Work Text:
Charlie struggled with his feelings.
Everybody knew that. The islanders knew that, the island itself knew that. his friends outside of this island knew that.
Anyone who has met Charlie knows that.
The problem wasn't people knowing it. The problem was that no one knew the extent of it. They would just brush it off, and normalize it; after all, everybody struggled with them, right?
The source of the problem was that Charlie struggled with emotions too.
They were too complex for him. Everybody was different, everybody's feelings were different, everybody's emotions were different.
That was a good thing, Charlie would never argue with that. Seeing so many diverse people with various laughs and different cries is what shaped Charlie. Observing them communicate is what helped Charlie become... human. At first, he would stare blankly at the person across him and he found out that it freaked people out. He then started to mimic them, and with more and more practice he almost seemed, real. He felt real. He could feel the laughter building in his chest, he could feel the slimy tears coming out of his eyes, and he could feel the fury slowly rising in himself. He started to feel all of them with time and it was great.
Until he would get hit by the fact that it was all fake.
It was just a theatre act, the actor getting so lost in the character, trying to perfectly perform his scene but losing himself until the scenario ends, the scene ends, the crowd leaves, and the actor has to go back to his pathetic life again.
Charlie was back at his pathetic life again.
Some people knew that it was an act, they had seen the actor getting ready backstage. Quackity and Wilbur... They knew that when Charlie did something emotionally driven it would be what he had seen rather than what he meant to do.
Quackity would try his best to confront him about it. Saying that it wasn't nice or people would call him a dick if he did this or that. But he was also a dick himself so until it crossed a line, he would shut his mouth.
Wilbur on the other hand was a better person than that. Even if it would benefit him he would never lie to him. He would tell him straight up what was wrong and guide him to fix it. He would say how he would protect him with his life if it came down to it. But that sometimes would lead to accidentally defending the wrong side, while trying to protect his friend.
Someone also got dragged to that circus as well. Mariana. The person who he got paired up with in order to look after an egg. Look after their JuanaFlippa. That relationship was visibly cracked even at the beginning of it. But Charlie didn't care. He felt himself full when they argued, or hugged, snapped at each other or fucked. They both sucked at communicating about their feelings, no... Charlie didn't feel and Mariana couldn't communicate so it was doomed by the beginning anyway so Charlie might as well enjoy it.
It didn't go as planned.
He felt himself actually enjoying their banters, their stupid laughs. Charlie actually felt it. After a long time, he felt it.
When they read a story to Flippa he felt the love, when Mariana broke them out of jail he felt the love, he even almost melted when Mariana held his hand while running. He felt actual sadness when Flippa lost her last life. He felt betrayed when the demon/angel didn't keep his promise to give her one last chance. He felt actual delight when new people came to the island. He felt joy when people would drag him in when he felt out of place. When his nieces and nephews prepared a gift for him, and even if he was so out of eye, he still wore the bag everywhere.
The island let him become human. A longing he wanted to fulfil for the longest time. He would still screw up, of course, the emotions would overwhelm him and he would pull some extreme move like how he almost killed all of the eggs because of the loss of his daughter or how he completely cut off human interaction after killing his niece Tilin. But he was able to feel it and it was more than enough for him.
He wished he could go back to being emotionless again. He wished he could go back to being some thoughtless mob that people just enjoyed killing for their armour. He didn't want to feel grief after his daughter anymore, he didn't want to wonder where his wife had been anymore. He didn't want to feel sad, he didn't want to feel worry. He didn't want to cry himself to sleep anymore, he wanted to sleep properly for even just one night. He wanted to destroy everything like how a mob should be.
His childhood wasn't like this. Charlie knew that if his little self came to the present he would be disappointed. Well, if he even felt disappointment. The same kid that endured years of abuse and neglect, the same kid that killed his own siblings without a blink... It wasn't the same kid. It wasn't the same person.
Charlie let himself become too human and now he was paying the price for it.
He pulled his knees further to his chest and let his tears fall again. No matter how much he tried to wipe them away more would come out of his eyes. He would wipe them away harshly with his sleeve causing the skin to get red and irritated. Then he would just focus on keeping his color human-like and it would go back to his pale color. The loop continued until focusing on keeping himself together became too exhausting and his color went back to his original transparent green and his limps melted. Mariana used to scold him whenever he turned the floor into a mess.
Charlie missed him. Missed him a lot. He wasn't here to shout at him anymore. He wasn't here to sleep with him anymore. He wasn't here to hold him anymore.
He wasn't here anymore.
Charlie got up to his feet and exited his little shack. He was proud of it really. It wasn't anything like the dragon or the huge castles. It was little. Enough for t̶h̶r̶e̶e̶ one person. That's all he needed.
He slowly closed the door and walked around the beach. His first slow steps picked up pace and he started to run. Run as fast as he could. He didn't care about the sand getting stuck in his slime. He didn't care about the wind making him deaf. He ran and ran. Escaping his thoughts escaping himself. He felt that if he stopped even for a second he would be caught and dragged into a deeper and darker place. He ran and ran until he heard his breath hitch and slime leaving his eyes. He was crying again. Crying more and more; slime and salty water leaving his eyes, some of them falling behind and some of them getting back to his slimey skin. After running for what felt like hours his head spun with the lack of oxygen and he tripped. Catching himself before falling, his steps finally stopped and he tried his best to catch his breath. Tears never stopped. He looked over at the ocean, smiling at him. The sun dipping down and blinding his eyes. Charlie took a deep breath.
"I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!"
he screamed out, more words slipping from his mouth without thinking.
"I MISS YOU AND I MISS OUR DAUGHTER. I MISS OUR STUPID FIGHTS BUT I MISS YOUR STUPID SMILE MORE. I MISS OUR GLASSES TINGING WHEN WE KISS. I MISS YOU."
Charlie's tears fall more and more and his voice starts to give out.
" You know how much I hate the heat but I missed your warmth. I missed your cape basically blinding me whenever I walked behind you. I missed your love."
Sobs came out of his throat.
"I missed loving you."
Charlie was melting. He was exhausted but...happy. Happy, he was able to let everything out. Exhausted, he wasn't able to fulfil the feeling of emptiness.
"I LOVE YOU!"
He screamed out one last time, tears falling all over the place, the wind blowing slime bits away.
There was a huge grin on Charlie's face. He loved Mariana. He felt that stupid, dumb feeling. He finally and actually felt something.
He fucking loved it.
[+] ElMariana