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English
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Published:
2023-10-27
Completed:
2023-12-31
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16,606
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5/5
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170
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I've Got a Blank Space, baby (you made me this way)

Summary:

“You only come down here to access your gaming console, correct? Haven’t I told you,” Ei said, her voice becoming sharper, harsher, testier, “that you’re only allowed to ‘play’ whenever you’re on holiday, or when you’ve managed to accomplish something worthwhile?”

He blinked. His grades have dipped slightly, sure, but he was still maintaining straight A’s and was one of the best students in his class, right? (Was he?)

“You’re lucky you still live in this house, and that you still have some of the privileges I’ve let you have,” Ei snarled. “But perhaps I’ve let you have too much freedom.”

aka

Kunikuzushi loves his mother. After all, what son wouldn’t? But sometimes the relationships that are the closest to your heart hurt you the most.

(I read a fic on this site and was inspired to make a fanmade prequel for that fic. It’s a form of fanfiction inception, if you will.)
inspired by How to Bag an Idol by lynnthefrenchtoast

Notes:

Hello hello! It's Panic, back at it again!

First off, I wanna thank lynnthefrenchtoast for writing their amazing fic: How to Bag an Idol!
(I hope I did justice to your work, if you happen to be reading this aha)
It’s probably my favorite 4NEMO fic of all time, and I love the worldbuilding and the character dynamics between everyone.

(Also?? I would *pay* for Resident Pretty Boy to be a real song XD but i think i’d probably vibe better with Progenitress)

Basically, this fic is a “what if you got to see how Kunikuzushi grew up to become as broken and messed up as he was?” …except it’s my own interpretation!

I wanted to sorta craft Scara into the person he was at the beginning of How to Bag an Idol, honestly.

Like, if lynnthefrenchtoast’s fic was hurt/comfort, mine is staunchly hurt/no comfort because my purpose is to break and emotionally wreck Scaramouchums! :D
(also there’s no Kazuha in this, and I tried to make it as canon-compliant as possible with the lore of lynnthefrenchtoast’s fic XD hope i did a decent enough job! ...and i hope you don't hate it owo)

Anyways, this fic does get lowkey/highkey dark-ish at times ~ That being said:
1) This gets Dark
2) Please read the tags!

I tried to make it as emotionally gritty and hard-hitting as I possibly could.
And if you’re even remotely in a situation like this, just know: I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.
And things might not exactly get better with time, but if you get long enough, then perhaps one day you’ll be able to distance yourself away from the source of your strife.
Like, you’ll probably still feel as emotionally wrecked, even years in the future, but maybe you’ll find other things to quell the gnawing feeling of hurt that just won’t go away.

( also please stream ‘too late’ by lynnthewaffle on spotify :p )

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Papyrus

Chapter Text

Kunikuzushi hummed lightly to himself as he steadied his brush pen. He was sitting in his special class that his Mama signed him up for, learning calligraphy with other kindergarteners around his age (5 years old!). His Mama told him that learning calligraphy was “a noble artform that should be taken seriously”, and that it meant that he was a big boy now!

He dipped his brush pen into his inkwell, and smoothly stroked the page, drawing one line after the other. Kunikuzushi had been practicing his linework as hard as he could ever since his Mama told him he would begin learning how to write fancily. Even another boy who was slightly older than him - Ayato, the son of a family that his mom worked with - thought he was one of the best in the class! 

But Kunikuzushi knew better than to let that compliment go to his head. His Mama told him that compliments meant nothing if you didn’t have the talents to show for it. So, he kept working as hard as his 5-year-old hands would let him.

“Young lords and ladies, you have four minutes left,” Mr. Hiiragi told the class. “Please finish up your pieces so that they can dry in time.”

Kunikuzushi stuck out his tongue slightly, and added some flourishes and embellishments to his characters that made his work look more adult-like. He then set his brush pen down, and happily swung his legs while admiring his work.

The class was told to transcribe a poem written in old Inazuman from the board onto their papers. That way, when they compared all of their pieces, it would be “graded objectively”... whatever that meant. Sure, Kunikuzushi and probably most of the class couldn’t read most of the characters, but that didn’t matter to him! As long as he wrote it prettily enough, then he would make his Mama proud.

“Wow, Raiden-sama!” Hanyuuda Chizuru said, looking at his paper with bright eyes. “You did super-duper well!”

“Thank you!” he beamed. “I like yours too - the flowers you drew are cute!”

The kids in the room start prattling louder and louder as more and more of them finish, waiting for their teacher to start grading their papers.

Then, Mr. Hiiragi stands up from the corner. The class hushes instantly, and he proceeds to stand in front of each student’s desk for a few moments at a time, taking notes on his clipboard as he looks at each piece.

Kunikuzushi stiffens his posture and keeps his gaze steady and straight until the teacher is at his desk. He remains still as he sees his shadows loom over him. He hopes Mr. Hiiragi gives him a good score. His Mama wants him to be the best, which means doing his best and acting like how a young noble of the Raiden bloodline should behave.

He hears a slight hum, and glances up. Mr. Hiiragi gives Kunikuzushi a nod, and a slight smile. He gives a shy smile in return, and relaxes a bit in his chair.

“Alright, class,” Mr. Hiiragi merrily said. “You all did a wonderful job, and I’m so proud of how you have all improved since we began. I’ll be giving your parents your scores for today, as well as some personalized tips for how you can improve until the next class.

“But before we all leave! I’d like to tell the class that the star student is none other than our young Raiden-sama, who got a fantastic score of 94%!”

Kunikuzushi blinked. A grin erupted on his face and suddenly he felt dozens of fireworks going off in his heart and lighting him up from the inside out. He jumped in his seat and laughed lightly as some of his classmates congratulated him.

One of his caretakers picked him up from class and drove him home. During the ride, Kunikuzushi gleefully told her all of the big and small details of his day. She smiled and nodded along, listening to the young boy’s colorful anecdotes.  And soon they were home, and Kunikuzushi wiggled out of his car seat and raced into his home with his fancily-written poem.

“Mama! Mama! Guess what!!” Kunikuzushi giggled as he struggled to push open her heavy office door.

Raiden Ei’s gaze was glued to her monitor, and she kept typing rapidly. “Not now, dear; Mama’s busy.”

He jumped up a few times, holding his calligraphy piece above his head. “But I promise it’s important! It’s about a grade I got in school today!!!”

The crackle of the keyboard abruptly halted, and his Mama’s attention was fully on him now. “Oh? And what might that be?”

“My poem from calligraphy class!” Kunikuzushi had a sparkling grin on his face. “I wrote it all on my own, and guess what!! I was the star student for this week!!!”

His Mama gave him a broad grin, her eyes untouched. “My, my, you’re growing up so fast, my darling. I’m so proud of you. What grade did you get on it?”

Kunikuzushi’s face scrunched up slightly as he tried to remember. “Umm… I forgot, but I think I got a score above 90%! I think I was 5 points away from a one hundred, and I got the highest score in the class today!”

His Mama’s eyes twinkled. She opened her arms, and Kunikuzushi jumped in them and was embraced with a hug.

 


 

They had dinner later together, with Ei having the finest quality sakura tempura, and Kunikuzushi eating yummy (and organic) chicken nuggets on his high chair. In between bites, Kunikuzushi was swinging his legs and airily humming.

“Darling,” his Mama said, putting down her chopsticks, “can you tell Mama why you lied to me today?”

He frowned, and took a bite from his nugget. When did he lie to Mama? He always wanted to tell Mama the truth! She was the bestest in the whole world!

“Kunikuzushi. Look at me.”

His eyes snapped up to hers, and a weird chill crept along his back.

“You told me that you got a 95% on your calligraphy assignment in class today. And I received your graded assignment from your teacher. It said you got a 94%. So, I’m asking you. Why did you lie to me?”

He swallowed the rest of the chicken nugget in his mouth. “But I didn’t lie to you, Mama! I told you I forgot! Also, I didn’t lie about my score - I really did get the highest grade in my class.”

“You are forgetting,” Ei said coldly, “that you are a Raiden. We are the rulers of this nation, and we’re not allowed to forget details, no matter how small. And when something does slip your mind, we do not fib. Understand?”

Kunikuzushi jerkily nodded. His throat felt dry, and suddenly he didn’t feel hungry anymore.

“Good. Now, on that matter, let’s discuss the poem that you wrote today. Tell me - why did you lose points on this assignment?”

His voice felt tight. “Mama, I don’t get it, I did my best, and I practiced really ha-”

Ei’s hands slammed the table and she swiftly stood up. “That is not an excuse. Do you want to know why you failed this assignment?”

Kunikuzushi’s hands were shaking. His bright chicken nuggets suddenly looked colorless, and his vision started to saltily blur.

“Your strokes were overall shaky. The transitions between different pressures were inelegant and brutish, and frankly I am astounded that they would accept something like this from you. When I was your age, my grasp and technique of angling and applying pressure was leagues above yours. I know the teacher is a capable one, so I know it’s your own incapacity that led to your lack of skill. And to be clear, I expect much better from you in the future. Understand?”

A brusque nod, and a few tears slipped out.

“Go to your room. You are dismissed.”

With that, the violet-haired child shakily walked to his room with his back straight and his head down. He went to his room, quietly closed the door, and curled under his blankets. Kunikuzushi squeezed his aranara plushie tightly, trying to ground himself away from the floaty feeling in his head. The young boy lets his onslaught of tears finally storm out, and let the sobs he was holding back thunder through him.

A few hours later, with a plate of animal-shaped dango and a glass of water, his Mama comes to his room. She apologizes, but says that her critiques were for his own good. How can he be the best person he can be without high standards? His Mama only wants the best for him, after all.

She embraces him with a rigid hug, and leaves the 5-year-old with a forehead kiss and a saccharine mouth.