Chapter Text
She frowned down at the letter she held in her hands. It was an invitation to a ball, from her dad. A ‘P.S’ at the bottom informed her that her parents wanted to meet the “boyfriend” that she had told them about while talking to them the last time she had visited.
Boy, what a stupid idea it was to lie about a boyfriend.
Her parents had been pestering her for so long to find one, to “stop being such a lousy daughter, go and find a man!” and about how, “you need to meet someone, we want grandkids!” And the last time she saw them, it had just been the last straw for her. So, she had bursted out that she had found a boyfriend, and that he was a very kind, wealthy, good man. As they pressed further and further, she had made a whole fake boyfriend - and now they wanted to see him.
Shoot.
Her first instinct was to panic, and so that’s what she did. For at least a minute, she panicked about what she was going to do, what was going to happen, how she was going to get a guy to come with her -
And then she remembered, she had friends. Friends who were guys.
So, she calmed down and picked up her phone, before going into her group chat.
—
[aug. 11, 2023. 3:32 PM]
goofy fools
liza_elizzaaa, common.sense, pegleg, reddress_ontonight, baguette, grandma, turts_lmao
liza_elizzaaa
@baguette, @grandma, @turts_lmao
HELP
baguette
what
what is it
what hapoeend
grandma
are you dying
liza_elizzaaa
HELP ME I NEED
AAAAA
turts_lmao
WHAT
WHAT HAPPENED
liza_elizzaaa
ok so
basically i have a ball
common.sense
oh i see what this is about
liza_elizzaaa
and i
need a date
for
fake bf
grandma
what
turts_lmao
nah you just wanna get with us
liza_elizzaaa
disgusting
um i
can one of you guys please
common.sense
and this is what happens when you tell mom and dad that you’re dating
you sit here scrambling for a fake date
pegleg
fr man you messed up with that
liza_elizzaaa
INKNOW I DID
YOU DONT HAVE TO RUB IT IN
baguette
when is
the
ball
liza_elizzaaa
tomorrow
grandma
WHAT
liza_elizzaaa
yeahhh um
turts_lmao
VERY SHORT NOTICE
WHAT
liza_elizzaaa
WELL
I WAS IUST INFORMED TODAY
common.sense
no???
we got our invites like
a week ago
pegleg
well
actually i disagree i just checked my mail like three days ago
but at least i got it earlier than you liza
how did you get yours today?
liza_elizzaaa
ok maybe
maybe im worse at checking mail than you pegs
and i
and i out of off until today
maybe
common.sense
oh my god
turts_lmao
oh so the short notice is your fault
noted
liza_elizzaaa
I DIDNT MEAN TO
IT JUST
ok can one of you do it or not
turts_lmao
i mean
i would love to
but your parents know me and they would never believe we were dating
liza_elizzaaa
darn
i hate how you’re right
you would’ve been so easy
😭😭
grandma
i would like to
but im so swamped with work
i have a crap ton of clothes to sew up and a bunch of commissions
I literally can’t
liza_elizzaaa
NO
😭
laf
laf plesae
laffy taffy
pls laf
baguette
im
je suis désolé mon cher
ive got a date
an actual one
with adrienne
and i cant just stand her up we planned this two weeks from today
pegleg
YAY
WOO
DATES
liza_elizzaaa
OH YAY
IM HAPOY FIR YOU LAF
common.sense
YAAAAYYY
grandma
goOD JOB WOO
turts_lmao
YES LAF
liza_elizzaaa
ok but
im literally
that leaves no one
i dont have a fake bf
oh no
reddress_ontonight
hey guys I
had a nap
what’s haooening
oh damn eliza
OH DAMN WAIT
I KNOW A GIY
liza_elizzaaa
WAIT YOU DO????
reddress_ontonight
I DO
I REALLY DO
oh my gos hold on
his handle is ‘coffee addict’
go and contact him
get your fake bf
YAY LAF IM HAPY FOR U
baguette
TYSM LUV
liza_elizzaaa
THANK YOU MARIA AAAAA
MY SAVIOUR
—
liza_elizzaaa ——> coffee addict
hello! my name is eliza schuyler, and i’m a friend of maria lewis. i’m here to ask for a favour, and it’s an urgent issue.
Eliza Schuyler?
I knew someone with that name in High School.
Are you who I think you are?
Long brown hair, brown eyes.
Light-skinned?
yes, that’s correct
and who are you?
Alex Hamilton.
——
goofy fools
liza_elizzaaa , common.sense , pegleg , reddress_ontonight , baguette , grandma , turts_lmao
liza_elizzaaa
ok maria
i think you forgot to mention that
ITS ALEXANDER HAMILTON?????
reddress_ontonight
yeah?
and?
turts_lmao
WAIT ITS ALEXANDER HAMILTON???
OH DAMN
common.sense
SHOOT
OH NO
pegleg
ITS ALEX???
YIKES
baguette
MON DIEU
grandma
UH OH
BIG UH OH
reddress_ontonight
guys what’s wrong with lex??
pegleg
ALEXANDER HAMILTON IS LITERALLY ELIZA’S BIGGEST ENEMY
reddress_ontonight
o
damn didn't know that
liza_elizzaaa
YEAH
oh my GODDDDD
I DONT WANNA
😭😭😭
turts_lmao
ok eliza
think of it this way
you’re desperate
liza_elizzaaa
aahsmdhajsbdhs
FINE
😭
im desperate im desperate im desperate im desperate
thats my only motivation to go talk to him
ok guys wish me luck
😭
baguette
GOOD LUCK
liza_elizzaaa
THANK U LAF ILY
——
liza_elizzaaa ——> coffee addict
Hello, Alexander.
I’m here to ask you for a favour.
Alright.
Go ahead, propose your favour to me.
I’ve got a ball to go to that my parents are hosting, and the last time I saw them, I told them about my “boyfriend” (I do not have one, yet they pestered and so I made it up on the spot). I now must attend this ball with said boyfriend. My favour is, may you pretend to be my fake boyfriend?
I’m sorry, what?
You want me to be your fake boyfriend.
Correct.
Why, in God’s name, should I accept?
I hate you more than Jefferson.
Ouch.
The sentiment is returned.
You don’t have other friends?
I do, yet they’re all busy.
Hence why I’m asking you.
If they weren’t busy, I would be going with them.
Okay, Schuyler.
Why should I accept? Give me one good reason.
Because I’m desperate.
Cute, but that’s definitely not enough to sway me.
Better reason, or else I’m afraid you’re going to have to search for someone else.
Because
Because I’ll pay you.
Oh?
And how much?
However much you want.
Fifty dollars. Cash.
Done.
Please?
Okay.
When?
Tomorrow.
You’ll need a suit and such.
Unfortunately, I need you to meet up with me so I am able to give you the requirements.
Oh god.
Fine.
When?
In an hour, outside of ‘Élégance’.
Okay.
See you, Schuyler.
Unfortunately so, Hamilton.
Not as unfortunate for you as it is for me.
Trust me, it’s definitely more unfortunate for me.
I strongly doubt it.
———
And so, an hour later, she stood outside of the expensive clothing store, kicking rocks and cursing herself for putting herself in this position. She couldn’t have just told them she was still looking? She had to fabricate a lie - a fairly elaborate one too - that she now has to prove wasn’t a lie by using the single person she hated the most in this world.
She sighed deeply, utterly upset with herself for doing this. Raising her head, she looked around so as to see if she could spot Alexander. She didn’t know what he looked like much, considering that High School was a while ago and she just forgot. She was 22 now, she wasn’t 17. Though, she saw a man that looked like a grown-up version of her vague memory of Alexander. The man approaching her had a five o-clock shadow, brown shoulder-length unruly hair, and wore an oversized green sweater. She figured that was him.
As he made his way to her, she heard him grumbling, and he wore a scowl on his face. He stood a good foot away from her, his arms crossed.
“Well, nice to see you too,” she said sarcastically, and he rolled his eyes, muttering something that sounded like, “shut up.” In return, she gave him a sickly-sweet, over-exaggerated smile.
“Stop being ridiculous. Let’s just go and get the damn suit,” he grumbled, before shoving past her to open the doors to the store for himself, not bothering to hold it for her. She scoffed, entering the store behind him.
She immediately headed over to a nice, dark green 3-piece suit, admiring it and its material. He followed her, still staying a good length away from her but marvelling over the suit.
“This good?” She asked him, ensuring he would be happy with what he was wearing too. He nodded silently, and she took the suit, hanging it on her arm, before she walked off to find shoes for him next. She held up the suit to the different shoes, until she found a nice pair that fit very well. She picked up a box of those shoes, before heading off to the cash register to check out.
Alexander stood a foot away from her, and when it was said that the suit and shoes together were $392, his eyes widened, and he turned to Eliza.
“I can’t pay for that - not at all. That’s too much.”
“Relax. I’m paying,” she reassured, handing over cash to the worker with a smile.
Alexander looked shocked as she handed over the money as though it were nothing. Receiving the bag, she held it in one hand, before she walked out of the store. He followed behind her, still seeming as though he couldn’t believe what she had done.
“You... that was, like, 400 dollars.”
“Yeah, and?”
“And you just paid it like it was… nothing. You didn’t even think about the price."
“Yes, I did. What’s your point?”
He stared incredulously at her, and she let out a laugh, shaking her head.
“Oh yeah, forgot to tell you; I’m rich,” she said, still chuckling. He nodded slowly, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, I figured that out just fine, thank you.”
“Oh, really? Couldn’t tell you did, your eyes are still bulging out of your skull.”
“Shut up,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. She smirked to herself, continuing on down the street, with him trailing far behind her.
—---
They sat in a cafe, Eliza eating an apple turnover and Alexander drinking black coffee. They sat on opposite ends of the table, trying their hardest not to touch each other or even breathe the same air as each other.
“So, you’re supposed to be rich-”
“Ah, so you choose a poor guy to play a rich one? How smart.”
She rolled her eyes, taking another bite of her turnover. The whole reason they were there was so that she could fill him in on what he’s supposed to be like. And it would’ve been so much less headache-inducing if it were anyone else. Again, she cursed herself for her poor choices and irrational, runaway mouth.
They had gone to pick him up expensive cologne and a Rolex, just to push the effect even further. He had been absolutely stunned at how easily she had spent the money, and he had, at one point, scolded her on being more careful with her money. She rolled her eyes, mocking him with her hands. She was careful, it’s just that, that ball was important and she needed to sell the fact that they were dating and he was rich. It was very worth it, and the money was going to a good cause.
“Shut it, Hamilton. How was I supposed to know you were poor?” She asked, taking a bite of her turnover. He raised an eyebrow at her.
“It wasn't obvious when you first saw me? Why would I be rich and dress like this?” He shot back, gesturing to his clothes. She shrugged, huffing.
“Well, by then, the deal was already made. Stop being a child,” she said irritatedly, taking a deep breath to stop herself from strangling him. “You need to be loving-”
“How the hell am I supposed to pretend to be loving to you?”
“Acting, Hamilton, have you ever tried it?” She snapped, tired of him having something to say for everything. He didn't seem to notice - or care - and he only shrugged.
“I’m acting like I care about what you’re saying.”
“Really? You’re doing a horrible job.”
“Thank you.”
She groaned, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She looked back to him, narrowing her eyes.
“Listen, I just need you to pretend to be this loving, wealthy, kind, classy man,” she said, and he groaned loudly, taking a large gulp of his coffee.
“I get it! I’ll do it, I’ll do it. But only for the money. I couldn’t care less about you, honestly.”
“Good, because neither can I.” She stood, her turnover now finished. She pointed a finger at him.
“Listen, I just need you to be at my house by 5 PM tomorrow. Where we’re going - it’s an hour and a half drive, so we’re going to have to leave quickly. Try your very hardest to not look like some pathetic sewer rat tomorrow, and be on time. Goodbye, Hamilton - I am tired of speaking to you.”
And with that, she stormed out of the cafe, leaving Alexander there with the bags of stuff she had bought him, as well as her finished plate. He scoffed, finishing off his coffee before he, too, left, taking the bags carefully with him.
“Sewer rat. I don’t look like a sewer rat,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head. The cafe door closed behind him, swinging shut.