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And yet again, she was alone.
Mark had slept with someone else and didn’t even seem upset that he broke his word, the words “once a manwhore, always a manwhore, right?” leaving his mouth way too casually, only accompanied with a painful look in his eyes.
Alex had practically rejected her, saying “she wasn’t his girlfriend” just few hours after they’d had sex. It was humiliating, to say the least.
And now here she was, pathetic and alone all over again. It became a pattern, didn’t it? For her to become the unwanted one, the rejected one and the one that wasn’t worth it.
The pain squeezed her heart as she exited the hospital into the parking lot, going further away from the entrance only to not be seen in such a state by anyone.
Did she even care what the others thought of her anymore? Not as much as she used to, she decided as she stood still somewhere at the end of the parking lot.
When did it get like this? When did she stop being the one people cared for?
Meredith drove on autopilot at this point.
She felt betrayed. Conditioned. Inhuman.
Derek literally said he couldn’t breathe for her, indirectly dumped her with those words. In the least sensitive way possible, using the weakest and lowest point of her life against her. And she was just about to tell him she had started therapy. How she took the first step into wanting to get better.
It wasn’t like she was doing that for him. God no, but it didn’t feel good to now know she didn’t have him by her side as she went through it. She definitely could’ve used her boyfriend that supposedly loved her by her side as she tried to get better. She definitely didn’t need to be said how she wasn’t worthy of his love and affections because of what she did. It was not her proudest moment - no, but that didn’t mean it defined who she was for the rest of her life.
So she drove. On autopilot. All the way until she found herself parking into a secluded part of Seattle Grace parking lot. At least she could go and see whether some of her roommates needed a ride home now that she was here. The would be a good distraction from her inexistent mental health that ruined her relationship.
That at least was her plan, until she got out of her car and noticed no one other, but Addison Montgomery, standing alone between two random cars, frozen to the spot as her gaze seemed fixed on an unimportant dot on the concrete floor. Somehow, she looked even worse than Meredith felt herself being, if they were to compare miseries (which they weren’t going to).
It was somewhere around 11PM on a chilly autumn night. The lights between the cars were illuminating the parking lot with a cold white light, reflecting against the colorful cars and creating a soft spectrum of vibrant colors in the cold night.
Addison wore a dark green coat and fine leather boots, her red, now almost ginger hair held up in a messy bun with a few strands falling beside her cheeks, down to her shoulders, letting the soft wind blow them softly, making it cascade around.
As Meredith silently approached the redhead, she could make out her tired features and heavy eyelids, the gaze undoubtedly filled with pain.
“Addison?” Meredith spoke softly, careful not to startle the redhead.
As if Addison knew she would be here, or that rather someone would be here, she smiled painfully and slowly turned her head to face the blonde woman. Their gazes met instantly, sharing both sides of pain.
“Hey,” Addison greeted her, her voice softer than Meredith had ever heard it before, but it was laced with the amount of pain she never saw on her either. Not even when Derek left her. Even then - she always made sure to put on a straight face.
“Are you okay?” Meredith made no attempt to move, afraid of Addison’s reaction.
Addison huffed in amusement through her nose, “No,” She admitted with an ironic smirk. She was done with pretending. Bizzy and her rules about never showing emotion in public be damned.
Meredith didn’t know what to do. Well, she had one idea, but it was borderline ridiculous.
She was way too mentally exhausted to overthink it, so she went for it without a second thought.
“Come home with me,” She breathed out, as if it’s the most normal thing to be exchanged between the two of them.
Addison slowly turned her head towards her again, merely raising an eyebrow in confusion and slight amusement at her, but the action still came off tired.
“Why would I?” Addison rolled her eyes playfully, but her answer wasn’t really dismissive of the idea.
“Because I’m not okay myself, so we can be not okay together while making sure the other doesn’t do something way too stupid that would have permanent physical consequences,” Meredith explained calmly from where she stood.
Addison eyed her for a moment before her lips stretched in an even bigger smirk, “I like the way you think, Grey,” She muttered, “Fine,” And finally moved from where she had been standing for quite some time, following Meredith to her car.
Meredith drove them, this time with more attention on the traffic than the time she drove to here.
“I do have one rule,” Meredith broke the comfortable silence as her eyes were focused on the road.
“Which is…” Addison added.
“No acting fancy when you’re sulking,” Meredith explained with the first words that came on her tongue, not caring whether they made sense or not.
“Valid. I do have one myself then.”
“That being…” Meredith mocked Addison’s previous statement.
“No talking about our past. Between us, I don’t care what we were in the eyes of other people, just let me drink and talk,” Addison said seriously, thinking about the whole wife-mistress drama.
“Deal,” Meredith agreed, never thinking she would agree more to anything than this.
The rest of the drive was spent in comfortable silence, both women drowning in their own sorrows.
Dragging their tired corpses into the living room looked as if they’ve already done this before. Like Addison had already been here, given by how freely she was moving around the hall as she took off her heels, and as she stumbled into the living room, flopping on the floor. Her back was resting against the couch, and her arms were close enough so she could reach the coffee table.
“What do you have?” She asked Meredith as the blonde entered the kitchen and soon reappeared again, holding the drink.
“Tequila,” She placed it on the coffee table and slid beside her, matching her position, “Fuck, do we need the glasses?”
But Addison was already opening the tequila, “Nope,” She said and took a swig, then handing it to Meredith who mimicked the action, “So - what are we drinking about?” Addison asked, looking ahead of her.
“To the asshole that dumped me for almost trying to kill myself even though I’m in therapy because of it, on my own request,” Meredith explained as curtly as she could put it.
“Can I ask more or are we leaving it on that?”
“Depends, but you need to share first.”
“To the men to whom I’m not enough for, or who don’t want me,” She raised the bottle as if for a toast before taking another swig.
“Okay you can ask if I can ask,” Meredith proposed as she took the bottle.
“Did Derek really dump you because of your attempt?” Addison asked, but her tone wasn’t mocking or trying to point out the obvious, but more like of pure shock, towards Derek.
“Said he couldn’t ‘breathe for me’. Don’t care if that means we’re over, I’m saying we’re over now,” She pointed with her finger to herself on that before taking another gulp, “What idiot rejected you?”
“Mark couldn’t keep it in his pants for our bet; Alex didn’t want anything more than a one time hookup we had,” The bottle fit well in her hand by now, even better on her lips, even better the liquor down her throat.
“This is why women shouldn’t date men,” Meredith muttered from the bottom of her heart.
“Ditto.”
After that, they continued to drink.
Only after they were at least about five shots deep, did they start to joke about their situations, calling the men involved names, maybe a little calling names of the people from the hospital that seemed to relentlessly gossip about them.
“I mean I admit it - for a moment, I gave up, stopped fighting. But I don’t want it to happen ever again, or to even come close to it, and that’s why I’m in therapy. To get better for my own sake,” Meredith explained, her words halfway slurred, “But could you imagine Derek having the nerve to break up with me over it?! That was just low,” Meredith huffed on frustration.
“It was! Screw him! But not literally,” Addison’s words were a bit slurred as well.
They were both far more than tipsy. Definitely not way too drunk, but enough to let their tongues completely loose.
“Screw Alex and Mark too!” Meredith exclaimed, smashing her fist against the table, making the halfway empty tequila pounce on it, before grabbing the bottle to take another gulp.
“Maybe that’s enough, you’ll have a raging hangover if you keep going, and we’re both working tomorrow morning,” Addison tried, but Meredith didn’t listen to her as she proceeded to open the tequila, “Okay, give me that,” Addison reached to take the bottle away from her, but Meredith just passed it to her left hand and stretched it so Addison couldn’t reached it.
“No!” Meredith whined playfully, breaking into a fit of surprised laughter as Addison rose to her knees to reach the tequila.
“Give!” Addison demanded just as playfully, reaching over Meredith’s body, chasing the bottle as the blonde waved around it so Addison couldn’t take it away, both of them laughing.
“Ha!” Addison exclaimed victoriously as she took ahold of the bottle, but just held it firmly on the ground.
Their little chase seemed to make them forget how much alcohol streamed through their veins, so when Addison made an attempt to move the bottle away from Meredith, she just lost her balance and ended up having to put her right leg on the other side of Meredith’s legs.
Once she stabilized herself, she was surprised to be met with the lack of the blonde’s giggles, so she looked up, only to realize she was practically straddling her, the tequila and her hand by Meredith’s hip, and the blonde’s face itself was closer than it ever was before.
Addison looked Meredith in the eyes and felt her breath hitch.
She could feel Meredith’s warmth radiating off her body and passing onto her own. The blonde’s breathing undoubtedly picking up because she could feel the warm, almost hot breath against her face, her own mouth. Addison could feel her legs touching Meredith’s with the way she straddled her body, hovering in the air.
Meredith broke their stare contest first, darting her eyes across Addison’s face, before settling on her parted lips. Addison couldn’t stop herself but automatically lick them, her teeth barely grazing her lower lip as her own gaze dropped to Meredith’s mouth.
Their eyes locked once again, a silent question being asked between them before eyes dropped to their lips once again.
Addison knew she’d probably lost her mind, but the desire to kiss those beautiful lips, to kiss Meredith and to feel and touch her was unbearable, so she gave in to it.
She surged forward and locked their lips in an almost bruising kiss. Then another one. Each kiss after kiss seemed just more urgent than the previous one, the need to feel their lips sliding against each other ever increasing. Meredith grabbed Addison’s waist and hips and pulled her down, towards herself and making the taller woman land in her lap properly, feeling as their hips fit perfectly against each other.
When Addison’s hips touched Meredith’s, when she felt her against her covered core for the first time, she moaned in her mouth - loudly and unrestrained. All thoughts that didn’t include feeling Meredith left her mind and she grabbed the blonde’s head in her hands, taking lead of the kiss and sliding her tongue into her mouth, eliciting a just as delicious moan from the woman beneath her as their tongues brushed. The sensations so powerful it practically sobered them up of alcohol, but made drunk on each other.
Seconds passed into minutes and Addison needed to feel more. Needed to feel her whole right now.
She moved her mouth away from Meredith’s and stared trailing her kisses down her jaw, the column of her throat, her neck, pulse point and not being shy with her tongue as she licked every damn chance she got, making sure the blonde felt as much as possible.
Suction after suction on her pulse point and the blonde was steadily moaning, her hands snaking beneath her blouse and going everywhere over her back.
When the hands disappeared from her back, Addison felt a hand on her chin, bringing her up to meet the plump lips again with just as much fury as before.
Addison felt the blonde contract her muscles and eventually move them both, almost picking her up as she spun around and laid Addison on the floor, her own body coming to hover over hers and immediately going for her neck, leaving love bites everywhere she could.
Addison looped her legs around Meredith’s hips and brought her down, deeper and deeper until the front of her jeans came in contact with her own front. They both moaned at the position, so Meredith ground against her, as if thrusting into her if she were a man, or had a strap.
Addison moaned and threw her head back, but her eyes never left Meredith’s, feeling the slight friction of fabric against fabric.
“My room?” Meredith breathed after she ground again.
“Yes,” Addison breathed and Meredith didn’t need to be told twice, so she got up and pulled the redhead up with her.
Hungry lips met again as they stumbled across the living room, up the stairs and down the hallway, entering the furthest room in the hall and locking the door behind them. Addison wasted no time and pulled them towards the bed, legs intertwining in the process, before making them end up in the position where they had left off.
“Off,” Addison panted as she gripped Meredith’s shirt.
Soon they were only in underwear.
The red lacy bra and plain cotton black panties that Addison had on were as if the eighth world wonder to Meredith as she admired the sight beneath her. To think that all of Addison’s body was hers now was doing inexplicable things to her own core and ego.
Meredith wore a white bra and soft pink panties, that now definitely weren’t so baby pink, but a rather darker one on the lower spot. Addison couldn’t help but moan at the sight, seeing how much she turned Meredith on with so little.
Addison was all but feeling shy today, so she reached out with her hand and cupped the blonde’s sex through her soaked panties, making the smaller woman growl and grind into the touch, fighting the urge to throw her head back. She couldn’t believe how so little could bring her so close to ecstasy.
And it wasn’t the alcohol, per se. Because the moment she felt Addison’s lips against hers, when it all began, she was very thankful for the increased flow of her blood that seemed to have sobered her up enough to enjoy every single touch she gave and received. To memorize deep in her brain all the sights and all the sounds that were to arise this night, because she knew where they would end up once she felt Addison pressed against her body in that living room.
“Did I make you this wet?” Addison’s tone was teasing and low, growling, her chin tilting up as she stroked Meredith lightly over the underwear.
“Yes,” Meredith groaned through her teeth, the sensations being way too much to handle along with coherent thoughts that she needed to form.
“Good girl,” Addison purred, as if she was the one on top and not being pinned to the mattress with Meredith’s weight.
But Meredith definitely wasn’t going to protest, at least not when she felt the hand disappear only to reposition so the soft fingertips were grazing the line of the skin that bordered the waistband of her panties.
“Can I?” Addison’s voice was laced with seriousness, as much as it could’ve been when lust streamed unceasingly through every part of her, making her voice low and deeper than usual.
“Yes,” Meredith managed to breathe out along with an assuring nod.
The hand slipped past the restriction and dove into her folds, making Addison moan once she felt the huge amount of wetness pooled between Meredith’s legs. She swiped a few times, running up and down, making Meredith moan into every action, before concentrating on her bundle of nerves.
She circled it a few times, after each few increasing the pressure only the slightest, but enough to make the blonde moan a tad bit louder.
The sight above her was glorious: Meredith - only in her bra and panties, straddling her hips and rocking them into her hand as it circled her clit inside the said panties. Her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders, quite a few strands sticking to her forehead as a thin layer of sweat picked up there. Her lips parted as she panted and moaned; eyes occasionally slipping shut and rolling in their sockets. At some point, Addison managed to slip her out of her panties as well. How - she would never know.
If such a magnificent view was made with so little, Addison wondered, and needed to know how she would look like if she gave her more.
So she moved her hand lower down her slit, circling her entrance a few times before going into her a few inches with only one finger, but enough for the blonde to alternate her breathing.
She pushed the single finger in with ease, letting her eyes slip closed as she listened to the delighted moan the blonde let out above her.
Meredith must’ve had enough of being the only one being touched, so she brought her hands to Addison’s torso, shaky fingers hooking beneath the straps of her bra and pulling them down her arms, before reaching behind her back and unclasping the garment.
Meredith’s next moan was both due to Addison’s decision to add a second finger inside her, and because she groped two beautiful breasts in her hands, feeling Addison beneath her palm and fingertips.
They both actually moaned, all due to the same reasons.
“Mm, Meredith,” Addison moaned out, a plea in her voice that Meredith hoped she understood right as she bend down and brought their lips together in a soft kiss.
Their lips danced together as Addison started pumping her fingers in and out of Meredith, making the blonde moan into her mouth every time she hit the sweet spot inside her. Her palm started rubbing her clit, causing Meredith to both rock into her hand, and pull herself down on her fingers.
Addison could feel Meredith becoming tighter around her fingers, along with her moans becoming more frequent with her panting; so she brought her other hand and started rubbing the blonde’s clit faster than her thrusts were, making her scream in delight, tightening more and more until-
“ADDISON!!” Meredith screamed and pulled herself up into a sitting position, her hips grinding into Addison’s hand as she hung her head back in ecstasy as she came, continuing to repeat her name and a few slurs like a mantra.
When Meredith’s walls released her fingers, she slowed down the thrusts, pretty sure she let her ride out her orgasm to the last drop. She then pulled her fingers out and brought them to her lips, wrapping them around and sucking on. The blonde’s taste enveloped her tongue, sweeter than honey as she let out a muffled moan.
Meredith’s eyes snapped open at that, looking down as Addison savored her juices.
Yes - Meredith was undoubtedly a mess, still dripping onto Addison’s thighs, but she couldn’t seem to care as she unclasped her own bra, throwing it away somewhere in the room, before lunging forward and pressing her breasts to Addison’s, eliciting a moan from the redhead as she released the fingers from her mouth.
She kissed her, all tongue as she tasted herself on her mouth, humming in approval.
“See how delicious you taste?” Addison husked between kisses.
“I bet you taste even better,” Meredith whispered into her ear before sliding lower and sucking onto her nipple.
Addison’s back arched like a cat’s, burying her hands in the blonde locks and keeping her in place, encouraging her to suck, lick, nibble and god know what else against her nipples.
But this wasn’t the main event, and she definitely didn’t want Addison climaxing with only this. So she trailed her kisses down her abdomen, relishing in the flutter of the redhead’s stomach with each featherlight touch she placed.
But then she grabbed the waistband of her panties between her teeth, pulling at it only to let it snap against the skin slightly, catching Addison’s attention.
The redhead propped herself up on her elbows and whispered a Yes with an eager nod, so Meredith held her gaze locked onto her own as she pulled the underwear down her impossibly long legs, watching how Addison’s chest heaved in anticipation along the way.
The sight Meredith was rewarded with was nothing less than Addison - in all her naked glory, opening her legs and showing the wetness that had started rolling down her inner thighs. But the part that had Meredith having to relearn how to breathe, was the moment when Addison reached down with her hand and exposed herself to the fullest, letting Meredith see all of her.
As soon as Meredith recovered from her sudden brain-short-circuit, she clawed her way back between Addison’s thighs and waisted no time in throwing one of her legs over her shoulder, pressing strong kisses up her inner thigh, leaving little love bites.
But when she tasted Addison for the first time, her tongue flat against her center, gathering as much of her juices as she could - she was sure she just had another short circuit.
Addison tasted sinfully good, and the sounds she made as Meredith tasted, circled, and sucked onto her were mind blowing.
Meredith knew this woman was full of surprises, especially when she felt a hand grip her chin after a minute of eating her out. She looked up and Addison brought her up, making her hover above her until they were eye to eye.
Meredith was utterly confused, since she was sure Addison still hadn’t orgasmed; but when she felt Addison’s legs loop around her waist and push her slightly lower into her - her eyes widened in recognition.
Meredith sat up straighter, temporarily moving her hands away from Addison’s body as her hips hovered above Addison’s spread legs; one leg snaking beneath Addison’s, and the other looping around her waist.
But once they had locked themselves and their centers finally came into contact, the sounds leaving them both were enough to climax to.
Meredith lowered her body and started kissing Addison as they slowly started rocking against each other; then faster, breaths mingling between their mouths and moans being swallowed. Hands pinching and twisting nipples until they had to break the kiss because it became impossible with all the moans and pants.
They stared at each other right in the eyes, watching lust overtake them as their clits brushed against each other, harder and faster; their juices being mixed and centers contracting against nothing. They held their gazes as they stumbled over the edge, first Meredith, and then Addison a millisecond after her as she saw her come for the second time that night.
And Meredith made sure to watch every moment of the redhead in her glory. She was godly hot when she came, Meredith decided.
The breathing had calmed slightly and they pulled away from the certain position, but they for sure didn’t stop.
They went, on and on and on, late into the night until they both came so many times that the exhaustion and overdrive had them succumbing into sleep, snuggled up, sated, and content.
Neither of them was really a stranger to waking up blissfully naked, smelling of sex in bed with a person you didn’t quite imagine waking up next to, so that ‘morning after’ could be called rather comically - with the way they literally jumped out of bed at the sound of a late alarm.
They were both late. Or at least would be if they didn’t teleport to the hospital in less than 15 minutes.
That was one of the reasons they had absolutely ignored the fact they had slept together and woke up naked next to each other. To any other person, it would’ve looked like they were roommates running late for god only knows what reason (minus the ‘walking around naked’ part in the first moments).
And they were only like that - utilitarian, around the house: dressing up, gathering things; all the way until they found themselves back in Meredith’s car.
The silence became uncomfortable and the tension could be cut with a knife. So when Meredith was already halfway on their route, she figured she better spoke up or they would suffocate in that car.
“So - we gonna talk about it or not?” Her tone wasn’t teasing, no ulterior motives. Just general wonderment.
“Depends on whether you have something prepared to say,” Addison pouted after than, trying not to seem like the tension was getting to her.
Meredith seemed to take in those words before taking a deep breath and releasing all of it from her lungs.
What did she have to lose?
“If not for you, I would’ve probably asked him to stay with me,” Meredith said seriously, taking a glance at Addison.
They were silent again after that, both of them clearly trying to form the right words, or taking the said ones in at least.
Meredith knew the moment of truth had come when Addison took the same breath she did before speaking up.
She didn’t know what she was hoping for, but knew she needed to know where they stood.
As if on cue, Addison looked at her deeply just after Meredith found a parking spot in front of the hospital.
“If not for you, I would’ve probably fled to LA, to my friends that live there.”
Meredith turned her head, facing her and boring her own eyes into those of Addison’s, meeting the both serious and nervous look in her eyes.
Well, one thing she knew - nothing was certain yet, but nothing was impossible either…