Chapter Text
Rey trudged up the stairs, out of breath from practically running home from Rose’s party.
The party where she’d just humiliated herself.
Poe and his best friend Ben were being so loud again that she could hear their deep voices before reaching the top of the staircase. Once she’d fully ascended, she could see the flashing lights emanating from beneath her big brother’s door, indicating they were once again playing Call of Duty.
It was late, but it was pretty typical for Ben to spend the night at their house, usually to cover for the fact that he and her brother were sneaking out to go party in the woods with their super cool friends.
Rose’s party, an intrepid endeavor to become “cool” themselves, had been successful for everyone but Rey. To their amazement, everyone’s crushes had shown up, including Rey’s. She’d been this close to kissing him when the bottle landed directly between her and her nemesis from fourth-period chemistry, Bazine. Kaz had looked at them both expectantly, and Rey froze with sheer terror at the prospect of finally kissing the boy of her dreams. Her first kiss ever, for the record.
With Kaz. In front of half of the tenth grade class.
But before Rey could unfreeze, Bazine quickly took action, robbing her of her destiny. Rey had to watch in abject misery as Kaz's tongue wrestled with her enemy instead. To make matters worse, Snap Wexley was next up to spin. He was the sweetest boy who’d made heart eyes at Rey since the third grade, but she didn’t have the heart to reject him in front of everyone if it somehow landed on her. Especially since Kaz and Bazine immediately left the circle hand in hand to go make out in Rose’s garage. Rey’s friends begged her to stay, but they had already found boys to make out with, and she felt embarrassed and alone. She ran out crying like a giant loser, and her friends let her, which somehow made it even worse. Not that she blamed them, or that she would have acted any differently if she were in their much luckier shoes. It just really sucked.
Rey tiptoed into her room, eyes still welling, and pulled off her small cross-body purse, tossing it on her desk. She nudged off her Converse and stripped off her party outfit, a simple tank top and flared skater skirt that made her feel like she had a snowball’s chance in hell with Kaz. So much for that.
She opted for last night’s discarded pajamas - a tight, faded Garfield Christmas t-shirt and a pair of Minions boxers that had been White Elephant gifted to her from Poe last year. The joke was on him because she liked the fit and secretly had watched all the Despicable Me movies alone. Because they were basically underwear, she didn’t bother to replace the silly black lacy ones she’d worn to the party with hope in her heart.
It wasn’t the coolest ‘fit Rey could wear if she happened to run into her brother’s hot friend in the hallway. Still convinced she was doomed to die a lonely virgin anyway, she shrugged, knowing it didn’t really matter what she wore. All Ben would see was his friend’s goofy little kid sister anyway.
And it’s not like she had an actual crush on Ben. For one, she was a Sophomore nerd who’d only sprouted actual boobs roughly two months ago, far behind most of her classmates. Secondly, he was a popular Senior Varsity lacrosse player going to college in less than a year, where there would be much prettier girls with much bigger boobs to fawn over him. It would be like hoping to fall in love with the imaginary character Kylen Renlo from Space Battles. That’s how far-fetched a relationship between them would be.
Not to mention, Poe was extremely protective of Rey ever since his ex-friend Beau tried to hit on her when she was still in braces. From then on, he’d started loudly threatening to stick a lacrosse stick up the ass of the next dude that so much as breathed on her.
Come to think of it, she might have a better chance with Kylen Renlo.
Eager for the sweet release of sleep, she padded across the hallway to their shared bathroom and flipped the light switch on before shutting the door quietly behind her. Her parents had learned to sleep like rocks with all the constant noise from their rambunctious teens, but she didn’t want to attract Poe’s attention either.
Rey was adopted by the Damerons, her father’s friends, after he died in combat. She’d already lost her mom when she was six, so she and her dad had already been a constant fixture in their home. But ever since she officially became their family on paper, Poe babied her even more intensely, looked out for her, and had generally been a big, brotherly nuisance. If he saw that she’d been crying, he’d interrogate her into telling him whose fault it was. She’d have to explain that teen girls are simply devastated on a regular basis and that it wasn’t anything he had to fight anyone over. It was sweet, if not annoying, most of the time.
As she brushed her teeth, she looked in the mirror and took in her tear-swollen, freckly, pathetic face. She spat in the sink both out of necessity and out of disgust. Of course Kaz chose Bazine instead of her.
The rush of the water from the faucet must have obscured the sound of the door opening because when she rose from rinsing out her mouth, she almost screamed at the sight of a big, towering –
“Ben! You scared the shit out of me!” she cried out, heart racing as he gave her a casual smile.
“Sorry,” he offered with no apparent remorse and a twinkle in his eye. “You almost done?”
“Yeah,” she sniffed, eyes welling again at the thought of Ben potentially realizing she’d been crying, like some kind of rude self-fulfilling prophecy. Then he’d tell Poe, and it would be a whole thing and–
“Hey, you okay?” He asked as he opened the medicine cabinet where he already had his own special toothbrush since he spent so much time at their house. “You look like you’ve been crying,” he added, closing the mirrored cabinet door. “Like a lot.”
She sniffled again and closed her eyes, more frustrated than ever. She slipped her toothbrush back into the holder. “It’s nothing. Stubbed my toe,” she lied.
“Yeah, okay,” he shook his head as he applied her toothpaste to his brush. “Who was it?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, grabbing the hand towel to dab away the water from her chin.
“The guy that made you cry.”
She huffed a soft, wistful laugh. “Like I’d tell you. Poe’ll just embarrass me at school on Monday.”
“So it was a guy,” he responded with a satisfied smirk as he started to brush his teeth.
Shit.
She had no reason to hold back since he’d already seen right through her. At least she could share enough to keep Poe from overreacting if Ben had loose lips.
“It’s not a big deal,” she lied. “Just a stupid kissing game. A guy I really like kissed someone else because I chickened out and missed my shot.” She stared for a beat too long at the brush going in and out of Ben’s mouth and the foam forming at the corners of his full, pink lips. “It’s fine. I’ll get out of your way.”
Before she could dart past him and into the freedom of wallowing in her own shameful solitude, Ben’s arm shot out, and he grabbed her gently by the bicep.
“Whoa, wait. You’re not gonna drop some juicy hot goss like that and just leave,” Ben laughed.
Rey felt frozen again and stared in disbelief at where his thick fingers wrapped around her upper arm, feeling the warmth of his palm seeping past the thin, worn fabric of her crappy Garfield shirt and into her skin.
“I- uh-'' she stammered as he slowly released her. “There’s nothing else to say, really.” She turned to face him as he spat in the sink, holding the brush mid-air.
“Why'd you chicken out if you really like him?” he asked in a playfully mocking tone. She wanted to thumb away the toothpaste from his chin and it took far too much strength to resist.
“I can’t say because I feel stupid,” she responded, crossing her arms over her chest. Why was Ben so interested in her pathetic, non-existent love life, anyway?
Ben rinsed and put his toothbrush back in the cabinet. She watched as he wiped his mouth on the same part of the towel where her mouth had just been before he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the sink, mirroring her body language. “It’s okay. I won’t tell your brother if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m just curious.”
Maybe he would tell Poe, and maybe he wouldn’t. It was the first time Ben had shown any interest in her whatsoever. And something about being the center of his attention was absolutely intoxicating. She wanted to tell him everything, even though the way he looked at her was starting to make her knees feel like jelly. Because he seemed like he might actually listen to her. Unlike everyone else in her life.
“I-um-” She paused, still finding Ben hanging on her every word, urging her to be braver than she felt. She kept her eyes trained on the soft blue tiles between their feet, hers bare and his clad in white athletic socks with gray patches over the toes. “I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”
“Hmm.” When she brought her eyes back to his face, she saw his lips were pressed tightly together, but his eyes were lit up like he was trying not to smile. Or laugh at her.
“See, it’s embarrassing!” She threw up her hands and stepped backward toward the door, edging toward escape, having had enough humiliation for one night.
“It’s not that big a deal,” he shook his head reassuringly, loosening his arms and standing straight to rest his hands on his hips. It tightened his shirt around his torso, and she resisted counting his ab muscles through the fabric.
“Maybe not to you,” she responded with frustration. Like Mr. Varsity Homecoming King ever had to worry about things like this. Like being an unwanted geeky loser who biffed their only chance at putting their lips on another human. “You’ve probably kissed a lot of girls, had sex even,” she added, immediately regretting the words as they flew out of her mouth unabated.
“So what?” he shrugged, placing a large hand on the counter as he leaned down to view her at eye level. It was unnerving and sent a shiver through her body.
“How can you downplay my struggle when you can’t even relate?” she asked more timidly, her voice softening. She wasn’t sure what she wanted from him other than his sympathy or for him to reveal the ultimate secret to being attractive to the opposite sex. Though, judging by his general hotness and confidence level, it probably just came naturally to him.
“Even I was a virgin once,” he replied with a sly smile that she wanted to slap or kiss. She couldn’t decide. She really needed to stop focusing so much on his plush, enticing lips.
“Thanks, that really helps. Truly.” She let out an exaggerated huff, but she couldn’t really be mad at him, not when his hair was flopping over his forehead like that, and his attention was so focused on her.
He laughed softly and stepped towards her, making her breathe in sharply until he sidled past her towards the door. “You’re pretty, you’ll be okay. Just don’t be so fuckin’ afraid of everything. Own it. You see a guy you wanna kiss? Just go for it.”
She looked up at him in wide-eyed disbelief.
“You-you think I’m pretty?”
He nodded as if he’d simply informed her of the weather. “Of course. It’s not an opinion. You just are.” There was nothing in his expression to indicate he was being untruthful.
“Um, thanks,” she replied sincerely, feeling her cheeks heat all of a sudden.
“Don’t mention it, kid.” He winked, holding her gaze for what felt like a lifetime, her breath shortening, her vision narrowing so all she could see was his handsome face. A face she’d seen hundreds of times but never bothered to study until now. He was so close now that she could see the fine stubble covering his chin, the scar on his jaw where Poe had hit him with a hockey puck in eighth grade.
He opened the door and started disappearing into the hallway's darkness and out of her orbit. Rey felt her still-unkissed lips tingle with unrequited desire for the second time that evening.
You see a guy you wanna kiss? Just go for it.
This time, she wouldn’t let the chance pass her by.
“Wait!” she whispered loudly as his hand slipped off the door frame and into the dark before she could grab it.
Rey waited for a few moments, heart sinking at the thought that he hadn’t heard her. Just as she was about to close the door, Ben’s hand reappeared, followed by his head as he ducked it back into the small room.
“You okay?” he asked with a concerned expression. She could swear she heard trepidation in his voice, like he knew as well as she did that everything was about to change.
It was now or never.