Work Text:
“
Thank you, my friend.
I’m sorry too, my friend.
I thank you for
everything you’ve done
(and still do)
for me.
I thank you for
all the times
I needed a helping hand,
you never let me fall.
I thank you for
all of the times
you said the truth,
even if I didn’t wanna hear it,
but you knew
it was the best
for me.
I thank you for
all the times
you forgot your problems
for a while, so you could
listen to me
vent my own.
I thank you for
reassuring me constantly
of things that you,
yourself,
are insecure about.
I am sorry for,
at a certain point
in time,
thinking I claimed ownership
to you,
and you couldn’t have
any more friends.
I’m sorry for
being jealous
of you,
when all I could be
was bitter
towards the world.
(The green-coloured,
viscous fluid of jealousy
flowed in the place of blood.
It burned when it reached
my heart.
The shame clouds my sight
as I write this down.)
I’m sorry for
the times I was
cold and distant
((
Oh, so cold.
Pluto’s cold, frozen heart
couldn’t compare to
my own.
))
and ended up
hurting you
when it wasn’t even
your fault
in first place.
I am sorry for
my self-destructive behaviour,
that ended up
affecting our friendship.
((
I couldn’t see it was
a two-edged sword.
I’d hurt myself and us.
))
I’m sorry for
not seeing our
damaged friendship,
for not doing anything
to try and fix it,
while I was blinded
by my own
pain.
I am sorry for
being contactless
for the longest time.
For not realizing that,
even the person who
helps everyone,
needs to be helped too,
sometimes.
The regret cuts deep
when I think about
all the
unnecessary hurt
that happened between
us.
Still, like they say:
“What doesn’t kill you
makes you stronger.”
So, now our friendship
is stronger than ever.
I thank you for
forgiving me.
(I still haven’t forgiven myself.)
Thank you for
not giving up on me,
for guiding me,
even when you were
getting fed up
of me
to the limit.
(What a Holy patience
you must have
to put up
with me,
when I can’t even
handle myself.)
If you were someone else,
we wouldn’t even be
on speaking terms.
But you’re not
someone else,
you’re you.
You’re unique
and beautiful
and free
and independent
and shiny.
And powerful.
Your potential
sees no boundaries.
((
Heaven and Hell,
as you must know,
are in constant wars.
Yet, all their members,
from both sides,
agreed unanimously on
one thing:
You put flawless
to shame.
))
I’d say
you’re too good to be true
if I hadn’t met you.
Now I realize
you’re a Heavenly gift.
(Oh, how dishonorable of me
to even think of causing pain
to someone
of a celestial origin.)
But the past can’t be changed.
The weight I carry
is knowing
I have to live with that.
My relief
is knowing
I didn’t lose you
after my countless mistakes.
I say that Destiny
has a wicked way
of making things work.
If it was Destiny
who decided to send you
to me,
then I could
thank It endlessly.
((
However, it would never
be enough.
There is no
amount of words,
able to describe,
there are no
earthly units
capable of measuring
or quantifying,
the gratitude I feel
for being able to call you
my friend.
))
(Boys and crushes.
If I had to choose
between them and you,
rest assured:
I’d choose you in a heartbeat.
Boys and crushes come and go.
True friends are forever.)
So, in behalf of my emotions
coming out
as unclear or
with mixed signs,
(Emotions were never
really my thing.
I always seem to lack the ability to
physically express myself adequately.)
I give you this gift.
Because after an endless search
in the depths of my soul,
there’s one thing I found peace in:
art in form of words.
I found out
this is the best way
I can express
with no confusion
or shyness
or awkwardness,
(I guess emotions are really
my Achilles’ heel.)
how much I treasure you,
how much I hope
we never part definitely.
Because a life without
the glow
and wisdom
((
And I swear right now,
God is my one and only witness,
of the tear that spills
from the corner of my eye,
when I remember your smile.
It can be seen from 1000 light-years away.
))
you bless our friendship with,
is an empty,
undesired life.
So, sweetheart,
if you ever doubt
how I feel for you,
read this.
(This is honesty
in its raw, bare form.)
Again and again.
As many times as you need.
(This was born from
a rare flash of courage I had.
I held onto it for dear life.
I had plain conscience:
It was now or never.
I didn’t rest until this
was all written down. )
When I die,
this will be the only
physical evidence of the long,
glorious years
we spent as friends.
Before the last spark of courage
extinguishes,
I leave you with
the faithful promise
that I’ll do everything in my reach
to not debilitate the strength of our connection,
ever again.
If by occurrences that are
beyond my reach,
anything affects us again,
I faithfully promise you
I’ll rebuild everything from scratch.
Brick by brick,
step by step,
word by word.
Because friendships worth having,
are friendships worth fighting for.
”
— You deserve all the best in the world | K.S.