Chapter Text
[3:39 PM]
NEW MESSAGE
+81 XXX-XXX-5789
> HELP ME HE’S CHASING AFTER ME
Poe picked up his phone, slightly unnerved.
•
Poe: Huh? Lucy?
XXX-XXX-5789: dazai who the hell is lucy
Poe: Who is this?
XXX-XXX-5789: oh. this isnt dazai
XXX-XXX-5789: who are you??
Poe: Shouldn’t you know that? You texted me.
Poe: I’m unaware of this current situation. Who is Dazai? Who is running after you?
XXX-XXX-5789 (…)
——
GOOGLE SEARCH
<reverse number search>
https://www.beenverified.com
ENTER NUMBER:
+81 XXX-XXX-6340
Name: Edgar Allen Poe
Address: 33 —— Street
Email: murderinruemorgue@——.com
$1.99 for more info!
——
[3:55]
XXX-XXX-5789 : hmmm
Poe: ???
XXX-XXX-5789 : im ranpo
Poe: Okay?
XXX-XXX-5789 : the person stopped chasing me dont worry
XXX-XXX-5789 : it was just kunikida :-)
Poe: I’m unsure as to who Kunikida is.
Poe: I was not worrying.
XXX-XXX-5789 : yes u were
XXX-XXX-5789 : kunikida is my coworker
Poe: Oh.
XXX-XXX-5789 : mhm
Poe: Well, I hope you aren’t dead. I would hate to be a suspect.
——
[5:26 pm]
XXX-XXX-5789 : sorry got caught up with something
Poe: Not Kunikida, I would hope?
XXX-XXX-5789 : nope! dazai was just being an idiot
XXX-XXX-5789 : n e wayyyysss…
Poe: Do you know how to type?
Poe: I do not know why I am asking this. Clearly, you do not.
Poe: *Nope (the word starting a sentence should be capitalized,) *Dazai (assuming Dazai is a human, they would be a proper noun. Regardless, another sentence has begun,) and *idiot. (You should always sent sentences with punctuation.)
Poe: Not to mention, “n e ways” is not a word. I believe you mean “anyways,” but it’s hard to tell with your illiterate writing.
[CONTACT MADE]
Ranpo: woaaahhh no need to be fancy, mr fancy pants!
Ranpo: tap to view image
[A picture of Ranpo giving a peace sign to the camera. He has a lollipop in his mouth.]
Poe (…)
——
[5:30 pm]
work buddies!
ranpo: im so boreeeedd
dumbaholic: hmmm… (^O^)
workaholic: What? Maybe you should go back to working, then, Ranpo-san.
ranpo: oh my god he types like you
[1 message deleted]
ranpo: ummmm no im on break!!
dumbaholic: so whooooo is ranpo texxxtiiingggg..
ranpo: no one???
workaholic: Unfortunately, you have been staring at your phone for a while now. I don’t believe that.
dumbaholic: ranpo is being ignored?! (∩´﹏`∩) preposterous!!!
ranpo: im not being ignored he’s just BUSY
alcoholic: busy ignoring you, hun?
ranpo: no AKIKO. busy um
ranpo: doing stuff
alcoholic: stuff? as in… ignoring you?
ranpo: i hate you
dumbaholic: who even is this mysterioussss mannnnnn~?
dumbaholic: all the deets, puh LEASE?
ranpo: dont worry about it
——
[5:40 pm]
Ranpo: stranger-kunnnn
Ranpo: where did you go
Poe: I’m terribly sorry. I had a difficult customer.
Ranpo: hmmmm? where do u work??
Poe: Ah, um..
Poe: A book store.
Ranpo: the one down town?
Poe: How should I know what ‘down town’ is?
Ranpo: you live in yokohama
Poe: …
Ranpo: ???
Poe: How would you know that?
Ranpo: …the area code
Poe: Ah.
Poe: I have another customer.
Ranpo: on your phone during work? soooooo irresponsible
Poe: I get off in five minutes. Plus, I thought you were a friend of mine.
Poe: It seemed like an emergency.
Ranpo: it was!!!!
Ranpo: and i am!!! :-)
——
[5:48]
work buddies
newbie: hey! so uh, I’m gonna be late for my shift
workaholic: And why is that?
newbie: I’m so sorry!!
newbie: I was trying to check out at this book store
newbie: but this rude guy started getting pissy with the cashier!!!
newbie: the poor guy looked so upset
gingaholic: The rude one?
newbie: NO
newbie: sorry!!
newbie: no the worker was being yelled at
newbie: I did get this cool book though!
newbie: I’ll be there in 3
gingaholic: Thank god
gingaholic: I cant be on this shift alone!!!
—
[6:02 pm]
ranpo: atsushi which bookstore
ranpo: i dont know why im asking actually
ranpo: it was yokohama books
newbie: ummm
newbie: why?
ranpo: dont worry about it
ranpo: what book did you get?
newbie: the bell jar!!
newbie: I’ve been wanting to read it forever
workaholic: Please get back to work.
newbie: sorry, Kunikida-kun!!!
——
[6:04 pm]
Ranpo: what book did they get?
Poe: I believe it was a book by Sylvia Plath.
Poe: The Bell Jar.
Ranpo: hmmmmm
Poe: ?
——
[6:30 pm]
Louisa MA. : poe!
Poe: Yes, Lou?
Louisa MA. : your shift is over, correct?
Poe: Indeed.
Louisa MA. : please come to the fitzgerald mansion!!!
Louisa MA. : it’s lucy and mark’s birthdays..
Poe: Oh dear…
Poe: I will be there soon. First, I must buy my gifts.
Louisa MA. : you sure plan ahead, poe..
Poe: I simply do not have the time to remember every birthday…
——
[7:04 pm]
alumni of SHITHOLE HIGH
chuuya: oh my FUCKING god
chuuya: im literally going to kill myself????
alba: HEYYY BUD
alba: DONT SAY THAT
gin and tonic: what happened this time?
my boy akutagawa: Chuuya-san probably ran out of his red wine.
chuuya: you’re all so fucking unhelpful
chuuya: works about to close and there’s this tall ass emo dude
tachi: The bandaged weirdo?
chuuya: NO
chuuya: he isnt even that tall.
chuuya: ANYWAY,
chuuya: he comes in and takes like 10 minutes searching for some weird chocolate for his girlfriend?
chuuya: but theres two different sets
chuuya: ones this weird raspberry fruit tray and the others rum
tachi: Why do you think its his gf?
chuuya: that guy isnt sleazy enough to get that much rum chocolate
gin and tonic: but his girlfriend is?
chuuya: THAT ISNT THE POINT
chuuya: he leaves and pays
chuuya: maybe a minute before closing, im packing up
chuuya: and this other guy barely taller than me buys FIFTEEN BOXES OF CANDY????????!!
alba:
> chuuya: ones this weird raspberry fruit tray and the other rum
let me meet THIS GUY!!
alba: new best friend..
alba: or more😏😏
chuuya: why are you like this??
chuuya: he was too shy for you anyway
chuuya: could barely get a word out
my boy akutagawa: Perhaps it was your brutish stare?
chuuya: shut up
——
[7:29 pm]
Poe: Ah, I’m here, Lou. Would you open the door for me?
Louisa MA. : yes!! sorry!!!
——
[12:43 am]
Ranpo: tap to view image
[It’s a picture of Ranpo frowning at a train station sign with the flash on.]