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It was nearing two weeks since she had last eaten. Leah had force fed Jacob more than once, though it only succeeded because he didn’t put up any fight towards it. The Cullen’s hadn’t had any luck with convincing Bella to even move. Her stone body had been sitting on the floor of Renesmee’s room, right beside Jacob, for the entire time. Neither being had reason to exist anymore.
The Volturi had gone back on their word. They had gathered another member who could shield them from Alice’s visions and decided that they would make the Cullen’s pay for having threatened them. The attack was unexpected and incapacitating. Felix managed to rip Renesmee’s leg off after the others had been otherwise stopped. This act is what led to her death, as he used a lighter to light the hybrid on fire.
Both the Black and Uley pack, alongside the Cullen's, used both Bella and Jacob’s intense rage to kill the Volturi. The battle took two wolves (Colin and Embry) too. Everyone was devastated and went home to tend to their wounds. But Jacob and Bella couldn’t tend to their wounds. Their wounds were too large to ever close again. They could only think about the person who was most important to them being gone.
“Charlie is on the phone.” Alice quietly said, hoping to get Bella’s attention. “He wants to come see you.”
“He can’t.” Jacob said quietly, staring off at nothing. Bella didn’t respond at all.
“He said he is going to drive over here if he doesn’t get to talk to her.” There was stress in the small vampire’s voice but the werewolf felt little energy to help. “Jacob, can you at least talk to him? He won’t listen to the rest of us.” He held out his hand for the cell phone in hers. Immediately he put it to his ear.
“You can’t come here Charlie.” Jacob sounded so tired.
“I will! No word from any of you for two and a half weeks! What happened?” Jacob’s heart thumped heavily at the concern in Charlie’s voice.
“No one has told you yet?” Jacob was surprised, having assumed that the Cullen’s would have taken care of that task for Bella.
“I haven’t talked to any of you since the last time I was over there.” A seriousness was in the Chief’s voice. “Jacob, tell me what happened.”
“Short version?” Jacob didn’t think he could relive the long version.
“Sure, for now a short version will work.” Charlie spoke like he was suddenly talking to a wounded animal. Jacob’s head fell back against the wall, tears welling in his eyes as he closed them tightly.
“Renesmee’s dead.” The words were whispered just loud enough for Charlie to hear. Silence settled over them for a long moment.
“She’s…dead?” Jacob just whined out a small cry in response. “I’m coming over.”
“You can’t.” Another small, stifled cry. “It’s too dangerous to come here right now. Give me just two days.”
“Why?” Bella’s father’s voice was hard.
“Because of things you never wanted to know about. Bella won’t mean to but…if you come here now she might kill you. And I do mean actually kill you.” Jacob answered in just as hard of a voice. “Give me two days. After two days, I’ll call you and let you know the status. But it would only devastate Bella if you came here right now and she couldn’t control herself.”
“Fine.” Charlie didn’t sound happy about it but he didn’t fight him on it. “Take care of her, Jacob.”
“You know I always will, Chief.” And that was the truth. No matter what they went through, Jacob would always be there for her. “Just please…don’t come here until I give the all clear. Bye, Charlie.”
He held the phone back to Alice, who had a concerned look at her face. Jacob didn’t feel like diving into why she looked like that and instead turned to his frozen best friend. He heavily looped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her cold body to his own. She whined a little but didn’t stop him from hugging her.
“We have to take you hunting, Bells.” His voice was tortured, as if talking took all of his energy. “Your dad is coming and I know it would only make things worse if you weren’t in control.”
“You should listen to him, Baby Bell.” Emmet was in and out a lot, his empathetic energy too fragile to hover for too long in the void of despair they had. She didn’t respond to him, though.
“Let’s go out to the woods and scream, okay?” Jacob gave a very light jostle to Bella, hoping to stir her into movement. “Just you and me. Jake and Bells screaming in the woods.”
“Screaming sounds nice.” Her words were soft and fragile but tension eased from everyone within hearing distance. Gently her best friend helped her stand. Neither of them possessed much energy but Jacob wasn’t going to have another person die from the aftermath of this horrific event.
“We’re going to take our time.” Jacob said to Emmet. The large vampire nodded his head. “Let everyone know we’ll be back and to let us just…be for a bit.”
“Will do.” He promised. Alice nodded her head, agreeing that she would also keep everyone away. Anything that would get Bella moving again. The two of them watched as the despondent duo made their way into the woods slowly.
Finally, after an hour of making their way deep into the Olympic national forest, she stopped to just stand there. Snow coated the ground, silencing the life that was around the rest of the year. Bella went to her knees, her coal black eyes staring into nothing. Jacob sat beside her, watching the sky above them.
“I want to die, Jacob.” Her voice was so quiet but he found himself nodding along.
“I know.” His voice was just as pained as her own. “I do too. But I can’t kill you, Bells. I’m sorry.”
“I can’t kill you either.” Without looking, she reached her hand out to him. They laced fingers, both lost. “And I don’t think Sam would let his pack mates kill me due to the new treaty.”
“That would put a target on their heads from the Cullen's so no, he probably wouldn’t. I don’t think another vampire would do us in either. The werewolf hanging out with a vampire is probably pretty rare in the supernatural world so we’re probably pretty well known now.” He mused. She nodded in agreement with him.
“But you can die, still. I have to be killed and I don’t think-” Suddenly she stopped speaking but her best friend, after all of these years, knew where she was going with it.
“You don’t think Edward will let that happen.” A pained whine was the only response but it was all Jacob needed. “I’m sorry, Bells.”
“He doesn’t get it. He never loved her like I loved her. He never loved her like you love her.” A whimper escaped Bella’s lips as she thought of her late daughter. “I don’t care that I survived! I don’t care!”
“Without her, it doesn’t matter.” Jacob finished for her. He had heard Edward trying to get her attention. A few times, the vampire would start to ask Jake to leave the room but Bella would grab his hand and hold tight, not letting go. Edward would give in each time but he would also go on about being glad that Bella had at least survived. That he didn’t know what he would have done had he lost her too.
“I…” There was a deep hesitancy to Bella’s voice, making Jacob glance over at her. “I never thought I would say this but…I regret immortality.”
“Yeah, that’s fair.” There were so many things that the werewolf could say but instead he kept quiet, knowing that she knew all of the words he would spout anyways. Suddenly she tilted her head back to stare up into the sky before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Jacob watched with a pained heart as she broke in front of him.
A high pitched wail released from her very core as she clawed at her own chest in despair. Words would start to form but then devolve into screams of fury, rage, and devastation. Jacob would have joined her but his despondency overwhelmed him instead, numbing his mind and heart to his own inner turmoil. He knew that his end would come, so he wasn’t rushing towards it but his best friend couldn’t find her end anymore.
After an hour, she had wound down to just stare ahead again. They stayed like that for a long while, the silence hovering over them, until finally, she moved. The werewolf watched as she finally began to stand. He joined her and, with no words, knew she was ready to hunt. An odd resolve had over taken her but he wasn’t going to comment on it. Instead, he was willing to just follow it to its end.
“I can see my dad now.” Her eyes had finally gone back into their golden hue. Jake phased, slipping on his shorts as he stood beside her; she had seen him nude enough times from immediate phasings that it didn’t bother her anymore.
“Are you okay to head back home?” He asked warily. When her eyes met his, there was a steely look to her gaze.
“Yes. I don’t care what it takes, I will find someone to end this for me.” Then the steely look started to melt and he could see the sadness and fear behind it. “Will you come with me?”
“To the end?” They both knew he meant that they would end it together.
“I don’t want to go with anyone else.” She loved Edward, even now, but there was resentment too. He had never loved their child as much as she did. He didn’t make the sacrifices she did to have Renesmee and had even wanted to get rid of her in the beginning. So she couldn’t be surprised that his devastation was so much less than her own but she was severely hurt to see him show it again while she was grieving so deeply.
“Jake and Bells ‘til the end.” A sad smile accompanied the melancholy words but she smiled back at him. They made their way back to the main house, knowing that would be the best place to meet Charlie. Jake knew to block his thoughts so instead he focused on keeping Bella calm about seeing her father. They had hunted late into the next morning before heading back.
Now that a decision had been made and, knowing that she wouldn’t be suffering in pain forever, Bella could function better. It was still very passive but it was no longer non-reactive. The brunette said nothing to the vampires she passed by, instead she grabbed her cell phone and dialed up her father’s number. Before pressing the call button, she stared at the contact picture she had for him.
His hair was starting to pepper and wrinkles were more prominent on his face. But he had laugh lines and a huge smile in the photo. Bella’s heart clenched upon seeing the picture but it didn’t change her choice. Luckily, since Jacob was part of the chase for the end, Alice couldn’t see the future that the duo was headed towards. Finally she pressed the call button.
“Hey Dad.” Her voice was soft and she didn’t bother to go to any other rooms. Privacy didn’t exist in that house, something she loathed now.
“Hey, Bells.” If Bella could have cried, tears would have fallen. Her father’s voice cocooned her and for a brief moment, she felt okay. But the moment passed as quickly as it came.
“Can I come see you instead?” She couldn’t stand to be near her own home anymore.
“Of course. Head on over whenever you can. Bring Jacob with you, I want to see him.” They ended the call and she turned to look at her best friend who was standing nearby. He pushed off of the wall he had been leaning against, saying nothing, and headed out to the garage. Suddenly Edward was beside her before she even turned.
“Love,” His voice was tender but it didn’t touch her like before. Nothing ever could again. “Would you like me to join you?”
“No.” The pain in his eyes almost had her giving in but she held fast to her resolve. “I need to just be away for a while. I need…” Bella desperately wished she could cry. “I need to grieve and I can’t do that around you.”
“What do you mean? I’m grieving too.” And it was true, he was. But not like her, though. Not like his very essence had been torn from him. He spoke of the tragedy of the situation but he didn’t comment on the silence left behind. Of the hole that now was a permanent fixture in Bella’s chest.
“I know you are.” She placed a gentle hand on his arm, recognizing his pain. “But our grief is different. The love a mother has for their child…especially when said child is as special as she was…it’s almost unmatched.”
“And Jacob can help you?” There was a small bit of accusation in his tone and it made her hackles raise a little.
“Yes. He isn’t reminding me of what I need to be grateful for.” She didn’t want to yell at him. As a matter of fact, she just wanted to leave. But Bella respected the fact that he was struggling with the loss as well. “He is just as devastated as I am.”
“What are you saying, Bella?” Edward flat out asked, tired of the dancing around.
“You didn’t love her like I did!” Bella pushed herself away from him a little, the ache in her chest starting to throb. “You are still moving! Existing and reminding me how happy you are that I didn’t perish too but I wish I had!” She took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “He lets me speak about that. You…you don’t.”
“So because I won’t let you talk yourself into suicide, I’m the bad guy here?” She leveled him with a hard stare, saying nothing. He finally scoffed and turned around, too frustrated to speak. “I loved her. But I love you too. Aren’t I allowed to be grateful for not losing you both?”
“I’d say yes but I would willingly swap places with her if I could.” The words were extremely quiet. “I want my baby back and no amount of reminding me of my survival is going to do that. You telling me you love me doesn’t ease any of the pain in my heart.”
“What would you have me do?” Edward’s tone was lost and tired.
“Let me grieve. I need space and time to get myself together. So does Jacob.” She sighed, closing her eyes. “This isn’t anything to be jealous of but Jake is my best friend and her death doesn’t change that.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know.” Bella sighed. She turned to the door, not glancing at him again. “I really don’t know.” And then she was out to the garage, meeting Jake. They merely began running toward Charlie’s, aching at the loss of Renesmee not being a part of the trip. Ever since her birth, she was always with them to visit Bella’s dad. This would be her first time seeing him without her daughter in tow.
They slowed as they reached the edge of the woods near his home. Bella stopped, just staring at the building that she only lived in for a brief period of time. So much had happened to her since she had come to forks. So much good and bad having gotten muddled into the mess that was going on now. But the vampire couldn’t be ungrateful for everything she had gained, only that she was done with it all now.
“Should we tell Sam that he needs to take Leah and Seth into his pack?” She asked out loud, not having given thought to the situation until now.
“No.” His timbre was soft and sad. “The pack knows what happens when a wolf loses their imprint. That’s why Leah has been trying so hard with me.” Bella nodded her head, understanding the grief that everyone was going through.
“Do you want to see Billy before we leave?” It would be only fair that Jacob see his family one last time too. But Jacob shook his head.
“No.” Bella didn’t need to ask why. The pain of it all was already so great, adding to it only sounded exhausting. If Charlie hadn’t insisted, Bella wouldn’t even be going to see him one last time. But he had asked and she couldn’t tell him no. She was sure that Jacob would do the same had Billy asked but no word had come through on that front.
“Well…let’s go.” She sighed out and they made their way to the front door, knocking lightly on it. Charlie opened it and immediately enveloped his daughter in a tight hug. She wished she could feel the human pressure of the hug but that was in the past and she would never be able to hold her father like a daughter again. He would never be able to properly cocoon her in the safety of his arms.
“Oh, Bells!” The words were grief-stricken and made her whole being ache but she just held him back gently. “I wish I could make it better.”
“I know, Dad. We all wish we could change it.” She wished desperately, again, that she could cry. Finally they let go of each other and he ushered them inside. The two stayed for a while, not giving the gory details of how Renesmee had been lost, and then left. Bella choked when she had to tell her dad that she didn’t know the next time they would visit. Charlie gave her a look, his years on the force kicking in at her tone, and Jake had to step in to reassure him that they were going to be taking time to grieve is all.
“How do we start this trip?” Jake finally asked, tired from the socializing.
“I don’t know.” Bella sighed as they made their way back into the trees. “Travel until we find a vampire willing to take us out?” The suggestion sounded long to Jacob but what did time matter to him anyways. He wasn’t really going to put much effort into survival. The werewolf did intend to help Bella find her end but if his came first, he wasn’t exactly opposed to it.
“Sure, I guess. It’s always possible that someone either doesn’t know about us or would be willing to kill us for the glory of it.” They both shrugged and started to mindlessly wander. The two of them wandered north to the border of Canada, not really having a destination in mind. Jake didn’t want the heat of the South and Bella didn’t want the sun. It was a week later and up in the northern Canadian wilderness, that Jacob suggested an idea.
“You could start a fire and walk into it yourself, you know.” They were sitting at the edge of a frozen lake in the middle of the night.
“Would you let me?” She asked, only her mouth moving. Snow had accumulated on the parts of her that had remained frozen for the last hour. Snow had melted off of Jake easily.
“Yeah but I would need someone to take me out too and fire is pretty terrible.” He mused. She let out a hum, lost in thought.
“Well, I want to make sure you get what you want too. I can always start a fire any time but finding someone to kill you would be difficult.” She leaned against him, moving for the first time in a while.
“I’d ask your leeches but that would start a war with Sam’s pack and I don’t want to bring anyone else into this mess that might get killed.” She nodded her head, having the same feeling.
“I wish I could go back in time. Maybe we could fix this, anticipate what they would do.” Bella mused out loud. Jacob wrapped an arm around her shoulder and leaned his own head against hers.
“That’d be the dream, wouldn’t it?” He sighed. They were both tired, only eating when they absolutely must. Jacob was kind of hoping he would freeze in the wilderness up here but so far there was no sign of that happening. They sat like that, in silence, for hours, as the sun slowly rose over the horizon.
“I would hate to do it but I could always bite you to kill you.” Bella finally offered, breaking the silence. Her companion said nothing for a long while and she could tell he was thinking about it. “I don’t know how painful that would be for you.”
“Nothing worse than how I feel right now, I guess.” He darkly chuckled. The vampire hummed in agreement, knowing that she felt the same about going out in flames. “Well…” He removed his arm and started to stand, “Want to get a fire started, then?”
“Yeah, I think I do.” There was a tinge of fear in both of them but it also felt like they might finally get some relief. She moved to stand as well. Jacob was already heading toward a tree to gather branches. Bella climbed one and snapped off the upper branches too. Soon they had a good pile going and Jake pulled out his lighter. It was still the same one he had from when Renesmee was born and they both stared at it for a long moment.
“It’s a little symbolic, you know.” The werewolf finally spoke, his voice soft and quiet. He made eye contact with his long-time best friend and she looked up at him as well. “I never wanted to kill you, Bells.” There was a quiver to his confession and she felt her heart ache.
“I can light it, then.” She whispered, reaching for the object. “I don’t want you to feel guilty.”
“It’s okay.” He pulled the lighter towards himself, tears in his eyes. “I’m not doing it because I hate you…like I have with every other vampire I’ve used this on.” He pulled her into a tight hug and a heartbreaking whine left her mouth. “I’m doing it because I love you, Bells. And you’re doing this because you love me.”
“I know.” She whimpered out, pain pulling at her deeply. “Jake and Bells ‘til the end.”
“Yeah,” he laughed, his voice wet with grief, “Jake and Bells ‘til the end. No matter what has happened to us, we will always be there for each other.”
“Thank you for letting me make my choices and for staying and just…thank you.” Her body shook with the tears she couldn’t shed. He gripped her tighter.
“Thank you for giving me the best love I could have ever imagined. I know it was a rough road but it was good…right?” Bella’s heart broke at the reassurance he needed. She nodded her head, holding him to her.
“Yeah, it was good.” They pulled apart after another moment and Jake flicked the lighter on. He kneeled and set the kindling on fire. In silence, they watched as the flames began to engulf the wood. After some time, a true fire arose but they stared at it for a long while.
“I’m scared.” Bella said softly. “I know I always told Edward he had a soul but…”
“You have a soul, Bells.” He grasped her hand tightly, still staring at the flames. “No one like you could ever be soulless.”
“Are you sure?” She whispered, her other hand clutching her chest. “I brought us to this end. I don’t imagine that’s something someone with a soul would do.”
“Only a person with a soul as big as yours…with a heart as big as yours…” Jacob whispered back, tears in his eyes again, “Would ever willingly do this for me.”
“Thank you.” She gripped his hand and pulled it up to her face. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah. You?” He asked, finally making eye contact again. She smiled just a little and nodded her head. With one foot hovering over the campfire, Bella brought his hand to her mouth but hesitated just a moment.
“I love you, Jacob.” She meant it in all ways. They had been through almost every type of love there was.
“Love you too, Bells.” Jacob replied, a heartbreaking smile taking over his face. As she planted her foot in the fire, Bella bit down on his hand and injected her venom into the only person she ever would. Screams erupted from both of them, piercing the silence that had surrounded them. Their bodies writhed and twitched as they died, the Sun being the only witness to the last testament of their deep friendship.
It would always be Jake and Bells to the end.