Chapter Text
It was getting bad again.
He looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize his face. He pulled at his hair and itched at his scalp.
“What’s up dude? on something?” Lip choked a laugh out, worried.
“No. I’m fine.” Chaste. Quick. He needed to get outside.
“Ian wait-“ his brother started again,
“I’m okay! Fuck man.” And with that he walked outside, didnt matter that it was 30°, that it was snowing, that he was wearing boxers and a t shirt.
i cant feel anything. He stretched his fingers into the breeze of snow. Nothing felt different.
nothing was different, he convinced himself. its fine. just having an off day.
He glanced at his phone when he walked back inside. 45 minutes had passed. When he looked back in the mirror his face looked blue. His feet felt frozen.
Lip rounded the corner, concerned and shocked.
“oops.” Ian weakly offered. He climbed back into bed, tried to pretend he was asleep. But he could hear Fiona and Lip arguing downstairs through the small vent on his floor.
“There’s something wrong with him! He needs help!” Fiona pushed.
“Just give him a few more days. We don’t know yet.” His brother argued back.
“We can’t do this again-“ Fiona broke. And with that Ian went to sleep. He had heard enough.
—-
When he woke up- about a day later- Carl was shaking him aggressively.
“What?” Ian snapped.
“Breakfast!!!” Carl jumped on his brother, pulling at his hands.
sure. okay. we can do this.
Ian pulled himself to his feet. His legs cramped, feeling weak. Having to hold onto his younger brother for support.
weak. He pushed the thought away.
Tumbling down the steps, he could smell the eggs and pancakes Fiona made, his stomach curled. Audibly.
“Ian! how you doing big guy? ready for school today?” Fiona shot him a look that said school wasnt a matter of choice today.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” he mumbled. Rejecting the plate that was tossed in front of him as he sat down at the table. He couldnt bring himself to eat right now. He didnt earn it yet.
Everyone stared for a few seconds, then went back to chattering amongst themselves. He couldnt help but feel his eldest brothers gaze on him though. Taking a few sips of the coffee offered to him, he kept his eyes fixed on the table. If he made eye contact it would all be real.
He shuffled around, moving back from the table and walking upstairs, ignoring all the stares being shot his way.
He got dressed quickly. Screwing his eyes shut the whole time. No need to remind himself of what he decides to do when he doesnt feel well.
“Ian! Someones here for you!” Fiona called up. In a few moments he was trodding downstairs, Mandy appearing in front of him.
“Ready?” Mandy offered simply.
Ian was relieved to see her, he quickly linked arms with her and headed out the front door.
“Mick’s gonna give us a ride today.” Mandy smiled threateningly at her brother, who didn’t looked too pleased about the whole situation.
“Okay.”
“What’s up with you today? You seem really out of it.” Mandy bent forward, trying to catch Ian’s eyes.
“Just tired. I’m okay.” he offered a weak smile.
“Mick, you got any redbulls in the back?”
“Are you fuckin kiddin me? First i have to drive you and your gay boyfriend to school and now you want my shit too?” Mickey laughed harshly. “Whatever. Fine take whatever you want. Gonna owe me though.”
“Go suck a dick.” Mandy smiled and threw a middle finger at him while grabbing two drinks from the back.
“Alright party’s over, get the fuck out!” Mickey pulled up to a spot and parked. Flinging himself out of the car.
Ian managed to pull himself out and followed behind the twins. just a few months left. then im done with this shithole.
Mickey looked back at the straggler, if Ian wasn’t mistaken he looked concerned for a second before looking back to his sister.
“Three more weeks until Christmas!! We’re gonna have so much fun guys! Plus we all know these lazy fucks aren’t gonna make us do anything before break.” Mandy twirled around to face Ian. He couldnt help but smile a bit, appreciating her positivity.
“When did you get so fuckin jolly?” Mickey shot back.
“Oh please Mick! You’re just sad that santa didn’t bring you a big pink dildo last year” Her and Ian errupted into laughter, getting enjoyment from the fucked up look on Mickey’s face.
“That’s fuckin twisted. Don’t say that gay shit about me, I aint some fag.” Mick barked back, his face was bright red.
“Oh pleasseee you’re so dramatic! I’m just fucking with you”
“Yeah well you’re lucky you’re a girl or I would’ve decked you about 10 minutes ago.” He gruffed.
Ian shivered slightly. Clutching his elbows in his hands.
Mickey glanced at him for a second. Then the door they’d been standing near. “Let’s get inside. Cold as shit out here.”
When they walked in the building was decorated with cheesy holiday decorations. Christmas trees and menorahs galore.
“Gallagher! We’re late, let’s move.” Mickey barked as Ian followed him to their first class. Chemistry.
Mickey just assumed Ian would be his lab partner at the beginning of the year. The kid was known to be smart and Mick knew fuck all about anything academic. He assumed since his sister was buddy buddy with the kid that he’d just do the work for him, the bit of weed he stashed away for him in exchange didnt hurt either. And he was half right. When Ian felt like shit though it was a whole other ballgame.
Like right now, Ian had his forehead on the edge of the table. The kid was half asleep. Which wasn’t good for Mickey because Ian was supposed to be taking notes or something.
Mickey poked him in the ribs, hoping he would get the message but he didn’t even seem to notice. So he did the next logical thing and pinched him hard enough to draw blood.
“You need something?” Ian grumbled.
“Yeah. You to pay the fuck attention!” He whisper yelled.
“Can’t.” Ian gave a weak smile and laid his head back on the table.
Mickey liked to think he was a pretty reasonable guy. But right now he was on the verge of failing out of school and Mandy would have his ass if he was this close to graduating and missed out because his ginger prick of a lab partner was too sleepy to keep up.
He raised his hand, interrupting the teacher mid sentence.
“Yes, Mr. Milkovich?” his teacher half hazardly asked.
“Yeah, my friend Ian here isn’t feeling too great so I’m gonna walk him up to the nurses office.” Mickey faux beamed.
Albeit suspiciously, he was granted leave and hauled Ian out into the hallway with him. Mickey dug his fingers into his arm and pulled him into the nearest bathroom, pushing him up against the wall as gently as his blinding anxiety and anger allowed him.
“Look man whatever’s going on right now I’m gonna need you to get the fuck with it. We have a deal and- Are you even fucking listening right now?”
Ian shuffled on his feet, urging himself to wake up. “Hm- oh. yeah yeah. I’ll uh- wake up. Sorry.” Ian laughed weakly and tripped forward into Mickey, shifting all of his weight into his arms.
Mickey froze for a second, really trying to not feel Ian’s lips right on his neck. He shoved him back against the wall, slightly thankful he was too out of it to notice his flushed face.
Mickey pursed his lips, “Alright. Cool.” He choked out. He took one more look at Ian, tired, weak, obviously not doing his fuckin greatest, before turning around to exit the bathroom.
“C’mon. I’m not gonna fuckin hold your hand.” Mickey ordered. And with that, they both walked back to class. And sure, their notes were pretty shit that day. But all Mickey could focus on was the feeling of Ian’s breath on his throat. He spent the whole period willing his boner to dissapear. He was thankful that he didnt have lunch with him and wouldn’t have to see him until the end of the day.
—
“The fucks his issue?” Mickey questioned as him and Mandy watched Ian walk into KashNGrab. Usually he wouldn’t spend the extra gas to drop him off, but Mandy begged.
“Probably depressed or something. Don’t be a dick.” She retorted warily.
He scoffed, “Depressed over what? Listen if he doesn’t-“
“Shut the fuck up Mickey! It’s a little different for him.” She said getting quiet.
“Yeah yeah whatever.” He wanted to ask why. Why was it different for him? But why the fuck should he care. It’s not like it mattered to him if the dude was alive or dead. He just needed to make sure he didn’t flunk so his sister didn’t beat his ass. That was it.
And when he got home he pretended he didn’t imagine the feeling of his breath on his neck as he jacked off. No. He just got distracted that was all. He didn’t like the ginger freak. Not in the fucking slightest.