Work Text:
“What does a mechanic who’s also a mathematician say when someone brings in a creaky car?”
It was New Years Eve, and Su Mu’Cheng had seized the opportunity to time-travel back to the past to visit her Ancient partner.
“What?” Hythlodaeus asked, his eyes alight in interest. At his side, Hades attempted to work on his physics assignment, although it was evident that he was also listening in.
Su let the silence hang in the air for a brief moment before dropping the answer. “Gotta Euler up!”
Hythlodaeus blinked, staring at his girlfriend for all of three seconds before realization dawned on him. “Ohh!” he slapped his knee, the grin on his face matching the one on Su’s.
Hades sighed. “Su…”
Su laughed good-naturedly. “Come on, Hades, that was pretty clever.”
Hades huffed. “If you say so.”
At that point, Eurus looked over in confusion. “I don’t get it, though? What do you mean?”
Su sighed. “Eurus. We just did the unit on Euler’s Method — please tell me you didn’t already forget it!”
Eurus’s mouth fell open in shock as realization dawned on her. “Wait, it’s pronounced ‘oil-er’?”
Hades and Hythlodaeus both turned to stare at her, horrified. “How else have you been pronouncing it?” Hades questioned.
“All along I thought it was ‘you-ler’ — like any normal person would,” she argued indignantly. “Y’know, ‘you-rus’, ‘you-ler’? Nobody looks at my name and calls me ‘oi-rus’!”
Hythlodaeus snickered at his twin. “I’m going to start calling you that from now on,” he teased.
Hades facepalmed. “The teacher’s been pronouncing Euler’s name like that for weeks now — there’s no way this is the first time you’re hearing it said that way.”
Eurus at least had the decency to look somewhat bashful. “Um. Yeah, so…” she trailed off, attempting to redirect the conversation. “Back to your original joke! What was it again?”
Su let her off the hook. “When there’s a creaky car, what does a mechanic who also happens to be a mathematician say?” she recited.
“Ohh,” Eurus realized, finally understanding the joke. “Euler up — oil her up, because you oil up a creaky car!” She gave Su a thumbs-up. “That’s good.”
Su nodded, turning to Hades. “See, some people have taste.”
Hades rolled his eyes.
“But you know,” Eurus added, “oiling someone up, when taken in a different context, can sound a little…”
It was Su’s turn to facepalm. “I take back what I said,” she muttered. “Hades has far better taste than you.”
“Su’s approaching her limit~” Hythlodaeus commented, beaming at the not-so-subtle reference.
“Thank you, Hythlodaeus,” Su said, her voice slightly muffled from her face still being pressed into her hands. After a moment, she looked up. “Does anyone need help studying for the test tomorrow?”
“I’ve got most of my formulas down, but there’s still a few that I just can’t quite get the hang of,” Eurus answered. “Could you maybe quiz me?”
“Sure. Do you at least remember the chain rule now?” Su asked. “Please tell me you remember the chain rule.” She thought back to the day when Hades joined their class, when Eurus had proudly answered the teacher’s question, only to forget the chain rule for what was neither the first nor second time.
Eurus’s face split into a wide grin. “Chain rule? Well, I’d be happy to have Venat chain–”
Su shot her a blistering look of disapproval and she cut herself off, giggling. Hythlodaeus snickered at his twin, only for Su to turn her disappointment to him.
“Don’t worry, Su, I remember the chain rule,” Eurus assured her, holding up her hands placatingly. “The derivative of f(g(x) equals f’(g(x)... times g’(x)!”
Su nodded, satisfied. “What about the rest? Which ones don’t you have?”
“I keep forgetting the derivative of the logistics equation,” Eurus responded with a sigh. “dy/dt equals k something something something.”
“dy/dt = ky(1-y/L),” Su recited dutifully, not missing even a beat. If you can’t remember it, just think: ‘killer yo-yos once negated your life.’”
Eurus blinked.
“It’s a mnemonic. Don’t think too hard about it.”
Naturally, Eurus intended to do just that, but before she had time to consider the repercussions of giving murderous capabilities to toys, there was a commotion in the hallway.
“We’re in the middle of class,” Su muttered. “What could be going on?”
Hythlodaeus sprung up, crossed the room, and threw open the door to reveal seven disgruntled, screaming, and very familiar-looking travelers.
“Uh, Su? I think your friends are here…”
A feeling began to settle in Su’s gut, yet she poked her head out of the room curiously nonetheless. But when she took in the heap of six Warriors of Light and one G’raha Tia on the tiled floor, she closed her eyes for a long moment before grabbing Hythlodaeus, dragging him back in, and shutting the door decisively behind her.
“Wha-”
“I would like to do my homework in peace, thank you very much.”
~
Once S’iven, Ariyoshi, Faye, Aiyla, Sai, I’valia, and G’raha had calmed down and dusted themselves off, Su reluctantly let them into the classroom.
“S’iven, I’valia, I thought you were babysitting them! What happened?” was Su’s first question.
“They couldn’t resist the cult,” Sai answered sagely, as if that explained anything in the world at all.
“Actually, it’s more like S’iven couldn’t resist the cult. I’valia just couldn’t resist G’raha,” Faye corrected her.
“I’m — do I really want to know?” Su wondered aloud.
“It’s not that bad,” S’iven interjected. “Don’t worry. We didn’t break anything, at least not to my knowledge.”
“G’raha wanted to try his ‘g’racha-pull’ thing again, and he was showing I’valia, and then we got roped into it and we were all holding hands and suddenly there was a pop and we fell through your roof.”
“I desired to test out a new development in my summoning spell, which Ariyoshi has been kind enough to dub as my ‘gacha-pull’ skill–”
“– G’-racha pull,’” Ariyoshi cut in. “Because you’re G’raha. Get it?”
Siven let out a long-suffering sigh that made it clear this was not their first time hearing this argument.
“Anyways, it’s accurate!” Ariyoshi argued. “We’ve all felt it when you pulled us out of our lovely lives the first time, and personally, I can attest to the fact that it feels exactly like a gacha pull.”
“By ‘lovely lives,’ Ariyoshi, I take it to mean you were probably playing rhythm games when you felt the call?” Faye snarked back. “And how exactly would you know how a gacha pull feels anyway? It isn’t as if you’re fictional.”
Ariyoshi’s ears twitched. “But am I–”
Su coughed none-too-subtly into her fist. “Yes, Ariyoshi, I know you’ve spent enough time playing Project Sekai: Colorful Stage that you might as well be Hatsune Miku at this point, but we’ll address that later. G’raha, pray continue telling the tale, if you would.”
G’raha seized the opportunity. “And so I offered to show I’valia, but of course Faye and Sai quickly became intrigued and expressed their wishes to ‘hold hands, form a cult, and join in on the fun’–”
“There was nothing better to do,” Faye interrupted. “Do you really think we wanted to go through the whole headache-and-collapse experience again?”
“To be fair, I sort of forgot about the headache part,” Sai clarified.
“That’s because you only have a total of one braincell at any given moment,” Faye shot back.
“That’s only because Su wasn’t with us — she usually carries my braincells for me!” Sai argued.
Su let out a long exhale. “G’raha, please try to summarize the remainder of the story in a paragraph of three to five sentences, with direct quotes of seven words or less, lest the others drag this out any longer and/or you are accused of plagiarism, and like any good Sharlayan, nobody wants that.”
“Aiyla and Ariyoshi were playing rhythm games, Sai, Faye, I’valia and I were testing my spell, and S’iven came over to try to tell us to be responsible. Ariyoshi heard about the summoning spell, made his ‘G’racha pull’ joke, then dragged Aiyla into it as well, but the spell went wrong and tossed us all thousands of years into the past, landing us in your school.”
Su pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why am I not surprised?”
“You shouldn’t be, honestly,” Aiyla piped up.
“The real question, now that we’re here, is what chaos can we cause?” Faye asked.
“You nematodes can leave us to do our academic work in peace,” Hades finally spoke up.
“Hades,” Hythlodaeus chided, “be nice to Su’s friends! They seem like perfectly delightful people–”
“What is that?” S’iven cried in mild horror, pointing at what looked like a colorful segmented glob sitting next to Hythlodaeus on the table.
“Su put a bunch of concepts in a hat and challenged me to create whichever one I drew,” Hythlodaeus explained.
“...And which one is that?”
“A fruit fly!” Su exclaimed with far, far too much enthusiasm than was socially acceptable. “They have a relatively short reproductive and development cycle, so they’re excellent for making new biological discoveries. Did you know that–”
Ariyoshi sighed. “Su, are you a fruit fly stan, of all things?”
Su blushed before answering. “They’re very practical, that’s all.”
“And do I want to know why you’re getting your boyfriend to make them here for you?” Faye questioned, arching an eyebrow.
Su opened her mouth to retort, but before she could say anything, a sharp rapping on the door cut her off.
“Who could it be now?” she murmured, getting up to check.
She hadn’t even taken two steps when the door was thrown open from the other side.
“Surprise!” Hela singsonged, bursting into the room with Venat in tow.
“Oh, it’s you.”
Sai immediately perked up at the sight of the two women. “I forgot you were here, too! Let’s have a party!”
“Sai,” Su reprimanded, “what did we say about making impulsive decisions?”
“To do it? I mean, it’s what brought us together, so it can’t be too bad, can it now?”
Su buried her head in her palms and let out a choked half-sob.
Of course, they threw the party.
How could they not, when Sai’s one simple sentence brought out the irresponsible side of them all?
And besides, it was New Years Eve, so at least there was a cause for celebration.
Homework long abandoned, even Su and Hades stood to the side, discussing random topics, their side of the table a spot of calm in the sea of chaos.
Meanwhile, Sai, Hela, Venat, and Eurus played Pin The Tail on the Chocobo.
Well, to say they were playing the game properly was an overstatement. They took turns trying to stick their ‘tail’ (which Hythlodaeus had kindly made for them) on a board with a crudely-drawn chocobo, but the majority of their time was spent making immature comments that were frankly inappropriate for a school setting.
Ariyoshi and Aiyla had finally managed to drag S’iven into playing rhythm games, and now the trio sat in a corner, each hunched over a tablet and frantically tapping away at the notes.
“I hate the hold-and-swipe notes,” Siven declared emphatically as they looked up from their just-completed song.
“Don’t worry, it gets better,” Aiyla responded.
“Aiyla, you took to the game insanely well — you don’t get to say anything,” Ariyoshi shot back.
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t get better,” Aiyla said. And then, because of course she needed the final word: “Nya.”
“Shut up.”
I’valia and G’raha were deep in conversation with Hythlodaeus, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the Ancient’s creation magic and enabling him to make who-knew-what kinds of creatures. Su tried not to think too hard about the small periodic explosions from their cluster.
“Food’s here!” Faye exclaimed enthusiastically, pushing the door open with her leg and stumbling into the room, weighed down by the concerning number of takeout boxes hanging from her every extremity (including her wings, which were drooping).
“If we’re going to cater food, let’s do it in style — FamilyStyle,” she announced.
“That implies we’re a family,” Aiyla pointed out.
“Are you seriously quoting the FamilyStyle commercial?” Sai asked incredulously.
Faye grinned. “And if I am?”
Sai attempted to tackle Faye, only for her to back away.
“Don’t crush the dumplings!”
“Dumplings?” Ariyoshi asked.
“Dumplings?” S’iven echoed.
“Dumplings??!” I’valia all but yelled, turning away from the yeast cell replica that Hythlodaeus had just created.
“Great, we’re eating dumplings like a family,” S’iven remarked. “What could ever go wrong?”
They were perfectly capable of turning dumplings into a minor disaster, it seemed. But as the night went on, the now mostly-empty boxes of dumplings and fried rice and carrot cake and the various other items Faye had bought ended up pushed to the side. At the top of a tower in the distance, someone was doing a countdown on an illuminated screen. As the minutes ticked by, they quieted down, reflecting on the past year, the places they had explored, the friendships they had forged.
“You know, we kind of are like a family,” I’valia remarked. “Su’s the mother and the rest of us are the kids.”
“Sibling dynamics for real,” Ariyoshi agreed.
“I’m glad I met all of you,” Su admitted, “and yes, even you, Hela, despite the fact that you’ve pinned half of us to the wall at our first meetings.”
“Love you too,” Hela teased.
11:59:50, the clock read, before the display changed.
“Hey, look!” Sai exclaimed, pointing across the ocean of twinkling lights below at the tower in the distance.
10.
9.
8.
They joined in on the countdown.
“Seven!”
“Six!”
“Five!”
“Four!”
“Three!”
“Two!”
“One!”
Through the open window, shouts of well wishes could be heard from the crowd outside.
“Welcome to 2024, you degenerates,” Hades commented fondly.
The rest of them cheered. “Happy new year!!”