Chapter Text
chapter 1
PONYBOY POV
Dallas walked into the door to the Curtis house uninvited, giving us all a bit of a scare. “Catch,” he said, tossing an unopened pack of cigarettes to me, I just barely caught them from my spot on the couch where I was finishing up homework.
I instantly felt a wide grin spread onto my face. The sudden facial movement must've knocked some of my hair around because a strand of brunette hair fell over my eyes “tuff, thanks Dal!”
Darry made his way from the kitchen into the living room. He unknowingly still had his ‘kiss the cook’ apron on, which me and Soda noticed over dinner but silently vowed not to mention it. This made even his appearance cause my to let out an embarrassing giggle. “Whatcha laughin’ at kid?” Darry asked this as he held a dirty spatula, pointing it directly at my face. He must’ve been so focused on me that he didn't hear the footsteps of Sodapop sneaking behind him, who may or may not have been spending too much time with Two-Bit
“…. GAAHH!” Soda screamed into the 23 year olds ear from directly behind him.
“FUCK!” Darry stumbled, struggling to regain his balance. “You do that again you’re grounded Cola!” Nobody responded, except for Dallas Winston's unnoticed snickering from the doorway.
Soda ignored the brunette's threat and sat down next to me, I was lighting a fresh cigarette from the pack Dal just got me. Early birthday gift I would have to guess? “Ooo, that's new?”
I quickly put away my bright purple lighter before taking a drag. “Mhm, and they aint for you Pepsi-Cola! It's a birthday gift from my favorite brother!” Boy, I sure loved teasing him.
“WHAT? WHO?” Soda screamed looking between me and Darry in an uncertain panic. But I just smirked and inhaled into the stick of toxic waste once more.
Darry snatched the pack out of my hand, I felt the corners of my mouth tug down. He was always on me about smoking, I was basically an adult now! “This is some high end stuff, Texas.”
“You know it man!” Dally grinned, not trying to hide the fact that he clearly snatched that from some poor socs. “Ay baby Curtis, don't let Dare-Bear take that from you, took lots of hard work and nearly an hour of walking around a gas station.”
“Stop callin’ me Dare-Bear, the name Superdope is already bad enough.”
Dallas waltzed into the living room, stumbling over himself, likely drunk. He rested a finger under the eldests chin, “Would you rather me call you mine?”
“Shut it, you have a boyfriend!” I winced a bit, remembering Johnny's 17th birthday.
•
3RD PERSON POV
*Johnny sucked in as much air as he could before knocking on the door to the Curtis house. He had refused to stay the night, scared of what might happen when the clock restarted. A strand of pale blue hair blended into his otherwise dark bangs. In Ponyboy's later opinions, it matched his jean jacket and contrasted his burn scars, claiming Johnny looked tuff.
Johnny didn't feel very tuff, especially as the door swung open, hitting the wall opposing it much like how Darrys jaw nearly hit the floor. But regardless he smiled, straightening his shirt before walking in. Dallas Winston had been staying with the Curtis’s for the past few months after getting kicked out by Buck. Johnny had always admired him, Dal was the coolest guy he knew. His views on the 18 year old shifted, maybe for the better, when he woke up this morning, his hair matching the hoods.
“Hi Dal..” He bit the inside of his cheek, “So-“
Dallas smiled, as if he was expecting this. “Yeah yeah,” he ruffled up the younger boy's hair, “Don't say nothin’ sappy, you’ll ruin the moment soulmate.”
Johnny was ecstatic to say the least. The gang was all supportive, and, well, Ponyboy tried to be. He really did, but everytime he saw the two together his heart ached. He didn't know why either, which seemed to just make everything worse. It certainly didn't help when the two started dating, or when they started openly kissing around him. The 15 year old told himself it was just that he missed having more time with just his best friend. He wasn't gay. Not that there was anything wrong with gay people, or at least nothing wrong with Dallas and Johnny.
Every so often a rude remark about their relationship would slip out, Darry would get mad, but Dal found it hilarious. Sometimes he would say ‘You’re hot when you’re mad baby Curtis.’ and Johnny would slap him. Or ‘Jealousy is cute on you’ and blush would creep up the youngests neck. Dallas fake flirts with everyone and anyone, but it went too far with Ponyboy. To the point where his hands would get clammy and he would go all red and sweaty at the sight of the oldest ice blue eyes. But it was just because he was worried Dal would embarrass the kid again! Nothing more, obviously.*
•
PONYBOY POV
“Horse mannnn!! C’mon Pone, snap out of it!!” I blinked aggressively in an attempt to get used to my surroundings again.
“Johnny? When did you get here?” I felt my face heat up. Gee, his face sure was awfully close to mine. I must've zoned out on the couch. The whole ‘he's a dreamer’ thing was getting out of hand. Sometimes I would blink and the whole world would be hours ahead of me, time just seemed to disappear like that.
“I just got here, you were lookin’ at the wall like it killed your family.” Johnny sat down next to me on the couch, he looked at the wall as if there was something he was missing.
“Sorry Cakes, I got distracted.. Where did everyone else go?”
“On the hunt for Two and Steve, they haven’t shown yet today.” Johnny continued staring at the wall as he perched his feet on the table in front of us. I found myself analyzing his face. Sometimes I wished I looked like Johnny, he might even be better looking than Sodapop. If Soda even knew I was thinking like that he would be really mad.
He loves love, I guess would be the way to put it? And ever since Sandy officially broke up with him, not counting the many times they got back together, or the ‘im pregnant you have to come back to me!’ type scares she used to get her own fun, but like, officially broke up, he's been kinda fixated on Johnny and Dally. I don't blame him, he's been lonely. When Steve didn't get any color on his head, he dyed a strand the same pink that was in Soda's hair in an attempt to make his best friend feel better. Of course it only ended in him finding out and spending the whole day trying to cheer Steve up. Even nearly two years later he still claims his soulmate can ‘suck it’ because there was a mistake in the system and he and Steve are actually platonic soulmates. I wish platonic soulmates were a thing, maybe then I'd actually have a shot at being happy. Whatever.
“Did I get something on my face?” Johnny cocked an eyebrow and I nearly jumped in my seat, my face turning red.
“No.. Sorry.” The words came out as a grumpy mumble type whisper.
“Cheer up man,” Johnny smiled softly as he elbowed my side, his eyebrows slanted.
“What's got you so happy anyways..” I grumbled. Sometimes I’d rather be dead or slit my wrists open or something than have to confront myself about the reality i'm living.
“Well ya’ turning 17 soon, i'm excited for you Pone!”
“Simmer down Cade, I ain't gettin’ a mark. 18 is the birthday you should be excited for, then I finally get to leave.” I knew I shouldn't be so rude to Johnny, but I needed to get out of here. Rather that as to run away or to kill myself didnt matter, it was all the same, and Tusla had become too much.
Johnny's lips tugged downwards and I swear I saw him tilt his head like a confused puppy, “What? Sure you’ll get a mark!”
“Doubt it.”
“And you can't just leave when you turn 18. The rest of us are already adults and we’ve still stuck together?” He seemed genuinely offended, I ignored the stinging in my chest, I had made up my mind years ago. Maybe if he stuck around instead of leaving me for Dallas he would know that.
“Who's gonna stop me? We all know none of us wanna be here.”
“Pony, that ain't true-“
“I think you ‘oughta leave Johnny.” I was short tempered and pissed off. I didn't want him to hate me more than he likely does. I stood up and gestured out a hand to help him up. He stood without taking it.
“Happy early birthday Ponyboy.” He grabbed his jacket and tossed it over himself. Damn he looks h- nevermind. “See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, tomorrow.” I shut the door behind him. Guilt seemed to fill my stomach and I twitched at the painful sensation. I made my way to the kitchen and opened the medicine cabinet. I grabbed a handful of aspirin and swallowed them, just to ease me over. Soda had talked a few times with me about how I take painkillers like candy. He still thought I took a max of three, like I did when I was 14. The closer he got with Darry the more I stopped telling him stuff, Darry was a good guy sure, but he didnt like me very much. Hell if I had to take care of my kid brother I wouldn't like it very much either.
“Whomp whomp!!” Two-bits voice boomed inside the house, followed by a door slamming shut.
“Hey Two,” I greeted, ignoring the rest of the gang, except for Johnny, that trailed behind him.
“Where's Johnny?” A voice asked. Of course Dallas would want to know.
“I dont know.” My voice was bitter, filled with teenage hormones and maybe, just maybe, a small, tiny hint of jealousy. Probably not though!
“He was just here?”
“I said I don't know.” I wasn't sure why I was getting flustered, it just happened. Consciously feeling my face heat up only made me embarrassed, which reddened me more. I liked having pale and fair skin, most of the time, but other times, like this one, I wanted to rip my skin off.
“Whatever,” Dally shrugged, making his way past me to grab a beer from the fridge, tossing one to Two-Bit as well. “You look rough, kid,” don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, “Still cute though.” Oh god damnit! His eyes grazed mine as he walked past everyone, i was blushing like crazy. Well, not blushing, thats horrible wording I would never blush over him. I was flustered and embarrassed.
“Stop flirting with him, Dal, he's 16!” Darry called out before looking back at me “not for long though,” he smiled.
Soda took the chance to totally mess up my hair by shaking it around with his calloused hand. “They grow up so fast!” He rested his head atop mine from behind where I stood, both hands on my shoulders. I simply just sighed and let myself rock back and forth, matching Sodas swaying. “I'm gonna head to my room.” I said, escaping my brother's grasp.
“Ay, but the sun's down already! Dontcha wanna wait till your mark shows!” Steve added on, probably just as an excuse to party.
“Nah, it aint that big of a deal. I'm getting tired anyways!” I wasn't tired, at least that type of tired, but I needed to be alone before I ruined someone else's night.
“In that case,” Dallas slipped on his shoes, “Im snatchin’ Johnny from the lot and heading to Bucks for the night.” It was easy to forget him and Buck we’re all good again with how often he bummed around our couch.
“Ew,” I whispered to myself after recognizing that Johnny and Dal would be sharing a bed. I left the room, I didn't want to be any more of a part of that then I had to be.
The plan was originally to read in bed, but my head seemed to be spinning. I couldn't focus on the words, it felt like I was a little kid learning to read again. Hell, it always felt like I was little. Time just seemed to stop, everyone grew up, but I didn't move an inch. I think I have this thing when I get older, but just never wiser. Because I can recall 14 year old me sitting here, in this exact same spot, tears falling on the pages of a book I couldn't read. My parents had just died, and Darry was busy comforting Soda, he took it worse than me. When had I even started crying? Why was I even crying?
I shut the book and wiped my eyes. I wasn't even sure what the book was about, but surely I had read it before. I found myself forgetting the plots of books all the time. I could just re-read them, it didn't matter anyways. But I didn't want to forget them, I did however, want to forget all these thoughts. I almost had myself convinced i was a faggot! How ironic is that, ha! I chuckled to myself a bit. I shut off the light and layed on my side, maybe some sleep would be good for me. I felt like I was going insane.
It was hard to tell how much time had passed, but eventually another weight tilted the bed. “Hey Soda.”
“Shit, did I wake you baby?” He paused, still only sitting.
“No,” I turned around to face him, despite the darkness making nothing visible. “I couldn't sleep, what time is it?”
“Ten past midnight,” He laid down, facing me as well. I could practically hear his toothy smirk when he asked, “You ‘ought a mark yet?”
“Nah, already told’ya Cola, I aint gonna get one.”
“Sure you will! Took me till the next night for anythin’ to happen!”
“Whatever man..” I said with a smile as Soda wrapped his arms around me.
We stayed like that for a few minutes, and a sigh escaped my mouth. “Somethin’ wrong little bud? You aint been yourself lately.”
“I'm alright Soda, besides, nothin’ gold can stay.” I wanted to tell him that I hadn’t been myself in a long while, but I didn't. I usually hide when I am upset pretty good, but today was an exception. Sodapop must’ve either dozed off or not known what to say, because silence filled the room and before I knew it I was drifting in and out of sleep as well.