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“In the morning when I wake
Soobin could feel the warmth of the rising sun before he even opened his eyes, or maybe it was the warmth that his long-term boyfriend was emitting while sleeping just a centimetre away from him. He couldn’t help but smile sheepishly, his eyes still closed. He could feel his heart beating with a slow serene pace, and he knew if he listened closely enough he could hear the other one’s heart beating just as same. It was just how it was. “Good morning, angel face,” Yeonjun whispered, his deep morning voice suddenly filling the silent room but not breaking the frail peace that was left behind the night. Soobin felt his lover’s arms wrapping him tightly, pulling him closer to his strong body. He smelled the older’s sweet citrus scent that was saturated with his well-worn white tee. He knew, even after many long years, on his death bed, or maybe suffering from amnesia, not even knowing his own name, this scent was going to be the only thing he remembered. He just knew this sweet scent and the memory of its owner was going to be the ones that never left his mind, imprinted in there forever. “Good morning,” Soobin replied with a low voice, sleep-drunkenness still lingering. He was awake but he really didn’t want to get up just yet because of all the work that was waiting to be done. He liked staying in bed, covered with his lover’s presence and having his protective arms wrapped around him… he just wanted to enjoy this feeling a little longer. He slowly opened his eyes, just enough to see Yeonjun’s chocolatey eyes that weren’t much far away. He smiled as he sank even further down into the older one’s arms, his safe place. Their height difference never got in the way, Soobin would always find a way to make him smaller to fit in between the other’s arms. It was a habit from their childhood because he had been the smaller one since their baby ages. As years passed by and they grew up together, Soobin had gotten taller and taller and finally suppressing the older one in his senior year, but he was always going to be the naïve boy who sought comfort from Yeonjun. They both knew that, and neither seemed to be complaining about it. “What do you want to eat for breakfast, angel,” Yeonjun asked after a few seconds, his voice wasn’t above a whisper, he was loud enough just for Soobin to hear. “Anything that hyung cooks is fine,” Soobin answered, his voice getting muffled between his boyfriend’s chest. He liked the sensation because it reminded him that he was the only one to get this close to Yeonjun, close enough for his voice to resonate back at him. Yeonjun chuckled as he caressed the younger’s silky hair, he let them have their silence for another moment, just listening to the faded heartbeats. “But seriously though, dimples,” Then Yeonjun said, the doziness of the sleep was disappearing with time. “You’ve got to give it a name, so I can cook it,” He kissed the crown of the younger’s head, his lips lingering there longer even after many kisses. “Then I want blueberry pancakes,” Soobin answered the question, pulling back a little to look at his lover. The sunbeams were coming into the room from half-closed curtains and it almost look like they were forming a halo around Yeonjun. And he was the one calling Soobin an angel… Yeonjun hummed as he slowly got closer and closer until their lips touched, he didn’t kiss him right away, just waited there and enjoyed the way their lips fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw before finally giving in. And Soobin loved that, he loved that they were practically made for each other and somehow managed to find a way to spend every moment of their life together—thank God, their mothers were best friends long before they were even born. They had collected so memories over two decades together, with good sides and bad sides. Their relationship had grown with them, from something friendly to something platonic, then something romantic. They had their fights, their break-ups, and misunderstandings; their apologies, their reunions, and their make-ups. Soobin wouldn’t change a single thing about them.
“Shall I write it in a letter?
Soobin opened another box and was greeted with photo albums and many letters that he—almost—forgot about their existence. “Hyung,” He called out to the other who was currently working in the kitchen, placing down the rest of the dishes that they couldn’t finish yesterday. “Hyung, come here,” He repeated a little louder this time, realizing the older couldn’t hear him with all of that clanking noise. Almost two seconds later Yeonjun appeared on the door frame of their living room, a little confused with the sudden call. “What happened,” He asked as he stepped inside the room, sitting next to the taller body on the floor. “What is it, sweetheart?” After spending more than twenty years together you could’ve thought that Soobin had gotten used to all of the pet names that Yeonjun loved to voice out loud a lot. But no, even after that many years Soobin still got all the butterflies inside his gut every time. “Look what I found,” Soobin replied, dismissing the fuzzy feeling and pointing at the solid form of their old memories. “I almost forgot that I packed all of them.” Yeonjun reached out to the photo album that stood on top of the stack, taking a few letters as well. “I can’t believe you still keep them,” He said while opening the first letter. “Of course, I will,” Soobin protested, leaning closer to his boyfriend and resting his chin on his shoulder. “Almost all of our lives are here,” He added as he skimmed the letter, and as soon as he realized which one is that the embarrassment started to rise from his stomach. “Oh my God,” Yeonjun said, taking away the letter before Soobin could snitch it. “Is this the infamous love letter you never gave it to me?” “Hyung, I was thirteen,” Soobin whined while he was trying his best to take the letter back. He didn’t know why it was there, right above all of the other love notes they had shared through the years. He didn’t even know why he kept it for this long—but he had said it, it was a part of their lives and he just couldn’t throw away his first love confession, even if he regretted that he didn’t so much now. “ ‘I may never be able to tell you these but you really have no idea how much I love your eyes, hyung. They’re like little universes that I discover each time I look into them and get lost even deeper each time. You’re—‘ ” Yeonjun started to read some parts out loud as he was trying to hold back his laughter. “Please, stop,” Soobin jumped at his boyfriend, tackling both of them down and eventually succeeding to take the letter away from him. He was sure his ears were as red as a tomato, but seeing Yeonjun’s shiny eyes and hearing his joyful laugh he thought that maybe it was all worth it. Yeonjun had opened his mouth to say something when the upbeat pop song that was playing through their bluetooth speaker changed into a slow alternative indie song. It was one of the cons of having a shared playlist, you’d never know what song was coming after one. The older one smiled, and held the other one by his waist, gently pulling him down. Now their chests were touching, noses were just a few centimetres away from each other. They breathed the same air while listening to the same song, looking into each other’s eyes, mesmerized. “I love it, sunshine,” Then Yeonjun whispered, his lips grazing over the others'. “You don’t have to be shy about it.” To be honest, Soobin knew. But he was never good with his words, he never fully knew how he could convey the overflowing love he had for Yeonjun. That was why he had tried to write it down, only to find himself fighting with the nonexistent words to describe his feelings. That was the reason he never gave that love letter even though he wanted to confess so much, it had so many words clumsily written, but it didn’t feel complete. Even ‘till this day, he had so much to say about his love that didn’t know how. Soobin rested his head on his boyfriend’s chest, his heartbeats could be heard right above his ear. He closed his eyes as he started to hum the melody of the song, it was one of his favourites since it was the closest way to make his love perceptible—he thought it was a miracle when he had found the song. It was just that intimate and warm feeling that covered his chest when he was around Yeonjun, and he desperately hoped that his lover could feel that cosy feeling every time he played this song.
“Can I take it to a morning
Soobin poured them sikhye as Yeonjun prepared the table. It was late afternoon on a beautiful warm summer day, so they decided to come down to the garden of their small suburban house and use the picnic table that was already there. “Thank you, love,” Yeonjun said when Soobin passed him the mug. Soobin replied to him with a sincere smile, They enjoyed the fresh summer zephyr and the chirps of various birds around the field, sometimes gals of laughter could be heard from afar, letting them know they weren’t the only ones who were enjoying the comfy afternoon. They ate dinner in familiar silence that never felt awkward. Sometimes people wouldn’t understand why they sat next to each other without saying anything. You’re a couple, they’d said, why aren’t you talking to each other? And Soobin would just smile, not bothering to explain. Because how could he tell them that sometimes they just wanted to appreciate each other’s company without needing to talk about anything? It wasn’t like they just didn’t know what to talk about, Gosh, they could talk about anything and everything if they wanted. No, it wasn’t the lack of communication or the boredom of each other. Soobin would call these moments “their bubble” where they could admire their undying love without any disturbance. After they finished the dinner Soobin tented the garden since he didn’t want to clear the table at the moment. Because he knew if he cleared the table he had to go inside the house and wash the dishes, then he had to put away the clean dishes with the other recently unpacked ones. And then he had to do the laundry because moving out in summer surely made sweaty clothes pile up inside the basket. If he had the chance he wanted to snooze those chores a little longer and enjoy the evening breeze on his face. He wasn’t being lazy, it was just that today’s evening was so beautiful. Soobin saw the young tree that felt nostalgic with the memory of the day it was planted. He smiled thinking back to the day when he was seven and came here to visit Yeonjun. He remembered the older’s grandfather giving them an oak sapling and telling them to plant it anywhere they wanted. After almost seventeen years the tree hadn’t reached its’ adult phase but Soobin knew it was growing up strongly, taking its roots for long long years to stay. Maybe that was why Soobin adored this tree so much, aside from the memories it somehow gave him the assurance that it was going to stay there for centuries. Even after he and Yeonjun died, even after a few generations passed, this tree was still going to be here with all of its glory. It was going to be the reminder that somewhere in the afterlife, even though Soobin was no longer earthly present, he still loves Yeonjun. Soobin felt Yeonjun holding his hand and tugging him to himself, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Darling,” Yeonjun breathed while he let their faces rest close to each other, leading their bodies to sway with the breeze. “Dance with me.” “But there is no music playing,” Soobin protested, but still let his boyfriend take the lead. “People will call us crazy if they see us like this,” He chuckled as he closed his eyes and leaned closer. He really didn’t care. Yeonjun caressed the younger’s back, planted a tiny kiss on his temple. “The only music we need is inside of our hearts,” He replied with a low voice. “Cheesy,” Soobin mocked his boyfriend, but somehow liking it at the same time. It was just how his boyfriend was, and he loved him in that way. “Do you want to go to the grocery shop tomorrow,” After a few seconds of silence Yeonjun asked. “I heard from ajumma that they brought sweet juicy watermelons,” He added while he backed up a little to look at Soobin. “Just like how you like them,” He whispered with a kiss landing on Soobin’s nose. Oh, he knew Soobin would never tell no to that offer. “Of course, I want to go,” Soobin answered anyway. “But we’ll buy two.” Yeonjun chuckled, nodding. Then he hugged his boyfriend, tightly like he didn’t want him to go just yet although the chores were waiting for them. “Anything for my baby,” He whispered right next to his ear then, leaving another tiny kiss there. Soobin knew the oak tree they had planted sixteen and half a year ago was going to be there while they created much more memories like this.
“When the evening pulls the sun down
Soobin was playing with the collar of his boyfriend’s white tee, lulling himself to sleep. It was quiet outside since the countryside fold ended their days before the clock hit eleven, it already showed two at night. “Bin-ah,” Yeonjun whispered, breaking the silence of their large but cosy bedroom. Soobin replied with a hum, letting him know he was listening. But something in his boyfriend’s voice made him feel uneasy, maybe it was the way Yeonjun sounded nervous for their casual late night conversation. He lifted his head and looked at the older one, now under the silvery dim light of the moon he could see the way his eyebrows were a little more closer together than usual. “Binnie, are you mad at me for dragging you down here with me?” Before even Soobin could ask what was wrong Yeonjun asked, catching him totally off-guard. “Hyung, what are you talking about,” Soobin asked, baffled. The little sleep he was gathering before disappearing with the sudden question. “What do you mean by ‘dragging me down here’?” Soobin admitted that it was a tough call to decide to move to Boseong after living in Seoul for so many years, just leaving his rushed city life there to start a calm country lifestyle here. He had to think about carefully it when his boyfriend opened up the matter a year ago. But it was what he had decided after all, he was well aware that he could have chosen to stay in Seoul, Yeonjun never forced him to come here to help him take over his grandparents’ farm. He wanted to come, not because he was afraid that they’d lose what they had—he knew no matter what they’d always find a way to work it out. He wanted to come because Yeonjun needed him just as much as he needed Yeonjun. “Hyung, I wanted to come here, with you,” Soobin said, pressing his hand onto the older’s chest lightly. “I’m afraid that I’ve ruined your future plans,” Yeonjun spoke, he didn’t look at the other one like he was ashamed of himself. Soobin never had a solid one, to begin with, he didn’t know what he wanted to do after he graduated. He was probably going to take a gap year anyway, trying to find the road he wanted to take. Heck, Yeonjun had come up with a perfect proposal that time, giving him a path to try on even though it was just as unclear for him. But even in this hazy future bundle, there was only one crystal clear and certain thing he was sure of: being with Yeonjun. That was why he regretted nothing, he was even more than happy to be here with the love of his life. They were starting a new chapter of their life here, together like always. Yeonjun was going to take over the family business that his uncles—and even his father—refused to do so, and Soobin knew how brave it was of him. And he knew he didn’t want to leave his boyfriend alone in that, he had to be here as well. Maybe he didn’t know what he was going to do here for himself, but this was a new place to discover. Maybe he’d find what he was looking for after all. “Hyung,” Soobin said as he fully turned to his boyfriend, now laying on top of him, chin resting on his chest. Finally, he succeeded to make eye contact. “I hope you know how proud I am of you to take the role even fifty-year-old men were too scared to accept,” He smiled, really wishing he managed to convey his feelings to the older and erase those insecurities he had. “You know you didn’t drag me here, I chose to come with you, to be with you, to help you, to support you,” Soobin kissed his boyfriend’s chin a few times. He hated the idea of Yeonjun blaming himself for this. “And you didn’t ruin anything for me, my future plan has always been to stay next to you.” Yeonjun’s eyes were glistering, a relieved smile appearing on his plump lips. He tightened his grip around the taller body, pulling him closer as their lips met the half way. It was just pure love that they shared with that kiss. “I’m thankful to all the gods for giving you to me,” Yeonjun whispered when they parted, faces still so close to each other that their noses were touching. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, my love.” Soobin smiled, burying his face in the older’s neck with his eyes closed. “I love you, too,” was all that he could say even though there were so many other things he wanted to express. He hated how there weren’t enough words to say them. “I love you so much.”
“Can I be close to you?”
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