Chapter Text
1976: THE NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK
Regulus didn't hate Sirius. He couldn't tell if he loved him either. One brother leaving the other alone with no explanation? Although, there was an explanation. His friends (some blood traitors) were more important than him, why? He was supposed to be his brother. It was supposed to be family first.
But to Sirius his family seemed to be Potter. They all loved Potter, why?
He had wanted his brother to tell him that even if they fought and thought differently, despite everything, they were always going to be able to count on each other for help, because that's what brothers did. He just needed a reminder of that, he didn't need them to spend time together, he didn't want to have the typical sibling conversations, he didn't want to feel that their silences were awkward. He just wanted to know that he loved him too, in his own way.
They were still playing like an echo of his parents' argument with Sirius. It had been Christmas dinner, his cousins and a few more relatives had arrived at the Black house, but Regulus hadn't paid as much attention. He spent more time with his cousin Narcissa Black, she was older than him, but the most sane and interesting. She didn't know much about the Dark Arts and that bored Regulus a bit, but his cousin Bella made his hair stand on end in many situations. Although, this year he could handle that awkwardness much better, but everything felt more tense after his traitorous cousin had gone off to live an affair with that mudblood.
He mother had found herself in complete hysteria. It seemed that she herself felt even more betrayed than Andromeda's own mother. Earlier that day, my father had sat Sirius and I down in the dining room to have a conversation; he talked about pureblood, how important it was, he mentioned a Lord Voldemort, he said he was someone important, someone who was going to give purebloods the treatment they deserved. I remember being fascinated from the start, but he also remembered how Sirius snorted derisively.
That had been a very clear sign regarding his brother's thoughts, but Regulus hadn't been observant and had assumed he'd just gone against his father that day.
But today, hours after Christmas dinner, he realized that Sirius had made up his mind.
They had all argued in the house. His mother was in a terrified state, at that moment Regulus couldn't remember any situation where she had also carried that murderous look. And his father was no slouch with his reaction either. Regulus had decided not to have an opinion. He just leaned against the doorframe of his kitchen, he had watched the whole discussion from there.
Sirius asking why blood was important. Mother looking at him defiantly for the fact that she knew his friends had put strange things into his head. His father merely replied in a scathing manner. Luckily, his cousins and others had left early.
At least Sirius had the decency to wait so that the humiliation would be a little more minimal for his family. Regulus's family. He was no longer Sirius's family.
He stopped being part of the family from the instant where his brother purposely shoved him when he came out of the kitchen. He would never forget the way he saw it, he was no longer Regulus the middle brother he protected after some accident when they were little. Now it was Regulus his non-brother.
As if Regulus no longer knew that he saw him that way. He had heard when, once at Hogwarts, Sirius had told James that he was his real brother. And Regulus had only just received a look full of disdain from him, from the person he shared blood with, from the person who had just told him 'if he was ever going to stop standing behind his father and start having opinions of his own'.
He wanted to question him, but he had left him there, open-mouthed, speechless and humiliated. He watched as his brother had gone up to the second floor and how he had instantly come back down, but now he didn't come empty-handed; he had a burgundy bag in his left hand.
Sirius was leaving.
He was no longer listening to his surroundings. She knew her parents were yelling, but she couldn't hear them, she could only pay attention to how Sirius tightened his grip even tighter, he was definitely determined. She couldn't find words. She was trying to speak, but she couldn't find a way to understand what she was feeling at the moment.
"Where will you go?"
Regulus had thought his question had come out with more force, but it didn't really sound like that. He felt broken and hated himself for it. His mouth had gone dry in an instant.
Sirius didn't take his gaze away from his parents. They looked at each other with such contempt.
"The Potters always have a place for me" he replied automatically, Regulus had realized he said it in a proud way, it made him feel even sicker.
His parents were back to shouting barbarities about the Potters. He didn't feel surprised to hear it. Amongst traitors he felt very much at ease with each other.
Regulus was never going to find the ability to forget the loneliness he experienced when he saw his older brother leave. No hesitation. Without regret. Sirius just walked away.
And he had begun to hold a certain grudge especially for him.
He mother had almost burned an expensive antique armchair when she conjured a incendio, but her father had been quicker to put it out quickly. She just decided to head for the room where the upholstery was. He was already aware of what she would do.
Regulus had only opted to head towards the second floor, he decided to ignore the ajar door to his brother's former room. When he reached his own he didn't hesitate to quickly sit down on the edge of his bed. He began to massage her forehead a few times, trying to calm him nervousness and, in general, he mixed emotions.
And that night, for the first time in a long time, Regulus cried as he felt his brother betray him in the worst way, his chest had filled with anguish. It was an unstoppable poison in his own system.
He knew Sirius didn't think of him as his brother. He understood that. But, now it seemed he had become Sirius Blck, and that was that. No more good times in boyhood, he wasn't going to defend him anymore, but he knew he was already good to go on his own. He was no longer in a position of needing someone by his side. Sirius had taught him that that no longer made sense.
Regulus Black would only try to be better than his brother. He would never be a blood traitor.