Chapter Text
Zuko remembers the day perfectly. He was nine when his mom told him he was going to be a big brother. She said that in a few months there was going to be a baby girl or boy in the palace and that person would be his new little sister or brother. Zuko remembered being excited. He remembered sitting next to his mom when she read her books and asking her why her stomach was so big now.
Everyone in the palace seemed excited as the day came for his sibling’s birth. Even his father was nicer and his mom seemed a lot calmer. She walked around as if a weight was off her shoulders and she could finally breath again.
Then it happened.
They were feeding the turtleducks when his mom screamed in pain. Zuko didn’t know what to do. He screamed for father, the servants, anyone. Someone just had to help his mom. Servants came running out and brought her into the medical wing.
“I’m sorry, Prince Zuko.” A servant told the ten year old, “You’re not allowed.”
His father went in a few minutes later. A look of anger, concern and a little fear on his face, but he didn't so much as glare at his son. Zuko was forced to remain outside and the fear stewed in his stomach. He thought about his mom, his father and the baby. Everyone had been so happy about the baby, but now it seemed like their was an air of fear around the palace. As if everyone knew something was going to happen but they didn't know when.
Zuko's eyes started to grow tired as the daylight disappeared. A few seconds after he fell asleep, a servant came out and lightly shook his shoulders.
"Prince Zuko."
Zuko blinked his eyes open, rubbing them, "Mom?"
"No. I...I'm sorry."
"Where's my mom?" Zuko asked.
"She..." The servant looked like she was looking for the correct words, as if one bad word would break Zuko into a million pieces, "There were complications with the baby."
Zuko still looked confused so the servant decided just to say it, "Your mom died. I'm so sorry-Prince Zuko!"
Zuko ran past her and into the medical wing. People yelled at him to stop, but, in Zuko's mind, if they cared so much they would have to grab him and force him out of the room. He went to his mother's bed where a white cloth was over her body. His father was at the window with a tiny thing in his arms. It took Zuko a second to realize that thing was his sibling.
"Mom?" He whispered.
Nothing. No words, no movement, absolutely nothing.
"Mom!" He screamed, "MOM!"
"Get him out of here!" His father yelled.
Zuko could hear someone else screaming but couldn't bring himself to care. His mom was dead. She was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. His knees hit the floor and tears ran down his face as he sobbed. A servant came into the room, picking him up and bringing him back to his room. Zuko didn't try to leave his room after that, he just sobbed.
He cried until he psychically could not cry anymore. There were no tears left.
"Mom...please come back. Please. Mommy please come back." He whispered into his pillow.
His door opened making his head shoot up. Did the spirits hear his cries? Did they hear him ask for her back? Did Agni give them a miracle?
His father stepped through the door.
"You have a little sister. Her name is Azula." That was all he said.
He said nothing about Ursa, there were no words given to his son, nothing about how much pain he was in. A simple two sentences and that was it.
"Azula." Zuko whispered, "It's her fault. It's all her fault."
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That night, he couldn't sleep. He didn't know if he'd every sleep again, but he knew that he wasn't sleeping that night. While he laid in his bed, he could hear the soft cries of his new little sister. He heard the servants mention how they were going to get a special woman to take care of Azula, but, for the night, they would just have to make due.
After half an hour, she was still crying. Zuko got up and made his way into her room. It wasn’t really her room, it was his mother’s room. When Ursa had been pregnant, she told Zuko that the baby needed to stay close to her, so they set up a crib and some stuff for her in his mother’s room. Where his mother should be there was now an empty bed.
He made his way over to the crying child, peering into her crib. Even though it was dark, there was just enough light from the moon to illuminate her golden eyes. His heart clenched when he saw her. She was full of baby fat but she kinda looked like his mom. The resemblance was faint but it was there. Zuko had a feeling that it would grow the older she got.
Carefully, he picked her up. She weighed almost nothing. It was like holding a book. When she realized she was being held, she nuzzled closer to his body. Her cries softened.
Zuko brought her over to the bed and sat down, trying very hard not to make her cry. If he remembered his mom’s books correctly, almost everything made a baby cry. They were really sensitive.
“You would have loved mom.” He told her, his voice barely above a whisper, “She would have loved you, held you, played with you, comforted you, protected you…but she can’t do that anymore.”
He was cut off when his sister grabbed one of his fingers, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to…you didn’t do anything wrong.” He blinked his eyes to keep the tears out, “I guess if she can’t do all that anymore, I will. I promise. I’ll take care of you. Just like she would have.” Azula was asleep in his arms so Zuko set her back down in her crib.
He fell asleep on his mom’s bed, too tired to return to his own room. At the first sign of daylight, Azula was screaming at full volume.
“I’m up.” The ten year old mumbled, “I’m here. What is it?”
Azula’s screams were of no help to him, so he picked her up but she kept screaming.
“Okay. Umm….mom said you could cry if you’re scared which you aren’t. You’re not dirty, you don’t just want me…ummm…”
A servant, one of the nicer ones named Amaya, came in a few seconds later. She was an older woman with long black hair that was always tied into a perfect top knot. Zuko could always tell her apart from everyone else instantly because she had a scar on her right ear.
“Prince Zuko. What are you doing here?”
“Azula’s crying.” He told her.
She smiled, “I can see that. Can I hold her?" Zuko looked at her with narrow eyes, “I promise she’ll be safe. I think she’s hungry.”
“Ohhhhh. I can make her some eggs.” He proudly proclaimed.
Amaya laughed a little, “She can’t eat eggs quiet yet. We have someone coming who can feed her. Can you go get changed and ready for your lessons?”
“But Azula-“
“She’ll be fine. The Fire Lord has assigned me to watch over her until he deems her ready to be on her own. I can watch her while you’re doing your lessons then you can come see her afterwards, okay?”
“Okay.”
With that a new routine began. Zuko would go to his lessons while Amaya and a new woman named Hana took care of Azula. Once Zuko was done, he rushed to his sister’s room to do his part. Amaya was genuinely surprised by how much Zuko did. He learned how to dress her, change her, give her a bottle, how to properly play with her, how to get her to bed. Everything Amaya and Hana were willing to teach Zuko he was willing to learn.
“I still wish you could have met mom.” He whispered to her when putting her to bed.
But they didn’t have Ursa anymore. Azula would grow up without a mother. Zuko would have to be enough for her.
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Zuko was in the royal library, reading a book on newborns. He was also surrounded by history, math, and etiquette scrolls and books but he’d decided to push those to the side for a second and read up on newborns. Then he felt someone staring at him and a hand on his shoulder.
“Prince Zuko.”
“Father.” He quickly pushed his current book off to the side.
“You’ve been spending a fair amount of time with the baby. Why?”
Zuko had chosen to stare at his father’s lips, it was the best bet to avoid his anger, “I’m just spending some time with my little sister. I thought you wouldn’t want to be bothered with a baby.”
Ozai raised an eyebrow, “You are a prince. Taking care of children is not your place. If this becomes too time consuming for you, I will make sure to keep Azula and you apart. You’re already a worthless firebender. Can you imagine the dishonor you’d bring if you were also stupid?”
“Azula won’t take up my time. I swear.”
“Good.” Ozai grabbed the book on newborns from Zuko, “I expect a full explanation about Sozin’s attack on the Air Nomads by dinner.”
Once he was gone, Zuko let out a breath of relief and started reading up on Sozin’s attack. Despite his fear of his father, he wasn’t afraid of getting hit or burned in this moment. He was afraid of being separated from Azula. He already lost his mom. He couldn’t handle losing his sister too.