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watching your lover hurt is heartbreaking.
jisung knows this. he has known it for years, but the knowledge still hasn’t prepared him for experimenting it on his own skin.
it’s awful to see the pain behind minho’s eyes, to hear the way he muffles his sobs into the pillow well into the night so he doesn’t wake anyone, to feel the way minho’s body goes completely boneless at the end of the day, when he can no longer pretend that everything is fine.
it hurts jisung, knowing that, until minho’s mum gets released from the hospital and the boy can make sure for himself that she’s alright, the only thing he can do is offer comfort and hugs, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen and a chest to cry into.
jisung shuffles on socked feet towards the kitchen, where he can see a light turned on. it’s three am, way too late for anyone to be up, but jisung didn’t even hesitate for a second before quietly waddling out of bed when he was woken by the sound of glass shattering onto the ground. he already knows it must be minho; the older’s first tell that something is wrong are his hands starting to shake. and lately, they’ve been trembling constantly, so much that, at times, minho loses track of what he’s doing and ends up accidentally dropping what he was holding.
it’s happened way too many times lately, in their dorms, in the practise rooms, even at their favourite restaurant once, so often that jisung has developed an instant reaction to the sound of things hitting the floorboards. minho hates being the center of the spotlight, especially if he's already feeling vulnerable, so jisung doesn’t mind faking that he was the one to have dropped something in the first place if it means making him feel better.
so, jisung approaches the dining area, broom and dustpan already in his hands, ready to fix whatever mess is in the kitchen before minho spirals.
but it looks like he’s already a second too late.
when he rounds the corner, minho is standing still, a hand still lifted in the air, gaze fixed onto the ground. there doesn’t seem to be much of a mess, actually. there’s a single mug fallen on the ground, broken almost in half, no pieces shattered around or any kind of food or liquid on the floor. jisung can spot an unused teabag on the counter, and can see the kettle full but still turned off lying closeby.
it only takes jisung a moment to pick up the two pieces of green ceramic off the floor, carefully setting them on the counter. he’ll go looking for some old paper to wrap them in later, to make sure that nobody gets hurt while throwing the trash out, but now there’s more important matters.
jisung slowly approaches the other boy, not wanting to freak him out. but, when he’s right next to him and it looks like minho doesn’t even notice his presence, he carefully puts a hand on his lower back to try and get him out of the trance he’s fallen into. it doesn’t quite work the way jisung hoped it would; minho continues to stare ahead, still unaware of jisung’s presence, if not for the way his arm drops back onto his side.
jisung sighs. he hoped it wouldn't get this bad, but now there’s nothing he can do but help minho through it. he carefully starts to push, trying to guide minho towards the couch, a safe spot where he can guide the older boy back to him. it takes a few tries, but he manages to make minho put a foot in front of himself, and from then on it’s easy work. it’s a bit harder to turn him around and make him sit down, and jisung opts to wrap an arm around his waist and bring minho down with himself. the older ends up half in jisung’s lap, but that’s hardly a problem.
jisung makes sure to leave a kiss on the back of minho’s neck before he starts massaging his back, the tense set of his shoulders, starts softly squeezing his biceps to try and get some feeling back into them.
after a while, he can feel minho slowly start to relax under his hands, his muscles beginning to untense, his breathing becoming more frequent and deep instead of shallow and sporadic. jisung’s hands never stop their ministrations, not until he hears minho take a sharp breath, feels minho shift on top of him. it takes a few tries before minho is able to breathe without shuddering, and then he shakily turns around to face jisung. his eyes still have that faraway look, but now they’re filled with an edge of panic. jisung can feel the slight tremble in the older’s body as he takes in his surroundings.
“how long–”
the older gets interrupted by his own chest spasming with a hiccup, lungs still getting used to breathe deeply yet again, but jisung doesn’t need him to finish to know what minho was going to ask.
“just a few minutes, maybe fifteen. a mug fell down, that’s what must have brought you out. nobody got hurt, they didn’t even wake up, and you didn’t hurt yourself either. it’s fine, i’m here. everything is fine.”
as soon as he knows that nothing bad happened, minho’s body slumps into jisung’s hold, head coming to rest onto the younger’s shoulder. no matter how many times he repeats them, jisung knows how much minho needs to hear these reassurances. he can only imagine how scary it must be, coming back into yourself after some time of not feeling anything, of not being aware of the world around yourself. he will never mind repeating himself, if it can make minho feel better.
jisung shifts minho’s body until he’s sitting completely in his lap, and lets him have some time to collect himself, tracing his hand along minho’s sides to let him know he’s here for him. minho’s eyes stay closed, head still leaning onto jisung’s shoulder, breathing becoming more and more controlled. he eventually shifts his weight, hands coming onto jisung’s shoulders to support himself as he leans back to make eye contact with the younger boy.
jisung can’t help but send a fond smile his way; minho’s eyes are still a bit unsure, but now they’re focused, now they can see for themselves how much love jisung feels for the other boy. minho tries to return the smile, and even though it comes out a bit wonky, muscles still not collaborating completely, jisung can’t help but grin harder.
he lifts a hand to run his fingertips across minho’s cheekbones, tracing his jaw, rubbing the shell of his ear, which is starting to turn red from jisung’s focused attention. even after all these years, jisung still has the capacity of making minho flustered, and he can’t help but be endeared by it each time.
“hey, beautiful. do you feel like drinking your cup of tea now?”
jisung makes sure to place a gentle kiss on the tip of minho’s nose to reassure the other boy that it’s alright if he refuses, if he just wants jisung to hold him tight as he falls asleep. but minho nods, shyly, his gaze dropping to his lap, where their hands have intertwined together, but smile never leaving his lips.
jisung gives him the time to decide for himself when he’s ready, and after a bit, slowly, minho starts to lift himself out of jisung’s lap, whose hands immediately reach out to steady him, holding his hips with a careful gesture. when it looks like minho is stable enough on his feet, jisung gets up as well, reaching for the older’s hand and guiding them both back towards the kitchen.
he reaches out to turn the kettle on, already filled by minho earlier in the night, and turns back around to find a sour expression on the boy’s face.
“oh. it’s that one that broke. i really liked that one.”
minho’s voice is barely above a whisper, his gaze fixed onto the two pieces of the mug, still lying out on the table but out of reach from reaching them accidentally. jisung recognises it as one they had bought together during one of their trips together at the convenience store in the middle of the night; minho had said that instant noodles tasted weird inside their plastic containers, and had decided to buy a mug and cook the noodles inside of it. jisung had laughed at him until his stomach hurt. he understands that the object, for minho, is linked to a good memory, and that it must hurt for him to part with it.
he makes a mental note to bring minho to the convenience store the first time they have a break, all while he picks back up the teabag minho had left open on the dinner table and puts it in his own favourite mug; it’s one a stay had gifted him at a fansign, with handmade doodles of all eight of their their skzoo characters on it. minho and jisung are holding hands on it—while seungmin is trying to make hyunjin trip behind them—and jisung really hopes the silly drawing will cheer minho up, even if just by a bit.
he lets the teabag soak, lifting himself up on his tiptoes to reach the jar of honey they keep in the highest cupboard. he almost drops it, but minho seems to be just enough out of focus not to notice; he’s sitting back down, head resting against his closed fist, gaze fixed onto nothing. they really don’t need another mess tonight.
after adding the sweet substance, stirring the tea makes a clunking noise that feels way too loud in the dead silence, the metal spoon clinking against the ceramic, and jisung is more than happy when he can take it out and offer the mug to minho. it takes a few tries, but when minho finally lifts his gaze from the tabletop, jisung beckons him towards the counter where the mug is sitting.
he offers a hand to help minho up, and drags him towards the counter. the couch would probably be more comfortable, but jisung knows minho well enough to know, even without looking at them, that his hands are still shaking, and he wants a stable surface within reach to be able to rest the mug and avoid any spills. minho has already had enough emotional rollercoasters for tonight, and if this little trick prevents any more messes, then he’s more than happy to wrap an arm around minho’s waist to support his weight.
his chest fills with warmth, seeing the small, content smile that slowly blooms across minho’s face as he sips on his tea, the hot vapour making a red blush colour his cheeks. after a while, jisung reaches a hand up to boop his nose, revelling in the small noise minho lets out, in the way his cheeks colour a crimson red. by now, the tea is almost finished, so jisung doesn’t mind that minho puts the mug down to hide his face inside jisung’s chest, embarrassed. he simply reaches a hand up to card his fingers though the older’s hair, to gently scratch his scalp.
jisung’s lower back is starting to dig into the hard edge of the counter, with the way minho is pressing him against it, but jisung would never say a word about it. he shifts around a little, trying not to advert minho of his movements, but the older immediately notices, dropping his hands from jisung’s sides to his thighs, softly tapping them. jisung immediately gets the memo and lifts himself up, onto the counter. he reaches behind himself to place the mug inside the sink, before they end up breaking another one, and then his attention is dedicated solely to the boy in front of him.
jisung brushes a strand of hair behind the other’s ear, wrapping his legs around minho’s hips. he really can’t help it, brushing his lips against minho’s forehead softly. the older swats at his arm playfully before burying himself back into jisung’s sweater. jisung doesn’t even hesitate before wrapping his arms around the boy’s form, leaving some more kisses into the crown of his hair.
they stay like that, wrapped around each other, their heartbeats synced together. minho softly rubs his head against jisung’s chest, and he can’t help but think of a cat trying to show his affection. jisung tightens his legs around minho’s form, feels the older boy sigh in contentment.
it’s like the time is frozen, the two of them the only ones, with the universe for themselves.