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Izzy has brought Edward his food for thirty years.
It never mattered that he didn't eat three meals a day himself, never mattered that the crew scoffed behind his back at his pathetic display of devotion. He never missed a meal.
He has a rather set routine, by now. He walks down to the kitchens, he takes whatever Ed's meal was, he eats three bites of it on his way up to Ed's room, he waits ten minutes.
They had almost snuck a longer one by him, once. He hadn't felt it till his hand was on the doorknob
Honestly, he didn't think Edward had ever noticed. He tried to convince himself that was a good thing; that meant he was good at his job.
People had tried to poison Edward fourteen times the year before. Izzy, doggedly loyal and far too self-sacrificial, caught them all
He had long since built up his anti-poison kit. He knew every cure for every poison that fucking existed and had talked to every witch and whatnot in the fucking world.
That didn't mean it didn't fucking suck, though.
When Bonnet and his crew first came into his life, it was sort of fine; no one knew them, which meant no one could've used them to try to get to Ed.
When they came back, however...when they came back, Izzy realized that this was going to be extraordinarily not fun for his body
On most crews, the captain ate different food from the crew (much better food, typically.) That meant it was easy to check Ed's food, and there wasn't a risk to the rest of the crew.
This crew ate the same food. How was he supposed to check first, before any of them, like that?
He instituted a Totally Logical new rule, in response to this: The captains got their food first. It was a tight schedule, which was unfortunate, but he managed to get it in time to check the food and then deliver it to the captains.
The second issue was that when he found the food that was Bad, he had to dispose of it. He threw it out the window, and dumped so much shit in it was inedible, whatever.
Roach certainly hated him, by now, with how much food he'd wasted. Ed had yelled at him more than once. Stede hadn't, but he felt all the eyes on him. He hated it.
But he was keeping his captain safe. That was all he had to do. What they thought didn't matter.
The crews had been reunited for eight months when it finally came to ahead.He limped from their room to the kitchen, cursing at the speed of whatever the fuck he'd eaten.
He managed to get the door open, dragging a hand up towards the soup and sent it clanging across the floor.
And then he turned and saw their eyes on him. That was...unfortunate. Roach was shouting something and there was a cleaver in his hand and Izzy couldn't speak, couldn't fight like this.
He ran, as best he could, back to his own meager quarters and fumbled for his kit.
This one was one of the worst, too,the fast ones always were, but Izzy was a professional. Three drops of this under the tongue, four of that in one ear, two of that in the other, and eight of that in both eyes. He fought his cravat around his eyes, slumped into a ball, and shook
It was agonizing. The cures almost always were. The darkness helped, at least a little, but he still had to wrap a blanket around himself tight so he didn't literally fall off the bed with the tremors.
Someone was shouting outside his door. He bit his lip, trying to stifle a scream as he got his feet under him. he'd fought before *minutes* after getting antidotes into his damaged body (to be fair...this one was a nasty one, he'd had to break out all of his cures)
"Edward.""Iz, what the fuck."Ed growled."I was going to see why I didn't have food yet, and I hear that you've fucking spilled the goddamn soup, AGAIN?What the hell, man? You're not fucking clumsy?"
There is nothing to say. He doesn't know what Ed would say if he knew. He can't.
"I'm sorry sir. It won't happen again." He gets the door closed and gets himself on the bed, waits for the steps to leave and then he's *crying* like a fucking child whose heart has been broken.
He hasn't been a child in a long time. It doesn't make it hurt less.
He's up at dawn. The pain has eased substantially, after a few hours of throwing up and crying in pain. Now, he stumbled to the kitchen to taste breakfast and *groaned* when he saw that it was practically the same ingredients as the day before.
They needed to stop Soon.
Breakfast went out the window when Roach was out of the room.He made up some toast and jam (he'd tested every fucking jar when it had been gotten, so it was safe) for the whole fucking crew, with jerky. Ed and Stede got proper ham, once he tasted a tiny nibble of it. It was safe.
He knocked and opened the door and passed Stede the food and kept his head down, missing the Concerned look on Stede's face. "Israel, are you alright? You're so pale." "Yessir." he assured the man. "Iz, fuck off." Ed shouted over his shoulder.
Izzy fled.
He took initiative to simply remove the foods that could possibly have been the issue (tomatoes, stock, seasonings, whatever) all went out. Roach was going to kill him, but he was going to run out of the heavy antidotes if he had to keep eating this shit.
And then...and then it went *wrong.* He made it another two weeks with only the same issues (angry comments behind his back, his own food going missing. He got them around 2 more attempts (once, by the skin of his teeth, the kind of close call that kept him up at night)
And then he came down for breakfast one day, and Ed and Stede were sitting together. Eating breakfast.
He wasn't late. Hell, he was almost early. But he just stood there staring as Edward lifted a bite of food to his mouth and then he was moving before he could stop himself.
He swatted the fork and plate off the table and out of Ed's hand, sending them careening to the floor. "What the everloving FUCK" Ed shouted, grabbing at his arm to shove him back against the wall and the whole crew was staring and Izzy was barely breathing.
He'd slept less than an hour, the night before, cloth tight between his jaws to muffle his screams of pain as the antidote fought the poison from his system. Stede was on his feet, now, reaching for Ed's arm whispering "Darling, Look at him."
"Iz" ed's voice went softer, seeing the look on his first mate's face, the blind *panic*, the fact he looked like Ed's hands were the only thing keeping him up. "Iz, mate, c'mon, talk to me."
It had been twenty-five years. Edward hadn't eaten his food first since they were fucking kids on Hornigold's ship. Even when Izzy was laid up with injuries, the few times he couldn't do it, he'd bully one of the ship boys to bring him the food first.
He had promised himself he wouldn't tell Ed; he didn't do it for the recognition and he didn't need Ed thinking that he was weak enough to hurt from it. But Ed was staring at him and the crew hated him and he hadn't had a full meal (his kept 'vanishing') and he was so tired.
"Iz." ed said, again, and he simply had nothing left to stop himself.
"You can't eat it yet. I haven't, I haven't tested it yet." Ed's face wrinkles in confusion but Izzy isn't even looking at him anymore. "We just got new supplies and so I didn't get through everything yet." "Tested them? The fuck?"
"For poison, captain." "What? No one's ever fucking poisoned me, the hell are you on about mate?" Izzy raised his bloodshot eyes to meet Ed's face, tears of pain gathering in his eyes. "Yessir. Because it never got to you."
He'd been lucky, for all these years, that Ed hadn't paid enough attention in the ports to hear the rumors about "Blackbeard is immune to poison"(or if he had, he'd dismissed them as nonsense).
The whole crew had fallen silent now, under the weight of his confession. It burned.
"iz" Ed sounded fucking wrecked. "I...you...you've been..." "Yes, Captain." "how many times, Iz"
He lost count years ago. He just shrugs. "How many times this year?" Stede asked, softly, and that was a number he actually had but it was only summer and...
"twenty-two, Captain."
This ship had worse security, and had to buy more because the whole Crew ate the good food. There was horror in Roach's voice when he said, softer than the gruff man could usually manage, "Nobody's eaten theirs, First Mate. They're alright."
"Iz." Ed drew Izzy's head up till their eyes met. "Iz, I...why did you...fuck, man, what the fuck? I'd never ask you to do that." "That's my job, Captain. Stop things that are tryin' to hurt you."
Ed is crying. It feels wrong, somehow, a failure of his duties to be the cause.
"Alright." Stede's voice is soft. "Israel, what *is* safe?" "Oatmeal. Bread. Jams. Not the cured meats. I didn't...I only got two in, but both were bad." It was the combination that had him so shaky, now, his body still terribly weak from his awful night.
"Alright. Roach, if you would make the crew breakfast from that, I'd appreciate it. Please bring some to the Captain's quarters, as well." Izzy starts to try and shift away; he knows he won't get any. It's fine. He has work to do.
Ed tucks an arm under his knees and picks him up
It happens so fast he genuinely can't get his brain to cooperate long enough to protest. One minute he's standing staring at Ed, the next he's in their fucking bed in Ed's arms with his captain crying into his hair and no idea how the fuck this was what his life had become.
"What" he began, but Ed just tightened his grip and then Stede was sitting on his free side and Izzy didn't understand. They'd never cared when he was starving, or throwing up for hours; Ed had walked in on that, before, and just told him to get back to work why was he being held
"Israel."Stede's voice was far kinder than he deserved. "Israel, I'm so sorry that we've failed you like this, my dear." Izzy's face wrinkles in genuine confusion and fuck if that isn't even more heartbreaking.
"Izzy, you don't...that's not something we would ever make you do."
"You don't fucking have to make me, Bonnet." Izzy whispers. I've been eating Ed's food first since we got our own ship. Your crew just...""What's different about the crew?"
"They eat the same thing as us. So now it's for everyone." Ed explains, so quiet Izzy can barely hear it.
"Alright. Israel, can you look at me, please?" Stede gently reached to turn Izzy's face to him and the first mate didn't resist, didn't have the energy to even try.
"Thank you for keeping us safe, darling. I...I appreciate you protecting Edward, and the crew."
"But you don't...okay. We're going to have this conversation later, because you don't look very well; are you alright, darling?" He gives a low hum. "Meat was bad. Antidote worked" he assured them, when Ed stiffened in panic. "Just...was up all night. Sick. Hungry."
"Hungry? But you said a lot of the food was fine?" "Roach doesn't. Appreciate my food destruction." Izzy whispers, hiding his face in Ed's neck. He doesn't know why he's being held like this, like he matters. But he's going to savor it until Ed realizes he's not worth it.
He's so tired. They're talking above him but he doesn't think that it's to him, no one gets angry with him obviously not listening, so he floats on the joyous feeling of his captain holding him like he'd used to when they were kids sharing a hammock even as the door opens.
"Izzy." Roach's voice cuts through the exhaustion and he half-opens his eyes, tilting his head back to meet Roach's eyes. The cook looked...awkward, *worried*. But that was impossible.
"I'm very sorry that I never asked what was happening with you and the food."
"'s not your job." "No, but me not giving you food is. I'm sorry." "s'kay." Ed sat up against the headboard, pulling Izzy with him; he slumped a little towards Stede and so his other captain slid into the spot on this other side to bracket him between them.
Ed is moving to take a spoonful of the oatmeal and Izzy makes a quiet, terrified sound. Ed's face crumbles. "Iz." he breathes. "Id, you tested this. It's safe. I'm safe." Izzy was trembling, despite himself, tears gathering in his eyes. "Please." The spoon met his lips and he ate
The oatmeal was delicious. He lay there for painful moments, only now aware of the fact that his bag was in the room which was good in case of an Incident, but...minutes passed, and eventually he nodded, turning to hide his face in Stede's side. "s'kay."
"come on, darling" stede coaxes. "You need to eat some of this, it's okay. You don't have to do anything, we can feed you. Just let us help." Ed turned his head, gently, away from Stede's neck and then there was oatmeal in his mouth.
Izzy hadn't eaten good food he knew was safe in weeks, stuck on rations that hurt his stomach and the bites he took to make sure it was safe. The oatmeal was warm and good and he could almost forget his captains were feeding him like a fucking child.
When they're all done eating, Stede moves so he's on top of their legs. "Izzy." His voice is soft and no one ever talks to him like that. he makes the effort to crack his eyes open.
"We'll talk later about how to ensure we buy less poisoned food, darling. I promise. But...why?"
"I deserve it." Ed makes a broken sound but Izzy keeps going because if he stops he won't be able to start again.
"I'm awful. I'm mean and the crew hates me for ruining their food and you barely look at me anymore but I can still do this. It should be me, not you. Always."
"Iz." ed moves, all at once, has a hand behind Izzy's neck and another on his side before Izzy realizes he's moved.
"I...you can't..." Ed is crying, again. Izzy hates himself for it.
"You can't die on me, Iz, you're not allowed. I...I can't believe I never...I'm so sorry."
"Captain," Izzy whispers hoarsely, but Ed shakes his head. "No. I...later, Iz, I swear. I...we're gonna do better, for you. We can talk later. We *will* be talking later. But...but right now I really just want to hug you a lot can I do that Iz? Please?"
Izzy had never been able to deny his captain anything. He barely nodded before he was in Ed's lap, his captain's arms holding him close.
He's crying, suddenly, weeks of pain and terror that he would make a mistake and get them all killed bubbling over and Ed just...holds him.
No one has ever held him when he cried, before.
He falls asleep like that,and Ed doesn't move a fucking muscle for fear of waking him as he meets Stede's eyes. "I..." "I know.We're gonna make sure he's okay."Stede soothes."We...I worry that making him stop would frighten him more, is the thing, but we'll...we'll do something."
"WHAT can we fucking do?" "We can buy food from more reputable sources. It'll cost more, but..." he looks at Izzy, pale and too-thin and broken down. "He's worth it.""Of course he is, darling." stede murmured, dragging a hand gently over Izzy's back, grimacing at how thin he was.
To be honest, Izzy would've thought it was a very nice dream if he hadn't woken up In ed's arms, still. He let himself lay there, eyes still closed, as if he was still sleeping for *Far* longer than he wanted to admit, just...basking in the idea that his captain didn't hate him.
"Hey mate" ed murmured when Izzy's eyes finally fluttered open, nosing at Izzy's temple gently. "You're off duty today, so we don't gotta get up if you don't want." "I can do my job, Ed." "Yeah, and your job is to do what I want and I want you right fucking here."
He stayed there, because of course he did. It was everything he'd ever wanted, more than he could've ever asked for, for Ed to hold him like this and stroke his hair, occasionally pressing kisses to the side of his face. He didn't understand but...but he didn't think he cared.
"Eddie." he whimpered softly. "Shh" Ed whispered, his hands oh-so gentle as he nudged Izzy's head up so their eyes met. "Gonna talk with us and Stede later." he promised. "Just...fuck, Iz, 25 years? Let me at least take care of you for a goddamn day."
Izzy is pretty sure he's dreaming. He takes a bath for the first time in fucking forever, tucked between Ed's legs leaning against his chest, Ed drawing patterns over his chest. "Gonna have to get some weight on you, Iz." He murmurs. "I'm sure we can help with that."
"Ed" "I know, Iz. I...I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing that, protecting me. But...but we're gonna try to make sure that you don't actually end up eating poison, okay?" Izzy slumped in sheer relief, shuttering and hiding his face in Ed's throat.
After the bath, when they're both dry but still not dressed, Ed helps him to the couches. "Think I can bully you into a robe, Iz?" "Yes, captain." Ed fucking beamed, the sort of soft smile that is usually reserved for Stede, and then he's in the closet.
The robe he wraps Izzy in is black and too short for Ed or Stede, so soft that Izzy can't help but touch it. "I..." "Yeah, Iz. Stede got it made for you." he murmurs, gathering Izzy back up into his lap. He's wearing his own robe and they're so soft and Izzy feels so fucking safe
Stede brings them dinner. Potatoes, more oatmeal, breads, jam. It's all safe he *knows* that but he still takes a bite of each one first. The food is warm and good and even though Izzy is feeling much better, Ed still rather determinedly feeds him every bite.
"So." Izzy shrinks a little closer to Ed's chest, when Stede comes and kneels in front of them. "Business first, darling; we're significantly upping the food budget. I know 'reputable' isn't much of a thing in most of the ports we go to, but we can definitely do better." +
"Yessir." Izzy whispers softly. "I...I can't not..." "No, I know, darling. We wouldn't ask you to not protect Ed." "All of you." Izzy managed, around the terror in his chest. "A...all of you." Stede softens, pressing a kiss to Izzy's hand. "All of us, then."
"But we do have some new...some ways we'd like to do things differently. We'd like you to eat with us. That way, if something does go wrong for you or for us, we can help. And I want you to teach me the different antidotes and such. Where do you even get those?""Witches, mostly."
"Okay. Well..." "Yeah." Izzy manages, softly. That would...that was good. Having someone else, in case he didn't get it in time or one of them got poisoned and he wasn't there..." "...yessir." "Excellent" "In addition Roach has assured me your food will not go missing again"
Izzy nodded, eyes half-closed as Stede ran a hand gently through his hair. He still didn't understand, but...but he just wanted to feel this for another moment, before reality showed back up.
"Can we..." Ed started, and Stede nodded. "yes, of course."
"Iz?" There's something in Ed's tone that has him leaning away slightly to meet his captain's eyes. Ed curls a hand under his jaw and then he's kissing him, soft and sweet, his free hand around the back of Izzy's neck and it's everything he's wanted but never deserved.
He should stop. he should leave. He's going to ruin them he's never deserved this, not Ed's love, certainly not anything from Stede. Stede, who is caressing his face from the side and kissing his forehead. He should run.
He kisses Ed until he simply *has* to stop to breathe, eyes big and soft as he blinks up at the bigger man and Fuck, ed wants to put that look on his face all the fucking time.
Stede nudges him til he turns, something small and fearful on his face but Stede rather promptly removes that by crowding him back into Ed's chest and kissing him fiercely.
Stede has to pull back, and Izzy looks so fucking soft like this, wrapped up in his robe, snuggled up on Ed's lap, looking up at him with those big, soft eyes, looking so fucking happy. Stede wanted to hide Izzy in his arms and never let him out ever again.
"Ed, we were supposed to actually *talk* about how we want him to date us?" "But it was so much easier just to kiss him!" Izzy's head is darting back and forth, eyes wide and confused and Ed has to stop himself from kissing him again.
He's certain he misunderstood. But they're both looking at him so gently and through it all Ed is still holding him and then he leans forward, tucks his face against Izzy's ear. "I know the talkin' part isn't your thing." He murmurs. "But I...*we* don't want to mess it up."
"You shouldn't want me" Izzy almost begs. "Why?" "What?" "Why shouldn't we want you." Stede's voice is soft. "You love Ed. You've...I'd like to think we've grown relatively close. We care about you. We want you, with us. Forever." "E...Ed?" Izzy choked out and Ed kissed his cheek
"I love you, too, Iz. Promise. This ain't a fucking joke or something. I...please? Let us have you." Izzy shuttered, nodding frantically and nuzzling into Ed's neck, going practically boneless as Stede brought his hands up to pet his hair. Ed gave a delighted sound.
It isn't really enough talking for Stede, but that can come later because Izzy is trembling with joy. Tomorrow, he'll make the smaller man sit down and they can figure out which suppliers are safe and which aren't.
Tomorrow, Stede will hold Izzy close and beg for forgiveness for not realizing something was wrong. He (correctly) thinks that Izzy will say that's nonsense but he doesn't care, he should've been able to notice.
Neither Ed or Stede is going to leave Izzy alone for quite a while. The idea that he could've, at any point, died from mistreating a poison he'd knowingly risked exposing himself to, for Ed...Ed was not okay with ANY OF THAT.
"Come on, darlings. Let's lay down, I haven't gotten nearly enough time cuddling Israel." Izzy flushed, let himself be guided down and tucked between the pair of them. "A...are you sure?"He whispered; he had to hear it again. He couldn't...he couldn't be thrown out. It'd kill him
"Don't go second-guessing your captains now, Israel." Ed chided, but there was nothing but gentleness in his tone. "We're quite sure, love." Stede agreed. "We've got you, and then only way you're leaving is if you want to."
He eats breakfast tucked between them on the couch in the morning. He takes them down to the supply area and they go through the supplies; mercifully, he'd done 75% already, so they can sort those between "safe" and "not safe." They need new meat suppliers, but...mostly...
Well, they were mostly fine. Except for the part where he still had to try the rest of the food. He took a bite, waited 10 minutes, and kept doing it.
On the second-to-last, he didn't even have to swallow it to feel it; he spit it out, gagging and reaching for his bag.
Stede made a horrified sound and Ed was at his back as Izzy worked; five drops behind each ear, half a bottle in his stomach, and breathing in the scent of a third was enough to feel the poison dissipating as quickly as it came.
"Alright. We're done with this for now." Ed's voice is firm as he gathers Izzy up into his arms. Izzy opens his mouth to protest (he can do more, has done before) but Ed shakes his head. "no. Thats an order."
It was awful. Izzy let himself be carried (which...was bad enough), spent most of the morning hunched between Ed's legs throwing up. Stede stroked his back,took a wet cloth to clean his flushed skin. "Is this...normal?" "Yeah." Ed just clung harder. "'m so sorry, iz."he whispered
It sucked, as much as it always did, but...but he wasn't alone this time. Stede made him ginger tea and Ed stroked his hair and told him he loved him when Izzy started whimpering in pain.
They exchanged a look over his head; they would do anything to stop this from happening.
They pay *substantially* more. Izzy tries to convince them not to and Ed pins him to the wall, kisses him fiercely, and says "Shut the fuck up I am not letting my goddamn lover get poisoned" in a way that made Izzy go soft and concede
Izzy still eats the first bites, but now he does it with them. Usually he's *in* ed's lap, because now that he's allowed to hold Izzy, Ed rarely wants him anywhere else and Izzy would never mind.
He puts weight on slowly; stomach damaged by decades of poison, but now that most of his meals are safe, and he's eating proper food, it helps a lot. It helps that Stede and Ed *adore* mealtime; a lot of the time he doesn't even get to feed himself before they do so.
The evenings are Izzy's favorite, now. After dinner (Meat and potatoes. There's been just 2 incidents in the last 5 months. It feels amazing to enjoy food again) the three of them bathe. They don't really fit together, but they try, and it's wonderful.
Stede had gotten them all the softest fucking pajamas, and they end up in those, snuggled up together on the bed that they'd had extended last time they were in Nassau.
He sleeps tucked between them. He still wakes up early, but most mornings now he lets himself lay there for a while and just...bask in it.
They spoil him. Stede, upon learning Izzy hated Lavender (some of the antidotes smelled similar.) got him Sandalwood soaps and took to washing his hair. Ed gets him a new cravat for his ring and 'wakes' him every morning by kissing him.
He doesn't understand what he's done to deserve this, the warm kisses and gentleness that they treat him with. He isn't gentle. He's never been gentle. But it...it doesn't seem to matter, not to them. "Of course you deserve it." Stede tells him, firmly. "We love you."
Sometimes, it's still awful; he got hit by a nasty poison a month into this, spent twelve hours huddled in a ball sobbing hysterically in between bouts of vomiting, *certain* that this was it and he was too much.
Ed had held him as tight as he dared. Stede stabbed the seller.
He knew it wouldn't kill him but...but it was a lot nicer, like this, with them there telling him they won't ever leave, that they won't ever let someone hurt him like this again without stabbing that person.
He woke up in Stede's arms (this was rare, because Ed had gotten a tad overprotective when he realized his best friend had been saving his life for 25 years, and basically didn't let Izzy out of arms reach for months).
He was warm, and safe, and alive. Stede tilted his head down to kiss Izzy's forehead. "Good morning, sweetheart." He murmured. "I love you so much." Izzy gave him that soft, delighted smile he always got when they said that like it was the greatest thing in the world.
"I love you, too," he promised, nuzzling into Stede's chest. Like this, with Stede warm under him and Ed's arm slung over his hip holding him tight, he closed his eyes and let himself sleep in for the first time in thirty years. The world could wait. Izzy was busy being loved.