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The chilly night air meets Nobara's face, and she isn't sure if she is shivering because it's cold outside or because of her overwhelming feelings. She hugs her knees as she stares at the Jujutsu High empty park and the night sky.
She wishes she knew about constellations, so she could start naming them in her head, so she could stop thinking— stop feeling. She isn't even sure what she's sad about, but that's how it happens for her most of the time. She is an overconfident young woman that knows her worth, yet sometimes when the night falls, she can't sleep, and her heart races, and she feels like screaming.
The wind lets the hood that was covering her hair fall, and her hands curl. She can't stop shivering. These episodes she had every once in a while only got worse when Yuuji died, or at least, when she thought he died. It's something like being impotent, helpless, useless over something. It claws at her from inside out. She can't pinpoint exactly why. She has no reason to feel this way, not right now, nothing other than the fact that everything feels like too much and at the same time it's never quite enough.
When she thought Yuuji died, she hadn't only been sad about losing a friend. It'd been more than that, it'd been the fact that even when she knows she is powerful, there are things that cannot be overpowered. Things like death. It's overwhelming. She believes her own heart might be too big, too caring. Or maybe it's her own mind, too analyzing, too hard-working, that makes her find things no one else finds. She wants to believe that what's wrong is that the world is simply too cruel. People die. Yuuji could've died. Anyone in this school could die at any given moment.
She is brave, but the thought is terrifying. Paralyzing. She looks up at the sky, desperate for an answer, for something. It offers nothing.
She hears footsteps behind her and tenses, but suddenly relaxes, because she recognizes the footsteps. The smell. The energy.
Maki.
She would recognize her anywhere.
That is a bit scary, too.
She takes a seat beside Nobara and stays silent for a while as she trembles. Nobara tries to stop the trembling, but she can't. Especially not now, when Maki is here. Maki, who she respects so much she could never lie to. Maki, who sees her, understands her, knows her.
They'd been spending so much time together lately. Nobara had kissed her once, and Maki had kissed her back, and their hands touched every once in a while and everything in Nobara came to a full stop. Maki had spent hours telling her about her family, about her life, her feelings, and Nobara had told her about hers.
What they have has no name yet, but Nobara knows what she feels. Knows the butterflies in her stomach, the undying, unwavering, overwhelming respect, the need for touch, the need to feel those soft lips against hers again.
She knows what it is. And that is a bit scary, too.
Maki is an extremely powerful woman, and Nobara would trust her with her life. But that power… what comes with it… Maki is in constant danger.
Maki is in constant danger, and Nobara loves her.
The world is too cruel, and she can't stop shaking.
"What are you doing here?" Maki finally breaks the silence, looking at her. Nobara can't bring herself to look away from the night sky.
She shrugs and Maki shifts closer.
"Mhm." Maki considers. "You know you can tell me anything."
Oh, Nobara knows.
That doesn't mean she has the words to explain.
"I'm a bit—" her voice croaks, and she winces. "Overwhelmed."
"I see." Maki stares at her, and Nobara blinks up at the night sky.
"Do you know any constellations?" Nobara asks.
Maki looks up and Nobara dares to steal a look at her. She isn't wearing her glasses, making her bright eyes easier to look at, and the wind is blowing on her bangs, making them move against it. She is wearing a purple oversized hoodie and shorts, and Nobara unwraps the blanket she had around herself and drapes it over Maki. She can't bear the thought of Maki being cold.
Oh, the world is so cruel.
Maki looks down at her legs and a slight pink covers her cheeks before looking up at the sky again and signaling.
"You see that one?" Nobara looks at where she is signaling. "Those nine stars there?"
Nobara searches the sky following Maki's hand movements, and she counts nine shining stars, then nods.
"That's Lyra." Maki says, still looking at the sky. "And can you tell that there is a star that's brighter than the rest?"
Nobara nods and looks at Maki.
"It's Vega." She says, looking at Nobara with a small smile. "My sister once told me it was the brightest star in the sky, and it made me a bit sad. Made me think that she was the brightest, and I— well, you know the rest."
Nobara nods, as a fierce feeling of protectiveness washes over her. Maki cried in her arms because of this, once. Nobara remembers it so clearly, it burns. How could she forget the way Maki had tried to hold in her tears? The way she'd cried quietly, as if trying to make no sound, admitting that her family had hurt her, that she tried to be good enough, as good as she could be every day, and Nobara's heart had broken, because couldn't Maki see? She was already perfect.
"But," Maki is saying. "Now it kind of reminds me of you."
"What?"
"The star." Maki says, and she extends her hand towards her, putting a strand of hair behind her ear and then caressing her cheek softly. "You remind me of the brightest star in the sky, Noba."
Nobara feels her lips turn into a pout and her insides melt at Maki's words.
"Maki-san." She says, and her voice sounds strained, forced out. She looks away, to her shivering knees, and resists the urge to hide. She is always true to herself, but it's hard when it is the most raw part of your soul that is showing. When it is a part that she is barely starting to understand. "You have to know, it's you."
Maki titles her head, trying to catch Nobara's eyes, but she doesn't meet her eyes. Those beautiful eyes that sometimes are green and sometimes are brown. Those eyes she fell for. Those eyes that shed tears in hopes that Nobara accepts them, and that are about to see Nobara do the same.
Her eyes are watering. She blinks, trying to keep them dry, but it won't do.
"I'm the brightest star, you mean?"
Nobara nods. Maki laughs softly.
Both of them can be so harsh, so firm most of the time, it's strange that when they get all alone, in moments like this, with no one but the stars to see, they're really nothing more than soft laughs and whispers and tender touch. It's peaceful. It's right.
It feels right.
The world is so cruel.
"I disagree." Maki says. "But that's alright."
Nobara presses her chin to her knees, and when Maki's hand finds her hair again, giving it a soft, almost unnoticeable tug, a single tear escapes her eye. She glances at Maki, who is watching her with nothing but tenderness and concern.
It makes her feel loved. It must be the best privilege in the world, to feel loved by Maki Zenin. And Nobara gets to have that. It fills her heart with hopes that maybe the world is too cruel, but if she gets to love Maki Zenin in it, then it might be worth it.
Still, she feels despair, and she can't quite stop shaking, and Maki's gaze only makes her crumble more.
Another tear falls, and Maki catches it, moving even closer until her side is pressed against Nobara's.
"What happened?" Her voice is soft, barely more than a whisper. If Nobara wasn't so close to her, she wouldn't have heard.
"I… I don't know." Nobara bites her lip, but it wobbles anyways, and she shakes her head. "It's silly, really."
"It's not." Maki shakes her head urgently, fully cupping her face now. "It's not, Noba. It could never be silly. You've seen me in such worse conditions—"
"You had a reason—"
"You've never batted an eye at it. Never judged. I won't, either. It's not silly, sweetheart, it can't be. What's wrong?"
Nobara shakes her head as more tears escape, and she moves to hide in Maki's chest. It feels like home. Maki smells of fresh air and fresh grass, the scent faintly reminds Nobara of her small hometown, and it's strangely comforting. And the way Maki's arms wrap around her makes her feel safe, protected, and it's nice to be on the receiving end of this for once. Her shed tears slowly become sobs. Maki rubs her back, kisses her head. Nobara nuzzles into her chest, and when she's done, she pulls apart and looks at the woman she loves.
"It's just that I…" she wipes her face. "I don't know. I feel so… powerless at some stuff. And it's not just that it hurts my pride, it's that…"
She sighs, and Maki squeezes her shoulder.
"It's stupid. We have these powers, and still… there are some things we can never… we're so useless when it comes to death. And it's inevitable, and it becomes too much to think about sometimes, you know? Like, not even— not even the most powerful… not even you—"
Her words choke her, and she can't finish that sentence, but Maki's face fills with understanding. She presses her forehead against Nobara's.
"I'm scared about you, too." Maki says, and Nobara presses more against her. "It is a lot. It would be a lot for anyone to think about."
"I can't stop thinking, sometimes. It makes me feel like shit."
Maki nods.
"I'm sorry, love."
Nobara sneaks in and pecks her lips. Maki smiles at her, leaning in and stealing another quick kiss. It eases a bit of the tension Nobara had been feeling.
"You worry about me, too?"
"The whole time." Maki nods, her eyes widening slightly as if to remark the point. Nobara feels the ghost of a smile creeping up. "You are so fearless , it scares me shitless. And those friends of yours do not help."
Nobara smiles now, small and shy, but a smile. She wipes her face again, sniffing.
"You say that as if yours are any better."
Maki scoffs. Nobara smells the mint on her breath and it makes her lean in to kiss her, but seriously this time. Maki's breath hitches, but she wastes no time in kissing her back. Her arms move to wrap around Nobara's waist, and Nobara moves in closer, wrapping hers around Maki's neck. Their lips meet shyly, but Nobara bites Maki's lower lip and Maki's hand tightens in Nobara's waist, deepening the kiss. The wind is blowing their hair, but they don't move about it. Nobara explores Maki's mouth with her tongue, and Maki kisses her back just as curiously. It's passionate, but slow. It makes Nobara forget about the world being too cruel. It makes Nobara feel only a wave of unwavering love for this girl she gets to have.
She feels the urge to tell her so. She stops the kiss, drawing back to look in her eyes, and tells her.
"I think I love you, Maki."
The smile Maki gives her is the purest, most beautiful one Nobara ever got the privilege to see, and it has her smiling, too.
"Good." Maki says. "I love you, too, Nobara."
And that— that's the brightest star in the whole world, Nobara realizes. Maki loving her. That makes everything worth it. That shines brighter than anything else could ever shine, that makes her ignite, burn, shatter.
Their love is the Vega star.
She will share that knowledge later on, though, because right now she needs to be back in her lips.
It will be all she ever needs to taste. Maki's lips. Maki's love.
And it'll do. It'll do, accepting that the world is way too cruel, if it gives her Maki Zenin.