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Luo Binghe has his first official sip of wine at the age of twenty five, and immediately feels embarrassingly dizzy.
It isn’t entirely the fault of the wine. Shizun is helping to make the evening feel strange and dream-like. Of course, as someone who does the peak lord’s laundry in between hunts and training, Luo Binghe has seen this untouchable, peerless immortal in all kinds of extremely human situations.
But Shizun tonight is even more agreeable and solicitous than usual. He was the one who arranged this formal meal for the inner disciples of Qing Jing, to celebrate the Mid Autumn Festival. He was the one who looked away, the ghost of a wry smile on his face, when someone pulled out several bottles of osmanthus wine. And now, he is sitting right next to Luo Binghe, chuckling quietly and ever so slowly emptying his own cup of wine.
He looks like a jade statue that came to life.
The good times couldn’t last forever. As if in a dream, Luo Binghe did something terrible. He kissed Shen Qingqiu.
Luo Binghe has spent a quarter of a century trying to (unsuccessfully) quash these unfilial feelings and yet after two (2) sips of plum wine he just went for it. Just like that. He may as well throw himself off the mountain and die .
Shizun was leaning past him to grab something from the table, and his face was right there, and Luo Binghe is both an opportunist and an idiot.
That beautiful mouth was right within kissing distance. For years and years, Luo Binghe had stared at that gentle mouth, and that night he just kind of leaned in and… smooched the side of Shizun’s mouth. Right on the corner.
Of course, as soon as it happened, Shizun froze in shock. The rest of the evening continued as if nothing had happened. The first shiny burst of giddy joy - he kissed Shizun! - soured over time into sobriety and anxiety, until the next morning, in the cold light of day, Luo Binghe awoke with the same kind of dread in his stomach that he assumed other people felt on the morning of their execution.
And now… and now Shizun keeps running away from him and walking into trees and arguing with himself in that way he sometimes does when nothing has happened for a while.
(He gets so animated when nothing happens! It's very charming. He starts planning things like renovations or missions, as if he’s trying to trick things into happening again–)
Luo Binghe is getting distracted. The point is that when he kissed Shizun, he didn't realise what he did at first (all those stupid dreams he made, where he lived out his shameful fantasies. He thought they were harmless trapped in the confines of his own brain, but it made him lower his guard! Luo Binghe set himself up for this! He trained himself to kiss Shizun!)
Nobody else noticed, not even Ming Fan who was sitting the other side of Shizun, but surely even now Shizun is arranging for him to be turfed off the peak and sent packing. God forbid he gets sent out into the world to fend for himself, or even worse, to - shudder - Bai Zhan peak with Liu..........shishu.
Shizun was never meant to find out! Luo Binghe doesn't know what came over himself then. And the way Shizun froze and didn't speak, and then when they both pulled back Luo Binghe was bright red and speechless too. And shizun just said "oh." Just that.
"oh."
" oh ."!!!!!!!
He's getting kicked out for sure.
So when Shizun finds him the next day sitting in the cold pond with all his clothes on, the picture of miserable penance, Luo Binghe is fully resigned to his fate.
His nose drips into the cold water. In fact, all of him is dripping.
(He had to dunk himself at the memory of Shizun's mouth on his-)
"Ahem. Binghe."
At least he'll be nice about it. Cruelty hasn’t been in Shizun’s repertoire for eleven years now. Luo Binghe bows over, shivering pathetically. Maybe if he plucks at Shizun’s soft heart, he can delay the inevitable a little.
Shizun, as usual, reacts to the first hint of gentle misery from Luo Binghe like he’s being forced to witness a baby lamb being dragged to the slaughter.
"Stop, stop... this old master isn't angry with you."
Luo Binghe gives him a watery look. He had suspected Shizun wasn’t as furious as he had first feared, but it was nice to get confirmation. "You're not?"
Shizun coughs. His face is still that aloof mask, but he has a vaguely stiff air to him. "Last night, you were... celebrating, and you were. Affected. By the atmosphere."
Luo Binghe knows an out when it’s offered to him.
"And the wine, shizun,” he says helpfully.
Shizun coughs again. "And the wine. The point being that I am perfectly aware that Binghe was not of sound judgement or awareness then. Your mind was clouded."
Luo Binghe can see where this is going. "Shizun?"
“And in a moment of error, Binghe... mistook me for one of his martial sisters."
At first, Luo Binghe can only think, what ? But he quickly figures it out. Shizun is giving him plausible deniability. They both know that Luo Binghe would never be able to confuse the two - it was only two sips, after all - but Shizun is risking his own thin face to preserve Luo Binghe’s.
So that's how he's excusing it.
Luo Binghe should feel grateful that Shizun is providing such a generous excuse, but shamefully, his eyes are growing hot and there's a lump in his throat.
"Yes shizun," he says numbly, and then they both go through the motions of a disciple begging forgiveness and a master letting him off easy for a simple mistake.
Things even out after this. Life is normal. Shizun is awkward at first, but soon they put the incident behind them.
Until the next time Luo Binghe gets drunk - dosed this time on a strange, fermented pollen from a weirdly phallic flower during a fight - and it happens again. This time while Shizun is bending over him to wrap up an injury, his eyebrows pinched with concern, his perfect pale moon face just close enough that it’s no effort at all for Luo Binghe to lean up and place a gentle kiss on his mouth.
"Oops," he giggles. Oh, this pollen is very strong, huh.
Luo Binghe is thrown into the cold pool, but at least he isn’t thrown off the peak.
And again, when a demon contingency slips some kind of draught in his tea during a fraught confrontation, and Luo Binghe finds himself loose and sleepy, and Shizun is right there looking all concerned and peering into his eyes trying to work out what kind of poison it is.
It’s no trouble at all to place his hands at the hinge of Shen Qingqiu’s jaw as he distractedly puts two fingers to Luo Binghe’s forehead.
"Where does it - mph!"
And again when there's another weird flower during a fight. And again when he accidentally chugs a flask full of clear liquor instead of water during a particularly sweaty mission. And again when he has a fever and lies in bed hallucinating pink blobs on the ceiling.
" Binghe !"
Shizun looks at his wits end. He has made Luo Binghe go directly to Mu Qingfang to test his eyesight five times now. When they reveal that Luo Binghe has perfect eyesight, Shizun summons his feckless disciple for a truly excruciating private meeting. Luo Binghe feels like he’s crumbling as he kneels in front of a man who would rather find an excuse to take his disciples on a dangerous trip to a succubus’ lair rather than explicitly tell them to stop making out when they should be training.
"I understand that you are - feeling things. and experimenting. With your feelings."
Shizun looks especially pained to have to say this out loud. He always did shy away from having to acknowledge earthly desires of lower, lesser beings.
"But every single time...!"
Luo Binghe smacks his head off the ground, begging forgiveness like he hasn’t since he was fifteen.
The next time there's a celebration with alcohol involved, Shizun sits Ning Yingying firmly between them, and looks very pleased with himself.
Luo Binghe sulks the entire night and considers pushing Ning Yingying off the mountain. That should be his spot, next to Shizun! He should be the one watching his master slowly loosen up and smile, private and voyeuristic all at once, while hand feeding him the best food on the table!
He isn't even doing it on purpose! The risk (getting kicked out) is far greater than the reward (fumbled nervous half conscious smooches). Luo Binghe would rather be here, secure and ensconced on Qing Jing peak, with no smooches and an aching heart and Shizun’s full attention, rather than wandering aimlessly around, heartbroken, with a few stolen kisses to remember.
He resolves himself: no more giving in to temptation. He is stronger than this. He can be a good disciple. He won't die without kisses! He won't!
Luo Binghe lasts a month before he literally trips over a rock, fails to catch himself (how?! he's the pride of the peak!) and lands mouth first on Shizun's mouth.
It isn't even sexy. He almost bites his own lip off.
Shizun storms off, fan creaking in his hand, quietly arguing with air. Luo Binghe punishes himself harshly with vigorous sword training on Bai Zhan peak for causing such endless frustration to his wonderful, patient master.
It all takes a bad turn when, during a mission down in some small village, Luo Binghe and Ning Yingying mysteriously fall into a forgotten well riddled with traps that will take hours to escape from. A well that, apparently, none of the villagers knew existed.
Up top, Shizun gasps in surprise.
"Oh dear! Look at that! My poor disciples have fallen in a deep well with nobody around! And I can't open it!" He raps the closed lid with his fan. "Be safe and figure it out, you two."
Luo Binghe hears him wander away grumbling something about "getting it out your system already".
Did Shizun just...?
Ning Yingying and Luo Binghe escape the well in record time. Ning Yingying is too unhappy about being covered in slime to enjoy this precious time with her shidi. Luo Binghe is unhappy about being tricked into a well. Kissing is the last thing on their minds - which, for Luo Binghe, feels like a bitter blessing to come from this whole disaster. There's a small demonic array that they disable in minutes, and then they both climb out, grumbling and complaining to each other in ways that they would probably feel ashamed of back on the peak.
They track Shizun down to a little old lady's house in the village. She appears to have been plying him very generously with her family's region-famous wine.
Shizun has never looked so giddy. When he sees the two disciples, he very hurriedly tries to straighten up and look serious. Unfortunately, his whole body is so pliant with giddiness that it’s about as effective as trying to pour tea during an earthquake. It makes something in Luo Binghe’s gut squeeze.
"You're back!" he yelps. "Did you do it?"
Ning Yingying assumes he means "disable the trap".
"Yes," she says bluntly, before going to dunk herself in the stream nearby (likely before she can say something "unfilial" to their shizun). Luo Binghe lets her go. As much as he adores his Shizun, this was a very frustrating day, and he’s struggling to remain charitable about the whole thing.
Shizun sighs and stands up, wobbly and yet trying to be dignified. He looks a little concerned as he watches her go.
"She seemed... dissatisfied."
"It was messy," Luo Binghe says as blunt as he dares. "Can we go home now?"
Shizun mouths the word "messy" to himself in mute horror, before easily agreeing.
They fly home, two thirds of the party in resentful silence, and the third humming unrecognisable melodies under his breath. When they get back, there’s nothing to do with Shen Qingqiu but bundle him up and help him to regain some dignity, before any of the other disciples get the privilege of seeing him like this. Soft, loose-limbed, smiling like he’s in on some private joke. Confused about how to undo his robes. Wishing he had something greasy to eat.
As Luo Binghe tucks his shizun into bed, thankfully bathed and clean again, Shizun stops him with a sleepy smile.
He looks so warm and inviting.
Luo Binghe is a strong man. He burns inside, but his filial devotion is stronger than his monstrous appetite.
"Handsome, clever Binghe."
His. filial. devotion. is. stronger.
And then, as he leans forward to gently unspool Shizun’s hair from where it was trapped under the pillow, Shizun leans forward, trance-like, and kisses him right on the forehead between his brows.
It’s Luo Binghe who freezes this time. He struggles to take it all in - the soft touch on his forehead. The smell of Shizun’s hair as he leans forward.
He swallows.
"Shizun...?"
There's a strange expression on Shen Qingqiu’s face as he pulls back - indulgent, fond, but cut through with a strange uncertainty.
"It looks so naked," he says, eyes already closing. "Forgive this old man. I don't know where it all went wrong. You keep giving me your firsts."
Luo Binghe cannot describe the emotions he's feeling right now, but they sure are a lot. He is not entirely sure what a first is, but he gets the gist.
"Of course you can have them," he whispers to his Shizun, who murmurs and frowns before settling down.
Luo Binghe does a hundred laps around the peak in penance.