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A/N: Hello, people!
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~.O.~
In Harry's opinion, there was nothing more comfortable than laying out in the middle of a patch of sunlight on the forest floor and enjoying a nice nap while not having to worry about magic, or evil, or Death Eaters, or anyone British at all actually. Just him and nature having a nice little moment or twenty in peace, and the realities of life far away and never to crop up if he refused to let them.
Becoming an Animagus was literally the best decision he'd ever made. Hermione had been so pushy about it, but eventually he and Ron managed to give in to her demands and it ended up paying off very well. Even Ron managed to last through the entire process! And of course, like his Patronus, his Animagus form was a stag.
Though a creepy, black stag with bright green eyes and an odd silvery lightning bolt shape on his tail.
Still, he was a deer, and he was a decently large one. Closer to what those in Northern America would call a moose rather than a deer, but he didn't have the exact build or the rack required of a moose.
Deer or moose didn't matter much because in the end, he was big enough for certain animals to back the fuck off, allowing him to get in his beauty sleep far away from people and magic in general. He could be himself all alone in the tranquil forests of Washington, and not have to worry about being interrupted.
At least… that's what he'd come to expect over the past two weeks.
Finding himself accosted suddenly by a man-shaped creature that was fast enough to sneak up on him and capture him before he could even notice, was not part of the plan!
If Hermione had drilled in the protective enchantments and spells into their heads, Ron and Harry would have been far less prepared to go around as Animagi. Thankfully, after many potions, spells, rituals, and even a few good sacrifices that were in no way questionable, they'd been pronounced safe enough to go about their animal business without fearing for their lives.
Still, Ron's form was a dog and Hermione's was an otter, and they weren't considered food or things worth selling on the black market in pretty much any place. Harry came to realise that being an animal that people liked to hunt for sport and food was actually not a good thing. So, Death, in exchange for permission to kill someone somewhere because they were being annoying and Fate wouldn't let Them do it by Themselves, granted Harry the guaranteed protection necessary to live life in animal form.
Harry couldn't really die anymore, Master of Death-induced immortality and stuff like that there. He'd just wake back up. But it didn't mean his body couldn't be mangled horribly. So, in animal form, Death afforded him extra protection so he couldn't be harmed by things like lorries, bullets, arrows, claws, and fangs for example.
Basically, an indestructible deer that was the size of a moose. It sounded like a mighty joke, but in reality, it was kind of hilarious and terrifying at the same time.
So, like, getting surprise-attacked by a non-human entity was shocking for sure, but he knew he didn't have to worry about being eaten or crushed or anything. It wouldn't work on his foe's end. But that didn't mean the absolute fright it gave it was ignorable!
His heart was basically in his throat and his neck was trapped under some guy's massive arm!
Death, the bloody hell just hit me?! I feel like I got bowled over by a troll!
A vampire.
…Don't they eat people?!
These ones are 'vegetarian' and only eat animals. Something-something about morals and guilt and what have you. They only go after animals, and the one holding you tends to like the very large and very bestial ones because they taste better supposedly.
And to think, if he hadn't taken up that offer of additional protection, he'd be deer meat in the worst possible way presently.
The tinkling sound of breaking porcelain filled Harry's ears, making him shiver in disgust.
"I can't bite it!" the vampire holding him announced. "My teeth literally broke off and I can't even manage to crush it."
Three other vampires appeared out of thin air, all of them focused intently on Harry's struggling form. So, he couldn't die in the thing's grasp, but he also couldn't escape because they were so bloody strong. That was totally unfair of nature to pull such a thing on him.
"I've never seen a deer like that," the incredibly short girl noted as she skipped over. "You're lucky we're vampires because if it managed to escape it would have gored you instantly." She then bent down to pick up the thing's broken teeth and snickered. "Open up."
"I never knew our teeth were capable of breaking," one of the other vampires noted. "I guess it makes sense if our bodies can break apart under enough force. The venom will just put everything back to the way it was though, right?"
The girl beamed and stepped away. "Yep! They are back in place, and all healed up now!"
Were the vampires that he knew capable of that? Sanguini didn't seem like he was capable of healing his teeth instantly after they literally broke. And Harry was pretty certain that vampires didn't have venom. He might not have been the best student at Care of Magical Creatures, but he did have the best scores in Defence Against the Dark Arts and he would recall a detail like that most certainly.
Goring someone on his antlers was sounding very nice right about now. Typically, he wasn't a violent person like that, but this was serious business!
"If you can't drink from it just let it go," the girl said. "There's no point in holding it down the entire time. You can't bite it without breaking teeth, and for some reason, your strength isn't working. Maybe it's a shapeshifter or some sort that has evolved to be an even bigger threat than those in La Push."
"But you can See its future," the vampire holding Harry down said. "You implied that you saw a Vision of it attacking me."
All three vampires paused for a moment, as if this revelation was truly a most surprising one.
"Huh," the girl huffed, "didn't realise that. I can't see the future of shapeshifters because I've never been one. I can do humans and vampires since I was one human and I'm now a vampire."
"It could just be a really big animal," the other man suggested. "You've been able to See the decisions animals make during hunts before, right? Maybe this is just like that."
"But with impenetrable flesh?" the vampire holding him repeated. "Can't bite it without my damn teeth breaking and you're expecting me to believe that it's a normal deer?"
"'S'not like I know many deer in myths or folklore. Who knows what it could be?" the other man shrugged. "We're vampires and we know shapeshifters and werewolves exist. Surely other things must exist too."
"There's actually many deer-related myths and legends," the girl began, taking a stance like she was about to give a lecture. Harry's struggles eventually died down by then though, because it was obvious he wasn't getting out of this just yet.
"There are options from Norse and Greek mythology, though highly unlikely since it doesn't match those descriptions in the slightest. Maybe it's a Xeglun or a Peryton! The strangeness of the fur can kinda look like feathers in a way."
All three males - the deer included - basically wore the same Are-You-Serious? expression on their faces, but she was still going. "There are also Indigenous American beliefs of the Iroquois and other related peoples, of a wind spirit named Gaoh that had four forms to represent the four cardinal directions, one of which is a fawn and the other a great moose. Said to live in the mountains or the sky and-"
"Okay, I think we've gotten off topic by now," the one vampire interrupted. "I very much doubt this deer is a spirit or god in disguise. It would have done something to free itself by now, right?"
Oh yeah! He was a wizard!
Fuck this shite!
Harry Disapparated, leaving the weird vampires behind and intending to never bring this up to avoid any potential mockery from his friends and loved ones.
Within time, it would be gone from his memory.
"The deer is back!"
Edward Cullen, who had not been around during his siblings' interaction with said deer, found himself perking right up at the thought. From their memories, it had not only completely broken Emmett's teeth when he tried to bite it, but it had also managed to just completely vanish into thin air with only a quite POP to announce its departure.
None of them had ever seen a deer of its ilk before, and the inky black fur on its body was shaggy and lacked any sort of reflective color in the sun rays coming in through the trees. Its eyes were also a bright, unnatural shade of green. Deer eyes weren't exactly green after all, and Edward had never seen a human with eyes of that shade either.
The antlers had been a smooth gray as well, and finely sharpened. Oddly enough, from Alice's perspective in front of the deer, the antlers curved and curled upward in such a way that they created a sort of skull-shape. They were all in agreement that it was a deer and not a moose, and the many portraits that Alice had rendered of it did indeed show that it lacked many of the traits common in a moose despite its overall size.
Still, it was a mystery in the Cullen Coven, and they all had questions. Emmett was the one to find it, so it couldn't just be a random Vision Alice had seen. Jasper and Alice had witnessed its existence too, and Alice even managed to have a Vision of the deer trying to run Emmett through with its antlers.
The whole experience had never left their minds entirely, even with how much time had passed.
And now it was back, except Edward was present this time.
Oh fucking hell, not this lot again.
Edward froze in place as the distinctly British accent reached his own ears. The deer… had a thought process that Edward could actually pick up… and it was British. A British deer living it up all the way in the forests of Washington no less.
Did they not get enough of ruining my bloody afternoon last time?
The deer was actually thinking very unpleasant thoughts. Edward didn't feel so inclined as to let it know that he was perfectly aware of its violent fantasies. After all, this was the perfect opportunity to get to know the creature and find out its secrets.
What kind of vampires sparkle in the sun anyway? Sanguini and his childe don't do that as far as I'm aware. And they've both been around for a while. How can you take them seriously when it looks like they had a horrible mishap with the crafts section of an art shop?
Its green eyes roamed over them all, finally landing on Edward.
A new one. A very pretty one at that. Well- more pretty than the other ones by far at least.
Edward ignored the praises for his looks, and instead chose to focus on something else far more important. Curious to see what would happen, he sank into a very obvious crouch and growled lowly, so he could get a better idea of just what the deer was capable of mentally and physically.
These bastards move too damn fast, though if he wants broken teeth like the other one then by all means, give it a go, the deer practically taunted. I'll just Apparate away again and be done with the lot of them.
So, it would do its little vanishing act if they attempted to pursue it. Fascinating.
I don't like the way the pretty one is looking at me. He looks like a smug bastard.
Edward schooled his expression, so he didn't give the game away too early.
But then... something odd happened.
A new sound joined the deer's mental voice. He hesitated to call it a voice because it was as if a thousand voices all spoke together just slightly out of sync with each other. This odd chorus gave off a very cold and dark sort of vibe though, and it made Edward shiver despite how his body shouldn't be capable of it.
Master, he is a telepath and is listening to our conversation as we speak. Might you protect yourself from his mental invasion?
Oh.
There was a moment of utter silence, before the deer's mind exploded into activity. THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE'S A TELEPATH?! HE CAN READ BLOODY MINDS THIS WHOLE TIME AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME UNTIL NOW?!
We simply thought that you would have been smart enough to have your mind occluded without needing to be advised. Clearly, We were mistaken, Master.
Oh, toss it, you git.
And then the deer's mind went completely silent. Not even a hint of its existence at all. Just like a human's mind did once they died.
Said deer looked around for a moment, before shaking it head and standing. His siblings al tensed as they waited for it to act.
Instead of giving them a show, the deer popped out of existence, and nothing of it remained save for its oddly petrichor scent.
"That deer had some very choice words for you Emmett," Edward revealed once he was certain they were all alone once more.
"So, it's not just some simple animal!" his older brother beamed. "It's gotta be something like the shapeshifters down in La Push or something, 'cause I'm not seeing what else it could possibly be."
"Problem with it though, is that something else intervened and informed it that I could hear its thoughts, and then suddenly it panicked, its thoughts went silent, and then it vanished." That could mean many things, but the voices that other Thing had were unnerving.
Emmett was silent for a moment, and then his smile was back in full force. "If we ever see that deer again, you need to be the mediator between us. I want a pet deer and I'm pretty sure I could convince it to see my way of thinking!"
Ah, yes, Edward's future job was to be the great mediator between vampires and deer. Wonderful.
~.O.~
A/N: FINISHED!
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