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The collar of Mafuyu’s shirt is bothering her. She wants to unbutton the top of the dress shirt, but Mizuki yelled at her and smacked her hand away in the taxi on the way to the gallery. Something about needing to keep it buttoned because she was wearing a tie.
A waiter offers her a flute of champagne, and she takes it just to have something to do with her hands. The guests are all dressed in elegant pieces and her partners have done the same. Even before they left, Mafuyu couldn’t take her eyes off of Kanade in her lilac dress, her white hair gathered into an extravagant updo that had taken Mizuki an hour at least. Mafuyu watched intensely as they curled every piece of heavy hair, just to scrunch it up and tuck it into place. Mizuki then also curled a few pieces of her hair, but just for definition. Her newly cut bob was a lot easier to upkeep than her long hair ever was.
Mafuyu spots Mizuki across the room, their banter loud and rising over the crowd. They’re wearing pink, of course, a dark pencil skirt and blouse. They said something about wanting to look “business casual,” but something told Mafuyu that the outrageous heels they paired with the ensemble were the exact opposite.
Of course, the star of the show is Ena, who is standing nervously beside a portrait of herself. She’s entertaining a small crowd of critics, her warm eyes looking between each of them and listening to the various critiques and praises alike. Mafuyu knows that she has a massive mental list scrolling through her mind, but she has yet to yell at any of them. That means it has to be going well.
Mafuyu is about to cross the gallery space to stand next to Kanade when someone stands deliberately in her way.
Mafuyu freezes in place, nearly dropping the glass where she’s standing.
“Mafuyu.”
“Mother,” Mafuyu says in an even tone, before dipping straight back into her old cadence, “How are you?”
She feels all of her growth shrivel up in those three words. Suddenly she’s the good girl who wants to please everyone around her. The world tilts.
Mafuyu hasn’t seen her mother in three years.
It’s a long time, she knows, but she burned the bridge and couldn’t look back. She remembers writing to her a few times, but she never got a response. She never gave her mother her address and eventually her phone number changed.
Her mother aged. She looks older, but she dresses the same. She’s wearing a blouse, her hair tied back into a sleek bun. Mafuyu sips the champagne, letting her mother get in the first word. She has nothing to say.
“I saw that your friend had gotten into the gallery in the newspaper,” her mother says. She, too, is speaking with an even tone, not betraying any emotion or motivation. “I wondered if you would be here.”
Mafuyu nods slowly, trying to look over her mother’s shoulder and to Mizuki. Mizuki is not paying attention. So, she just pretends she’s talking to them and not her mother, so that traitorous voice of hers doesn’t return. “Ena worked really hard to get this spot. She was driving me mad, staying up late when I had work in the morning.”
She didn’t want to tell her mother how proud she was of Ena. That feeling was intensely personal. After so many years of numbing all feelings and opinions, she spent long hours staring at the paintings in Ena’s collection. They brought out both the best and worst things she’s ever felt stir in her heart.
Mizuki still isn’t looking at her. Her heart is screaming out, but she supposes she’s difficult to pick out in a crowd.
She reminds herself to stand taller.
“I see. You still live together?” Mafuyu’s mother asks.
Mafuyu nods, not giving too much away. Her mother always disliked the three of them. They were the ones that tore her away from the right path, after all. She presses her lips together.
Her mother’s eyes drift down to the glass in her hand. Mafuyu is about to point her in the direction of the waiter, when she realizes with a pang what her mother is actually looking at.
Mafuyu’s engagement ring is on full display, the diamond reflecting the overhead lights of the gallery. Her mother’s face flushes, and she can feel the anger and confusion on the tip of her tongue. Her mother is going to say something rude. She can feel it. She’s waiting for the comment to land, giving up on Mizuki coming to the rescue.
“Who are you--”
“Mafuyu.” Instead, Kanade is her savior. She comes over, linking her arm through hers and pulling her close. “Ena’s thank you is about to start, she wants us to…”
She trails off, her smile melting off her face as she recognizes the person Mafuyu is talking to.
“Hello, Kanade.”
Mafuyu is surprised that her mother even says hello.
“Hello,” Kanade says. She looks like she’s about to say more to her mother, but she instead looks up at Mafuyu with the sweetest smile that brings a moment of warmth back into the room. “Shall we?”
“It was nice seeing you,” Mafuyu says. It wasn’t, but it’s the polite thing to do.
Kanade turns with her and Mafuyu’s mother clearly doesn’t know what else to say.
“Thank you,” Mafuyu mutters, quickly downing the rest of the champagne in her cup, letting the bubbles clear her mind.
“Are you okay?” Kanade asks.
“I don’t know,” Mafuyu says. She just shakes her head. “It’s Ena’s moment, can we talk about this later?”
“Of course.” Kanade runs her hand up and down Mafuyu’s arm. She has an apologetic smile, even though her mind is spinning behind her kind eyes. Mafuyu worried her. She feels a little guilty, but all is distracted when Ena comes up to them.
“I’m going to throw up,” she says under her breath, her nails digging into the palms of her hand. “I didn’t think this many people would come.”
“Everyone that I’ve talked to has nothing but good things to say,” Kanade assures, taking her hand and gently getting her to release the tension in it. They are also wearing their engagement rings, and the same can be said about Mizuki, who joins them shortly after.
“What did I miss?” Mizuki kids, straightening Ena’s part in a single swoop. Ena looks like she’s about to kill them, but her face softens when Mizuki speaks again. “We’re by your side, love. The only thing you have to do is a quick introduction to the exhibit.”
“You’re right.” Ena takes a deep breath, telling herself, “This is what you’ve been waiting for.”
One of the directors of the gallery gathers the crowd and Mafuyu closes her eyes for a moment. She can feel Ena’s anxiety as well as Kanade’s concern. Even Mizuki has a nervous air around them even though they appear calm and collected. Mafuyu, too, feels a tight sensation in her chest. She doesn’t think it has anything to do with the art gallery.
“--Shinonome Ena.”
Mafuyu starts paying attention, clapping along with the crowd that has gathered to hear about the art. She stands next to Ena and her girlfriends facing the crowd. She watches Ena carefully as she greets the guests, politely thanking them for coming to the opening.
“The main pieces of this exhibit are a four-part series of portraits meant to capture moments of teenage life. For me, much of my adolescence was choked by social media and the expectations that plague modern society, and that’s when I began work on my self portrait. I didn’t begin there, however.” Ena pauses. She’s doing a good job, Mafuyu is glad even though she’ll have to spend the rest of the evening trying to convince her of that simple fact. “My inspiration began with my partners. The four of us met while in high school, and at first we hid ourselves from one another. After months of creating music nightly, we finally began to peel back those layers of the people we presented to one another. And that’s what I wanted to capture in my pieces.”
Kanade eyes up herself on the wall, a girl lying in the middle of a darkened room, sheet music slowly replacing all of the furniture in the room. The wires of her headphone have bound her wrists. She doesn’t look at the viewer, rather her eyes are set in line with her computer.
Mafuyu doesn’t like thinking too hard on who Ena wanted to portray her trying to reach.
“Part of me wanted to present this collection as unknown teenagers, but I think they’re a little too recognizable--” the crowd laughs at her comment, Mizuki pointing back and forth between them and their own portrait, mouthing I don’t see the resemblance .
Mizuki’s is pretty and pink, like them, but once Mafuyu slows down to look at the details, everything seems a little wrong. The pretty ribbons of their dress are actually restraining them, their hair is falling out of their updo, and their eyes are filled with tears despite their smile.
All four of them are standing next to Ena’s portrait, which is a close up of her face, with the overlay of a smartphone camera drawn painstakingly in. Ena critiqued those as little icons as much as her own countenance in the mirror. Mafuyu never understands what it’s like to stand in front of the mirror and hate so much.
Mafuyu stops listening to Ena’s well-written speech when she catches sight of her mother standing under Mafuyu’s own portrait. In it, her lifeless eyes are the highlight of the piece. The painted Mafuyu is smiling, but for the first time she understood what her partners meant by it not reaching her eyes. It’s an unsettling portrait and the most life-like. She’s wearing headphones, a collar being clicked around her neck by an anonymous pair of hands.
Mafuyu wonders if her mother recognizes her own hands, or if the painting is nothing but abstract. Her therapist told once that abusers tend not to recognize themselves as an abuser at all. In their mind, all their actions were for a reason
Ena’s speech is practiced, awkward at moments, but it adds to the charm. Mafuyu doesn’t want Ena to be pristine, she likes that she accidentally mutters curses in between her curated lines.
The speech ends and the sizable crowd returns to exploring the gallery, moving on to the next exhibit where a new artist would speak about their work. The crowd floods like a river in the opposite direction, a few lingering to speak with Ena.
Mafuyu can’t breathe by the time her mother is seeking her out in the crowd, gripping onto Mizuki’s hand like they can save her. She’s ready to be reprimanded in front of a group of people, in a fancy dress setting, no less.
When Mizuki’s hand fails to comfort her, she decides she needs to prove something, so she places her hands on Ena’s cheeks and kisses her. Ena’s shaking and Mafuyu knows people are watching them, but she’s scared. Scared that her mother will be able to sanitize this image of her.
“M-mafuyu,” Ena spits out. “What’s up with you?”
As if on cue, her mother arrives to their little group. Mafuyu freezes, still clutching onto Ena.
“Amazing job on your show… your art is very beautiful.”
“Thank you,” Ena says, her voice dry. She doesn’t hesitate when she sees who it is. “Do me a favor and don’t talk to my partner.”
“It’s okay,” Mafuyu says. It isn’t, but watching Ena inspired her. “Mom. You know them already, but these are my fiancees--Ena, Kanade, and Mizuki. Our wedding is this year.”
Her mother nods, as if considering the information. “Congratulations, Mafuyu. We missed you.”
She doesn’t know how much of it is true, but she catches Mizuki’s eyes. They smile at her. Mafuyu is waiting for her mother to follow up the compliment with something to tear her down as usual, but it doesn’t come.
Mafuyu can’t stop herself, she wants to scream but it just comes out in a blur of self-observation and bragging. She needs her mother to understand that her life is better than it ever was--it’s not perfect, she still has moments of staring out into the void, but she has so much more. Mafuyu knows some things that she likes, things that she hates. She loves deeply and she’s free to have her own opinions.
“We still make music… Kanade does so full-time. We create beautiful songs. I’ve been working as a nurse as well, I quit going for my doctorate. I help people and I love my job…” Kanade takes her hand, easing the panic out of her voice. “Mizuki helped me buy clothes that fit me… and brought me to cut my hair and--” Mafuyu takes a deep breath, knowing that she’s on the verge of tears. It’s a strange, awful feeling. She’s fighting something so ingrained in her past, etched into the structure that made her herself .
“I’m not pretending anymore, mother,” she whispers, tears falling down her cheeks--mortification, another feeling born anew. “I listen to myself. My partners listen to me.”
She watches her mothers face carefully, Kanade’s hand grounding her to reality. Her mother’s face sharpens for a second, until it morphs into something much sadder. A little lonely.
Her mother reaches out for a second as if to touch her, but she jolts her hand back at the last moment.
“I don’t think there’s anything I can say right now that will make things better.” Her mother’s voice is barely over a whisper. “You’re in good hands now, I can see. Capable hands.”
Mafuyu is still crying, her mother’s words washing over her.
“You know where to find me, what our number is,” her mother continues. “I invite all four of you over for dinner. Mafuyu… I’m proud of you.” She turns to Kanade, looking her in the eyes. “Take good care of my daughter, please.”
Her mother doesn’t stay to look at the other exhibits, she turns on her heels and walks straight for the doors.
Mafuyu is frozen to the ground. Her partners all ask if she’s okay, but she can’t stop crying. Mizuki pulls tissues from their purse, holding them up to her eyes and dabbing them away. The strange part about her feelings is that while they were all intense, they weren’t all negative . For the first time in her life her mother didn’t try to put words in her mouth.
By the time she catches her breath, all three of her partners are still at her side, sadly looking at her and rubbing her back.
“Ena, go network,” is the first thing she says, which brings a scowl to her fiancee’s face.
“That’s not important right now!”
Mafuyu nods slowly, before shaking her head. “This is important to you. Your presentation was so good,” Mafuyu says, remembering she had yet to praise her. “I’m… okay.”
“That’s why it’s good to be a polycule, c’mon, Enanan!” Mizuki kisses Mafuyu’s forehead before grabbing Ena’s hand with a smile. “Kanade will watch Mafuyu and we will get you into the next gallery.”
“We? I can do it by myself, thank you very much.”
“You can’t.” Mizuki is pulling her away before Mafuyu can make out the end of their argument.
“Do you want to sit down?” Kanade asks.
“No, I want to keep looking at Ena’s art.”
Kanade laughs lightly and the two of them walk back up to Mizuki’s portrait together. They aren’t allowed to touch the art, but Mafuyu is close to. They’re precious to her. All three of them.
Mafuyu looks at her own portrait, the collar, her mother’s hands.
“I want us to go to dinner with my parents,” Mafuyu says. Kanade’s eyes widen, but she nods, leaning into her shoulder. “It might be stupid, but maybe as adults… things can be different.”
“And if they aren’t, you won’t be there alone.” Kanade paused, pursing her lips. “I hate watching you cry, but… it’s good to see you able to express your emotions so openly. You’ve changed.”
“So have you,” Mafuyu says. She takes a deep breath. “Let’s go see the rest of the exhibits… I heard we need to get Ena her next gig.”
Kanade’s laughter is no longer rare.