Chapter Text
I am asleep.
For how long, I’m not sure. My mind goes in and out at times. Moments of lucidity, between moments of slumber. My condition is partly to blame.
My name is Artoria Caster. I was born in the land of Fairy Britain. I was the Child of Prophecy. And after a long and arduous journey, I fulfilled my intended purpose that was to become Avalon ley Fay and create the sacred sword, Excalibur.
I was supposed to sacrifice everything of myself to make the blade. My body, my mind, my soul, my “self.” But by chance and the sacrifice of a friend, I survived the process…to an extent. My body was still consumed, but my soul remained. Anchored by the Magical Energy I held. I had intended to live out the remaining time I had with the friends I had made. Sadly, fate wasn’t merciful. And I needed to use every ounce of power I had to save them. To save him. I didn’t even get to see the result of my sacrifice, not directly anyway. With no energy, my soul faded away, and returned to the one place all fairies originate from.
Avalon
I am asleep.
After my sacrifice, I could have rested well. I did my job. Payed my due. But… I didn’t want that. I knew. I knew that I was still needed. They needed me. Humanity needed me. He needed me. I felt his calling. And I answered it the best I could.
I would like to say that I somehow awoke from my forced slumber, and rose from my literal grave. But that is fantasy. I am still asleep after all. However, I was able to make a Servant of myself. Or rather, was it my body that I originally gave to make that sacred blade? Was the role I played so important that it left a mark on the Throne? Not entirely sure. But what I am certain is that this Servant, is the embodiment of a “Holy Sword.” A nameless king who renders assistance in battle, whether it be the past, present, or the future, as long as there exists someone who requires a Holy Sword. My main Contribution to her is adding myself. My memories, my soul. She’s still someone different. Not me. But me enough. Maybe something more than me, given how strong she is. She answered humanities call. And is, even now, by his side helping him.
To differentiate each other, I dubbed her Artoria Avalon. Or maybe she did. I kinda forgot who thought of the name.
I’ll still take credit for it though. I mean, she’s basically me.
I’m still asleep.
Avalon, the place not my Servant counterpart, is a strange place. It’s a field of blooming flowers that radiates mana in abundance. It truly is the heart of the world.
And it’s boring.
Ok, not entirely fair. This place certainly looks like a paradise, and being within it gives a feeling of peace. But there’s nothing to do here. Not that I could do anything. I have no body after all. I’m…not entirely sure why I still exist. I guess that doesn’t matter.
Not like anything else does.
Time and space in general is in itself a suggestion here at best. I can “look” in one direction and see my Proper human history counterpart standing in a field. Waiting for something. And at the same time I can “see” another version of her. Frolicking in the fields with a familiar feeling man. I say feeling because I can’t really see. No eyes. No body. I’m relying entirely on a nebulous connection to this place that I have. I...I can’t explain it.
But it’s probably a fairy thing.
Still asleep
So what do I do to pass the time? Well, assuming it passes at all here, I do two things. First, I watch through my connection through Avalon, the Servant not the place. She and I are attached and I can perceive the world through her… partly anyway. The connection is less, thorough then I’d like. It isn’t like viewing through the perspective of a familiar. It’s more akin to one way snippets of information being sent to me. I can’t influence her actions nor can she really communicate with me. The connection is spotty, but occasionally I get feelings from her. And if I’m lucky a memory or two.
The second thing is to send more copies of Artoria Avalon to be summoned. The timeless nature of Avalon(the place) and my nebulous connection to it means that I can function as a knock-off Throne. I’d simply wait for the call of a summoner seeking a Heroic Spirit. And if it checks one of the two requirements I have, I send AA (Artoria Avalon) on her way. Those requirements being, “to protect the Human Order”, and “his call.” That said, while I can maintain a similar connection to these copies of AA, I choose not to. My sense of self is already in a troubling position given AA’s existence, I’m not going to make things worse for myself by having multiple copies in parallel worlds, and in the past, present, and future of those worlds, give me conflicting emotions and memories. Heck, a huge chunk of them tend to summon me in PAIRS. That is downright confusing.
I’m happy maintaining my single connection to the Artoria Avalon that’s in the worldline I originally come from. No need to muddy the water with the messy relationships of the others. This should prevent the worst from happening.
OH DEAR OH DEAR
CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP
WHY WHY WHY WHY
KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT
AW DEAR GOD WHY WONT IT DIE WHY WONT IT JUST STOP
STOP CLIMBING PLEASE STOP CLIMBING
DONT EAT ME DONT EAT ME DO-
Thank God I’m asleep.
First thing I did after I regained my sense of EXISTENCE was to put a cap on my connection. If anything like that...THING… comes within 100 meters of Artoria Avalon, ANY ARTORIA AVALON, and I’m cutting the connection until the thing is gone. That was too visceral. I would have preferred fighting two Cernunnos at once while armed with nothing but harsh language then go through that ordeal again. And the worst part was that I wasn’t even there, and IT still was able to… no… don’t think about it. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.
At least they came out of that experience alive. Part of me wishes I could peer into the memories of Artoria Avalon more thoroughly to find out the cause of that...experience, and prevent it for future summons. But that would require gaining a first hand experience and I refuse. That path has no star to follow and I do not want to.
Although it does leave me questioning the sanity of the world. Can the world be Sane? Not sure, but pretty sure calling that THING is something that a sane person wouldn’t do.
Stupid Spider.
I am still asleep
It is a tad mind numbing. This process of sending copies of AA. I should feel joy at my contribution to the Human Order, and I do. But part of me wishes I could do something. I’m just drifting endlessly here. Even the other residents of Avalon get to enjoy themselves. All I can do is send fragments of myself to other worlds. These pieces are the ones that are able to help. To fight…
To live.
I don’t even know how long I’ve been here. For all I know, it could still be the exact same second it was when I arrived. I can’t even tell if my moments of sleep are getting longer or shorter. My only anchor, and the only thing keeping my sanity is my connection to AA. Her memories, her experiences, and her emotions. They keep me sane. From becoming a mindless machine. And in exchange, this sense of envy builds.
Why can she do those things?
Why can’t I?
And the answer is so simple.
Because I’m asleep.
Just then, I hear another call. Seeking a Servant to help the human order. I ready a copy and prepare to insert it into the saint graph.
Except...there isn’t one.
What should be a Saint Graph instead is something different. I’m not sure what it is. It felt familiar. Like something I knew. But I couldn’t put a finger on it. I hesitated to insert AA. I didn’t want to mess things up. But that was a mistake.
A familiar knight passed by me. Familiar in the sense that I should have known who they were. I didn’t, but that sense didn’t leave me nor did it feel wrong. The knight moved to the...thing and inserted himself into it. The not!Saint Graph soon vanished, the Heroic Spirit having filled it. Normally this would be the end. I would return to Avalon and just await the next possible summoning. But… I couldn’t.
That JERK. I went to all this trouble, and you just swipe my summon. And I know. I KNOW. That jerk knew full well what I was doing and intended. He literally stole my summon. This could not stand. I won’t let it. So I began pulling on the Summoning spell. Forcibly beginning the process to summon myself (AA) in addition to the Jerk. I saw other servants doing the same thing all the time.
Gotta say, the Magical Energy of this Master is absurd. I pull and pull and still feel no strain. Or any kind of pain either. Eventually I hit a tipping point, an end of their reserves, and I stop. All that I needed to do now was to form a Saint Graph and insert AA into it.
…
How do I do that?
…
No seriously. I never needed to do that before. The Throne or the Summoner handled that part every other time. All I did was show up and put the copy inside. It’s not like I could have learned this in Britain, apparently summoning Servants there was impossible. Except when it wasn’t. Not like that made sense.
Ok. This is bad. The summoner is obviously trying to shut the connection and I’m holding a lot of Magical Energy I have no idea what to do with. I am obviously in too deep here. But I can’t back out…not now. So, for the moment, I force the connection to remain open. And with the time I just bought, I needed to come up with something.
I can’t just throw AA through. Without a Saint Graph, she’d probably never materialize. And I need to do something. Think. Think. Think.
Wait a minute.
Merlin was able to make a Servant copy of himself. Maybe I could do the same thing. Aw, but wait. He never taught me that. Still, the fact that it’s possible means I could do it. Maybe the land of Avalon itself can make it. I mean, King Arthur is here and she obviously can be summoned right? Crap! I feel the connection growing weaker, and the Magical Energy I am holding begins to release from my hold. I didn’t have time to second guess now.
So I pull on my connection to Avalon, to the world. It was frantic, desperate. Like a child pulling the dress of their mother to get her attention. I couldn’t explain what I wanted. All I could do was pull and point to the direction I wanted their attention to go. I’m not even sure what I was doing is wise. No wait, I’m absolutely certain it isn’t wise at all. Even so my effort was rewarded.
The world answered.
Immediately, something began. The energy I gathered was taken and the connection I was holding was forcibly widened. The world essentially took the ritual I was half-haphazardly messing with and picked up the slack. Something was being made. It was taking shape using the massive amount of energy I had gathered. It was beautiful, except…it wasn’t a Saint Graph. Nor was it that Not!Saint Graph from earlier. It was something else entirely. Something completely familiar. I then realized that there was something the world didn’t take. Artoria Avalon. It chose to ignore her. Instead it examined me.
For a brief moment, I knew I had the eyes of the world on me. It held no emotion. No judgment. It looked at me like one would a reference. And almost immediately after, I felt a new connection be forcibly made. The connection was for the thing being made earlier. I soon felt a pull towards it… What… was ha...p...p...
A.D 2010 ~ Chaldea
The first thing I heard was screaming. And a blaring noise in the room. An alarm I guess. I also smelled smoke. It was then that I did something I didn’t think I could do anymore. I opened my eyes.
It was like an explosion happened. Metal and fire about. The walls were burnt with sparks coming from them. And the lights, soft red lights kept flashing in and out. But the most important thing was what was in-front of me. It was someone familiar. It was Mash...or at least it looked like her. My eyes, my fae eyes, saw something else. Fury, Anger, Disgust. It was the Knight from before. He, or I guess she, was in the body of Mash. “Mash” looked at me for a brief moment, looking to see if I was a threat. After a moment, she was satisfied that I wasn’t a threat and turned around. Continuing her march toward the humans in front of her.
The humans themselves, were in a panic. “Second Bounded Field Down! Unidentified Summoning occurred. I can’t detect a Saint Graph!” That second part must have been me.
“Director! We need to evacuate!” A second human male shouted. He spoke to a man standing in the center of the group. Yet he did nothing. He was completely confident. Even as “Mash” marched closer to him, he felt no need to move. She began to stretch out her arm, and I didn’t need my eyes to see the killing intent she had. But then, a second will appeared. This was Mash. I’m certain. She was purer than I remember, but I couldn’t forget her. There was a battle of wills. And a conversation between the two. I don't know what kind of exchange was between the Knight and Mash, but I could tell that the Knight was upset. At the end of it, the Knight retreated inward until only Mash could be seen. Not soon after, she fell unconscious. There was a bit of silence in the room, before the humans in the room turned to the only other irregularity.
Me.
I stand up and try to walk towards mash. Except as I do so, I trip up and stumble. The length of my stride was far smaller than I was used to. But that blunder revealed a few things that I didn’t notice in the earlier excitement.
I had my Staff of Selection once more and with it I was tell that I was MUCH shorter than I was before. Several years of hard earned Centimeters undone and I am left baffled. But that wasn't the worst of my discovery. Because while I was given my Staff once more; nothing else I had or owned was given to me.
Not even clothes.
It took me a few seconds to process this. I then looked to the humans again. There was a mix of fear and uncomfortable embarrassment among them all. My head must have become a Tomato, and I screamed. I began using my long hair for a semblance of modesty and hoping that in this one particular instance, I was having a nightmare. Alas, it was no nightmare because...
I am awake.