Chapter Text
Everybody thinks Raph knows what to do.
He doesn't, okay? They finally got Leo home, except they didn't, except maybe they did and Leo's just this now. Everybody thinks Raph will figure this out because he's the oldest, or because he knows what it's like to be a krang—he barely knows, it was weird and foggy and terrible and nothing like what Leo's going through right now—or because they're all scared and freaking out and just—
Just.
Leo's talking a little now. That's… good, Raph thinks. Feels less like they're talking to an animal, more like they're talking to a person who doesn't know the language. He still sounds like Leo, half the time, down to the way he manages to intone not-sentences like the delivery of a joke and punchline. The other half of the time it's awful krangy noises that make Raph feel like something's trying to peel up the edges of his scutes.
"Rrravf!" Leo squeals excitedly when he sees him. "Fvood!"
"Hey, Leo," Raph says, forcing a smile. Leo's… sensitive to their moods. They haven't had a repeat of him hiding under his blankets and refusing to come out for food or even water for a full day after Donnie flipped out on Dad in the next room over, but. Nobody wants to risk it.
He brought two plates this time. Mikey made everybody sandwiches for lunch.
Leo notices, squinting at the plate Raph doesn't pass through the door. He looks at his own when his door opens, then up to Raph, then back down to Raph's plate.
"I wanted to eat lunch with you today," he explains, waiting for Leo to decide how much he wants to copy him.
The answer is 'a lot', apparently. He crosses his legs, slides the plate in front of himself the way Raph's got his, and then, instead of shoving the food in his mouth as fast as he can, looks up like he's waiting for a cue.
Raph picks up one of the triangles Mikey cut both of their sandwiches into and holds it up for Leo to get a good look at. Leo picks up one of his own. When Raph takes a bite and actually takes the time to chew it, Leo does the same.
They haven't figured out whether he cares about flavors anymore—Mikey's determined to cook something that'll get a reaction out of him, Donnie's got a lot of grim things to say about starvation mode—but his tentacles, the ones sprouting off a bit below his elbows that he nearly stabbed them with when he freaked out after they rescued him, are tapping the ground back and forth in something that looks like quiet happiness.
After they've finished their lunch, Leo matching him bite for bite, Raph rests his chin in his hand and looks away. "Donnie's been talking to the ghosts again."
Leo murmurs back something about as long, practicing his g sounds.
"When people get old, they start losing their memories," Raph says, because that's where Donnie started, when he called them into his lab last night. "And some of our ancestors were pretty old when they died."
"Mhem-oh-memmm," Leo agrees.
"So Donnie decided to ask them questions about it. And it turns out, when you die, you get all your memories back. Because memory loss is your brain starting to fall apart, not your soul. Souls don't forget."
Lotta s noises in the next string of practice words. He's faking it with hissing less and less, that's good. It's good that he's improving.
"We're pretty damn sure your soul's still in there," Raph goes on, gesturing at him. Leo blinks and scoots closer, peering at Raph's hand. Raph sets it flat against the glass, and Leo splays his own out on the other side. "Donnie thinks we should put you down."
Leo glances up at Raph like he hears something in his tone, but he doesn't shy away. He's started trusting them more. Not acting like he expects them to turn on him at the drop of a hat.
"He said it nicer than that." Not that there's a nice way to suggest they kill their brother. "He figures once you die, you'll… be you again. And then we can at least talk to you for real, even if you're dead."
Leo frowns, searching Raph's face. Raph forces another smile, but if anything, Leo looks more suspicious.
"Don't worry, Mikey almost threw him through the wall about it." And Raph can't blame him. "But… I think Donnie's right that you wouldn't wanna live like this. We can't just… keep you locked up in here forever." Even though Leo still hasn't seemed bothered by it. Before, he would have been going stir crazy the moment he realized he couldn't get out. Now, he spends most of his time sitting quietly and watching. "But we also can't just let a krang loose on New York. Not even you."
Raph would call Leo's expression guarded, except it's still so weird seeing so much open worry on his brother's face. Leo was always joking, always smiling, never taking anything seriously. Raph had started hating it, at the end, and now he'd give anything to…
He'd give a lot of things to have it back. Maybe not anything.
"I wish I could ask you," Raph says quietly. "We've—been talking, now. About what we want the others to do if something like this ever happens to any of us. But you never… we didn't know it was something that could happen, before. Why would we?"
He rests his forehead against the glass. Leo does the same, trilling softly.
"You're nice, you know that?" Raph tells him. "I wasn't nice, when I was…" He swallows. "I was nasty. I hurt you. You were so scared of us when we found you and I'm pretty sure you don't even remember that I hurt you."
Leo dips down into Raph's line of sight, with an expression that says he's going to try doing something silly to cheer him up. Raph closes his eyes.
Sure enough, Leo babbles a string of fake words with a tone like he's making a bad pun. Then, when Raph doesn't react, another. Then another. Then he… Raph used to think of the way Leo would make bad joke after bad joke, trying to get a reaction he liked out of them, as kind of desperate, right? And now Leo sounds. Kind of desperate.
When he opens his eyes again, Leo's crouched on his fingers and toes like he's ready to bolt at any second. He's staring at Raph, and his stressed expression instantly brightens into a big, toothy smile. Or, it would, but his eyes are still wide and alert and flicking everywhere anxiously.
And Raph thinks again about how the old Leo was always smiling and never taking anything seriously.
"I'm sorry," Raph says through the knot in his throat. "I'm sorry, Leo."