Chapter Text
Jeongguk wasn’t expecting the encounter.
He had been dealing in some secluded alleyway one Friday evening, which of course, he was normally very skeptical about doing in such a questionable area, despite the fact no one typically passed by there.
He preferred his clients to know him, stop by his house, or him stop by theirs simply so there was no eye witness to the exchange and no chance he would be potentially busted.
So, it was completely coincidental that Jeongguk had managed to snag another client just minutes after, given had taken his precautions.
Perhaps he hadn’t been observant enough because clearly, someone had seen.
“The fuck do you want?” Jeongguk spat in the guys general direction, intentionally attempting to deter the latter away in case the guy was trouble. He had to seem intimidating. Besides, this guy wasn’t his immediate pick for something like this.
His clothes were pristine—the fabric simply much too clean for this rundown part of the city— his haircut recent, and his complexion rather healthy. Jeongguk didn’t just have a couple bags of weed or something. He dealt the hard shit.
“You want to buy off me? Maybe I don’t even know what the fuck you’re on about, dude.”
A sigh, and then;
“Look- are you even sure you want what I’m offering? I don’t have fucking molly, okay? Like, sure, I have-“ he took another look around his surroundings. Gritted his teeth and continued. “I have LSD, but I mostly sell coke—Not H though, don’t get me fucking started with that awful shit— That’s where I get all my buyers. So if you’re not down, don’t just-“ he clicked his tongue to cut himself off.
He needed the money, but it was the guys choice, not his own. He wasn’t going to sell to someone who was unsure though. He was better than that.
“Tell me what it is you need and I’ll get it for you. But give me the cash. Upfront.” But. It seemed as though this guy had made up his mind.
Despite where he earned his cash, Jeongguk wasn’t what you would think. He had plenty morals, but, he fell victim to the many struggles of financial needs, his mother didn’t have the money, and well, he wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with his father. He lived in his own crummy apartment, the bills seemingly too much to keep on top of although it was the cheapest option of the lot.
But. Minimum wage could only get you so far, and without degrees, or years of study and experience, the options were minimal. Not to mention, he had to chip in for his mother’s hospital bills too, though that was his own choice of course.
His life had deteriorated over the last couple of years regretfully, yet, Jeongguk wasn’t ashamed of his line of work. Sure it was kept secret from those he knew wouldn’t take the news all that well, but it wasn’t as if he was unhappy doing it either.
His clients were chill (well, majority of the time that was) and the money was decent. His only regret was that he had made the unfortunate mistake of giving up what life he could have lived had he gone on with his college degree. Instead, he had dropped out as soon as his mother’s health condition got worse.
They needed money right away, but dealing off campus was a lot harder, and a fuckton more risky and not to mention, he could have pursued an entirely different life than the one he lived currently.
But, he had learned to simply accept it.
•
If you had asked him what he was doing in here at this time of evening, Kim Namjoon would not have been able to answer. The businessman had no shit of a clue. What did he know about these alleyways? He had no idea why he was here. And yet, his feet were leading him somewhere that felt as familiar as the back of his hand to him.
His eyes wandered around the dimly lit passageway and its surrounding darkness just before his eyes fell on two figures that looked like they were having a quiet conversation.
He slowed down his steps as he got closer towards the pair. At first glance, Namjoon could hardly make out anything except their torsos. Then, as his eyes adjusted, he took notice of their hands.
A transaction.
From all his years of consuming movies and TV shows, he knew a thing or two about drug deals and how to spot one. And from what Namjoon saw, it seemed to be going well. It was a quick one. You would have to hit rewind or you would miss it. The dealer nodded his head when he saw the wad of cash and the buyer strutted away with his hand stuffed into his pocket; a quick done deal. But, it wasn't done yet. Namjoon stepped forward.
“You selling? Whatcha got?” He asked, breaking the silence.
He didn’t expect much when the hooded man turned his head to look at him. Sure, some scruffy features here and there. Maybe in his late 40s with a short stature like that? Not much more than that. But when the man examined him, his face no longer hidden in the shadows from the filtered lighting, Namjoon saw his face.
Quite frankly, he had a pleasant face. No hint of age in his smooth skin and hair. His jawline was strong and sharp, with prominent cheekbones that almost made him look intimidating under his dark hood.
Not quite, though. Beneath those thick eyebrows were large, doe-like eyes that betrayed his looming aura. One could easily tell they were dark brown, almost black. Not that Namjoon was paying attention.
“Coke, huh? How much? I suppose a gram would cost more than 130,000 won. I could use some of that.” Namjoon held up the money in his hand before the hooded male could say anything. It was a shameless display of confidence. He knew that. He had the luxury to buy anything he wanted. Really, there was nothing stopping Kim Namjoon from doing what he so wished. Being a successful businessman of a multi-billion won corporation had its perks. A home for him and his parents to live in. An office. A car. All the things people wanted and needed.
Even so, it was always the same, day-in and day-out routine. He must admit—he was growing tired of the monotony of business. Still, there was nothing he could do to break the endless cycle. He had tried a great many of things; had discovered a desperate longing to find new hobbies to cause mild enjoyment. Never exciting. Not even close.
This wasn’t his life or his choices. Not at all. He was just living out the future that had already been decided for him since birth. There was something missing, that much he knew. Namjoon didn’t really know what but it was missing. Sometimes the missing thing felt rather small, a slight issue.
Like that of a missing tooth. It was irritating and most certainly uncomfortable but it was bearable. He would poke around and feel at it with the tip of his tongue but most of the time he could ignore it. But sometimes it felt so much more than that.
Maybe he needed to live a little. Maybe he needed to throw his middle fingers in the air. Maybe he needed a quick fix. Besides, what’s a few snorts of coke going to do to him?
“Listen, I believe you. You seem like a decent guy. I could use your services specially during times like these. Work’s got me bent over backwards, you wouldn’t believe it. It’s a whole fucking circus.” Namjoon chuckled softly, the kind of airy yet deep laugh. “So, how about we help each other out? No?” He asked.
His voice carried a bit of a mocking lilt but it sounded sincere too. No bluffing. And from the looks of the guy, he seemed to be needing the money now. It’s no wonder he got his slip of coke fast.
"Good. I take it that you have the numbers of your clients?” The businessman inquired. His lips twitched slightly just enough for his dimples to peek through.
“Would be nice to have you on speed dial when shit hits the fan at work. A little snort of coke will keep me sane.” He chuckled again and scratched behind his neck. Things were looking up. Namjoon didn’t think throughout his entire business career he would be making connections with a drug dealer, but here they were. He couldn’t say he hadn’t expected it. Hell, he had been looking to get high for a while. So, what better way to do it then by getting a little high off a supplier? Less risky doing it alone than with somebody else.
•
The guy had an attitude, although, it was rather discreet. You had to pay attention to his certain tone of his to notice, but Jeongguk was observant, cautious. So of course, he picked it up right away, the sound of his condescending laugh chipping away at what little nerves he had left for the day. Ugh, fucking business men and their damn patronising demeanours.
Jeongguk despised people looking at him that way, with an ironic pity that caused an uncomfortable stir in the pit of his stomach.
“Yeah, yeah. Just grab the shit and give me your phone so I can punch in my number.” His frown deepened when he realised Namjoon could certainly think from his standoffish attitude and brooding appearance that he could potentially take off with his phone. He clicked his tongue and took his hands out of his pockets.
“I’m not gonna run off with the device if that’s what you’re thinking. Not that kind of desperate.” He murmured, his tone surprisingly softer, as though it was supposed to be reassuring. His nerves peeked.
Perhaps it was the effortless smile or the way the guy handled himself that made Jeongguk feel significantly lower class and of such a startlingly different upbringing. It was like the guy could put on any kind of expression to impress others without revealing what he was feeling. Somehow, Jeongguk was a little jealous of that ability.
The sliver of two prominent dimples gave away an entirely new impression. It was genuine, raw, something unique to him that made Jeongguk’s heart flutter. He tightened the strings of his hoody to conceal the blossoming pink hue that started to engulf his cheeks. Jesus, he needed to keep his thoughts in check. Quickly, he punched in his details, and instead of writing his name, he picked an emoji that he thought was benefiting of himself. Then, he handed the stranger back his device.
𝖢𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝗇𝗎𝗆𝖻𝖾𝗋: 𝐉𝐊🔥
“Are you… it’s your first time isn’t it?” It was spoken as the stranger seemed about to leave, the words tumbling out of Jeongguk’s lips were unexpected, even to himself.
“I know the signs. And I also know that doing it alone can be a bit..risky. If you have a bad trip, you don’t want to be by yourself, trust me on this. I’d know. And if I’m gonna be your dealer, well. I like to provide a bit of information that you wouldn’t get otherwise, cause I actually care about my clients unlike everyone else.” He’d been there for majority of them when they had needed it, even though he personally barely knew them. He had more than enough time so why not make deeper connections with his customers?
That way they would know he was more than reliable, not only on what he sold but also as an emergency. “So. Um. If you need me there to like, even just supervise well you get high, I can do that no problem. Just don’t be too much of a stuck up douchebag and we won’t have much of a problem.” Hastily, he shoved the stuff in the guys hand before he could change his mind, since they were taking a little too long with this exchange.
Still, his anxiety wouldn’t quell. Even though he had been the one to offer, the thought of watching this guy snort a line was unusually nerve wracking.
He supposed it was just because the guy’s whole persona just admitted wealth, as though the guy was used to abnormal pay checks, expensive suits, the lot.
Jeongguk wasn’t sure when the last time he had hired a suit had even been, let alone purchasing one. He wouldn’t have the money for it, and even if he miraculously did, he had no doubt he would spend it on a gaming set up instead of some flimsy outfit.
Yet.
The money was exciting. It felt good to not be paranoid about his next sum of money and the relentless debts owed. Now, he barely had to worry about that. And if he manages to make a rep with this guy, then he was right on the track to becoming financially stable!
•
“J? K?” The words came out more like a statement than a question when Namjoon glanced at the new contact in his phone. It was quite frankly the first time he had ever asked for someone’s phone number for anything other than a courteous business call, and it surprised him that he was willing to give it to him.
The contact name didn't surprise him much, though. He knew it would be something equal to his quirks. The male barely made any contact with him; eyes locked on the ground, both hands in his pockets and his feet shuffling.
It was cute.
The way his fingers curled around the ends of his long sleeves, his knuckles turning white and his teeth baring slightly at attempts to look unapproachable. It reminded him somewhat of a small vicious puppy being walked by his owner. Curiosity flashed in his mind for a second as to how this young man managed to get into this business in the first place.
What was his motive for doing such a risky, illegal job? Was working a nine-to-five job impossible for him? Did he go to college? Life seemed to do that to people—the good kind.
And he seemed like it, already worrying about his own safety while trying his best not to show it; keeping some sort of harsh facade that hid a little fragment of his delicate soul. He hadn't expected his voice to be loud when he blurted the next set of words, but there was no mistaking the soft sound, so quiet he could've sworn he imagined it. Namjoon found himself smiling softly as he looked down at the brisk contact. The tiny clear bag well-crumpled into his hand before he placed it in his pocket.
“Yeah, I could use some life insurance with my purchase. I didn’t know that was even possible.” He snorted quietly to himself. Did the air feel different? Did things miraculously change between them? Was this newfound feeling expected between a client and his drug dealer? Was it supposed to happen at all? He couldn't say, honestly. But there was still an inkling in the back of his mind that told him—maybe he wasn't imagining things.
Might as well jump right into it before testing the waters.
"You know what? I want to get high right now. I got time. I just got out of work, and I could use some company.” Namjoon shrugged nonchalantly, ignoring the sudden urge of nerves in his stomach. Everything always felt nerve-inducing when it was a first. He had to remind himself that.
“You could teach me a thing or two on how to do coke.” He commented. There was a slight pause, then the businessman spoke again, turning on his heel.
“In my car?” The Mercedes-Benz stood proudly in its parking spot down the empty street, gleaming jet black from underneath the hues of the streetlights. His almond eyes traveled up the hood to take in the sleek lines of the car. Compared to other cars, his was a stunning beauty. No suffering of the fair share of damage from the weather. No visible scratches. It smelled as good inside as it looked when Namjoon got into the driver’s side of his car. Like teakwood and leather.
He turned to see him standing by the door, beholding all of his car at once. And maybe Namjoon did laugh. Or snort. Either way, he grinned at him sheepishly, “You getting in? I won’t kidnap you. I promise.”
No matter how much the movies made it seem easy, nothing could prepare him for this moment. It fucking burned. Only two lines of coke from his credit card and it felt like he had set his nostrils and throat on fire. The man let out a deep groan as he tossed his head back, throwing a hand up to his nose.
A deep breath was taken from his lungs, his chest expanding slowly until it was pressed against the steering wheel; his head resting lightly on it. After a few seconds he lowered his hand and head to look at the man who had been studying him all along.
“Well fuck…” Namjoon muttered as he pinched at the bridge of his nose and then rubbed it roughly. “I can see why people would rather shoot heroin up their veins. This fucking hurts.”
Before he realized, his pupils had dilated to a rather large size, making his irises look almost entirely black. If he wasn’t blinking fast then he kept chuckling in that habit of his. A habit that had been a sign of nerves but was also seemingly a sign of excitement too.
“But I feel fucking amazing. Yeah, like…I dunno I feel really hyped right now.” Namjoon shifted to get upright, his hands squeezing the steering wheel in front of him.
“I could just start dancing or running or screaming or something, man.” He grinned, gorgeous dimples practically pouring from his cheeks. He cackled once more, looking right at the male, “Oh shit. I’ve never ever felt like this before. I’m gonna be needing more of this shit from now on!”
•
“Right now?”
It was an unexpected turn of events, catching Jeongguk rather off guard, although he should have been used to this sort of occurrence. Yet, this guy was unlike anyone he had met, his impulsive brashness was surprising, different to what he would expect of someone in his status.
His gaze was intense, as though he was bearing into his soul, looking right through his hostile facade and finding the vulnerability within. It made him feel exposed, naked, just from this man’s simple stare. It was almost suffocating.
“Wow, I mean. I’m not gonna stop you. But are you sure we should do it in that car? It’s a shady area as it is, man. This will gain others attention for sure.” It was unbelievable, really. What was the guy thinking? Hauling such an expensive vehicle around like that in this rundown, dilapidated part of town? Was he really expecting to get back out without a scratch? If Jeongguk hadn’t rushed them, he was sure there would be spider cracks adorning the windshield, the interior probably would end up all scuffed up and damaged while they were at it.
He managed to convince the guy to drive off to a more private area; an underground parking lot, which he knew for sure was practically abandoned. It was only then that Jeongguk felt comfortable enough for the guy snort up. The businessman looked flawless with every move he made, every expression that filled his unique features, so just witnessing as the latter broke down that layer of his persona and hastily rubbed at his nose as though it was on fire; it was refreshing to see. Made him appear more human.
Instead of voicing these intrusive thoughts, Jeongguk simply scoffed to himself and shook his head. “Dude, that’s just the drug talking. Give it till morning, you’ll either miss the high or not feel too bothered whether you did it again.” He kicked his feet up onto the dashboard, grabbing out his lighter as he grabbed his weed stash out. He didn’t particularly feel like dabbling into coke while watching this newbie, so he settled for a more relaxing high, hoping it would help quell his nerves.
He did have quite the issue with anxiety, but this uncomfortable stir didn’t seem all too familiar. It was different, yet, Jeongguk couldn’t quite place his finger on what the feeling was exactly. Except, it didn’t. As he inhaled the joint, his thoughts started to kick into action, only amplifying the butterflies that sloshed around in his stomach. Those vivid dimples at the forefront of his mind. He let out a distressed groan and slumped against the stiff leather of the passenger seat.
“Hope you don’t mind, I just don’t feel like coke right now. Not that I normally snort my supply anyway.” Sighing, he allowed his body to sink further, letting his limbs relax in place as he held up the joint in front of his mouth, watching the lit end tear away at the paper of the bud.
“Still can’t believe you even came to this shitty excuse of a town.” An exhale, the smoke drifting into the air in front of them in small wisps.
“Why did you come here?”
•
The suited man shook his head. He still had that euphoric look on his face, pupils blown as he sniffed a few times before blinking. His eyelids flickered, long lashes brushing along his high cheekbones.
“Nah, man. I don’t mind a fucking thing. Do whatever you want.” He glanced over to the male who seemed preoccupied with his joint. The smell of weed was new to his senses. Pungent. Earthy. The kind that made his nose wrinkle.
It was surely going to reek his car, but at this point the man had dropped all defenses and allowed himself to indulge in the feeling. The exhilarated sensation still continued to spread his chest like wildfire. Namjoon’s eyes drifted shut for a moment until he realized the male was speaking to him again.
“Why?” He puffed his cheeks, musing. There was the question again. But instead he was staring out the window as if there was much passing scenery to behold. No shit it was all concrete in these undergrounds. He didn’t know why either. It just came over him. He couldn’t get enough, couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“Maybe I grew tired of my supercilious neighborhood? Everywhere you go, someone’s flaunting a designer bag and got places to be.” He shrugged at his lame excuse. “But man, everything is alive here. I can smell the soju and the fresh shellfish. Busan ain’t so bad.” Namjoon exhaled slowly.
A hand landed upon the shorter male’s shoulder, gripping hard and causing him to jump a bit. “Beats living in Gangnam, I tell you!” Namjoon laughed then, eyes crinkling in delight. An endearing smile replaced his lips, a wide and proper smile rather than a fake one for the sake of business; or for pleasing someone. It revealed his teeth fully in a rather dimpling smile.
Adorable.
It made him look somewhat younger.
“Ah, but honestly I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. Just wanted to drive a couple of hours to get away from work.” He murmured, his voice deep as the night. “A couple of hours…” The businessman repeated the phrase with another small chuckle, eyes glancing around, taking a quick glance into the rear view mirror.
No one seemed to be around. Just the two of them.
“Tell me, Jk,” he trailed, words coming out slow and measured like honey dripping from a spoon, “You do this often with your clients? Get high in their cars? Or am I an exception?” He teased, eyes narrowing playfully and brows raising in amusement. He let his words hang between them and watched the younger male turn to meet his gaze once more.
Maybe it was the cocaine doing the talking but everything was looking one-hundred fucking times better. Even him. Namjoon eventually leaned back against the lavish, leather seat of the black vehicle, “Just fucking with you. No need to be serious. Relax a little.”
The taller male gave him one last snarky grin before turning forward, gaze focused on his windshield. It felt like they were in their own bubble, isolated from the rest of the world and its problems, even if only momentarily. They may have been strangers, strangers on the outside but… Namjoon felt like he could trust this guy. Like they were friends. Like they’ve spoken countless times before. Like they’ve already met and seen each other through every aspect of life. It felt natural.
This man with his messy raven locks and big brown eyes. This whole encounter had left Namjoon feeling like… Maybe he made the right decision coming here after all.
•
Another drag and exhaling more floating wisps that fogged up the windshield, Namjoon’s voice was loud in his ears despite the man keeping the volume at the same level. Peeked interest it seemed.
“I-“ he hadn’t meant to respond just yet, but the sound tumbled out in a squeaking, unusual way that was very much not like him. His cheeks instantly coloured a dark shade of magenta.
The insinuation seemed almost lewd, hinted at but teasing all the same. Panicked and scowling, Jeongguk scolded him by socking him one in the shoulder. Certainly not light but not enough force to bruise either. He scrambled to find the strings to his hoody and yanked at them so that his blush wasn’t quite that obvious, though he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to escape the stranger’s observant gaze regardless of how he tried to keep it hidden.
Jeongguk could see how that lifestyle would feel suffocating. The luxury always seemed to entice others into feeling superiority over the lesser, more unfortunate, simply because they had cash. He never understood why someone would spend thousands just to show off, why any of those branded items were worth the expenses that were slapped on them.
It was superficial and perhaps Jeongguk would never understand it just for the mere fact that he wouldn’t be able to compare to that sort of life. His had already headed straight down the gutter, skipping all the necessary requirements to get ahead in life and instead dropping down to a distasteful method of making money. He gandered at the sleek interior of the vehicle, how it had looked considerably brand new as though it was just purchased the hour prior but was more likely just the outcome of constant and persistent grooming. Jeongguk didn’t feel like he belonged in a car such as this, but here he was. In some businessman’s car, smoking a blunt as he supervised the latter on his drug intake.
“Yeah, well. Busan’s not what it’s all cranked up to be either. As you can see.” Just as he was about to raise the blunt back to his lips, a palm surged down, grasping at his shoulder and sending him into a startle so bad that it had slipped through his fingers and fell into his lap. Hissing, he quickly picked it up before it could burn a hole in his already tattered jeans.
Then, in the rearview mirror; Dimples. Fucking dimples and bright smiles. He refused to believe his breath caught in his throat, because it didn’t. “Dude,” he frowned, meeting the others gaze. “I thought Gangnam was supposed to be this luxurious paradise everyone was supposed to love? Are you telling me it’s not all that great?” He mocked, topping it off with his best faux gasp he could manage. “I feel scandalised!”
•
“You want me to drive you home? I don’t mind.” The high had finally worn off as it dawned on Namjoon just how exhausted he was. He wasn’t even sure when it was exactly but now that his mind was clear enough to register the situation, he felt like shit. Likely it was the reminants of work’s stress tainting his body with a bad side effect.
Well, the long drive home would be good for him anyways. It would give him time to think things through and figure out what the fuck he wanted to do about all this.
Was he really considering buying drugs for recreational use? It was late and this man had been there for him this entire time. The more he thought about it, the more it became clear he didn’t want to lose contact with him. Sure, they were not on close terms yet—hell, they weren’t even dropping the formalities yet, but that didn’t change anything. Namjoon liked and appreciated the man’s company and it definitely was not like he was ever going to refuse his money when he needed it.
That meant he had an excuse to see him every once in a while. For drugs, of course. He looked over at the raven-haired male in question who seemed to be lost in thought. The car engine roared to life as he turned on the ignition, “Consider this a tip. I’ve already made up my mind. I’m taking you home.” The night sky was still covered by dark grey clouds, but it seemed that at least half of them were gone, leaving only small traces behind. The moonlight began to seep through, providing them a generous spotlight.
Gazing straight ahead, only half-aware of a world outside the claustrophobic comfort of his car, of his own hands stroking the wheel, and the pattern of traffic lights as the car cruised down the road, Namjoon was lost in thought. His mind was whirling with everything that had happened today: what happened at work, what happened tonight, everything just kept piling up. Namjoon had been driving for almost fifteen minutes, and had not thought much about the time until he pulled off to the side of the road, parked on the shoulder, and arrived at a small apartment complex. At the same time, the drive had been silent, but it was far from tense. It was an odd kind of serenity that came over them, as they sat there in the dark. The only hues that was coming through the windows were the bright headlights cutting through the road and the glistening moon above their heads, making it appear as if the world had been casted in white and blue.
It was a perfect view of the night sky. If Namjoon squinted hard enough, he could imagine it was like some sort of movie set. “So I’ll call you whenever I want to buy from you, right? You don’t got a lot of clients that I need some kind of appointment?” Namjoon asked the male after a while, pulling himself out of his trance. And when it seemed plausible, Namjoon took a moment to respond before he said something again.
He didn’t know why but the embarrassment began to creep behind his neck and ears. “Okay, cool. And uh- can I text you too? You know for some… recommendations.” He lied. Smooth Namjoon.
Real smooth.
•
Jeongguk didn’t respond immediately. The weed worked wonders for his anxiety, calming him down and allowing him to really relax as he sunk back into his seat, his gaze fixated on the dull slabs of concrete among the dreary carpark. The words that were spoken into the air were distant despite the fact the man was mere centimetres away. Slowly the bud fizzled out where it had stayed cradled between his two fingers, left as just a burnt useless filter with paper tapered around it. He continued to stare mindlessly.
“What?” He turned his head to fix his gaze at the rich man, his movements sluggardly and leisurely in his state. “You don’t have to do that, seriously.”
He wasn’t sure what the junkee’s in his neighbourhood would do to a car like that, but he could imagine it wouldn’t exactly be pretty. But, the other part of him was concerned about getting home now that he was rather high. After all, there was no way he could attempt to make his way there on his own in this state. Namjoon, however, seemed to have already come back down from his trip. A smirk filled Jeongguk’s lips.
“Are you sure you’re not just unwilling to get rid of me yet?” He flirted, the weed making it easier for him to speak a little more unhinged.
“You wouldn’t be the first. I’ve been told I have that kind of effect on people.”
Flirtation always came easy to Jeongguk but somehow, in Namjoon’s presence, he felt intimidated, shy. He brushed the thought off though and labeled it just a state of formality considering Namjoon’s class and position.
“I’m sure that’s the case, since you won’t take no for an answer and all.” The drive towards his apartment complex had been a smooth, peaceful journey; no hiccups or sharp turns, just the way Jeongguk preferred it. His family were the opposite of that, they were reckless and rather impatient drivers which would quite often leave tranquil state that the marijuana had allowed him to succumb to, he was relieved for the peaceful moment. So when the car had come to a halt, Jeongguk hadn’t even been aware. It was only as Namjoon started to speak to him that he noticed.
“I have enough clients,” Jeongguk lied. “But who am I to turn down good money? I’d be insane not to.”
A pause and then; “Well. You are pretty chill too, which I appreciate. So, your company isn’t exactly horrible.” A bite of his lip, and fidgeting of his hands before he prepared himself to speak once again.
“Yeah. You can text me.”
If you had asked why the sudden erratic pace of his heartbeat despite the lax drug he had been intoxicated with, Jeongguk wouldn’t have an answer. Perhaps it was the result of nerves upon giving another stranger his number and the fact just now sinking in. Maybe it was something else. But one thing was for sure, Namjoon brought out a flurry of butterflies within him without even trying.
•
The only two things Namjoon could comprehend right now was the god awful sound of his alarm blaring in his ear and how much his eyes felt heavy.
He pushed himself up on his bed before realizing maybe that wasn’t the smartest move as blood drained from his brain to his lower body, practically forcing him into a heap on his bed in vertigo.
‘Ah, damn.’ Namjoon begrudgingly thought to himself before he twisted his body to face the bedside table where he had left his phone charging on and reached out for it. He clutched the phone in his hand and squinted his eyes to observe the bright, blinding screen. The clock was on full display and so was the snooze icon. Thank God for this option.
“Work.” he mumbled out when it became clear in his head what day it was and where he was. Tuesday. In his bedroom. First flush of the morning. No birds chirping yet. He swiped the alarm to dismiss it, silence finally settling over the room. He placed his phone back on the bedside table and let his head clash against the soft pillows. Then, allowing a sigh to escape his chest like a plume of smoke, he placed his arm over his eyes.
Typical.
The monotony of life with no change. No surprises. Only routine after routine. The businessman had to get to work before 7 in the morning and ideally make it home by 6. Hell, he was lucky if he left work early.
Overtime always got to him before he could refuse. Sure, he made good money but at what cost? His soul? His dignity? It didn't matter anymore. All that mattered to him now was getting through every day without ripping his hair apart. It may be easier said than done though.
Now, resorting to drugs was something he wasn’t able to avoid in the slightest. He knew this day would come when he would have a slip of cocaine hidden underneath his mattress.
Namjoon slowly opened his eyes, still tired but he wanted something new to look forward too. His eyes fell onto his clothes and noticed he hadn’t changed out of yesterday's clothes like he had planned. Maybe he collapsed as soon as he got home? Weird. He couldn’t remember anything else or how he got home. He simply remembered… Him. And those big doe eyes.
Namjoon’s eyes flew open. Did he do something last night while high? No way. That’s impossible. He wouldn’t forget. And besides the high feeling didn’t last too long. He was sober throughout it all. He sat up from his position on the bed and ran a hand through his brown locks. He couldn’t ignore the way his heart was hammering against his chest like a hummingbird’s wings.
‘This is ridiculous.’ Namjoon told himself as he stood from the bed. He looked around the room once more, taking in the dark empty space surrounding him. He sighed again and headed towards the bathroom. He turned on the light and proceeded with his morning regime.
Being a businessman in a top company in Seoul required the utmost care in how one presented themselves at work. It’s also partly the reason why women flirted with him at work more often than not. Anyways, nothing seemed amiss. Nothing except… It didn’t take long of doing everything in complete focus before fleeting thoughts of his face came into view in his mind’s eye. And that contact name in his phone.
The older man bit his lip hard enough that the skin nearly split as his fingers clenched the side of the sink. “Fuck. Now I know I’m really sleep deprived.” Namjoon muttered once more, morning voice huskier than usual.
He looked at his reflection one more time. Nothing was off. Nothing seemed out of place. Yet, something about that contact name remained stuck in his head. Why did he felt the need to text him so soon? The businessman wished he could say he was able to last the entire day but he couldn’t. By lunchtime, he was whipping out his phone from his pocket and sending the younger man one simple text message with little thought behind it.
Just one simple thing. One short sentence to start off and see if he was alright after the events of the previous day. If nothing else, it was better than nothing.
He sent it.
And there it was:
Hey, how’s it going?
•
That night had tumbled by in a haze; the memory fleeting and too scattered for Jeongguk to put the pieces together. He remembered the events prior to the joint he had, how he had acquired a new client who had a wealthy status and stack of cash the guy had no qualms about spending on decent amounts of coke.
Waking from his slumber induced coma, Jeongguk felt as all the aches pounded through to the surface, enticing itself in his spine and neck as though he had been sleeping on a flat, solid surface instead of a reasonably soft mattress. It seemed an often occurance as of late, perhaps he did need to invest in a new bed. And, perhaps a couple more pillows. It was a cheap, worn down bed, as you would imagine given his unfortunate circumstances. His mattress was free from the Salvation Army, although it would shame him to ever admit that.
Given the new customer he had, he wondered if maybe he would be able to afford to purchase something that wasn’t second hand for once, though, he seriously doubted it. He wasn’t good with money at the best of times, and majority of it he spent towards his mothers hospital bills.
The few moments where he would allow himself to spend a great deal of money all at once was when he was purchasing new ink for his sleeves, or another piercing to go along with his lobes or underneath his clothing. His eyebrow studs had started to grow over, so as he forced himself to quit lazing around in bed for the morning and actually get himself into a decent appearance for the day, he picked up the studs he had kept safely in his jewellery box and tentatively poked them through the narrow hole where they once latched into.
After seconds of fierce stinging and uncooperative skin, he had finally succeeded, the piercing doing wonders to emphasise those round doe eyes with its silver bling. With a sigh, he ran his fingers through his mop of a hair, trying to straighten up the tangled mess that it was, but this time, unsuccessful.
Well. It didn’t look awful in the mirror, so surely no one would be able to tell that he hadn’t used shampoo or conditioner in days. He sniffed his armpits just to be sure and—oof. They certainly stunk. He needed a shower.
It was as he was undressing that he noticed an unread text notification in his Lock Screen, his device staring duly with the name Kim Namjoon. He squinted at the contact, confused for a moment until it dawned on him.
Oh. That was the stranger from the previous night. The one that wore that suit in public even to a damn alleyway, the guy that owned a fucking Mercedes Benz as though it was entirely common for someone to be able to afford. The slick back hair and— those dimples. Intimidating and proud in all its glory, haunting Jeongguk’s memory as though the guy needed a reminder. He knew how damn attractive it was, he didn’t need his mind to keep flicking to the image.
hows it goin? Wow v casual of u. Wat do u need?
Jeongguk typed out the text without a second thought, hitting send and smirking in amusement as he wondered what response he would get. Then, he stepped into the shower for the long awaited warmth of the spray of droplets.
•
Kim Namjoon almost laughed aloud. A smile quirked on his lips. He had to hand it to him—he was equally snarky and feisty in text messages as he was in person. There seemed to be something fueling that little fire inside that brain of his. The younger had a lot of energy, Namjoon could say that for sure. It would also explain the way their conversation escalated during lunch. If anyone were paying attention to him they would have witnessed the businessman’s face lighting up with a wide grin whenever they exchanged texts, and even more when it reached full wattage once Namjoon sent a simple:
Admit it. You like me.
There was no explanation for his behavior. They were complete opposites of each other. And yet he found himself quite amused by his reactions to his antics. In fact, he took great pleasure in flustering him with his witty remarks. Granted, Namjoon’s personality could also be considered quite intimidating at times, but everyone else found it appealing, especially his coworkers. They were not only smitten with his work ethic but with his charm. Not that he didn’t love the flattery. But…
Namjoon sighed, leaning back in his seat.
He did not find their friendliness to be so authentic.
But this guy was different. Underneath that abrasive exterior, Namjoon found himself gravitating towards him like a moth to a flame. His fiery demeanor, along with those dark eyes piqued his fascination; something he hasn’t felt in a long time. Or perhaps he was way over his head with this one.
Maybe this was not such a good idea after all.
Namjoon shook his head, joggling himself from his thoughts.
His focus was on getting his fix, getting the desired effect out of the drugs, and feeling good.
That’s why this whole drug dealing lasted more than a couple of months. That’s what Namjoon came there to do and left. And besides, he was doing a fantastic work at his company, wasn’t he? All thanks to the male, Jeongguk’s guidance, supply, and friendship. The young man was very much needed around here. Namjoon couldn’t imagine his life without him. And his drugs, of course. When he needed some sort of release and the rush that came with it, Jeongguk supplied it.
Namjoon looked down, his thumb idly pressing against the screen of his phone. His fingers twitched as they typed. It became a routine to text him whenever. Only this routine was warranted with great pleasure.
Yo, thanks for the C. I really needed it. Next weekend again? I got a hefty wad of cash coming for you.
The older man would have waited for his reply until he realized he probably seemed too eager to wait a couple minutes longer. Besides, his dear old mother had already called him for dinner and there was no telling what she would do if she found out he was on his phone instead of heading downstairs to eat her well-prepared cooking.
“Yeah, I’m coming mother!” Namjoon called out, tossing his phone on his bed as per usual. He didn’t think much of it. This was just another one of those days where his mother along with his father wanted a conversation with him. Well, mostly his mother always wanted to talk, to rant, or to ask about how his day went; to talk about anything and everything. She would make an attempt at small talk, but it eventually would turn to questions of her own that she hoped Namjoon would answer.
Like, has he met anyone new lately?
“I’m not getting any younger, Joonie. I just want to see you happy.” His mother puffed her cheeks. She reached up as if her wrinkles were going to magically appear with one look at her son. She rubbed them, making it clear just how upset she really was. She pursed her lips together, “How many more years are you going to spend working and making money than living your own life? What is it about you that makes you so hardworking all of the time? Do you have any plans this weekend?”
“Mother.” Namjoon huffed. As a consequence, he would rather avoid any type of talking or talking about himself if possible. The dating scene was not his thing. “I will. Don’t worry.”
“Good. Find someone. I don’t care who it is at this point. As long as they are a kind soul.” She smiled, her eyes crinkling into warm crescents.
Though, Namjoon knew she would pry her way into his dating life more than she already did.
•
Admit it. You like me.
The incoming text had caught the raven male completely off guard, his cheeks heating and his eyes widening as they zeroed in on those few words that intimidated him through the screen of his device. His shower had been completely forgotten as he merely stood there, his mind a flurry of erratic thoughts that he couldn’t seem to get rid of. Those texts he received certainly didn’t help with that; only amplifying his need to knock his head against the wall and scream like some flustered school girl.
His fingers went to type back a furious and stern no when instead, his palm slipped. A cry left his lips as it had managed to drop its solid body on the fragile muscle of his foot, bruising the area for sure. As he went to bend down to grab the phone before it got drenched and ruined by the gushing spray of water, he slipped and fell straight onto the firmness of his buttocks.
Somehow, he had managed to send a jumble of words that hadn’t made any sense, but definitely portrayed a sense of embarrassment that Jeongguk did not mean to show. His flush deepened.
Fuck. He was a mess.
—
The months went by in what felt like a breeze. Suddenly, Jeongguk was on top of his bills. His finances didn’t look too shabby because finally, he had a stable paycheck coming in regularly now. He could actually afford a new set of clothes if he really felt like it, though he was sure he would just grab another leather jacket he would no doubt wear out within months. He was contemplating this, his keys rattling in his hand as he twirled it idly as he made up his decision. It was then that he got Namjoon’s text.
Jeongguk sent back his reply swiftly, his lip curling as he typed just as it always did.
R u sure thats the C u want? Bc with the way you’ve been txtn me, maybe u actually would prefer 2 suck my dick
It was clear he was just making a crude joke, as his banter was normally in such a tone. And with Namjoon’s flirtatious texts that he would receive, who could blame him for playing along and having a little bit of harmless fun? It was times like these when it was great to be single, so why not make the most of it?
in case u didn’t already get the hint, I was jokin. Im sure you’d get more of a hard on for C than my dick anyway..
Send
Biting his lip, he second guessed himself. Stared at the message that was typed out, and eventually changed his mind, erasing the text and leaving the initial one he had sent in the first place. Okay. Perhaps he was a little insecure. He wasn’t exactly perfect boyfriend material, given his circumstance and his ill-fitting occupation, but he had a good heart. It was fragile, but it’s vulnerability was locked away with layers upon layers of built up walls to keep him from getting hurt.
His dating life was a bit of shambles, as he never could keep up with pretending to be someone that he wasn’t. His reality wasn’t attractive, none of it was, so he had to put on a facade, and quite frankly, it felt good to pretend to be someone who had their shit together for once. But, unfortunately the most he would get was late night hookups after picking some cute dude up from the club, maybe a drink and some dancing, but by morning they would be gone. No number, no nothing.
Perhaps that’s what made Namjoon so attractive. How responsible he seemed and the way that on the surface he had his shit together, yet some part of him had to resort to recreational drug use to get through it. It was a side of Namjoon that Jeongguk was sure he was the only one allowed to witness, because clearly he too cared about his image and how he presented himself to others. The difference was, they were each on two different sides of that harsh reality.
hey, did u wanna come over and chill w me? Kinda bored and ur company doesn’t seem too unappealing so
•
There was nothing Namjoon could do about it. His mother was too curious for her own good. If she wanted to know about something that happened in his life, then she wouldn’t stop until she had figured out everything. He had learned early on when to take his personal matters and run, but sometimes it didn’t come across as an option. Sometimes it felt like he didn’t see it coming.
Precisely now.
The old woman had entered his room soon after Namjoon began showering. It wasn’t a rare occurrence as it did happen fairly frequently. She had always been the kind of Korean mother to enter without knocking; to offer him some freshly sliced pears, to ask him about his plans tomorrow or to sweep his floor without permission. It never bothered Namjoon because he was grateful that she cared.
However, today she did something completely unexpected.
Her fingers ran through his bed covers, touching every surface before finally landing on his deserted black phone. It was evidently tossed there as it was facing down. Still, her unbridled nosiness was more important than respecting her son’s privacy. With a swift flick of her wrist, she lifted it up in the air.
At first, she squinted her eyes at the screen. It was rather hard to discern whatever message was written there without her reading glasses. But, her persistence was going to be enough either way. Anyhow, the two letters with the flame icon was enough to send her reeling.
There was no moment of hesitation. Her finger pressed on the contact name and she waited, she hoped as she pressed the phone against her ear. All she could hear was the sound of the few rings and the rushing water from the bathroom beside her. The background noise was enough to fill her ear with its familiar hum and she knew that this was where it would all begin.
After waiting for what seemed like ages, she could hear someone pick up. Someone who she knew would speak first because they would expect her son to be on the other end. Except, this type of momma was not afraid of being blunt. The quiet voice seemed to belong to a man, very far from what she was expecting. She had thought maybe it was a woman who worked with him.
Maybe… she had called his friend, so he picked up on the third ring.
However, if that were true, then why did she not recognize the name? She knew every one his friends. So, where did he come from?
Who was JK?
The only thing that she expected was the answer to her question. So, she spoke right away.
"Hello," she said cheerfully into the phone, even though she knew the response was short. And yet, she had to say something. Anything to get the information that she needed. To get some answers to her many questions.
“I’m Namjoon’s mother. I know this may seem out of the blue but I just wanted to know who you are. I couldn’t recognize the contact name, that is all.” She heard rustling and then some muffled words. She furrowed her eyebrows, “Are you a friend? I cannot say you are because I know all of them. So, what are you to my son?”
Namjoon was still showering. She waited as patiently as she could for an answer, which took a few moments. When it came, she almost dropped the phone, shocked beyond belief.
“O-oh. Thank you for telling me. Bye bye.”
And then she hung up.
•
Jeongguk had been in the middle of the tedious task of drying his hair with his towel, his long unruly curls completely drenched and unwilling to dry anytime soon. His ringtone stopped him short, alerting him of its presence, though he didn’t immediately locate it. It was buried underneath his many pillows, so instead of diving onto the bed to find it, he let it ring, as he was positive it wasn’t anyone of importance. Most likely his sister calling for some money again.
After he had pulled on some shorts, he deemed himself composed enough to answer it, yet even with that, he still took his leisured time.
“Joon-ah,” Jeongguk spoke upon answering the call, a grin spreading the corners of his lips. “Caught me at a good time. What, couldn’t get enough of me that you had to hear my voice too? Or maybe you wanted to confirm that you did indeed want my co—“
The curt greeting interrupted him, cutting off his words as he instantly recognised the voice to be of a female, someone Jeongguk had certainly not been familiar with. His cheeks flushed as he realised what she almost heard. Oh god. Jeongguk really need to think before he spoke more often, Jesus.
He sat up straight as the women had admitted who she was, and why she was on the phone. Jeongguk blinked, surprised any parent would be quite so prying into their sons life, especially someone of the status and age that Namjoon was. Then again, perhaps those parents were the reason for that “composed” image of his. It made sense. Jeongguk couldn’t even imagine living with a parent like that, his mother was quite the opposite, though it did mean she didn’t know about the kinds of trouble Jeongguk got himself in half the time.
“I..” Jeongguk cleared his throat, the area dry all the sudden. “That is because we have only just begun to know eachother, ma’am. You see, we aren’t of friend status exactly,” Or, at least that was what Jeongguk would like to believe, given the flirtatious nature of their relationship.
No it felt more like.. like—
"We're dating."
Oh. Well. He didn't mean to say it, it just...slipped out.
“So.. forgive me for my first comment, I, uh. Didn’t expect to hear from you.” Fuck, this was getting out of hand. He was sweating bullets now, his heartbeat erratic, his breathing shallow. What would Namjoon say? Would he angry? It wasn’t as if Jeongguk could exactly say who he was to him.
He was his fucking drug dealer for goodness sake. It would give the poor mother a heart attack if she knew. The shocked response wasn’t exactly expected either, though perhaps Jeongguk should’ve taken into account that Korean mothers weren’t normally so accepting of the homosexual community.
Shit.
•
As soon as Namjoon stepped in the running shower, the water poured down, letting it beat over his head in steamy rivulets as the heat soaked into his skin and water cascaded down his body. His mind faded into dullness and everything became a foggy illusion. The sensation of the steamy water calmed his peaked senses. It helped took mind of things; all the things he honestly didn’t care about unless it had to do with Jeongguk. His mind swirled when he stood underneath the shower head, practically swimming in thoughts of what could the male possibly have replied back with.
Did his bluntness got the best of him again? Did he equally send him back a flirty remark but without any intention behind as always?
Namjoon couldn’t help himself; he really was a big fucking sap when it came to Jeongguk. His heart thumped erratically in his chest at the endless possible scenarios.
Once he finished every business, including adorning into a pair of grey sweat pants and a plain white shirt, it was about time he finished and left through the bathroom door, even if it mean not being able to completely dry the dampness on his hair.
He had grabbed one towel and wrapped it around his neck, drying off the wet droplets until his eyes flickered from the cloth in his hands to the sight of a gracefully thin and frail figure sitting on the edge of his bed. It seemed like no matter where Namjoon went that there would always be an unmissable Mrs. Kim who managed to catch up with his life. Namjoon never really understood how could one woman have such presence in his life.
All mothers couldn’t be like this could they?
“Mo-“ He wanted to ask what she had been doing in his room but she stood up abruptly and walked towards him before he could. The sudden expressed words snapped him out of his thoughts,
“You’ve been hiding this all along from me?” She asked sternly with a hint of desperation in her voice. She looked up to meet her son’s eyes for a second but averted them immediately after as if afraid he might see something that displeased him. “I- Well, I called this person on your phone. He told me he was your…”
His stomach sunk straight to his ass. Wait, hold on.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Mother, I can explain. It’s only been a few months since we met and I-“
She continued, “That he is your boyfriend.”
There was silence. And then there was laughter. Namjoon laughed louder than he ever has before. It wasn’t because of a joke; it wasn’t even mocking. It just felt natural to laugh while he was so confused, and he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling.
“Yah, don’t laugh.” His skin was met with a well-deserved smack on his arm. “Why did you hide this from me? You know how I feel about relationships! Is this why you avoided this topic all along because you were unavailable?” She cried as she pulled at his clothes. She was obviously worried about him, but Namjoon could tell there was something else.
“What are you talking about mother?”
“Do I need to spell it out? I want to meet him! Invite him over! My son has a boyfriend and I didn’t know about this? Ah! Your father will be delighted to hear about this. He hasn’t seen you dating someone in years now. He will definitely be excited!”
Before Namjoon could answer or respond, his mother started to rant again. Her words were like a stream of rapid fire bullets shooting out of a gun, but still somehow made sense. When she finally left his room, satisfied that there will be a meeting soon, Namjoon dropped onto the bed and sighed as he hugged his knees close to his torso. His fingers intertwined with each other and played with his thumbs anxiously as he tried to sort out all the new information.
Things would have been easier if this were the truth. If the man he had been seeing these past 94 days were because they were dating. Because they were together for real. But Namjoon knew better. This wasn’t even remotely close to what their relationship was. Hell, it even took Namjoon a long time to confess to himself that he found Jeongguk attractive and not because of pure observations.
Jeongguk wasn’t just anybody though.
Namjoon’s fingers found their way to his phone, to where he left off and he could have sworn a soft smile appeared on his lips, knowing that things were going to be different now. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, how easy and natural it all sounded. How right it actually felt, when he said it.
Boyfriend.
It took awhile for him to find the courage, but eventually he typed the sentence:
Yeah, I may wanna come over and suck you off. Listen, I didn’t know we were mutually exclusive. Does this mean you won’t be seeing any other client anymore? 😘
You better not.
Hey, since you’ve had a lovely conversation with my mother, she wants to meet you now. She is eager to know who her handsome son is seeing.
You know, cause you’re my boyfriend now ♥
•
The impetuous phone call had left Jeongguk reeling, his mind struggling to comprehend and catch up with what had just previously occurred. His fingers clutched at his phone, his gaze far off in the distance as internally, he was distraught.
“Fuck, what is he going to think?” He muttered to himself, dragging his palm over his face with a regretful sigh. “Even if I was covering for him, it doesn’t give me the right to just…ugh..” he shook his head and fell back onto the unfortunately rock solid mattress that laid askew on his carpet. Quickly, he grabbed his phone, scrambling to write some pitiful apology when his device abruptly buzzed with incoming texts.
“Oh..” he breathed, relieved. It wasn’t evident through the texts that Namjoon was at all furious with the rather bold excuse Jeongguk had came up with, yet it still did nothing to quell the guilt swirling inside of his gut. His fingers worked deftly on the apology.
Hey man, im rlly sorry, I ddnt know wat 2 say 2 ur mom, couldnt tell her u were my bitch or nothin 😞
pls still buy off me? I kinda need the money,, and maybe I still want u 2 come suck me off 🤪
Throughout it, he kept thinking about the response Namjoon had sent. The way he had swiftly flirted back (sending an abundance of arousal down south, the fucker) and the possessive wording regarding having other clients. Wasn’t it too much for just a joke to emphasise it after the punchline was said?
Not only that, the way it carried an underlining possessive quality seemed uncharacteristic of him, but worked wonders on sending pleasant shivers down Jeongguk’s spine. Perhaps he was just reading way too much into this.
Or maybe, he was freaking out for good reason. A simple text only said how much the person allowed it to; most often carefully constructed to seem a certain way, to not worry someone by portraying them as better off than they actually were or felt. So, no. Jeongguk was right to freak out. Namjoon was probably absolutely shitting himself.
Sucking in a breath, he built up the courage to send another text.
So wat date did they want me ova? Tho im pretty free, so just lemme know, jagi 🥰
•
Nah, you’re good. Don’t feel bad. I totally get why you had to say what you said. My mother is stoked I’m in a relationship for once. She doesn’t care if I suck dick or not, haha.
Namjoon shook his head, still in disbelief that Jeongguk started this little white lie in the first place. Really, he shouldn’t be feeling giddy about this but he was. The thought made him feel like he was on cloud nine for the rest of the night. And maybe he felt like this because it was going to be fun to put up a show for his intrusive parents. They wanted to see his son with someone? So be it. It wasn’t their business anyway, and it could wait until this weekend to tell them everything.
Like how did they met? What is the thing they like about each other?
Hm, so it seems they would need to do some serious planning if they were ever going to pull this off. He beamed at this thought. He typed next:
This weekend. Dinner at my house with the folks. I’ll pick you up. But in the meantime, we should
definitely meet up to make this a little more realistic. I still don’t know what your favorite animal is 🙄
I got work tomorrow, so I’ll see you after like always. Same place? Same time? No promises on buying more C. I got plenty from today.
He paused before he snickered and typed one last message.
Goodnight, baby 💤