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I looked down at the bloodied lavender petals in my hand. It’s been 1 year since I, Hana Sato, was forced to marry Kyoya Ootori. It’s been 3 months since I contracted Hanahaki disease. I was in love with Kyoya Ootori. He will never love me back. These were the cold, hard truths I had to face. I took out my medicines and gulped them down to calm the rose bush growing in my lungs, but it couldn't cure the underlying pain in my heart.
We entered this arrangement for our parents' satisfaction, agreeing that this was nothing more than a marriage of convenience. But somewhere along the way, my heart betrayed me, and I fell deeply in love with Kyoya. Even though I try every day to be the 'ideal wife' hoping that Kyoya will fall for me the way I have for him, I know deep down that he would never return my affections.
“Are you alright dear? You’ve been in there for a while.” called out a stoic, fruity voice from the hall. I wash the blood and petals off my hands and let out a strangled breath. “Nothing, Kyoya! Just plating our dinner!” How the fuck did I fall in love with him?
As I served our dinner, silence stretched out between us, suffocating me. All I wanted was to let my feelings flow out right now, I wanted to tell him everything, just to rid myself of this deep ache. I look up from my plate to look at Kyoya. He looks distracted, lost in his thoughts. I wonder what is going on in his mind. Sometimes I wish I could crawl into his mind, and explore it with nothing stopping me because god knows he never tells me shit. I'm tempted to ask him what he's thinking, but I don't trust myself to tell him anything right now.
We continued to eat, without exchanging a word, and as we finished eating, he retreated into his office without a word. I enter the kitchen to wash the dishes. I let out a deep breath as I scrub the dishes mindlessly, letting my thoughts wander. I know to tell him about my feelings at some point. But how would I even go about doing that? How would he even react? Would he hate me? File for divorce? Or is he capable of loving me back? I shake myself out of my stupor, before placing the clothes on the drying rack and stretching. Damn I'm beat. I should get to bed.
As I make my way to our bedroom I hear coughing in the bathroom. Is Kyoya sick? I make my way to the bathroom. “Shit. I forgot my pills today.” Pills? Kyoya doesn't take any pills. As I open the door I say, “Kyo? Are you fine dea-!” There he was Kyoya, in the bathroom, coughing up bloodied petals of white roses into the sink. He has... Hanahaki? Does this mean he actually loves me back?!
“This isn’t what you think it is. I can explain.”
“Oh Kyoya there's no need to explain! I know what happened.”
“You.. do?”
“Truth is… I have Hanahaki too. I didn't want to burden you with this, but I have to tell you. I love you too, Kyoya! I've fallen for you deeply!” I the words tumble out of my mouth as I surge forward. Oh, I can't wait to finally kiss him!
I see him say something but all I hear is my heart pounding in my ears as I cup his face and kiss him. But as I pull away, we both continue to cough up petals. “What? It should be gone. Why do we still have Hanahaki?” I look at Kyoya and as a guilty look crosses his face. My veins go cold as I realize.
"You don't love me, do you?" I choked out, my voice a mix of betrayal and sorrow.
“No. No, I do not.”
“Who is it? Who’s the lucky girl?” My voice sounds foreign to me, bitter and strangled. He lets out a shaky breath.
“I never wanted to hurt you.”
We stood in silence for a while. How bad could it be? Is it his secretary? My sister? My mom? “Spit it out. How bad could it be?” He looks down, takes in a shaky breath, and looks back up into my eyes. His stoic facade was slightly cracking and I see a glimpse of.. fear? Shame? Why is he feeling any of this? It's not like we were actually together. It's not like I should actually love him.
“It is not a… woman.”
Oh. Oh… It’s a guy? Suddenly a lot of things about him make sense. My brain goes to every time we meet how disinterested he looked. The way he seemed distracted as if his mind was elsewhere. A light bulb goes off in my brain. His friendship with a certain someone stood out from the rest. Since we were in Ouran you could see his pining. I see now what was special about it. I feel a sad smile cross my face as I look up at Kyoya. Do I even need to ask when it's written plainly on his face?
“The guy. He's Tamaki isn’t he?”