Chapter Text
Aziraphale felt everything in his being begin to ache as watched Crowley slowly pull himself back. After 6000 years they had become so entangled, even when they went centuries without seeing each other, there were still threads that linked them. Like a giant mess of cables, intertwined and inseparable, but as he spoke the words that broke even his own heart he watched his only friend slither his way out of their own side. The one they had built together.
Aziraphale would never forgive himself for asking this of Crowley but he knew it was the only way to get the serpent to leave. He could scream and curse all day at the demon, but the only true betrayal was that of a deeper level. Asking him to change his fundamental being, come back to a side that so easily cast him out. But his discussion with the Metatron had meant this was the only way he could keep him safe.
"You are just the angel for the job."
"I… I don't want to go back to Heaven, I'm quite happy here on Earth." He left the 'with Crowley' unsaid but it was heavily implied.
"You know as supreme archangel, you may have just enough power to stop that demon of yours in the bookshop being erased from the book of life."
Aziraphale's eyebrows furrowed, "but I thought you said that Michael didn't have the authority to do that."
"And they don't, but I do, and after that display from Gabriel and Beelzebub, I have a need to ensure that does not become commonplace."
Aziraphale swallowed his cooling coffee and winced at the bitter taste that filled him mouth.
"I see, well in that case, I see I am left with little choice."
"There is always choice, Aziraphale, however I am glad you've made the right one. I'll give you a few moments to say your goodbyes."
Aziraphale wanted nothing more than to take Crowely up on his offer, to go off together, to run away, however far they could. But nowhere would be safe for them, not if the Metatron was serious, and Aziraphale couldn't take that risk.
"Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever."
Aziraphale watches as tears well in the demon's eyes and he wishes for a moment we could take it all back. Tell him he feels the same, he wants it to just be the two of them. But he has to go, he has to find a way to protect Crowley, no matter what it takes.
He watches as Crowley puts on his glasses, depriving Aziraphale of his favourite colour in the world. His mind is spinning, trying desperately to think of something, anything that would ease this pain, allow Crowley to know that he cares. The demon stalks past him and Aziraphale feels like his heart is being ripped out, not that he has an actual heart, but if he did he is sure it would be beating out of his chest.
A weight suddenly makes itself known in his pocket as he moves to follow the serpent, trying to drink in these last moments no matter how painful. His diary is safely tucked in his jacket pocket. After the fire, Aziraphale has miracled all of his diaries to be in one small pocket sized book that he took with him everywhere. He couldn't care to lose those memories, all the adventures he had gone on with Crowley, all the deep intimate thoughts he had about the demons. He wanted desperately to hold onto it, take it to heaven so he could have some small amount of comfort, but in this moment, he knew what he needed to do.
Even as they argued, Aziraphale felt his mind spinning, wondering how he was going to get the book to Crowley. He couldn't miracle it, he was sure that any miracle, no matter how small, would be noticed by the Metatron. But he couldn't give up this facade, he needed to show the Metatron there was truly nothing left between the two of them, no matter how much it hurt.
Aziraphale would sooner Fall, losing all sense of who he was, than have Crowley never have existed. His whole existence has been a wonderful dance, and he could not have imagined it without the serpent. Crowley had saved his life and Aziraphale gladly gave his heart to the demon, love of another being was supposed to only be for humans. They were proof of something different.
"You idiot, we could have been… us."
Aziraphale looked away, he couldn't do it any longer. He didn't want to send Crowley away, but the pain was unbearable. He didn't even register that the demon had moved.
But the moment Crowley's lips touched his he felt for a moment like he was alive, how wonderfully human this moment was. He could feel all the love, passion and pain Crowley poured into him and the angel tried desperately to prevent all of his longing and fear from slipping into it. This was his chance, mustering all of his sleight of hand training, Aziraphale secreted the diary, and his heart, into the care of his demon.
He saw the expectant look on his beloved's face as he pulled back, every atom of his corporation willed him to tell the demon that he was loved but he knew he had to deal the killing blow in order to save him.
"I forgive you."
He just hoped the demon would offer him the same courtesy, if there was ever the opportunity in the future, after he had read the most intimate feelings of his Angel. He wasn't sure he would ever make it back, but as long as Crowley knew someone loved him.