seungmin, Bang Chan
Bang Chan (2:15 PM)
Yo this cake is pretty good
Was lunch okay?
Jeongin seemed like he was in a good mood.
Very smiley.
Like :]
Kim Seungmin (2:25 PM)
Old man.
I’m planning to send you into credit card debt.
Bang Chan (2:27 PM)
Do your worst.
birds eat bread, felix eats innie
lix (3:12 PM)
heyyyyyyy!
how’s the new job?
innie (6:08 PM)
god sorry i just got home
about as good as you can expect
draining and demanding
but it’s a job
lix (6:15 PM)
my innie’s all grown up!!
with a job and EVERYTHING!!!
is everyone being nice to you??? do i have to beat anyone up???
innie (6:16 PM)
you couldn’t beat anyone up if you wanted to hyung
and it’s fine, everyone’s nice
actually i got back late tonight bc i got caught up talking to the hr guy about movies
lix (6:18 PM)
i’m a BLACK BELT
and is that a budding office romance i spy 👀
innie (6:24 PM)
no lol
i mean he’s nice but i don’t think he’s interested in me
we went to this MAD nice steakhouse for lunch right?? because the CEO wants him to train me better
and he just seemed so excited to screw the CEO over
it was cute in like a disney villain way
but yeah no he’s not into me like that
lix (6:25 PM)
i’ll use my taekwondo black belt to beat him up
innie (6:25 PM)
not necessary
lix (6:28 PM)
anyway… the REAL reason i’m messaging you….
innie (6:28 PM)
i knew i smelled an ulterior motive
lix (6:30 PM)
correct!
i have a date this friday night with a REALLY REALLY hot guy
and he’s rich
wanna double?
innie (6:31 PM)
no
i don’t have time to find someone to go on a double date with
lix (6:32 PM)
ask work guy
movie guy
hr guy
innie (6:35 PM)
not a chance, sorry
lix (6:36 PM)
i don’t wanna go alone :(
can’t you get hyunjin to go with you?
innie (6:37 PM)
hyunjin has a boyfriend and a full social calendar
also i’d rather eat broken glass than go on a date with hyunjin
lix (6:37 PM)
a fake date!!
innie (6:37 PM)
my point stands
lix (6:39 PM)
ok scratch the double date then
just come???
i’ll tell him you just got dumped and you’re clingy and lonely
innie (6:40 PM)
so i have to look pathetic in front of your rich, handsome date???
lix (6:43 PM)
it’s just to make sure he’s not a creep!!!!!!
also you DID just get dumped so it’s not even a lie
like…… no offense but you are a little pathetic
please please please please please???
i’ll make you brownies!!
innie (6:44 PM)
fuck
they better be the best damn brownies you ever made
lix (6:45 PM)
you’re the best!!!
i’ll bake the brownies with extra love 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
innie (6:49 PM)
disgusting
Horseradish haters
Kim Seungmin (10:34 AM)
Did you think about it?
Where to go for lunch I mean.
Yang Jeongin (10:42 AM)
Oh
I mean…
Not really
Kim Seungmin (10:45 AM)
Don’t be shy, where do you wanna go? What kind of food do you like?
Yang Jeongin (10:52 AM)
…
Pasta’s yummy?
Kim Seungmin (10:54 AM)
I looked it up, there’s an Italian restaurant two blocks away.
And it looks expensive.
Excellent choice.
See you in about an hour.
Yang Jeongin (11:13 AM)
Yeah, see you!
BELLADONNA’S
04/27/2023 1:36 PM
TABLE 16
SERVER YEONJUN
2 FOUNTAIN BEVERAGE………………………..$7.00
2 HOUSE SALAD…………………….…………..$16.00
1 CHICKEN PARMIGIANA…………………..……$17.00
1 FRUTTI DI MARE……………….………………$23.00
1 TIRAMISU……………………………..…………$8.00
SUBTOTAL………………………………….……..$71.00
TIP 21.00
TOTAL 92.00
THANK YOU!
Horseradish haters
Yang Jeongin (2:02 PM)
do you think it’s okay that we’re back so late??
we should’ve taken the dessert to go
Kim Seungmin (2:03 PM)
Don’t worry, you just had extra questions today.
Yang Jeongin (2:08 PM)
but we just kinda goofed off…
i mean, it was fun, but
aren’t we supposed to be talking about emails or phone etiquette or whatever?
not making tier lists of sanrio characters?
Kim Seungmin (2:10 PM)
It’s also about making sure you’re adjusting well to your new job.
Making friends with coworkers is part of that, right?
Kim Seungmin changed name: Pochacco’s #1 fanboy
Yang Jeongin changed name: Keroppi til the day I die
Keroppi til the day I die (2:13 PM)
i guess it’s okay yeah
it was fun, anyway!!
but now i have about a million voicemails to go through ㅠㅠ
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (2:15 PM)
My afternoon’s slow, I could help if you want?
Like, send me a list of callbacks and I’ll check in on them.
Or I could answer some of your emails?
Keroppi til the day I die (2:16 PM)
ah no hyung i can’t ask you to do that!!
really it’s fine, please dw!!
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (2:16 PM)
Really, I don’t mind.
I wouldn’t offer otherwise.
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (3:22 PM)
You’re drowning in voicemails, aren’t you?
April 27 at 3:25 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected]
SUBJECT: interesting developments (SEUNGMIN BUTT OUT THIS EMAIL ISN’T FOR YOU)
so tell me why i see seungminnie chatting during work hours??? with a certain receptionist?? AND he changed the chat name. TO AN INSIDE JOKE. bc what the hell does “horseradish haters” mean?? he also has a cutesy nickname: Pochacco’s #1 fanboy. and innie has a matching one about keroppi!!
fascinating stuff…. do we commence plan Get Seungmin A Boyfriend??? are we a go??
nosily,
Changbinnie
Head of Sales
April 27 at 3:27 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: interesting developments (SEUNGMIN BUTT OUT THIS EMAIL ISN’T FOR YOU)
damn man’s is whipped
also love how we have so little faith in seungminnie getting a boyfriend himself. what are friends for, if not meddling????
handsomely,
Han Jisung
Sales Representative
April 27 at 3:33 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: RE: interesting developments (SEUNGMIN BUTT OUT THIS EMAIL ISN’T FOR YOU)
PLEASE get this man a bf he needs something better to do than threaten the only thing that brings me joy in this shithole
despondently,
Lee Minho
Sales Representative
April 27 at 3:36 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: interesting developments (SEUNGMIN BUTT OUT THIS EMAIL ISN’T FOR YOU)
Hang on, Seungminnie got really mad when we meddled in his last relationship. Shouldn’t we cool it a little??? I think he and Jeongin will fall together anyway. I’m already doing my part in meddling! Stray Company is proudly funding their lunch dates.
Bad at sign offs,
Bang Chan
CEO, Stray Company
April 27 at 3:38 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: interesting developments (SEUNGMIN BUTT OUT THIS EMAIL ISN’T FOR YOU)
we only meddled bc seungmin was settling. and jeongin ISN’T settling for seungmin. if anything, the kid’s way out of his league. jeongin is my baby and he deserves the entire universe but seungmin is a decent runner up. and tbh??? seungmin’s gonna wimp out and fumble the bag. so we MUST meddle, it is our duty as friends!!
expecting full use of the company card to fund hyunbin dates now,
Hwang Hyunjin
Sales Representative
April 27 at 3:45 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected] , [email protected]
SUBJECT: HEY SNAKES
Butt out of my personal life, okay? You already ruined my last relationship and I certainly don’t need to hear your opinions on how getting a boyfriend or getting dick might make me more tolerable to be around. The fact that all of you seem to think that it’s even remotely appropriate to meddle in my private life is just so mind-bogglingly insulting that I question whether I even want any of you as friends.
So do me a favor and keep ALL discussion of me out of office communications, at least have the decency to gossip about me in a private chat that I can’t access.
Seriously, fuck all of you. Don’t talk to me for the rest of today unless it is strictly necessary to keep the company from going under.
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
April 27 at 3:54 PM
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Orders straight from the boss
Good afternoon, Jeongin,
I’ve just been informed by our CEO that we are to leave early this afternoon. Like I said, I’m not very busy and he noticed that you seem to be working too hard. So, he gave us both full clearance to take off an hour early!
Don’t worry about your phone calls and emails; our hardworking CEO said that he’d take care of them personally and leave you with a blank slate tomorrow!
Wanna go grab a coffee with our extra free time? Would love to hear your thoughts on Cinnamoroll – I mean, on the best way to sign off emails.
Am I doing this right,
Kim Seungmin
HR Specialist
CHAT WITH Kim Seungmin, Bang Chan
Bang Chan (3:57 PM)
Yeah, I guess I deserve that.
I am really sorry, Seungminnie.
We all are, it wasn’t right of us to meddle like that.
April 27 at 4:01 PM
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: Orders straight from the boss
Hi, Seungmin!
I see that Mr. Bang is copied on this email, so thank you very much, sir! I could have handled it all, I promise, but it’s very kind of you to offer.
Coffee would be great! Let me pack my stuff up and meet you up front, okay?
I’m just a receptionist I don’t know how to sign off emails yet,
Yang Jeongin
Receptionist
THANKS A LATTE COFFEE SHOP
04/27/2023 4:16 PM
DINE IN
SERVER SUNOO
1 ICED AMERICANO……………………………..$3.00
1 CAFE LATTE……………………………………$4.00
SUBTOTAL………………………………….……..$7.00
TIP 3.00
TOTAL 10.00
THANK YOU!
[a tier list scrawled on the back of a napkin, tucked into the pocket of Seungmin’s jacket]
S: Keroppi, the only and only
A: Pochacco (he’s cute, I’ll admit); Badtz-Maru (I like his vibe)
B: Pompompurin (the beret), Cinnamoroll (pretty ig)
C: Little Twin Stars (forgettable)
D: Hello Kitty (overplayed, but still cute ig)
F: My Melody (no reason?), Kuromi (try-hard)
[a note pinned to a stuffed Keroppi doll, placed on the desk of Kim Seungmin, HR Specialist]
I’ll change your mind on Keroppi yet, just wait!!!
[a note scrawled on a to-go bag, containing a singular croissant, placed on the desk of Kim Seungmin, HR Specialist]
seungminnie we’re really sorry :(
[a note attached to an iced americano, placed on the desk of Kim Seungmin, HR Specialist]
we’re not gonna meddle we swear
[a note attached to a box containing two donuts, placed on the desk of Kim Seungmin, HR Specialist]
we’re sorry!!!! but maybe this keroppi means we don’t need to meddle, huh?
Horseradish haters
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (9:02 AM)
This Keroppi doll is really cute.
Pochacco is still cuter.
Keroppi til the day I die (9:04 AM)
ahh so you like him??
i’ll bring you around to keroppi i promise
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (9:05 AM)
Hey, listen.
Through a small mishap, I might have ended up with more breakfast than I can eat.
Come to my desk?
I have a donut for you and we can split a croissant and an iced americano.
Keroppi til the day I die (9:08 AM)
omw!!!!!!!!!!
woke up late and didn’t have time to eat breakfast, you’re a life saver
birds eat bread, felix eats innie
lix (12:08 PM)
hey!! hope you’re having a good day at work
remember: 7 o’clock sharp tonight!!! double date!!!
[in a journal hidden in the deepest recesses of the desk of Kim Seungmin, HR Specialist]
Normally I’d talk this over with the guys, but they’re dead to me, so venting journal it is.
I shouldn’t be so upset over Jeongin going on a double date. But why is my first instinct to distance myself from him? We’re friends. Just because I found out that he’s not single doesn’t change any of that. Was I only trying to get closer to him to date him? No - genuinely, I really like him.
So, fine, if he’s not single, I need to grow up and not be so butthurt about it. I’m his friend first, and I’m not going to stop being friends with him just because there isn’t a chance I can get with him; that’s disgusting.
Fine. Fine. No, I’m going to be mature about this and treat him the way I always have, even if it hurts.
Horseradish haters
Keroppi til the day I die (1:42 PM)
hey sorry, i don’t mean to like… intrude…
but are you okay?
you were just kinda quiet at lunch is all
maybe you were just tired aha, it is friday after all
and we’ve been eating lunch together every day, probably we just ran out of stuff to talk about hahaha
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (1:52 PM)
Sorry, I’m all good!
And yeah, it’s not you, really.
Just Friday, you know? Long week.
Any plans for this weekend?
Keroppi til the day I die (1:56 PM)
nothing big!!
probably should clean my apartment… ah….
grocery shopping….
you?
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (1:58 PM)
Same here.
I’m a homebody, really.
Keroppi til the day I die (2:00 PM)
ah, funny, me too!!
Keroppi til the day I die (2:12 PM)
we match really well together, hyung, right?
like… our personalities fit well haha
sorry if that’s weird to say, it’s a slow afternoon and i’m bored
just thinking too much ig
Pochacco’s #1 fanboy (2:14 PM)
No, I get it.
It’s slow back here, too.
3 more hours!!
Keroppi til the day I die (2:23 PM)
hey if you’re not like busy this weekend we should do something together. i’ll pay haha
[message canceled; not delivered]
[erase message? ✔ ❌]
[message erased]
April 28 at 4:46 PM
FROM: [email protected]
TO: ALL
SUBJECT: Have a great weekend!
Hey, team!
Here’s the weekly sign off email from yours truly. Thanks for another great week here at Stray Company! Stars of the week include Sales Manager Seo Changbin who noticed a very large discrepancy in our reporting numbers. Thanks for your attention to detail, Changbinnie! Additionally, huge shoutout to our new receptionist Yang Jeongin! It was a tough adjustment, but Jeongin came in with a positive attitude and a fantastic work ethic. Your hard work is not going unnoticed!
Anyway, this email is hitting your inboxes a little before 5:00 today, which means as soon as you see this, you’re free to start your weekend. Hope it’s great as always, and I’ll look forward to seeing everyone’s smiling faces Monday at 9:00 at the latest!
Let’s make next week just as great, if not better!
Thanks again,
Bang Chan
CEO, Stray Company
April 28 at 4:48 PM
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: Have a great weekend!
i’d respect it a lot more if you’d tell us that the reason you’re itching to get out of here early is because you have a hot date tonight
hope he cares more about riches than height,
Lee Minho
Sales Representative
birds eat bread, felix eats innie
innie (6:54 PM)
hey, gonna be a few minutes late most likely
((it’s bc i don’t wanna go))
lix (6:56 PM)
that’s not a very good first impression
and what if this guy murders me in the first few minutes of the date?? huh??
innie (6:57 PM)
then i’ll shake his hand for sparing me an awful evening
lix (6:57 PM)
negative nancy
innie (7:14 PM)
lix holy shit i CANNOT do this
that’s my fucking BOSS
like… barely even
he’s so high up the ladder i can’t even see him
SEVERAL rungs
the fucking CEO
lix (7:16 PM)
you didn’t tell me your boss was a hunk!!!!
or australian!!!!!!!
innie (7:16 PM)
I DIDN’T KNOW!!!
please just let me leave, i am like 96% sure he doesn’t wanna wear your skin as a suit
lix (7:18 PM)
he’s asking where you went 🥺🥺
he’s WORRIED about you 🥺🥺
all “does he have food poisoning, you think?”
he gives you the COMPANY CARD to go get lunch??????
fuck innie i’m in love
innie (7:19 PM)
i think i can crawl out of the window in the bathroom and run for it
lix (7:19 PM)
innie don’t!!! i’m coming!!
friends who work together wanna die together 😁
kangaroo (7:18 PM)
right so interesting development on my date
catboy cat dad (7:18 PM)
he’s your long-lost cousin
#1 office visual (7:18 PM)
he catfished you
jutdae (7:18 PM)
he only wants you for your money
no wait that’s believable
kangaroo (7:19 PM)
stop guessing!!
no but
jeongin’s here
catboy cat dad (7:19 PM)
you’re on a date with jeongin???
receptionist jeongin???
real-life fairytale prince (7:19 PM)
if you hurt him i’ll kill you
kangaroo (7:20 PM)
no no it’s his friend i’m on the date with
felix is his name
and jeongin saw it was me and ran to the bathroom
poor kid
#1 office visual (7:20 PM)
i don’t blame him
it must be like seeing your teacher at the mall or something
jutdae (7:21 PM)
sorry why did your date bring a friend to tag along???
catboy cat dad (7:21 PM)
prolly in case channie wanted to murder him or something
you can never be too safe
real-life fairytale prince (7:21 PM)
hey
so i’m not meddling
but i know kim seungmin is sitting here lurking, reading these messages without responding
and i also know the restaurant you went to for your date because you specifically wanted to make sure it “wasn’t too fancy”
and i also happen to know that one kim seungmin lives nearby
so like… so jeongin’s not third-wheeling…
KIM SEUNGMIN
#1 office visual (7:22 PM)
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (7:22 PM)
i’m not going to crash channie’s date
#1 office visual (7:22 PM)
wow it really does summon you
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (7:23 PM)
i was reading the chat moron
and i’m not going down to this restaurant to what?? keep jeongin company
he said he had a double date, anyway, earlier today
not that he was third wheeling
kangaroo (7:23 PM)
well………..
so don’t be mad at me
but i kind of already told felix that i had a friend who was coming but he’s running late
just now i did
and he seemed really excited
and jeongin looks kind of terrified
please come???
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (7:24 PM)
sigh
fuck you
let me put on real pants
kangaroo (7:25 PM)
great!!!
we’re going to a noraebang after, you like those
and jeongin says he likes singing too so it’s perfect!!!!
dog (real) ((meong meong)) (7:26 PM)
you owe me
but i’m on my way
real-life fairytale prince (7:28 PM)
i’m not meddling
but i expect LIVE UPDATES
channie don’t disappoint me
birds eat bread, felix eats innie
innie (7:25 PM)
hyung i want to LEAVE
not be dragged around on your date with my BOSS
and i don’t want an actual double date please!!!!
lix (7:26 PM)
oh hush it’ll be good for you
and his friend’s already on the way he said!!
you haven’t been on a date since your last breakup, you should get back out there
innie (7:26 PM)
this sucks
innie (10:47 PM)
hyung!!!!
tjis is so much fun!!!!!
have i told u i lobe y
lix (10:53 PM)
drink water drunky!!!!
channie’s taaking me hime
r u good?
innie (10:55 PM)
ya ya
seungminie and i are on th train
giggling lots
but idr what about
lix (10:56 PM)
txt me when ur home!!!!!
innie (11:17 PM)
home!!!
or
suengmin’s home
lix (11:20 PM)
scandalous
drink water!!!!!!!!!!
CHAT WITH Seungmin
Saturday, April 29, 2023
Jeongin (10:34 AM)
hey can you pick up tylenol at the store too??
my head’s killing me
Seungmin (10:36 AM)
it should be, you were very drunk
but also very cute
i’m no chef so…
is it ok if i get a readymade breakfast at the store? ㅠㅠ
Jeongin (10:37 AM)
yes yes that’s fine
then laze around the rest of the day??
i might puke if i go on the train rn
Seungmin (10:40 AM)
works for me
CHAT WITH Seungmin
Sunday, April 30, 2023
[Jeongin has changed the chat name: Horseradish haters after work]
[Jeongin has changed name: only cool people like keroppi]
Seungmin (8:43 PM)
you loser what is this
how dare you give me the best dick of my life and then pull this shit
you’re so cute
[Seungmin has changed name: pochacco (real) ((meong meong))]
only cool people like keroppi (8:37 PM)
sorry, needed something to do on my walk to the station
and wow i’m flattered
pochacco (real) ((meong meong)) (8:38 PM)
don’t let it go to your head, really
but the hip thing? wow
only cool people like keroppi (8:40 PM)
too late, it’s gone to my head
i’m a god
but like also
your lips
can’t stop thinking about them
pochacco (real) ((meong meong)) (8:41 PM)
you should come back and spend the night again
only cool people like keroppi (8:43 PM)
can’t, don’t have any work clothes :(
maybe tomorrow night??
is it ok after work?? on a work night??
pochacco (real) ((meong meong)) (8:45 PM)
well i don’t wanna wait until next weekend
only cool people like keroppi (8:46 PM)
ok good
me neither :)
[a note attached to a Pochacco plushie, left on the desk of Yang Jeongin, receptionist]
I still believe in Pochacco superiority, so let’s just agree to disagree. I keep Keroppi, you keep Pochacco. Deal?
Horseradish haters
Keroppi til the day I die (9:01 AM)
deal :)
NOTICE OF CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP
To be completed under the supervision of the Human Resources Department
This written statement does hereby notify STRAY COMPANY that KIM SEUNGMIN, HR SPECIALIST and YANG JEONGIN, RECEPTIONIST at STRAY COMPANY that they have entered into a voluntary and willing, mutual social relationship. We thereby understand that:
- This relationship is mutual and voluntary.
- Either party is free to end the relationship at any time for any reason.
- Should the relationship end, it will not impact our working relationship for the benefit of STRAY COMPANY.
- We will maintain professional conduct in the workplace.
- We have been notified of the sexual harassment policy in place at STRAY COMPANY.
Employee A sign: Kim Seungmin
Employee A date: 05/01/2023
Employee B sign: Yang Jeongin
Employee B date: 05/01/2023
NEW CHAT
Bang Chan started a new chat.
Bang Chan added Kim Seungmin to the chat.
Bang Chan added Yang Jeongin to the chat.
Bang Chan (10:08 AM)
So what’s this on my desk??
A notice of consensual relationship… hmm….
Kim Seungmin (10:10 AM)
Oh my god you’re embarrassing.
Just shut up.
And don’t tell anyone yet.
Gossipy old hag.
Yang Jeongin (10:11 AM)
Um… we’re not in trouble, right??
Kim Seungmin (10:12 AM)
No, he just has to be annoying about it.
Bang Chan (10:15 AM)
Is it okay if I frame this?
Kim Seungmin (10:16 AM)
No.
Yang Jeongin (10:16 AM)
No.
Kim Seungmin (10:20 AM)
Jesus, Chan, just keep it out of the other groupchat until I go home for the day?? Please??
You owe me remember
Bang Chan (10:23 AM)
Fine but they’re going to be really obnoxious about it tomorrow.
Kim Seungmin (10:25 AM)
I’ll threaten the Internet filter again, that usually works.
Bang Chan (10:25 AM)
Evil genius.
Horseradish haters after work
Monday, May 1, 2023
pochacco (real) ((meong meong)) (4:58 PM)
hey i’m out front
you should hurry up if we wanna get out of here before channie tells everyone
let’s deal with it tomorrow, yeah?
only cool people like keroppi (4:59 PM)
yeah, sorry, logging out now!
what do you wanna do for dinner?
pochacco (real) ((meong meong)) (4:59 PM)
let’s worry about dinner later, yeah?
i have something more pressing on my mind
something i’ve been thinking about most of the day
only cool people like keroppi (5:00 PM)
the hip thing?
pochacco (real) ((meong meong)) (5:00 PM)
the hip thing
only cool people like keroppi (5:01 PM)
RUNNING down the stairs rn!!!
friends who work together wanna die together 😁
jutdae (5:05 PM)
did i just glimpse….
seungminnie and jeongin….
walking away from the office together…
holding hands????
real-life fairytale prince (5:05 PM)
WHAT
#1 office visual (5:05 PM)
WHAT
kangaroo (5:07 PM)
oh, yeah, work’s over
so i have something to tell you guys….