Chapter Text
There weren't many beings here, neither monster nor evil specter dared cross this land into the safe haven that was ZONE 0, so its no surprise there was no one to be found here.
"hey, kid, don’t you know how to greet an old friend? turn around, and shake my hand...
(zzZAP)honhonhon the old impossible bracket in the hand trick. anyways, you're [playername] right? that's hilarious, i'm Zacharie, Zacharie the traditional video game items merchant, but you can call me Zach"
"i'm actually supposed to be on watch for protagonists right now, but, yknow i don’t really care about killing anybody, now my boss, Dedan… he’s a game ending FANATIC… hey, actually, I think that’s him over there... I have an idea, go right through this door"
"yeah go right through, my boss made the code 681452, same as last time"
The Batter hadn't expected to see Zacharie of all people here, but it is a welcome surprise.
"Quick, behind that conveniently shaped Cardboard Cutout Of Ballman, yeah y'know, the guy from those comic books"
...He takes it back, The Batter wishes Zacharie wasn't here as the Player decided to hide, despite it being counterintuitive to their mission to kill the zone guardians. And behind a cutout of BALLMAN no less.
"sup, boss"
"YOU KNOW WHAT'S 'SUP', YOU LAZY FOOL"
"IT HAS BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T SET UP YOUR TRAPS"
"YOU JUST HANG AROUND YOUR SHOP!"
"WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING!?!?"
"staring at this mascot, it's really cool, do you wanna look"
Ah, maybe Zacharie had realized hiding makes no sense if we plan to fight him anyways.
"NO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT, I HAVE TO ACTUALLY WORK, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE"
An audible sigh escapes The Batter's lips. Sadly, it is not heard over Dedan's voice.
"WHAT IF THE KING COMES THROUGH HERE?! I HAVE TO BE READY!!"
"I WILL BE THE ONE, I MUST BE THE ONE! I WILL STOP THE LORD OF THE NOTHINGNESS!"
"THEN I, THE AMAZING DEDAN"
"WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE!!"
"RESPECT! AUTHORITY!! I MAY EVEN BE ABLE TO START MY OWN ZONE INSTEAD OF JUST A FACTORY FOR THE FOUR ELEMENTS!"
"I'LL RULE OVER A THRIVING CITY! AND ATTEND BORING MEETINGS LIKE A MAYOR WOULD!!!1!"
"I WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EACH AND EVERY MORNING"
"hmmm, maybe Ballman can help you"
"ZACH YOU RUINED IT, I WAS DAYDREAMING OF MY AMAZING METROPOLIS!"
"OF COURSE YOU RUINED IT, LIKE YOU RUIN ALL THE WORK I ASSIGN TO YOU!"
"hey boss, take it easy, i've got a ton a work done t'day"
"LIKE WHAT!?"
"Well I cleaned my shop for starter-"
"ZACH YOU KNOW I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SHOP, WHAT I CARE ABOUT IS YOU SETTING YOUR TRAPS SO WE CAN CAPTURE THE KING!"
"...SIGH, WHY DOES SOMEONE AS AMAZING AS ME, HAVE TO PUT IN SO MUCH WORK TO GET SOME RECOGNITION..."
"wow, sounds like you're really working yourself... down to the bone"
"ZACH!!1"
"cmon, you're smiling"
"I AM AND I HATE IT"
"WELL, I SHALL BE CHECKING ON MY TRAPS, IF YOURS AREN'T DONE BY TOMMOROW YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE"
"you say that every time boss"
"WELL... WHATEVER IM LEAVING NOW"
"welp, you can come out now"
"you outta get goin, he's a fast worker and it's not too long till he's done with his traps"
"and if he comes back..."
"Your gonna have to sit through another one of my amazing puns"
You should leave.
"...oh cmon what's the holdup, it's just a dark cavern filled with monsters, deadly traps and a guy who wants you dead"
You look at the Ballman Cutout. Please stop looking at it. PLEASE.
"actually, hey, hate to bother you but can ya do me a favor?"
"i was thinking, boss's been pretty down lately... he may seem rough but really he's a kind person on the inside"
"like the man's life dream is to make a zone so he can give his elsen a happier life"
"so seeing you might just make his day. don't worry, he's not THAT dangerous, as long as you ACT"
"You learned that from Japhet back at ZONE 0 didn'tcha? cause if so then you shouldn't have a problem becoming boss's friend"
"thanks a million, i'll be up ahead"
He's going the wrong way... Doesn't matter. Onwards, Player, the guardian awaits.
There is a box here
*The convenience of that Ballman Cutout fills you with rage, which is close enough to determination
*SAVE
*ACCESS ITEM BOX
*HEAL
*EXIT
You go north, there's a single elsen there fishing.
"hhhh, someone told me thhere are, hhhh, plenty of fish in the sea, hahhhh. But i've been fishing for hours, hhhhh, and still haven't got one"
You reel up the fishing rod, on it is a photo of the elsen with their number and the words "Call Me!~" written on it.
Why are you trying to call them. I mean they dont look bad bu- No. Not happening Player.
You leave the fishing spot.
You go Eastwards.
"SO AS I WAS SAYING ABOUT LARDASS-"
He's spotted us, Player.
...what
...what is happening genuinely
...WHY ARE THEY SPINNING?????
"ZACH!!! I KNEW YOU SHOULD HAVE SET YOUR TRAPS, IM PRETTY SURE THAT'S THE KING!!"
"uhhhh... actually i think that's a rock"
"DAMMIT"
"hey, whats 'at infront of the rock"
"ZACH HOLY SHIT IS THAT!??! THE KING!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"yes"
"OH MY GOD, WE FOUND THE KING"
"ZACH DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!?!"
"uhhh no"
"IF I GET THE KING, THE QUEEN WILL... I'LL BE... I'M GONNA HAVE MY OWN ZONE!!!!!!!1!1!!!!!.. (OH NO I FORGOT THE KING WAS THERE, DO YOU THINK THEY HEARD ME ZACH)"
"(yes)"
"(SHIT.)"
"(eh dont worry boss it's not THAT embarrassing)"
"...AHEM, LORD OF THE NOTHINGNESS, YOU SHALL NOT GET PAST THIS AREA!"
"I, THE AMAZING DEDAN, SHALL STOP YOU!"
"THEN I WILL DEFEAT YOU!"
"YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE QUEEN"
"THEN!!!!"
"THEN!!!!1!!"
"IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT'S NEXT BUT IM SURE THE QUEEN WILL BE SO HAPPY"
"SHE'LL FINALLY GIVE ME MY OWN ZONE!!!!1!"
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-"
"dude you ok?"
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
Dedan has left.
"well, that went well"
"don't sweat it, Batter, i'll keep a mask hole out for ya"
oh hey, this office comes with prebuilt narration
"YOU OBSERVE THE BEAUTIFUL WELL CRAFTED OFFICE, WHO COULD HAVE BUILT THIS? YOU PONDER, IT WAS ME! THE AMAZING DEDAN!!!"
8/10, The Batter thinks, shouldn't use me when narrating though, maybe a few less exclamation points too.
there's a sign here, "ABSOLUTELY NO MOVING!!!?!"
"HHHHH WHO'S THERE?!?! IS SOMEONE THERE? HHHHHHH. WAS IT MY IMAGINATION? I CAN'T SEE VERY WELL- HHHHHHHHH- YOU KNOW!"
"IF SOMEONE IS THERE, FO-HHHHHHH-R EXAMPLE, THE KING, I'D MAKE SURE YOUR DEAD AND ON YOUR WAY TO THE-HHHHHHH-QUEEN, YA HHHEAR WISEGUY?"
*Pastel-Burnt Blocks the Way!
*Check(Target: Pastel-Burnt)
"Prolonged exposure to sugar has caused this Elsen's body to morph, a shield of burnt flesh in the shape of an hand covers most of it's vision"
"The sugar also caused it to sound like a mob boss for some reason"
*Hold Hands(Target: Pastel-Burnt)
"You hold hands(and head?) with the Elsen"
"WHHHHHAT WHO'S HHHH THERE WH- WHERE- oh that- that feels very nice actually, hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
*The Elsen... Purrs? In your hands
"hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
*Spare
"Hhhhhh, THat waS NICE. HHHHHHAVE A GOOD DAY STRANGER WHO KINDA LOOKS LIKE BALLMAN!"
god dammit.
hmm... there's something, OFF about this place. It's calming, I didn't even feel the instinctual urge to fight when I met that elsen... i'm glad, it means Hugo will be fine this time.
There's a bit of sugar trailing off of this cliff, likely from around a year ago based on how old it looks, seems like that elsen's quit smoking.
You go to the right.
"hey, here's something to remember"
Zacharie stands in a spot that's just slightly weird for him to be in.
"my boss has a very Special Attack"
"here's an easy way to keep it in mind"
"imagine a stop sign, when you see a stop sign you STOP, right?"
"stop signs are red though, so imagine a Blue stop sign instead"
"simple, right? when fighting my boss think bout BLUE STOP SIGNS"
"remember, blue stop signs."
There is a sign here. "West: Ice, South: Ice, North: Ice, East: BurninnTown"
You decide to go North.
"Hello! I am a Crown Of The Dead, I want to see the world, But despite my ability to float I cannot move"
"If you would be so kind, traveler, please"
"Take this gem from me and bring it wide and far"
You accepted his offer
*You got the Bleeding Sapphire! (Can be used in battle to drain it's blood and heal to full health)
Maybe don't do that though, you've been so dedicated to this route of mercy afterall.
"Thank you! Good luck out there!"
You leave the crown and head to BurninnTown
"YOU'RE SO LAZY ZACH, YOU WERE NAPPING ALL NIGHT!"
"I think that's called sleeping"
"WEL- OH ZACH, THE KING!"
"IN ORDER TO STOP YOU, ZACH AND I HAVE CREATED VARIOUS TRAPS!"
"I THINK YOU WILL FIND THIS ONE, QUITE SHOCKING!.."
"WAIT SHIT THAT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE SINCE WE CHANGED IT FROM ELECTRIC SHOCKS TO SPIKES"
"OH NO MATTER, ITS FINE"
"FOR YOU SEE, THIS IS NO ORDINARY PATCH OF SNOW!"
"UNDERNEATH THIS SNOW, ARE ROWS AND ROWS OF SPIKETRAPS!"
"MAKE ONE WRONG STEP AND YOU WILL DIE, MWAH HAH HAH!!!!"
"JUST TRY AND GET PAST THIS TRAP!"
Hmm, well Player, maybe if i tap on the ground Infront of me with my ba-
"ZACH WHY AREN'T THE SPIKES POPPING UP FROM THE GROUND!?!"
"boss I think you forgot to turn the machine on"
"DAMMIT. STEP BACK KING-"
"It's The Batter"
"HOLY SHIT YOU CAN TALK!?!?!... WAIT THE WHO NOW?"
"My name, it's The Batter"
"HMMM, WELL STAND BACK BATTER, I HAVE TO TURN THE TRAP ON"
The machine to turn the trap on is over here. So Dedan must cross over to turn it on
Dedan's path back to Zach leaves footprints in the snow, you should follow it.
"OK IT'S ON BATTER!"
You follow the path.
"WHAT?!?! HOW?!? YOU CHEATING BASTARD!! I'LL TEAR YOUR FACE OFF TO GET RID OF THAT SMUG GRIN ON YOUR FACE!"
"boss, anger management remember?"
"...YOU'RE RIGHT ZACH. IM... SORRY BATTER IT SEEMS I GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY IN MY ANGER AT YOU FOR CHEATING"
"HOWEVER, THIS NEXT PUZZLE WILL NOT BE SOMETHING YOU CAN SIMPLY WALK PAST!"
"FOR IT IS DESIGNED BY MY GREAT COMPANION, ZACHARIE!!!"
"hello"
"MWAH HAH HAH!!!!"
Dedan has left.
"hey, thanks, my boss seems like he's having the time of his life"
"by the way, you know that weird armor he's wearing?"
"he actually made that a couple weeks ago for a Halloween party I got invited to"
"however i guess he really likes it, since he hasn't worn anything else while on the job since"
"i think he thinks it makes him more intimidating"
"but to be fair, it kinda does"
"man, isn't boss just the coolest?"
You continue on.
Hm, seems like there's an Elsen humming to himself by a stand that's selling... icecream.
"hmmmmhhhmmmhmhmhmmm- OH! A Customer! hhhh, would you-hhhhhehh-like some Ice-Cream? hhhhh"
"It's-hhhh- the frozen treat that-huhhh-warms your heart! Only 25-hhhhh- Credits!"
You get a cone of Ice Cream
"Hhhhhave a nice day!"
There also seems to be a small snow themed game, you decide to check that out
...
...
A flag popped up
"WHITE - Your conviction and belief put an end to the unpredictability of "Ball", it's pure now, and you have been awarded 10 Credits"
Ah, Zacharie is here
"you know Battie, I've been thinking of selling treats too"
The Batter physically revolts as the nickname, if Zacharie notices, he doesn't show it
"want some fried snow? It's just 300 credits"
Seems expensive, but you buy it anyways...
"well, here's your fried snow
Zacharie hands you a glass of water
You go eastwards.
There is a sign here
"SENSE DANGER RATING"
"BONY FEEL - DEDAN, THOUGH YOU PROBABLY ALREADY WOULD'VE NOTICED BY HIM SCREAMING AT YOU FOR TOUCHING HIM, VERY LOW DANGER"
"ROUND FEEL - ZACH, ASK FOR FOOD, VERY LOW DANGER"
"SLIMY FEEL - WEAK SPECTER, LETHAL FORCE ALLOWED, LOW DANGER"
"SMOOTH FEEL - ELSEN, NICE PEOPLE, MIGHT GIVE FOOD SOMETIMES, ALSO RARELY ATTACK, LOW DANGER"
"BURNT FEEL - BURNT ELSEN, USUALLY NICE BUT CAN ATTACK IF PROVOKED, SOME DANGER"
"RUPTURED BURNT SKIN - LOST ELSEN, CANNOT BE REASONED WITH, LETHAL FORCE ALLOWED, HIGH DANGER"
"CRUMPLED PAPER FEEL - THE KING, KILL ON SIGHT, HIGH DANGER"
"A DISTINCT LACK OF TEXTURE - SECRETARY, CALL FOR BACKUP, LETHAL FORCE ALLOWED, VERY HIGH DANGER"
Concerning.
You go back where you came from
This piece of snow may look like a snowball, but actually it's a snowdecahedron
You go Southeast
"AHH, BATTER. I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR..."
"ZACH WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR TRAPS"
"right there boss, on that patch of snow"
"trust me, there's no way they can get past this one"
You look at the "Trap"... it's a game of Sudoku.
You go eastwa-
"ZACH!!! THAT DIDN'T DO SHIT!"
"whoopsie"
"knew i shoulda used todays junior jumble instead"
"JUNIOR JUMBLE!? BAH, THAT'S FOR BABYBONES, A CROSSWORD WOULD WORK BETTER"
"nah those are boring, they're made for old grandskeletons"
"THAT IS NOT TRUE!"
"BATTER! SOLVE THIS DISPUTE!"
"JUNIOR JUMBLE OR CROSSWORDS!?"
You think crosswords are better
"HA, HAHA YES!"
"SEE ZACH, THE K- BATTER THINKS CROSSWORDS ARE BETTER"
"ah, darn"
Dedan has left... or has he?
"honestly, i still think junior jumble wouldve been the right choice there. but eh"
"yknow, sometimes i think boss tries a bit too hard"
"like he spent all that time installing the electric sensors under the snow only to change his mind"
"and then spend even more time installing spike traps"
"infact just a few days ago he tried to 'solve' a horrorscope, though i feel that has more symbolism beyond him working too much"
"something about him trying to see patterns in everything in an attempt to fix his self doubts"
"ehhh idk, my job isnt to psychoanalyze my boss so i dont pay attention to that sorta stuff"
You go eastwards
There is table with a note here
"HUMAN! IT MUST HAVE TAKEN YOU DAYS TO GET PAST ME AND MY COMPANION ZACHARIE'S TRAPS!"
"DON'T WORRY, YOU WONT STARVE, AS I HAVE LEFT A DELICIOUS PLATE OF PEPPERED STEAK OUT FOR YOU!"
"MWAH HAH HAH! - DEDAN"
You think it's too frozen to eat, you would put it in the microwave Dedan also gave you, but the steak is frozen and stuck to the table
There is a box here.
*You are filled with Hunger, which is close enough to determination
*SAVE
*ACCESS ITEM BOX
*HEAL
*EXIT
You go eastwards
There is a sign here, "WARNING: GAY ELSENS"
what.
There seems to be alot of snow in this area, and spikes by it
Perhaps clearing the snow will present a swit-
*Rider-Burnt Blocked The Way!
*Check(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"An odd Elsen who's arms have grown into spears as the result of Sugar exposure, it's neck is burnt and unusually long"
"However, it's oddly, Soft?"
*Mold(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"You mold the Elsen's arms into blunt, less dangerous shapes, Attack Decreased"
*Shorten(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"You try to mold the Elsen's neck to become shorter, however it instead increases in size somehow"
*Shorten(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"You try to mold the Elsen's neck to become shorter, however it instead increases in size somehow"
*Shorten(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"You try to mold the Elsen's neck to become shorter, however it instead increases in size somehow"
*Shorten(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"You try to mold the Elsen's neck to become shorter, however it instead increases in size somehow"
*Shorten(Target: Rider-Burnt)
"You try to mold the Elsen's neck to become shorter, however it instead increases in size somehow"
PLAYER I SWEAR TO GOD
*Spare
"HHhhhhhh, HHHHhhhhh, HHHI Cant fuhhhhcking br-hhhh-eathhhh"
The Batter apologizes profusely, shortly after the battle, the Elsen's neck returns to normal
You go back to unclearing the snow. There's a map under it.
Seems like there is a hidden switch somewhere north.
...oh.
yeah you probably could've figured that out without the map.
The Switch Is Now OFF, and the spikes near the snow lower into the ground.
You continue Eastwar-
"Hmm... I heard a noise in that direction""Where'd It Come From?"
"Stranger, wherever you are""Identify Yourself!"
You try to walk past th-
"YOU!"
You've been caught
"...It Feels Like Paper"
"THE KING!? STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL!"
*The Jury Are On The Move!
*Check(Target: Judge-Burnt)
"An Elsen who's head has been deformed from exposure to Sugar. Can't see but has great hearing"
"It's arms have also been deformed, burnt hammer like appendages attaching to the arms in place where hands should be"
*The Judge blocks The Executioner with it's arms
*Check(Target: Execution-Burnt)
"An Elsen who's head has been deformed from exposure to Sugar. Can't see but has great sense of touch"
"It's arms have also been deformed, with long, burnt claws extending nearly a foot off the hand, yet still remaining strong enough to be used as a blade"
*Executioner hugs nearly all of Judge at once, it's an impressive feat.
*Pet(Target: Execution-Burnt)
"Hey! Hand's off!""Yeah, Don't Touch Me!"
*Pet(Target: Judge-Burnt)
"Hey! Don't put your Paper hands on me!""Or Else I'll Rip Them Off!"
*Forme.
*Light forms into your addons around you, they coalesce by you and...
*Form changed.
*Pet(Target: Judge-Burnt)
"?.. Oh! Hello Smokey!""Do You Have Any Food?"
*The Jury has mistaken you for an Elsen
*Pet(Target: Execution-Burnt)
"Can you pet me again next?""Your Hands Are So Soft!"
*The Jury stands off guard
*Spare
"Shame you didn't have any food on you, see ya tomorrow Smokey!""Have A Nice Day!"
You go southwards.
There is a Puzzle here. As well as instructions.
"Turn all the O's into X's and press the switch to turn the trap OFF"
A series of notes is attached to the sign.
"REMEMBER TO HIDE THIS IF THE KING SHOWS UP"
"ok"
"THOUGH SERIOUSLY ZACH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE INSTRUCTIONS"
"TO A PUZZLE AS SIMPLE AS THIS! IM GIVING YOU EXTRA PUZZLE WORK"
"ok"
"ZACH STOP JUST SAYING OK!"
"ok"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP
"ok"
"KILL, YOURSELF, NOW"
You hear thunder in the distance
You finish the puzzle, and turn The Switch OFF
"AH, BATTER!"
"DID YOU LIKE THE STEAK?"
"AND ACTUALLY, IS THERE ANY LEFT OVER?"
You decide to say you ate it
The Batter's mouth salivates at the thought this means you might go back to eat it,
just to make sure Dedan doesn't check and find out you were lying
"OF COURSE YOU ATE IT ALL"
"NOT MANY PEOPLE CAN RESIST THE AMAZING DEDAN'S COOKING, YOU KNOW"
"INFACT THEY ARE SO BAD AT RESISTING IT THEY CANT EVEN KEEP IT DOWN!"
"HMM, MAYBE THAT'S WHY THEY DIDN'T WANT ME TO BRING ANYTHING TO THE POTLUCK"
That and the fact that Pepper is sourced from specters, and such even though it is safe, many are scared of eating it.
The Batter wonders if Sugar is collected from the corpses of the Living
And Pepper is collected from the corpses of the Dead
Where does Salt originate from?
"WELL, IF YOU TRULY LIKE MY COOKING, DONT WORRY!"
"I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO MAKE IT FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU LIKE"
"...ACTUALLY PEPPER IS EXPENSIVE SO I TAKE BACK THAT STATEMENT"
"BUT I'LL STILL COOK IT, SOMETIMES!"
You head eastwards
"MY COMPANION ZACH STARTED A SOCK COLLECTION RECENTLY"
"HOW DEPRESSING"
"SOMETIMES, I WONDER HOW HE WOULD LIVE WITHOUT AN AMAZING BOSS LIKE ME"
"TAKING CARE OF HIM"
There is a puzzle here.
"HELLO, BATTER"
"SO. WELL"
"YOU WERE TAKING A LONG TIME TO GET HERE"
"SO I DECIDED TO CHANGE THE PUZZLE TO BE HARDER"
"BUT WHILE I WAS DOING THAT"
"THE SNOW FROZE"
"AND NOW IT'S"
"UHHHH"
"NOT ENTIRELY POSSIBLE"
"..."
"(FUCK THIS IS SO EMBARASSING)"
"...I GOTTA GO BYE"
Dedan has left, however this time he just... floated upwards... into the sky
You steady yourself.
The Batter summons his addons and grips his trusty bat.
*SOFTEN BLUR(Target: Spikes) -Attack
*BAROQUE DRAMA(Target: The Batter) +Defense
*UNREVOKABLE DRAMA(Target: The Batter) +Agility
The Batter leaps over the spikes, barely making it as spikes cut through his body.
There's no save points. but there a has to be one soon, right?
The Batter refuses to eat even as you try to use healing items, he doesn't want to waste it.
A trail of blood follows you into the next room as you search for a save point.
"hey batter batt- OH MY GOD BATTER ARE YOU OK!?"
The Batter tries to say that he is, but nothing comes out but heavy breathing
Zacharie quickly pulls a few luck tickets from his backpack, applying them to The Batter's skin
The Batter thanks Zacharie. You thank Zacharie.
"god buddy, you almost gave me a heart attack. yeah no batter im fine just, just give me a moment"
Taking in the room, The Batter sees that the setup for yet another trap is here
As he realizes this, Dedan finally floats back down
"HELLO! BATTER! YOU MAY HAVE GOTTEN PAST MY TRAPS AND MY COMPANIONS TRAPS BUT YOU WILL NOT GET PAST THIS ONE!"
"FOR IT IS MADE BY THE ROYAL DOCTOR, JAPHET!"
"ONCE I THROW THIS SWITCH"
"THOSE TILES ON THE GROUND WILL BEGIN TO CHANGE COLOR"
"EACH COLOR HAS A DIFFErent fun c t i o n"
Your dialogue boxes cut off suddenly
The Batter looks around in surprise, before noticing his ears have begun to ring loudly
You cannot get The Batter to heal himself, as you are in a cutscene and don't have control
...
The Batter is Downed.
("PURPLE TILES ARE ALSO SLIPPERY, TH-... ZACH, IS THE BATTER OK"
"uhhh im not sure Dedan, they were pretty beat up when I got here, think they tried to jump the spikes"
"OH NO THAT CANT BE GOOD, WHAT IF THEY ARE HURT"
"gave em the luck tickets i had on me, it wasn't much but it seemed to stop all the noticable injuries"
"so i just hoped they would be fine until they could get some time to heal themselves or I could get them some more luck tickets"
"HMMM. I DON'T THINK IT WORKED, THEY DONT SEEM TO BE RESPONDING TO WHAT IM SAYING"
"ythink they have a concussion"
"WELL I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS BUT MAYBE!"
"could be, might also just be-"
THUMP
"ok yeah so that's not a concussion-"
"DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT IS ZACH WE NEED TO GET THEM TO SOMEWHERE THEY CAN HEAL!"
"well it does kind of matter. we need to know what is happening to help."
"...YOUR RIGHT, IM SORRY FOR BEING SNAPPY IM JUST STRESSED WITH WELL, THIS"
"nah nah bro, 's fine, sorry for being kinda rude back")
SAVE FILE ONE LOADED
"Warning: GAY ELSENS"
We are all the way back here? God dammit.
ONE TIME SKIP LATER
You wake up, as if from a trance.
"y'know, that spaghetti earlier"
"wasn't too bad considering it was boss's cooking"
"since he started cooking lessons he's been improving alot"
"bet if he keeps it up, he might even make actual food sometime next year"
"by the way, you sure you're completely ok? i have some luck tickets in my pocket if you need em"
The Batter wonders why Zacharie is concerned over him, considering The Batter is unharmed
You go eastwards. The room you enter has snow sculptures all around depicting an elsen with large hands,
all of them have crumbled due to the sculptor trying to sculpt the infinitely long neck.
You look at the small stable/office space, there's a signature on it simply stating "Royal Craftsman Enoch"
Next to it is a sign in the same handwriting:
"BEWARE OF CAVALRY: DANGEROUS TO BE NEAR"
Under it is another line of text stating "pelase bpet 'cavalvery' "
There is a box here.
*The fact that these sculptures are still standing despite being physically impossible, it fills you with confusion. Close enough.
*SAVE
*ACCESS ITEM BOX
*HEAL
*EXIT
You continue eastwards
There is a wall of spikes blocking your path,
However there also seems to be an ice puzzle here, perhaps turn all the X's into O's and the trap will turn OFF.
You turn the corner and The Batter slips on the ice, sending you into the tundra below...
There are two sculptures here.
You look at the first one,
It's a surprisingly accurate and laws-of-physics-breaking sculpture of Dedan, with his autograph on it
You look at the second sculpture,
It's a small pile of snow, with the word "Zak" written on it.
Didn't even get his own name right...
You climb upwards, starting the puzzle again and solving it, turning the trap OFF.
You continue on , and upon coming to a fork in the path you go south.
As the path lowers, the lighting starts to fade away.
Unfamiliar eyes stare at you from the dark.
Unfamiliar, except for one.
Hey Zacharie.
"hey, batter batter. whats up?"
you continue on to see what's at the other side of the path, ignoring the stares sent your way.
As you reach the end, you summon an addon for more light, just to make sure you're not going anywhere dangerous...
"hey... you following me or something?"
You summon out all your addon's to illuminate the area, causing the eyes watching you to recede
You look to the entrance, Zacharie is not there
You wonder how he got over here so qui-
You look back and Zacharie is gone
You look to the entrance and Zacharie is there.
what.
how?
Before The Batter can have an existential crisis, one of the beings watching him pops out of the shadows
*Valzong-Crisp Blocks The Way!
*Check(Target: Valzong-Crisp)
"A Young Valsong-Burnt, however this one has been covered in various knick-knacks and decor"
*Seems the burnt has been the victim of teenage pranks.
*Undecorate(Target: Valzong-Crisp)
*You remove a Large Wreath from the Valzong-Crisp
"ThAnk you-ou-ou!"
*Valzong-Crisp trusts you, due to your middle aged dad look.
*Undecorate(Target: Valzong-Crisp)
*You remove the voice changer stuck into the Valzong-Crisp's neck
"I feel much better now!"
*Valzong-Crisp is sparing you.
*Undecorate(Target: Valzong-Crisp)
*You remove an ugly tie glued onto it's neck.
"How did that even get there!?"
"Doesn't matter, you can keep it"
*You got the HorrendousTie.
*Spare
"Thanks man, See ya later!"
You follow a path you saw before where Zacharie Is/Was.
It narrows out into a thin line along the mountain, further down the path is a steep drop.
However, Infront of you is a small alcove
You enter the cave
There is nothing in there, other than mushrooms and a locked door you cannot pass
...Nothings Happening.
Hello? Player?
...
...
...Are you still there?
...
"hhhhh aretheygone?"
Ah, You're Back.
There is a Burnt Elsen over there by the way.
*Glide-Charred Swooped In!
Charred. hmm, could be dangerous.
*Check(Target: Glide-Charred)
"A very strong Burnt Elsen with wings made of burnt skin replacing it's arms, has a large and sharp jaw"
"Seems to love attention, but is scared to seek it"
*Glide does tricks and flips in the air.
*Mock(Target: Glide-Charred)
"You mock the avian, it closes in on itself in sadness"
"Defense Up, Attack Down"
*Glide Praises itself.
*Cheer(Target: Glide-Charred)
"You applaud Glide, it sucks up your praise like a vacuum cleaner"
*Glide looks over itself in the mirror to make sure it looks good, multiple times.
*Cheer(Target: Glide-Charred)
"You praise it's tricks, it seems overjoyed"
*Glide loves the praise.
Cheer(Target: Glide-Charred)
"You compliment Glide's look, it seems content"
*Glide seems satisfied
*Spare
"hhhh... thankyou kinddsir :)"
Well that was a nice excursion, but we should get back to the main path.
IS THAT ZACHARIE OFFTALE
You go eastwards
The room has a smaller stable and an armor stand, the land around it is covered in snow piles.
It's a snow pile.
This, however. Is Piled Snow, big difference.
Surprisingly, Its a snow pile.
snow pil,,,,,,, woa
Is this really a Snow Pile?
BEHOLD! SNOW! PILE!!!
Huh, there's 30 credits in here.
WOAH, IT'S A- oh something seems to have emerged from the pile of snow
*It's the Rider's Cavalry
*Check(Cavalry-Burnt)
"A Calvary-Burnt covered in armor"
"As strong as a Charred, however cannot be classified as such"
"This is because it's strength comes from it's armor, not Sugar Deformations"
*Cavalry-Burnt Watches intently.
*Nothing(Target: Cavalry-Burnt)
"You do nothing, Cavalry inches closer"
*Cavalry-Burnt wants affection.
*Pet(Cavalry-Burnt)
"You pet the Cavalry-Burnt affectionately
*Cavalry-Burnt... Purrs? affectionately.
*Play(Target: Cavalry-Burnt)
"You have a snowball fight with the Cavalry-Burnt"
"Cavalry throws a snowball the size of your head at you"
*Cavalry-Burnt is tired
*Pet(Target: Cavalry-Burnt)
"You go to pet the Cavalry-Burnt, as soon as you touch it, it sinks it's weight into you"
*Cavalry-Burnt is sleepy.
*Pet(Target: Cavalry-Burnt)
"You pet the Cavalry-Burnt, it purrs in your lap"
*Cavalry-Burnt is nearly asleep.
*Pet(Target: Cavalry-Burnt)
"You pet the Cavalry-Burnt, it falls asleep"
*Cavalry-Burnt is sleeping.
*Spare
Now with the Cavalry dealt with, you move on.
The room you are in consists of a bridge over a large gap, Zach and Dedan are on the other side.
You start crossing.
"BATTER!"
"THIS IS YOUR FINAL AND MOST DANGEROUS CHALLENGE!"
"BEHOLD! THE GAUNTLET OF INSTA KILLS!"
Various pieces of deadly machinery fill your vision.
"I SHALL FINALLY BEST YOU!"
"CANNONS WILL FIRE! SWORDS WILL SWING! SPIKES WILL STAB!"
"FIRE WILL BURN! ELECTRICITY WILL BURN IN A DIFFERENT WAY!"
"EACH PART SWINGING UP AND DOWN VIOLENTLY!"
"YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE THIS TRAP!"
"FOR IT WAS MADE BY OUR WONDERFUL ROYAL KNIGHT, A CRITIC-CHARRED!!"
"...YOU PROBABLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS"
"WELL IT MEANS THIS TRAP WAS MADE BY A SMART AND RUTHLESS WOMAN!"
"MEANING YOUR EVIL JOURNEY OF... WHATEVER IT IS YOUR DOING ENDS HERE!"
"IM"
"ABOUT."
"TO."
"PRESS IT."
"are ya sure you are boss?"
"YES YES I JUST..."
"IM ABOUT TO ACTIVATE IT NOW!"
"it doesnt look very activated"
"WELL..."
"THIS CHALLENGE IS UNFAIR!"
"BEATING THE BATTER LIKE THIS WOULD NOT BE BESTING THEM!"
"IT WOULD SIMPLY BE RESORTING TO CHEAP TACTICS TO WIN"
"cmon boss i thought you loved cheap tactics"
"YES BUT I AM ALSO A SKELETON WITH STANDARDS!"
"WE WILL NOT USE THIS UNFAIR TRAP!"
"THIS ONE DOESNT EVEN HAVE ANY CLASS!"
"WHERES THE PUZZLES! THE SWITCHES!! THE PRESSURE PLATES!!!!"
"AWAY IT GOES"
The Batter wonders if that dog was always there.
"ANOTHER DECISIVE VICTORY FOR DEDAN"
"uhhh hows this a victory"
"I DIDNT STOOP SO LOW AS TO USE AN UNFAIR TRAP AGAINST THE BATTER!"
"THEREFORE I WON"
"fair 'nough"
Dedan has decided to not be within this area anymore.
"welp. i dont know what my brother plans on doin' now"
" 'f i were you id make sure i understood blue attacks"
You continue onwards.
A sign welcomes you to what is presumably the town before you.
"Welcome to BurnInn Town!"
The sign is heavily vandalized,
Seems not many people took kindly to having the name of the town be a pun on such a thing.
There is a box here.
*That tone deaf sign fills you with slight annoyance. Close enough.
*SAVE
*ACCESS ITEM BOX
*HEAL
*EXIT
You enter the shop
"ahhhh hey if it isnt my favorite customer"
Ah, hello Zacharie.
You decide to ask him what you can do around town.
"well, grillb's has food, librarby got books, the inns got rooms to sleep in..."
"other than that, not much. maybe try talking to people for once?"
...
...
You ask about the history of this town
"well, long time ago most of us lived back in ZONE 0"
"ya probably know where that is, considering you came from there"
"but the place's pretty cramped and kinda lifeless"
"so we went deeper into the part of the nothingness we were trapped in"
"and found all these cool other ZONES"
"then we set up life out there"
"and thats 'bout it"
You ask Zacharie how he's doing.
"oh you know, same ol' same old"
"yeah, not much happens 'round here"
"but hey, once we manage to break into THE ROOM"
"we'll be out of here, yes?"
"ya just gotta keep up hope, yknow?"
You decide to buy a Toby Bat and a Nicholas Tunic.
The Batter looks down at the new weapon in confusion.
He's never seen this bat before...
You leave the store.
"welp, see ya batter"
You decide to not go into the Inn.
There is a subway station here.
Next to it there is a sign,
It reads "Too lazy to walk? well do i have the thing for you"
"Try the new subway station!"
"This time WITHOUT any Elsen blocking the path"
Underneath that is a note
'please dont kill us'
...
You decide to make idle conversation with some of the Elsen.
...None of them have anything good to say.
You go to Grillby's
A Valzong-Charred named Grillby mans the counter.
Flames still seem to emanate from the man,
Odd as he seems to have Burnt Out many years ago.
The Jury is here, Luckily they are too preoccupied playing poker to check you.
"Oh, hey! You must be new cause all the regulars are here already, what's your name?"
"...The Batter"
"hm, sounds familiar. Well cya Mr Batter!"
"Shhh, Im Trying To Count Cards, It's Really Confusing"
The Pastel Burnt is also here.
"OHhhhHH! BALLMAHHHHN! HHHHEY!"
"YKNOW, HHHHHI'VE BEEN THHHINKIN"
"I SHHHHHOULD GET SHHHHOME GUYS TO FOLLOHHHW ME AROUND"
"AND THHHEY'D BE LIKE YHHHHESS MEN"
"HHHHAVE EM REFER TO ME AS BOSS N SHHHTUFF YA SEE?"
You try talking to the Cavalry next.
It barks at you happily.
Great Talk.
Rider-Burnt is also here playing poker against The Jury.
It seems busy, you decide to leave it alone.
You talk to the barkeep.
...
He said he'd offer you a glass of water,
But he doesn't want to risk spilling some
And extinguishing himself.
A fair fear to have honestly.
There's an extremely drunk Elsen here, he seems familiar.
"Hhhi put out a line today to catch some,,,one"
"yhhhknow, someone told me there are plenty of fishhh in the sea"
"hhhhi took that literally. im going to fuck a fish."
"or an-hhhh-y Elsen who's willing, whichever happens first"
Oh that's why he looked familiar.
Player, don't you dare. I am NOT going to suck this man off.
You go in the Librarby.
It's filled with nonsensical books like the ones from ZONE 2.
You come across Dedan And Zach's House
Zacharie's mailbox is filled with unread spam mail dating back over 10 years.
Dedan's mailbox is entirely cleaned and empty.
You try to break into the house, this does not work.
You try to sneak in through the back entrance, however there is none so this does not-
The Batter jolts back in shock after hearing a heavy thump from below him.
Upon further inspection, there seems to be a bunker door in the ground here.
It's Locked, however.
You continue on, even as the fog gets thicker.
...
..-!?
"BATTER!"
Ah, Dedan.
"ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOME COMPLEX FEELINGS"
"FEELINGS LIKE WANTING TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE"
"EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDNT"
"OR LIKE KNOWING YOU HAVE TO DO A BAD THING"
"IN ORDER TO GET WHAT YOUVE BEEN DREAMING OF YOUR WHOLE LIFE"
"FEELINGS LIKE FINDING ANOTHER PERSON WHO LOVES STEAK"
"OR SOMEONE WHO LOVES ALL THE MEANINGLESS PUZZLES YOU GIVE THEM"
"THESE FEELINGS MUST BE EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW!"
"SADLY, I DO NOT FEEL THESE EMOTIONS"
"AND I AM NOT HUNG UP ON THE FACT I HAVE TO IMPRISON YOU"
"NOT A BIT! IM COMPLETELY FINE!"
*Dedan has NOT left.
Flirt(Target: THE AMAZING DEDAN!!!)
No.
Flirt(Target: THE AMAZING DEDAN!!!)
The words tumble out of The Batter's mouth, mostly unwillingly.
"F-FLIRT!?!? IM SORRY BUT IM TAKEN!"
Thank god.
Check(Target: THE AMAZING DEDAN!!!)
"Dedan, A funny skeleton man who scream alot"
"Likes saying MWAH HAH HAH!"
"MWAH HAH HAH"!
That was... surprisingly undescriptive.
*Flirt(Target: THE AMAZING DEDAN!!!)
You ask Dedan who it is that he's taken by.
"...ISNT IT OBVIOUS???"
"BATTER I SHARE A HOUSE WITH, COOK FOR AND TAKE CARE OF ZACH"
"WHO DO YOU THINK"
That's... something.
*Spare
"SO YOU WONT FIGHT?"
"THEN LETS SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE MY FABLED""BLUE ATTACK!!"
Oh my god mY EARSSS.
Huh, the attack doesn't seem to have don-
The Batter stumbles to the ground suddenly, gasping in shock.
"MWAH HAH HAH! YOU'RE BLUE NOW!"
* You're blue now.
So it seems.
sooo.... i don't have the ability to write out and alter all the dialogue in this fight and stuff so that's not happening. maybe one day but not today.
only one thing, uhh you can't date a happily married man so no date scene either
soo ermmmm, guess this is the end of the fic(EXPLODES)