Chapter Text
"Loka, my friend. 'Tis good to see you."
Soft footsteps halted as they arrived at their destination before clothes rustled and a second body sat down on the ledge the Hero sat on.
"Good morning, Raha.", the black haired Au Ra answered in kind, with a soft smile and a face that hopefully did not betray his current thoughts.
G'raha Tia smiled back in his own gentle way, before his mouth turned and he leaned forward just a touch, to better see his friend's face.
"What ails you? You look like there is something weighing on your mind."
…drat. Raha had always been a keen observer, and his century in the First had only ever sharpened his perceptive streak.
Loka suppressed a deep sigh and schooled his features a tad more to appear unburdened by whatever he was thinking.
"'Tis nothing. Please do not worry. I am but a bit tired. I feel like there has not been much time to rest between finding the Omphalos and the travels to the Thirteenth."
It was a lie by omission, but truth nonetheless. Additionally, there had been training, and his errands for the Tribes. Periodically Loka even checked places he had visited long ago, to see if all was as it should be, reminiscing.
And… well. That.
For a few moments, Loka and G'raha sat in silence, while letting their gaze wander over Revenants Toll and the Crystal Tower glowing its eerie blue in the far distance.
"You know, a burden shared can lift the spirits, my friend.", the Miqo'te spoke softly, while the faintest of smiles played around his lips. "You have always been one to not disclose your true emotions to us, and don't you try to deny that. But you could start."
Loka had already opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted even before he could draw breath.
Instead, this time, the sigh did not heed his order and slipped out unbidden.
Grinning, G'raha pressed his shoulder to his friends in a gesture of comradery.
"You can tell me everything, you do know that, right?"
"..."
Even if he wanted to - and somehow, he did - the Au Ra had no idea where to start.
G'raha pulled one knee to his chest, letting the other fall free down the ledge, and wrapped his arms loosely around.
"I know you've never been one for much words, Loka. But even you are just mortal, despite all you have achieved, and right now you seem in need of a listener. Should I ask into the blue and see if I can coax out an answer?"
Even you.
Another weary sigh forced its way out of the Warrior of Light, and finally, he found words.
"... I am so tired, Raha.", Loka said tonelessly, while flopping on his back and gazing into the morning sky over Mor Dhona.
A minute twitch in G'rahas ears was the only indication that he had heard and listened. Somehow, that helped open the gates.
"I am tired of fighting. I am tired of wandering aimlessly, only ever being thrown into a new adventure without real consent, I am tired of being that enigma with a stick to turn to when there is a problem.", he huffed, and rubbed his hands over his face. "I am the reborn version of an Ancient with memories that elude me while churning in my soul, but always just out of reach. I have so damned much blood on my hands I cannot even fathom how many souls perished at my hands. How many of them were innocents, thrown in my way by Azems erstwhile friends and comrades, neither of which that alter ego or me could save? What have I achieved besides eradicating the last of a people whom I know I once loved as I do love all of you now, Raha, and that I abandoned in their most dire hour of need? How do I reconcile letting them down with preserving what we have now?"
Unbidden tears stung in Lokas eyes. A hitched breath shuddered out of his lungs.
"I have found a piece of a home I never knew but always craved and lost it almost immediately after.", he whispered, more to himself than to G'raha, when the bittersweet, but sombre memory of Ultima Thule threw itself to the forefront of his mind, and with it, the gentle face of someone he would miss for the rest of his existence.
Anew silence fell over the pair. The Miqo'te did not show any sign of having heard, but Loka did not mind. What could anyone say to his rambling? Pressing the balls of his hands into his eyes to stop them from tearing up any further, the Au Ra tried to reign in the emotions that curled in his gut, the guilt, the loss, the grief, unbridled despair filling him when thinking about all he had forsaken.
Clothes rustled again. The warmth of a friendly soul drew nearer and before the Warrior of Light could open his eyes, he felt the soft press of lips against his own. His heavy heart gave a painful thump, because in light of all that G'raha Tia had suffered for him, all that the redhead had done only to save him, he never deserved to be hurt as was about to happen.
"Raha…", Loka breathed, before he cupped the cheek of his friend softly.
"I know I'm not him.", the scholar said with haste and urgency while he leaned his forehead against that of the Warrior. "And I know that we will never be what they were. But if you need a… a home, then I'd be glad to offer one."
In another life - the life before - Loka would not have hesitated. Leaving G'raha in the Crystal Tower had been devastating and the knowledge that this unwritten chapter of their lives would never come to be written had hurt so much that the Au Ra had buried any semblance of love interests so deep in his soul that even he had had a hard time finding his emotions on that matter.
Until… until that bastard had come into his life unbidden, had wrestled feelings out of Lokas soul that he did not even know he had, and then had left him alone in an all encompassing confusion that lasted to this day.
All the White Mage knew was that he would not be able to return G'rahas feelings in likeness as long as he felt tethered to another, and he would never want to make him feel as if he were only the second choice, for he had never been.
Ears twitching, the ruby-eyed man let some distance grow between them, before his cheeks dusted a deep pink in embarrassment.
"I apologise! By the Twelve, what was I thinking.", he stuttered and drew back with shyness and agitated tension. For all his experience as a leader, for all his wisdom, G'raha still remained a youth when confronted with his friends.
"Raha."
Eyes peeking out behind hiding hands, the young Miqo'te focused on his friend.
"Thank you."
The redness in G'rahas cheeks intensified as he lowered his head.
"Forgive me, my friend. It is… hard, sometimes, to distinguish between old memories and ones so fresh in my mind, spanning a century while existing simultaneously. I… that was untoward of me, and a cruel position to put you in."
Loka shook his head and sat up again, grasping one of the gentle hands that would one day find their own to hold.
"I am sorry as well, Raha. Forgive me for not returning what you so freely give."
"There is nothing to forgive. I just… you looked so lost that I could not keep my feelings in check. I, that is to say we , me and the Scions all, would gladly offer anything if we could just ease your many burdens."
He smiled again, and luckily, there was no pain in his eyes, only fondness and a love that would only ever grow in friendship.
It was Lokas turn now to turn red in the face, matching the ends of his horns.
"Still not used to being cared for, my friend?", the red headed man chuckled and sat back down with crossed legs. "Sometime this century we will get you to accept that we care for you just as deeply as you care for us."
Loka shoved him good-heartedly, and G'raha laughed openly while keeping his balance.
"Peace, my friend.", he said grinning, and his ears and tail twitched in amusement.
For a few minutes, neither of them spoke, mulling over whatever just had happened, and what that meant for the both of them.
When the Miqo'te spoke again, it was with eyes looking to the Crystal Tower that had been his destiny once.
"If you have any idea, any inkling on how to ease that yearning you feel, and be it ever so small, do not hesitate even a second and come tell me. Us. We will do everything in our power to give back what you have given us. And there is nothing that would give us more joy than to see you happy."
Lokas breath hitched again, and suddenly, the pressure in his chest doubled. G'raha blinked once and looked at the Au Ra, his face abruptly changing to one of worried compassion as he watched silent sobs wrack the tall frame of the other.
For a few seconds, the red-eyed man let his hands hover above his friend, not knowing what he was supposed to do in such a situation.
Then he wrapped his arms around Loka, and held him, as the Warrior of Light finally let loose what had to have been gnawing at him since long before he journeyed to Gridania.