Chapter Text
Note from Anna to Ellie, written just before her death, front and back of page:
Ellie,
I'm going to share a secret with you, I'm not a big fan of kids and I hate babies. And yet... I'm staring at you and I'm just awestruck.
You're not even a day old and holding you is the most incredible thing I've done in my life - a life that is about to get cut a little short.
Marlene will look after you. There's no one in this world I trust more than her. When the time comes she'll tell you all about me. Don't give her too much of a hard time. Try not to be as stubborn as me.
I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty messed up world. It won't be easy. The thing you always have to remember is that,
life is worth living! Find your purpose and fight for it.
I see so much strength in you. I know you'll turn out to be the woman you're meant to be.
Forever... your loving mother
Anna
Make me proud, Ellie!
*****
Ellie opens her eyes, and she thinks it’s pretty safe to assume they made it to the Fireflies somehow.
She’s in a hospital bed of sorts, white sheets, beeping machines and low chatter leaking in from the hallway. The faint sound of an argument in a room nearby draws her attention briefly before she shifts on the bed, positioning herself so she can see the door. There’s a man with a gun, standing guard by the looks.
Her eyes trail to the seat beside her bed, and Marlene’s there.
Huh.
The last thing she remembers is an explosion, the loud bang and smoke distorting her vision. She remembers Joel throwing himself on top of her to protect her from the blast.
She can’t believe he didn’t even hesitate, his instinct to protect rearing its head. She needs to find him and make sure he’s okay too.
Without thinking, she accidentally groans as she makes an attempt to sit up, alerting Marlene to her consciousness.
“Welcome back, Ellie,” Marlene smiles, standing and pouring her a glass of water.
She’s pretty thirsty, and it can’t hurt. She accepts the glass, taking a small sip before asking, “Where’s Joel?”
Marlene’s face shifts, before smoothing over. It’s quick, but she doesn’t miss it. “He’s still unconscious,” The older woman’s voice is carefully steady. “Our men didn’t know who you were at first, or they wouldn’t have–”
“Tried to blow us up?” She instinctively waits for Joel to give her a look and tell her to mind her manners, but he’s not here. And since he’s not here right now and her only goal is to get back to him, Marlene’s getting what she’s getting.
To her credit, Marlene doesn’t flinch at Ellie’s accusation. Suppose being the leader of the Fireflies for so long helps with that. Instead Marlene opts for an attempt at redirection, “How are you feeling?”
Yeah, she’s not cooperating that easily. She offers Marlene an unimpressed look and another dig, “I feel like someone tried to blow me up.”
Marlene sighs, “Ellie–”
“Look, it’s nice to see you Marlene.” She interrupts again, before pausing. “I guess.” She fights a smirk and succeeds. “But I want to see Joel.”
“Ellie, I’m sorry. But you can’t. Not until he wakes up.” She opens her mouth to interrupt a third time, but Marlene beats her to it and keeps talking before she gets the chance. “If it’s any consolation, I have some things for you. They belonged to your mother.”
She can’t hide her curiosity, mouth closing on its own as she peers around Marlene to see if she has anything hidden behind her.
Marlene seems glad to know she’s got her side-tracked for now.
“You asked so many questions about your mother in Boston. I thought it would be nice if I brought you some of her things. Would you like to see?”
She can’t help it, she’s really curious. If Marlene bothered to keep something for 15 years it’s gotta be good. The fact that whatever it is belonged to her mom is even more exciting.
She doesn’t know much about her mom. Only that her name was Anna Williams and she died giving birth on June 14th, 2019 so that a little baby Ellie could enter the world.
Ellie had the pleasure of meeting Marlene before she got bit, and she was surprised to say the least that Marlene knew her name and was her mom’s best friend. What kind of person lets their best friend’s kid grow up in a FEDRA military school? Not a good one.
She’s been a little wary of Marlene ever since, even though the older woman was nice enough to give her a note her mom had written for her while she was dying. Marlene had also given her her mom’s pocket knife, and she’s carried it with her ever since.
So that whole great pile of next to nothing is all she knows about the woman who died after giving birth to her.
On a side note, nobody’s ever even mentioned her dad. She’s spent most of her life assuming he never wanted her as a side-product of that. Because if he had known, surely he would have come for her?
That’s why it’s easier to tell herself he just never knew. It takes a little bit of the sting out of it.
She’s quick to realise maybe if she plays her cards right here, she can get some answers out of Marlene.
When she eventually speaks, she aims for nonchalance. “Sure. I guess.” And she almost pulls it off, until she doesn’t, “But then I want to see Joel.”
The corner of Marlene’s mouth ticks up briefly, and she’s suddenly not quite sure she hit the mark. Marlene glances at one of the guards standing outside the door, and gestures with a nod of her head. He hands Marlene a small box, and she sits up further, angling for a closer look.
“There’s not much, admittedly. But your mom liked to write in journals. These are from the years before you were born, one of them I’m pretty sure she wrote in right up until you were born. I haven’t read it so I can’t tell you much about what’s in there, but I still thought you might like to have them.”
Maybe I should keep a journal.
Marlene’s still talking, so she doesn’t get the chance to think about it for long, “There’s also some pictures. I think she must have come across a polaroid camera around the time she met your father. The pictures are mostly of Anna, but there’s a picture of them together even though you can’t see his face too clearly. I’ve never looked too closely at it, but I thought you might like to have it, all the same.”
She can’t hide her enthusiasm, grabbing the box out of Marlene’s hands with a mumbled ‘thanks’ the moment Marlene extends the box out towards her. She starts digging through immediately, only stopping for a split second to ask, “Can I have my bag?”
“Sure,” Marlene grabs the bag off the floor, she hadn’t even seen it there, and places it at the end of the bed.
She drags the bag up to her side, opening the main zip compartment and placing the journals inside so she can read them later. She takes a second to check that her pocket knife is still in the front pocket, and it is, so that’s a good sign. But when she surreptitiously moves her hands to where she keeps her gun, she notes it’s empty.
That’s not so great a sign, and it reminds her to stay alert. If there’s one thing Silver Lake taught her besides the obvious, it’s that you can’t trust anybody.
She would have had more of a chance of sticking to her plan, if the temptation of the photos didn’t swiftly become too much to deal with. Within a minute she’s already forgotten to be on alert, and she spreads them out in the space between her legs.
Five whole photos.
All in decent condition considering they were taken something like 15 years ago if Marlene’s information is correct, even older if she’s slightly off. Her eyes dart across the photos, taking in as much detail as she can as fast as she can. She knows rationally they’re not about to suddenly disappear if she doesn’t look at them fast enough, but she’s never had anything like this. She picks up one of the photos of her mother to take a closer look.
It’s a close-up and Anna looks very obviously happy as she smiles wide and looks directly at the person taking the picture. Anna’s hair is long, falling forward over her shoulders in soft waves, and it’s the same colour as her own.
They have the same eyes, the same nose, the same mouth.
If she didn’t know any better she’d almost swear her father’s genes had next to no input.
“I look just like her,” she says, eventually.
“You do,” Marlene confirms.
She looks at the other photos of her mom first, almost avoiding the photo containing both of her parents. It’s easy to focus on the photos of Anna when she looks so bright and full of life, as is the case in all the photos.
She must have been really happy all the time.
It looks like one of the photos was taken from across the room of some kind of medical station. Maybe a Firefly base?
“Was she a doctor?” She looks up at Marlene briefly.
Marlene shakes her head from side to side, “No, she was a nurse. Damn good one too.”
“Huh,” She turns back to the photo. It looks like someone called out to Anna and took the photo the moment she turned in their direction.
“Your father took that photo, if I remember correctly,” Marlene confirms her thoughts without even knowing it, moving a little closer to take a better look. “She never explicitly said who he was, but I always suspected he was the one who gave her the camera as it seemed to show up a few months before she told me she was pregnant with you. She would use that damn camera to take photos of everyone at base whenever we were able to get the little films it needed.”
“So he wasn’t a Firefly?” At Marlene’s confused look, she clarifies, “My Dad. He wasn’t a Firefly?”
“Oh,” Marlene shakes her head again, seemingly choosing her next words carefully. “I’m not sure if I remember actually, it’s been years after all. Anna only ever mentioned she met him when his brother was injured and ended up in the clinic. She had a brief relationship with your father after that, I think they met up at a bar after the brother recovered. Then your father had to leave town. She never mentioned him again after that.”
Not really what she was hoping for, but she supposes that makes sense. Not everyone is madly in love before they have a kid, she knows it’s not even a requirement. It would have been nice though, if they’d been madly in love and she was a product of that.
I guess I’ll never know for sure.
She finally reaches out for the photo of her parents together, preparing herself to see her dad for the first time. The first thing she notes to herself is that it doesn't really look like the photo was taken at a bar. Actually, it looks more like somebody’s living room, a slightly familiar one at that.
In the picture, Anna’s head is thrown back as she laughs, sitting in the lap of a man whose face is half hidden. He looks like he’s smiling into her neck, and she feels herself smiling in response. The man has dark hair, and looks to be freshly clean-shaven, but she can’t see his eyes or face too clearly.
There’s something about him that looks so familiar. She’s definitely seen him somewhere before, or someone who looks very similar. Or maybe she looks a little like him after all, and she’s just seeing her own features?
Her eyes are drawn back to the picture as a whole when she can’t figure it out. She stares at the way her dad has his arms wrapped around her mom, and how her mom’s arms are resting on top. They’re holding each other close.
“They look happy,” she says quietly to herself.
She stares at the photos for a few more minutes, taking in all the little details while she has them all to herself. But her time is cut short much too soon.
“I think that’s all we have time for, Ellie,” Marlene interrupts out of nowhere.
“Is Joel awake?” She asks, grabbing one of the journals out again and slipping the photos inside. She shoves them back into her backpack.
“No,” Marlene hesitates before speaking, and why does she seem so unsure? She gets her answer pretty much straight away. “But it’s time for us to get you prepped for surgery.”
She visibly recoils. That was never supposed to be part of the plan.
“What do you mean surgery ? I’m pretty sure you don’t need surgery to take my blood.” It makes absolutely no sense.
“Oh, Ellie. It’s not that simple,” Marlene looks sad.
Why is she so upset?
Marlene keeps talking, “Doctor Anderson believes the cordyceps have been growing with you since birth. The way your immunity works is that the cordyceps produce a kind of chemical messenger. And that chemical messenger makes normal cordyceps think that you are cordyceps.”
“Okay? But why does that mean I need to have surgery?” Her brow furrows as she tries to understand.
And how did the cordyceps even get inside me when I was born? This doesn’t make any sense.
Marlene takes a deep breath. “Cordyceps grows in the brain. And Doctor Anderson says the only way to make a cure is to remove it from you. From there we can multiply the cells in the lab and produce more of the chemical messengers that make you immune and then give them to everyone. Do you understand?”
Oh, fuck off.
She looks Marlene right in the eye.
“You want to kill me.”
“We don’t want to kill you, Ellie. But it’s our only hope.” Marlene tries one last time, “You fought so hard to get here, don’t let it all be for nothing. This is what needs to be done.” Marlene places a hand over hers, a poor attempt at comfort, “This is your purpose.”
Find your purpose and fight for it.
Suddenly the words written in her mom’s note don’t seem so inspiring. Marlene clearly read the note back in Boston before giving it to her, and now here she was twisting a dead woman’s words.
She moves to grab her pocket knife, but Marlene has a tight grip on her wrist in less than a second, halting her movement.
“Let me go,” she demands, yanking her wrist with no success.
A tear tracks down Marlene’s cheek as she turns to the guard on the door. “Tell them we’re ready.”
“What?” Her eyes dart to the guard and then back to Marlene, and she puts everything she’s got into escaping Marlene’s hold. But nothing she does matters.
Marlene nods to the nurses standing just outside the door, and they quickly enter the room, restraining both of her arms.
She struggles as hard as she can.
“No!”
This can’t be happening.
One of the nurses pushes her down against the bed, holding her down , and it’s Silver Lake all over again.
“Let me go!”
She screams as loud as she can.
Joel would never let them do this to her.
If she can just yell loud enough he’ll come for her, she knows it.
She’s supposed to follow him wherever he wants to go once this is all said and done.
Life is worth living.
She wants to live.
“Please! I don’t want to die!”
There’s a pinch on her arm, they’ve injected her with something, and she feels herself slipping into unconsciousness again within moments.
“Joel! Help me! Joel!”
She’s too late.
Everything’s going out of focus, but she manages to lock eyes with Marlene one last time.
“Please don’t kill me.”
She tries to call for Joel one last time, but everything goes dark.
*****
She wakes slowly some time later, half surprised to find she’s waking up at all. Wherever she is, she’s moving, but that can’t be right.
She was in the hospital.
They took her for surgery.
She should be dead.
Her eyes flicker open and she rolls onto her side, slowly blinking the sleep away as she pushes herself up with one arm. She’s in the back seat of a car being driven fast down a highway. She glances out the right-hand side window and sees a sign.
Welcome to Evanston
“Where am I?” her voice sounds scratchy, probably from whatever those asshole Fireflies used to knock her out.
“Hey, kiddo,” the voice coming from the front seat sounds hesitant, but she’d know it anywhere.
“Joel!” She sits up fully, making herself a little dizzy in the process. “You’re okay!” She pauses, taking stock of her seemingly alive body and touching her head to check for where they might have cut into her brain, “And I’m not dead!”
“‘Course you’re not dead, why would you think that?” He doesn’t give her time to answer, instead jumping straight to checking on her well-being. “How’re you feelin’?”
“Honestly? Like I was knocked unconscious so some psycho Firefly doctor could cut my brain out,” she says with a grin, knowing he’s going to hate her nonchalance.
“Jesus Christ, Ellie,” Joel drags a hand down his face.
“What?”
It’s not like it’s not the truth .
Joel doesn’t speak for a moment, instead taking a deep breath. She sits up a little straighter in the back seat, peeking around the driver-side headrest to get eyes on him properly.
“So… that sounds like they told you what they was gonna do to you?” He sounds hesitant, almost like he’s hoping she’ll say ‘no’.
“Yeah,” she loses a bit of her gusto once she thinks back to her last waking moments in the hospital. “They told me I couldn’t see you because you were unconscious still. And then I think Marlene was trying to distract me while they got everything ready? She gave me some journals and photos that belonged to my Mom. I was so distracted by them that I didn’t realise anything else was going on. Barely even had a chance to look through the box of stuff before they said it was time to ‘prep me for surgery’.”
Joel doesn’t say anything.
“I begged them not to kill me. I told them I didn’t want to die,” she feels herself getting choked up, barely able to get the words out a single tear falls down her cheek. “I kept calling out for you, hoping you’d hear me somehow because I knew you’d save me if you could. And then I just remember everything going dark.”
“Oh, baby girl,” Joel clears his throat, his voice a little unsteady. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay–”
“It’s not okay.” His voice is firm now in an instant, leaving no doubt about his sincerity. “Nothing about what they did was okay.”
“Really?” She looks down at her feet. “You don’t think I was selfish for wanting to live when I could have saved everyone with a cure if I’d died?”
“Ellie,” he says it so sternly her eyes flash up to meet his in the rear-view mirror in an instant, “I was ready to lie right to your face and tell you some made-up story about raiders attacking the hospital or what-the-hell-ever because there was no way in hell I was gonna let them take you from me. No matter what the stakes. So if you’re selfish for not wanting to die, then I’m selfish too. Because your life is more important to me than every single person on this planet.” Joel swears under his breath. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with any of this, kiddo.”
She leans forward and places a hand on his shoulder, pushing down the instinct to climb into the front seat to seek comfort in the form of his solid presence. He takes his left hand off the wheel immediately, reaching across his chest so he can place his hand over her own, squeezing it tight. It helps so much more than he’ll ever know.
She speaks softly, not sure he’ll be able to hear her. “Thanks for saving me, Joel.”
“Don’t thank me, Christ,” he chokes out, and she can tell he’s just as emotional as she is. “I can’t imagine what I would have done if you’d died in there. Would’ve been like Sarah all over again.”
She tries to ignore the hitch in her breathing, “I’m sorry.”
Joel’s sudden laugh startles her, and a confused laugh of her own escapes in response, “Well don’t apologise either, that’s not much better.”
And now she’s not sure if she’s laughing or crying or both. The only thing she’s sure of is she’s a mess.
But she’s alive, and that’s enough for now.
She loses the battle against her tiredness faster than she likes, and doesn’t last long before she’s laying down in the back seat to get some well-needed rest.
She knows Joel will get them home safe.