Chapter Text
"This, then....This is libel, Slander, defamation of character....this is a prolonged insult, a gob of spit in the face of Art,
a kick in the pants to God, Man, Destiny, Time, Love, Beauty....what you will.
I am going to sing for you, a little off key perhaps, but I wil sing. I will sing while you croak,
I will dance over your dirty corpse...."
-Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer
Vile
Chapter 1
At the age of 16, Natsuki Subaru dropped out of high school. Well, not officially, he actually quit going altogether. His parents–may life bless them now that he is gone–weren’t overbearing. They were patient with him; even when he was cold towards them, they always did what they could. Subaru had stopped going because he felt like it. There was no rhyme or reason; he simply detested school and everyone there. He never tried to make friends, finding the conversations they would have with one another trite and without any real meaning. In other words, he found his classmates to be complete and utter idiots. In fact, he considered everyone stupid he met in some form or fashion. So, in the end, instead of wasting away surrounded by people he absolutely couldn’t stand, he left.
He had lied to his parents, and he thought up a reason–a girl who didn’t exist. He blamed this made-up person for his woes and anxiety, stating he needed time to himself and promised to finish. He wouldn’t; Subaru was happy living as a loner. He spent most of his day in his room, reading, drawing, listening to music, video games, pornography, you know, the usual. However, he was bored even when he was doing what he wanted. He suffered from perpetual boredom, often searching out outlets to add excitement, but in the end, it was always the same.
When Natsuki Subaru was a small child, he craved attention; his parents doted on him constantly, but even when they had time to themselves, he demanded their focus shifted to him. He never acted out, not in a sense his parents would expect from a young boy; no-Subaru did other things to get their attention. He didn’t want negative attention, but instead sympathy. He wanted people to feel sorry for him. So what he did was this: he carried around a small needle and dug it into his arm, causing himself to bleed. Discreetly, of course, he always wore long sleeves to cover up the scars, but when he did this and ultimately started to cry, his parents would drop what they were doing and focus on him. He liked this, this feeling of sympathy. It was a strange human emotion, something he didn’t possess, and he found it fascinating that others seemed to have it and were often empathetic to his ‘unknown’ pain.
This sympathy fed his self-importance. To Subaru; the only person who mattered was him; everyone else was secondary, if that.
***
It was night, and Subaru had just left home; his mother had said something to him, but he didn’t stop to hear what she had said and kept on his way. No real destination en route; he was tired of being in his room, so he stepped out. He decided to head to his local convenience store for junk food and whatever else he could find. Standing in the aisle sifting through instant ramen and chips, he made his choice and stepped to the cashier. Before, however, he had crammed a magazine down his pants-something inappropriate for his age-and candy bars. The person running the register looked to be studying and paid him no mind.
Paying for only two items, with more stuffed in his pants and jacket, Subaru left. He felt tired suddenly; rubbing his eyes, and feeling dizzy; his vision blurred, and he shook his head. When his vision adjusted, his eyes widened, taking in his new surroundings. Subaru stood in front of a fountain, looking around; several demi-humans-the only word to describe them- looked at him wearily. He stood out obviously, and when they looked at him, he stared right back until they diverted their eyes. After a minute or so of assessing the situation, Subaru decided he wasn’t dreaming; he smiled to himself,
“Well, I’ll be damned; I’ve been summoned to another world.” He said to himself. No emotion betrayed his words; he rarely showed any,
Subaru left the fountain and started to aimlessly walk around,
“So looking around, it’s obvious that this is some sort of a fantasy world,” He said to himself, “Though I wonder why I’m here? The cliche character trope would be slaying some demon king tyrant, so I could only assume that is why I’m here?”
Subaru scratched his head, “Nah, that’s fucking stupid.” He stopped before a fruit stand; he stared at the food and the clerk peddling it. He couldn’t read the sign,
“Well, I can’t read, which is terrific.” He said sarcastically,
“Are ya goin’ to stand there, or are ya goin’ to buy somethin’?”
The fruit salesman had said. Subaru looked at the fruit salesman,
“So we can understand each other?” He asked as if he had come face to face with a species of ape that could talk,
The fruit salesman didn’t quite care that the two could communicate, “Yeah, we can. And I’m starting to understand ya are nothin’ more than a nuisance, so either pay for somethin’ or leave.”
Subaru watched the fruit salesman, “Are these apples?” Subaru asked, pointing to the fruit,
“Huh? What are you talking about? They’re appas obviously, not the word ya just said.”
The fruit salesman chewed on his blade of grass; gritting his teeth, he again asked if he was going to pay for something,
Subaru started to wonder if the NPC talking with him had any more lines,
“I don’t have any money,”
The fruit salesman seemed annoyed with his answer, “Then leave. Can’t ya see I have other customers to take care of?”
Subaru looked around, “Where?” He asked,
“It obvious ya are drivin’ them away!”
“Are you sure it’s not that shitty attitude of yours?” Subaru replied,
The fruit salesman growled; Subaru threw his hands,
“Okay, okay, I’m leaving; good luck in the appa business, though if you ask me, your inventory could use a little more variety.”
“I didn’t ask ya, so leave already,” Subaru smirked and walked into the crowd,
He wandered around for a few hours, taking everything in, until he stopped in an alleyway. He sat on the edge of the steps, taking out his phone and looking at the screen,
“I don’t know what I was expecting; it’s obvious I have no signal,” Subaru said and pocketed the phone,
“You seem lost?” A voice said to him. Subaru turned, and standing behind him was a girl with white hair that matched her pale complexion; her eyes were dark blue, and her facial expression gave nothing away. She spoke in a voice with no emotion, and her choice of clothing left Subaru wondering if she had anything on under her Pancho. A blue ribbon with no real purpose hung in her hair.
“Do I seem helpless too?” Subaru asked,
The girl smirked, “No.” She said,
“Did you summon me?” Subaru asked,
“I’m afraid I don’t understand; however, I am here for you.”
The girl stepped toward Subaru and crouched down, her Pancho left much exposed, satisfying Subaru’s curiosity.
“You’re here for me? Why exactly?” Subaru asked,
“To give you this. You don’t appear to know what to do, but this book should help; just keep it safe and hidden.” The girl handed Subaru the book; he hesitated and took it, thumbing through the pages, finding it blank.
“There’s nothing written here?” Subaru asked,
“Oh, it’s because you are not seeking answers. The book will guide you when you wish to know what to do next.”
Subaru could only assume the book was some sort of manual, “So basically, this is a magic 8-ball in book form?” Subaru mused,
The girl said nothing and smiled,
Subaru studied her face; he opened the book, subconsciously thinking about what to do next. Words appeared that said:
'Muggers will corner you, get them to fight you, and lose the fight. You will be saved by a beautiful woman.’
Subaru stared at the words written and looked at the girl, “This book just told me to get my ass kicked.”
“The book sees into the future it believes the reader desires most.” the girl said, her grin unchanged,
“Oh? Well, I don’t desire to get the shit kicked out of me.” Subaru threw the book back at the girl, “Keep it.” Subaru turned away from her,
The girl watched Subaru, “You have already been chosen, the book won’t leave you.”
Subaru continued to ignore the girl and got up to leave. The girl said nothing as she watched him go,
“Well, what do we have here? A lost puppy?”
As Subaru was leaving, gruff-looking young men came face to face with him. Subaru stopped, turning around to find that the girl and the book had disappeared. Subaru turned back to face the men,
“I take it you three idiots are the muggers?” He questioned,
The bigger of the three stepped forward, “Oh, so you’ve heard of us,” He cracked his knuckles, “Well, this makes things easy then, so turn your pockets inside out!” The rounder mugger demanded,
“Yeah! Do what he says!” The smaller of the three said. Subaru looked down at him and then back at the other two,
“You know what. Fuck you.” Subaru said, and walked forward, planning on leaving the alley altogether,
“We didn’t say you could leave, asshole!” the mugger with short white hair stopped him; he pulled out a couple of knives, “So unless you want to fuckin’ die, give us everything you got!”
Subaru glared at them; he was about to say something until a fourth voice called from behind them,
“Outta the way!” The voice shouted. The four of them turned to see a young girl with blonde hair running toward them,
“I wonder if this is the girl that the book mentioned?” Subaru asked himself,
The girl didn’t stop and ran right by them. Jumping with the grace of an acrobat, the girl used the walls of the alleyway to scale the side of a small building before she bolted out of sight,
The four watched her and turned back to one another,
Subaru stared at the three, “Alright, I take it there is no other way to get out of this?”
“Not anymore, in fact! We are more pissed now!” The mugger stuck his tongue, and Subaru noticed it was pierced; he looked at the two knives the mugger was holding and threw his bag of food at the three, catching them off guard,
“What the fuck?” The mugger with white hair shouted in surprise. Subaru rushed the guy, punching him hard in the face, knocking him off balance, causing both knives to clang to the floor; the other two were too busy being distracted to not realize Subaru had rushed them,
“Fucking dic-” The knife wielder tried to say but stopped when his tongue ring was suddenly grabbed by Subaru,
“You know, if you didn’t have this, you might be able to shut that stupid mouth of yours!?” Subaru ripped the tongue ring free, causing blood to pour from the mugger’s mouth. The mugger fell to his knees. Subaru kicked the mugger in the face, effectively knocking him unconscious. The other two tried to intervene, but another voice interrupted their brawl,
“Stop right there!” The voice shouted,
Subaru looked to the end of the alley; his eyes widened when saw a girl of immeasurable beauty. The girl stepped forward,
“Now then, I ask that you return what you stole!” Her authoritative voice bounced off the alleyway walls, and she glared at the four huddled together,
“Stole?” Subaru asked. He looked at the mugger, “You know what she is talking about?”
The muggers continued to stare at the girl; their friend lay passed out, “We don’t know what you are talking about!” the shorter mugger said,
“It was probably that girl who ran by; she went that way.” The bigger pointed behind him, gesturing to the direction the previous girl had ran to,
“What! Aw, you mean I got the wrong person?” She ran by but stopped at the top of the stairs; she turned to face them,
“But still! I can’t stand by and ignore this!” The girl held up her hand and shot a ball of ice at the three of them; Subaru hit the ground,
“Gah! What the fuck!” He said, rubbing his abdomen,
“You shouldn’t mug people! It’s not right!” The girl glared at Subaru and the other two, who lay on the ground,
Subaru looked back at the girl, “And you should really assess the situation!” Subaru pointed to the unconscious man, “He was trying to mug me! I was defending myself!”
The girl’s eyes widened, “What?” Oh, I’m soooo sorry! I thought you were trying to rob that unconscious man!”
While this happened, the other two grabbed their friend and started down the alleyway. Watching them run, Subaru turned to the girl,
“See? I told you so!” Subaru stood, “Maybe next time, you’ll ask questions before assuming you have all the answers!” Subaru shouted. The girl was still cute, but his being attacked by her annoyed him to the end,
“I-I-I’m sorry…” The girl said, taking a step back,
“Hey, now!” Suddenly, a tiny cat materialized in front of Subaru, “I won’t let you talk to Lia that way!”
Subaru looked at the floating cat, “What the hell are you exactly?” He asked, tilting his head to inspect the flying animal,
“It doesn’t matter! Apologize to Lia for making her upset!” The floating cat shouted,
Subaru looked at the cat and at the girl on the steps; Subaru shook his head,
“No, I’m not apologizing for something that isn’t my fault,” He looked at the girl, “You should be the one apologizing to me.”
The girl bowed, “I’m sorry, I reeeeaally messed up!”
The floating cat looked at the girl and then at the boy, who smiled to himself,
“Are you happy now?” The cat asked,
“No, I’m not; you must make it up to me!” The girl looked confused,
“What?” she asked,
The floating cat looked disgusted, “I can read your thoughts. Whatever you’re thinking, it won’t happen!”
Subaru looked at the cat, “Oh is that so, then how’s this?” Subaru thought of something especially heinous,
The cat became enraged, “STOP!”
Subaru ignored the floating cat and looked back at the girl. She was confused and didn’t understand what the fighting was all about,
Subaru smirked, “Don’t get so worked up.” He walked by the cat and stood before the girl, “How about you let me help you find what was taken?”
The cat growled, “Like I would ever let that happen! I read your thoughts,”
Subaru looked behind at the cat again,
“You’re really fucking annoying, you know that?”
“Hey! Why are you two fighting?” The girl questioned. Subaru looked at her,
“Look, I just want to help, and considering how you attacked me, I would say that’s fair.” Subaru smiled warmly,
“Well–” She started to say,
“I already said that won’t happen!” The cat shot a tiny ice crystal from its paw; Subaru couldn’t react in time before the chunk of ice careened through his midsection,
The girl’s face turned pale; an expression of sudden surprise decorated her face,
“PUCK!” the girl shouted,
“Emilia, I had to do it. His thoughts were filled with nothing but perversion, lies and deceit. He is dangerous!” The cat shouted,
As Subaru hit the ground, he stared at the two; the feeling of death washed over him,
“Great, already in a new world, and I’m fucking dead. I really fucking hate that cat.” Subaru thought to himself as he started to lose consciousness from blood loss; he coughed, his breathing became labored, and his pulse slowly dropped. Subaru died at the hands of a floating asshole cat.
***
“Are ya goin’ to stand there, or are ya goin’ to buy somethin’?”
Subaru’s eyesight adjusted, and he found himself staring at the appa salesman from earlier; the man growled as he watched him,
“Well?” the appa salesman shouted,
Subaru turned and left, ignoring the man completely,
“Fuckin’ weirdo.” The appa man said to himself and glared hatefully at the crowd.
***
Subaru walked along; his thoughts raced as he recalled what had just happened,
“Was I just sent back?” He said to himself. Subaru lifted his shirt and stared at his cut abdomen, “There is no wound, and I don’t feel weak, but I felt that pain; even now, I know it.”
Subaru thought momentarily, “I guess I could always test it out.” Subaru continued to walk around until he found a large staircase that climbed up toward a terrace that overlooked the city. He glanced around; families were all around him, smiling and laughing. He climbed up on the rail and turned to them,
“HEY KIDS!” Subaru shouted; children turned to look at him, “Your parents don’t love you!”
Subaru fell backward and tilted his head back just in time for his skull to crack against the cobblestone below, killing him immediately.
***
“Are ya goin’ to stand there, or are ya goin’ to buy somethin’?”
Subaru’s eyesight adjusted again; he stared at the salesman and felt the back of his head; he smiled,
“Hey, pal? I’m talkin’ to you!” The appa salesman shouted once more,
Subaru looked at him, “I’m good. I have something better than your shitty fruit.” Subaru turned and ran, laughing hysterically,
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” He repeated, “I just fucking killed myself and went back in time! Holy shit!”
Subaru was full of glee; he couldn’t believe it. Having such a power to abuse could open up avenues to whatever he wanted; if he messed up, he would just off himself and try again.
Subaru ran into the alleyway, “Now where is that girl?”
“You seem lost?” a voice called from behind,
Subaru smiled and turned to look at her,
“There you are.” He said,
“Oh, you were looking for me? How interesting.” She smiled wickedly,
“I bet.” Subaru held out his hand, “I think I’ll be taking that book now.”
The short, pale girl smiled, licking her lips; from under her Pancho, a small leatherbond book was produced and handed to him. Subaru graciously accepted the book and opened it; the words from before materialized on the page. Subaru closed the book and smiled,
“I think I’m going to like it around here.” He said to the girl,
She smiled, “I’m happy to hear that.”
“What’s your name?” Subaru asked,
“Pandora.”
“Pandora?” Subaru grinned, “Hmm, you know I think you and I will get along quite well.”
She smiled back at him, “I think so too.”