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“I feel disgusting,” Was what Chuuya said as he closed the door to the safehouse. Waiting for them was a small cabin with tinted windows. Inside were only three rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom. Chuuya immediately made his way to the bedroom as Dazai trailed behind him.
“You look disgusting too,” Dazai dodged a half-hearted kick. Though, from Chuuya, something half-hearted was still capable of tearing off a limb. “But that’s normal.”
“Maybe I’d feel better if your plans didn’t always end with me covered in blood.”
“Maybe my plans wouldn’t end that way if you weren’t such a brutish chibi~”
“Can’t you find something else to do that isn’t annoying as hell right now?”
“But you're so fun to annoy!” Chuuya rolled his eyes and looked through the selection of clothes available. Given that the safehouse was one which only the two of them visited, it was easy to find something to replace his current bloodied outfit. “Besides, I need something to distract me.”
“From-” Chuuya turned to him and noticed just how bad his bandages on his face were. They were bright red and practically still dripping with blood. If he didn’t change them soon, he’d likely get an infection or something else to make him more insufferable than normal. “Go find the first aid kit!”
“But I wanted to see you undress-”
“Fuck off!” Chuuya shoved Dazai out of the bedroom and slammed the door. He didn’t start changing into something else until he heard the other’s grumbling grow fainter. By the time he was done changing, the door burst open.
Dazai walked in, a roll of bandages in hand. He looked Chuuya up and down, then frowned in disappointment. “You’re no fun.”
“Why are you still wearing those?”
“Because there’s no mirror in here,” Dazai crossed his arms as he took a seat on the bed. It was just big enough for both of them if they squeezed together, a feature which was no doubt demanded by Dazai.
“You look in the mirror when you put that shit on?” Chuuya took a seat next to Dazai. “I never would have guessed.”
“Maybe Chuuya should get his eyes checked then.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t leave the house looking like some sort of shitty mummy,” Chuuya leaned in and began to remove the bandages while doing his best not to touch Dazai’s hair. If he did, he’d only be reminded of the fact that a bottle of his (expensive) shampoo had gone missing at the same time Dazai’s hair became suspiciously soft. “I don’t know how your subordinates take you seriously.”
“Of course you wouldn’t understand. You’re not an executive~”
“If you don’t shut the hell up, you won't be one for much longer.”
“Is Chuuya suggesting we elope?”
“You’re going to make me sick if you keep saying shit like that.”
It was a topic that Dazai brought up far too often to keep track of. If it were anyone else, Chuuya might eventually think they were serious. Unfortunately, since it was Dazai, an elopement would just be yet another way of dodging work. In fact, Chuuya had yet to come up with a scenario where he didn't do the brunt of the domestic work while Dazai just sat on his ass. He'd probably offer to pay him in kisses or something else equally as worthless.
“Hmm, Chuuya just has no sense of romance.”
“Right. Why the hell would I want to run away with someone like you? Your depth perception’s probably shit. You’d break your leg and make me carry you the rest of the way,” Chuuya said as he discarded bandages dirtied with blood. Fortunately, it didn’t belong to Dazai. If it did, there would have been no end to his complaints. “When the hell was the last time you changed these?”
“Is Chuuya worried about me~”
“Hardly,” He rolled his eyes and reached for a fresh roll of bandages. It’d be about two hours before anyone was even notified of their location. Likely four before they were extracted from the safe house. “Just surprised you’re not tripping all over yourself like an ass.”
“I can see fine now.”
“Now?”
“Do I need to speak slower?” Dazai grinned. “I’d offer to use smaller words, but I don’t think I can make it any simpler~”
“What the hell do you mean now?” Chuuya suddenly grabbed Dazai’s face before he could taunt him further. He pulled him closer, causing his face to feel like it’d been set on fire. “Don’t you only have one eye?”
“I obviously have two,” Dazai rolled his eyes. “Has Chuuya gone blind from my dashing looks?”
“Ugh, gross,” Chuuya pushed Dazai away, but still looked at him with a strange intensity. “But, your eyes both work?”
“Unfortunately. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t be forced to stare at such an ugly chibi.”
“I’m better looking than you, asshole!” Chuuya’s cheeks flushed red. The look he gave might kill a lesser man on the spot. Fortunately, Dazai was well acquainted with his murderous looks. Honestly, he enjoyed them quite a bit.
“Why are you suddenly so interested in my eyes?”
“Because you’re a goddamn idiot, that’s why!” Chuuya (very rudely) threw the roll of bandages at his face. “I’ve been covering your blind spot for no reason!?”
“Well, I still can’t see if my eye’s covered-”
“Why the hell are you covering half your face if there’s nothing wrong with it!?”
“Is Chuuya calling my face perfect?”
“You need to get your head checked if that’s what you think I meant.”
“I really don’t understand why you’re so bothered by it.”
“I thought you were half-blind!”
“Did I ever say I was?”
Chuuya opened his mouth but simply huffed instead of arguing back. He crossed his arms and turned away. “Does anyone else know about this?”
“What?”
“That you’re just cosplaying as a stupid mummy for fun.”
“What, are you jealous?”
“What the hell would I be jealous about!?”
“You are~” Dazai grinned as he moved closer to Chuuya. Before Chuuya could move away, Dazai trapped him in his arms. “Chuuya’s jealous~”
“Let go, asshole,” Despite his words, he leaned into the hug. “I’m not jealous…”
“Mhm.”
“But… Who else has seen you?” Chuuya looked back at him, his face redder than before. His eyes were slightly wider than normal, giving him a strangely innocent look. “I need to know who to compensate for seeing something so ugly.”
“Mmm, only Mori has.”
“That’s all?”
“Of course!” Dazai gave a bright smile.
“I feel like you’re lying,” He wasn’t wrong. Oda had also seen him. He was fairly certain Hirotsu had as well, though he might have known better than to look when accidentally walking in on something he wasn’t supposed to see. “But I don’t care enough to look into it right now.”
“Of course not,” Dazai ruffled Chuuya’s hair, knocking his hat off in the process. It was annoyingly soft and smelled faintly of roses beneath the overwhelming odor of gunpowder. “Now, are you going to help me, or not?”
“Yeah yeah, just give me a minute,” Chuuya leaned further into Dazai’s touch. They still had four hours before anyone came to see them. That meant he had four hours to take in the hideous sight of Dazai’s unobscured face now that he knew covering it again wasn’t actually urgent. Four hours to let the obnoxious bastard hold him close without anyone interrupting. "I need a break after all your bullshit today."
"Of course, Chuuya~" Dazai couldn't help but smile fondly. "And then you can make me dinner later!"
"I'm not making you shit!"
"But that's not fair!" Dazai looked at him with a pout. When Chuuya didn't budge, he suddenly brightened up. "I'll cook for us then!"
"Like hell you will!" The thought of the last time Dazai was around an oven sent a shiver down his spine. He remembered his entire apartment having to be evacuated. "You'll just burn everything."
"Which is why you need to do it~" Dazai held him closer.
"Whatever... Lazy bastard," Chuuya closed his eyes for a moment. Maybe, this wasn't so bad. Some part of him, a part burried deep deep down might not even mind if this was what the rest of their days looked like instead of just the next four hours.