Work Text:
“Happy New Year!”
1….2…3….
I looked around, everyone is smiling..
“Smile and waves at the camera!”
I’m trying….
I smiled bright and waves cutely.
I wanted it to end, please I can’t take it anymore. I can feel my tears will soon be free from the back of my eyes.
“And Cut! Thank you everyone great shoots!”
I deep sighed and held my sweater tightly. Our manager told us to checked and packed our things before they will drive us to our hotel.
“It’s so funny, we should do it again next time right Minnie” Hyunjin said beside me but before he can hold me I immediately excuse myself.
I walked past everyone and immediate get my bag. I walked as fast as I could until I found one of our Manager Noona. She raised her eyebrows while I walk nearer her.
“Hey are you okay? You looked pale-“
“Can I take a ride with you?” I Cut her off
“What? But we ended the shoots and the artist car will leave first” she looks so puzzled
“When are you gonna leave then?” I know I looked like a kicked puppy
She smile lightly and held my shaking hands. She looks at me with worries in her eyes. Laughters can still be heard in our surroundings together with some shouting and instructions for the packing after the filming.
“I don’t know what happened and even though I wanted to allow you to ride with us together to the hotel, unfortunately it will takes us some time to load the filming equipment and your car will leave first-“
“I can wait-“
“No, Chan said that you guys will have a movie date to his room tonight.”
I can feel my tears breaking slowly so I wipes it and blink my eyes until it stops from streaming. I nod my head in resign and she sadly squeeze my hands.
“How about this, go on with the first car then we will pack the soonest we can. If you need anything text me okay?”
“O-okay, thank you Noona”
She squeezed my hands one last time before I went off. I turn around and sees that my members is gathering their things and bags. Felix seen me and smiled widely. I can tell that he’s gathering his stuff fast so he can walk beside me. So I did the first thing that cross my mind. I turnaround and go to the parking lot.
I’m glad that one of our Manager Hyung is already in one car. I smiled tiredly while he opens the door for me to go inside and I sit on the back near the window. I look outside and see Felix with a pout with Jisung holding him as if reassuring him.
I immediately open my bag and get my AirPods. I put it on my ears and closed my eyes pretending I’m asleep. I heard the door opening and hears Felix and Jisung.
“Oh looks he’s here! I told you Lix he’s tired.” Jisung said
“But I wanted to walked back with my best friend!” Felix counters
“Oh cmon no one choose him, Seungminnie is my ex for a reason” Jisung said while laughing
I heard my heart breaking. I know it’s a jokes but why am I hurting?
I heard Jisung protesting in the background and I can tell that Felix might push him or something.
“Okay I’m sorry! It’s joke jeez”
I felt someone sitting beside me, and Jisung and Felix continues to talk. Then after a few minutes I heard Jeongin enters and joining the conversation. Our car drive off first.
It’s only takes a few more minutes before we arrive in our hotel. The door opens and one by one my members went out. I counted ten before I opened my eyes. I looked out and seen my members walking inside.
“It’s late Minnie, you can rest with them”
I stare to my Manager Hyung and nod my head. I slowly went out and walk inside. I don’t have any energy left but when I see my members joking still standing and waiting for the elevator to went down, I turned and opens the emergency exit leading to the stairs.
I slowly walked up, it’s silent here but I can hear my heart shattering into pieces.
They don’t even try to wake me up…
I walk and walk until I’m already on the floor of my assigned rooms. I open the exit door silently and heard silence in the hallway.
Maybe they already inside their rooms.
So I walked fast and opens my room ,and closed the door as silent as I can. I heavily sighed and my legs betrays me.
While sitting on the floor I held my chest. It’s hurt. I can’t breathe.
Then I heard pin indicating for a new message from my phone, and it continuously went on for few more times. With a shaking hands I get it and see the last message from my notification. It’s from Chan Hyung.
Channie Hyung 🐺
Don’t forget our movie night!
The others is having a quick shower
You can clean up too!
Hope to see u :)
I stare blankly to my phone. I gathers my things from the floor and went further inside. I sit on my bed for god knows until I heard knocks in my door.
1…2….3….
Then it’s vanished. Three knocks it’s all its take for it to stop.
okay, I already decided.
I pulled out my journal get my pens case and wear my coats. I went outside my room to the nearest elevator and get to the rooftop.
It’s cold when I get there. With a shaking body I looks for a secluded area where no one can see me. When I found a place and satisfied with it I immediately sat on the floor.
Let’s start so I can rest.
I open my journal and went on the blank pages. I open my pen and starts writing.
Entry #4419
Place : JEJU
JEJU island is really beautiful, it’s cold right now since winter is coming. We films some contents that our Stay will surely love! It’s fun and all until it’s not…
I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, is this even valid? we have scripts but maybe I become too greedy.
I know it’s on the scripts that Jisung and I were exes in this new SKZCODE but whenever I try to talked and he talking back and stoping me it’s making me sad. It’s all scripted but it’s still making me sad.
Then I got picked by Felix. But can I still considered it as he picking me? When he has no other choice but to be with me since Hyunjin picked Minho Hyung and Jeongin picking Jisung over him? Poor Yongbok having no other choice but to be with someone like me.
I can see it clearly that he’s not happy, so I put everything in my hands so he can be free from me. Even though I don’t want to reject him I firmly said that we should stay as friend in the filming. I know I’m looking like a bad guy but I don’t want to push someone that I knows who doesn’t like me back. I see it when he held Changbin Hyung. Yes I choose the right thing.
Then our writer tells us that the next pairing will be determined by choosing on the items that we brought. I’m a bit excited at first. I even bring the most obvious items that I have. But as the game went on and every members guessing and even stating that the small puppy like keychain is from me.
But they ignore it even despite’s that they knowing that it was from me. They ignore it like it doesn’t exist.
Like I doesn’t exist.
In the end, I’m being paired up with Hyunjin. Like how with Felix, he doesn’t have choice. He was the last one and I’m the only one left.
We have different cars and I’m glad they did that. I don’t even want to see how smiley can Felix be with Minho Hyung. I’m happy being with Hyunjin. So I try my luck and confess that I wanted to end this game with him. I don’t know what’s comes to me when I said that….
I wanted to get to know you more.
It’s true, I always admire him silently. Maybe it’s my heart talking, and even confessing to him right at the moment. But again I can see it in his eyes.
He don’t want me…..
And it’s true cause he wants Jeongin. How fool I am for even thinking that he might choose me? so when all eating I decided to stop with my delusions. He don’t want me, I should stop.
Changbin Hyung and I have a short eye contacts, this is it. Maybe if I choose him and will choose me back? It’s lift my mood slowly and I now have determination. He always take care of me, we always bickers but he’s the sweetest. I have hope with him. Changbin Hyung might like me back, I respect him and like him ever since.
Then the final quest starts, like I predicted Hyunjin is so happy when Jeongin picks him. They look good together. While they’re walking away my hearts is falling slowly.
Then it’s my turn, I’m determined to pick Changbin Hyung. But when I went out and seen how happy Jeongin and Hyunjin it makes me think twice. If I try to win Hyunjin back will I have a chance?
No Seungmin, you know the answer he will never like you. Even your favorite Maknae Jeongin never looks at your way. He never seen you as potential partners throughout the day.
So I walk in Changbin Hyung car and confess that I wanted him to choose me. I think when Hyung said Yes that’s the happiest moment all day. Finally I get picked.
Then Chan Hyung came and try to win him but he decline it while I’m almost begging Chan Hyung to get out of the way. Please Chan Hyung just this one time, please make me win this one time. I know how Changbin Hyung likes you the most, that he will kill just for you.
I’m so happy but when Felix went out and walking on our car I know then that I don’t have any fight to win this game. Felix basically brings sunshine and Changbin Hyung is so obsessed with it. I watched them giggling like a schoolgirl moving on the other empty car. They looked so inlove. Well they’re.
I walked back inside and the laughing is nonstop, Jisung points at me smiling wide. Of course he’s happy cause he have Minho Hyung who will choose him every single day. Minho Hyung thats not even try to pretends that he care about my misfortune. Minho Hyung that I know with my whole heart will not look at me the way he looks at my members. It’s funny for real having him as my first love. it’s crystal clear he don’t like me back.
I seen Chan Hyung drinking while acting like he’s done. But I know the fact that he’s happy that everyone find their partners. Chan Hyung is so selfless, I admire him for it. He always wants the happiness of the people around him that he’s sacrificing his own happiness.
I sat beside him then all the emotions of today filming is coming into me. He held me and whispered questioning if I’m okay. I shakes my head and see how he’s frowning. Luckily the camera did not captures it. He asked why and this is what I said.
You’re lucky Hyung, Atleast before you ended up with no one, they want you. They choose you in those two rounds.
While me…
Do you know what it feels to not chosen by anyone?