Chapter Text
AMI
I found myself walking down a cobbled road, I couldn’t see far off the deserted path which was blocked with silence by a thick fog that engulfed everything around me. It made me feel a building concern for what lay ahead, rather than my safety from what I couldn’t see.
I found myself staring up at the gates of Ba Sing Se, its walls towering over me, casting a long shadow on the path. As I looked up, I felt dread creeping through me, making me shiver. Something was wrong here.
In the distance, I could hear fighting, along with the sound of cries for help in pain. I tried to open the doors, but they wouldn’t budge. I needed to get inside, I needed to help them.
“Why won’t you save us!” A child cried.
I turned around, searching for the owner of the voice, but I couldn’t see anyone.
“I want to!” I called. “But I don’t know how!”
“Why won’t you come to us!”
“I can’t get in the doors!” I yelled back.
Silence.
“I want to help you! I do, I want-”
“I want to help you.” I whimpered.
“Ami!” Someone was shaking me.
“Zuko?” I gasped, sitting bolt upright.
It was not Zuko who sat before me, but rather Aang. He looked concerned and slightly puzzled.
“Was it the same nightmare?” He asked.
I nodded.
I’d been having nightmares for weeks; they were all similar. They all involved Ba Sing Se and people asking for my help, my possible subconscious accusing me. As if that wasn’t painful enough, they kept reminding me of Zuko. It was hard not to remember the way he’d woken me up from my nightmare when I’d been staying on his ship. The way he’d pulled me close and comforted me.
He’d been a real jerk the last time I saw him, but I’d made up my mind to forgive him. I told myself I was doing it because I knew he’d become good eventually, but the truth was I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I couldn’t get the way he’d kissed me out of my mind. It was really annoying.
I had no idea where he’d gone after he failed to capture Aang, and I couldn’t really remember what it was he did at the start of season two. I supposed I’d see him again, which I both looked forward to and dreaded. I wasn’t convinced any of the affection Zuko had shown me had been real, rather it seemed to be a ploy to keep me out of his way so he could get to Aang. Until I saw him again, I could pretend that wasn’t true, but when we did meet… well I’d probably feel my heart shatter.
The chances of meeting had increased now that we’d left the North Pole and were on our way to the Earth kingdom in search of a new master. Aang and I had learned water bending quickly because that was what was required of us and now it was time to move on.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Aang asked.
Suppress the emotion till it goes away. That is what I’d always told myself.
I shook my head, desperately trying not to cry. I’d felt so fragile lately, particularly with the way the gang had been treating me.
During the siege, Katara had practically accused me of helping Zuko capture Aang, which had particularly hurt knowing I had assisted him, even if it wasn’t on purpose. But after I’d gone into the avatar state and accidentally won the battle against the fire benders, they’d started to treat me like one of them. Then they saw the scars. I winced as I remembered.
“I bet it’s nice having clothes like this for a change, I mean after all that time you spent as a prisoner,” Katara said, holding up a fur coat.
I gave her a weak smile, but no fancy coat would make up for the silk dragon dress Iroh had got me which later got ruined by Hiroto… Hiroto.
“What’s wrong?” Katara asked, noticing the pain on my face.
“Nothing,” I replied, trying to shake the images out of my head.
I slipped off the coat I’d been wearing and turned to face away, undoing my dress to change into a cotton night dress. I still hadn’t gotten used to sharing a room with Katara, I’d never shared with anyone before entering this world, being an only child and a loner of sorts.
Katara gasped.
I spun around to see what was wrong, her eyes were locked on me.
“What is it?” I asked. “What did I do?”
“That… that scar. What happened?”
“Oh, the ones on my back are just from the explosion back when we were with Jet,” I explained, trying not to wince as I mentioned the other guy I was trying to push out of my head.
She moved towards me, spinning me around so I was facing away from her so she could get a better look at my back. “I thought they healed well; I didn’t realize they left scars. There's loads of them.”
Truth was, with them being on my back I couldn’t see how bad it was, but her reaction suggested it was really bad. Bad with a capital ‘B’.
“But that wasn’t what I meant, I meant your shoulder, that’s new.”
My lips parted as I let out a silent ‘oh’. She meant the scar I’d got right after they left me at the Abbey and Zuko had accidentally burnt me. The wound was fully healed by now, but the red scar wasn’t going anywhere. I suppose me and Zuko matched now.
“What happened to you on his ship?” She asked.
Images of Hiroto filled my mind again. The sound of me crying out. The feeling of his body against mine. I shivered, pushing her away, she was too close for my comfort.
“I’m fine.” I insisted. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She looked worried, but thankfully she didn’t pry.
I’d have to be more careful in the future. I couldn’t hide the scar Hiroto’s knife had left on my cheek, but I could hide the ones on my shoulder, back, and arms. I didn’t want sympathy because sympathy reminded me of the things which I’d been trying so hard to forget.
“You know, it may help,” Aang said, scootching closer to me. “You haven’t said anything about your time with Zuko. Katara said that-”
“I’m fine,” I said for what felt like the hundredth time.
He sighed and nodded, “Okay, but if you ever want to talk… well I’m here for you.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that, I leaned forward to pull him into a hug.
“You’re the best,” I whispered; pleased hugging meant he couldn’t see the tears running down my cheek.
ZUKO
When I woke up, I knew this wouldn’t be a good day. I felt sad and full of regret and anger. I’d not felt so angry since before I’d got to know Ami, it was like I was a different person when I was with her. When I was with her, she brought out the best in me, once she was gone, I felt worse than ever.
I picked up a rock and threw it, watching it fall down the stairs which I was sitting at the top of.
After floating at sea for three weeks, you’d think I had a greater appreciation for the soft bed, warm meal, and steady ground where we were staying. Yet I didn’t care if I was sat on a raft or in a villa, either way, I felt miserable.
“It’s the anniversary, isn’t it?” Uncle asked.
“Three years ago, today I was banished. I lost it all. I want it back.” I looked up, staring Uncle in the eye, “I want the avatar, I want my honour, I want my throne… I want my father not to think I’m worthless.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t! Why would he banish you if he didn’t care?”
I turned to look at my uncle, was he being serious? How could he not think that? I’d messed up so much that I’d been exiled, and it felt like since that day I’d continued to mess up even more. I’d failed to capture the avatar despite being so close, I’d made Ami hate me… I’d let myself care what she thought rather than focusing on capturing her.
Even still I wasn’t convinced I could take her to my father, not when I knew he would probably kill her. Yet by keeping her existence a secret, I was letting myself become a traitor. I hated the pain not knowing what to do caused me.
“Uncle, what would you do if you were me?” I asked.
He thought for a moment, “I would probably order some jasmine tea-”
“I mean what would you do about the avatars? About the fact Ami is just as much an enemy of the Fire Nation as the kid.” I interrupted.
“I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is. It’s the process of working that out for yourself that will make you stronger.” He replied. Then a moment later, “What do you think you’ll do.”
I knew what I should be doing. What I had to do. I guess it wasn’t a choice.
“I need to find Ami.”