Chapter Text
Kyle and Cartman were walking home from school together, as they were neighbors and lived across from each other. Walking home with a friend was a good way to pass the time and get home faster than expected. However, today was somewhat different. It was a cause of strangeness for the school students right from the morning, who looked at them with surprise and curiosity as they passed by. They walked calmly with their hands united and fingers intertwined. Stan and Kenny followed them into the school, finding it quite normal. Which was also odd.
When they arrived minutes before the start of classes, their classmates and the students in the hallway couldn't help but whisper and point at the unusual scene. Some wondered if it was some kind of joke or challenge between them, while others theorized about what could be happening between the two declared arch-rivals.
"What's going on with those two?" Red asked, seeing them enter.
"I have no idea, but it's weird, isn't it?" Annie responded.
"They fought so much and now they're faggy?" Bebe said, putting her hands on her hips.
As rumors spread like wildfire through the school, more and more students witnessed Kyle and Cartman holding hands, their eyes wide at the sight of the former archrivals.
To everyone's surprise, the usual insults and provocations between them were somewhat absent. Instead, they talked and laughed together like old friends that they always had been, during the classes they shared and break time.
Well, it was the beginning of a relationship where, in each other's eyes, there were no flaws. All their lives, even before Kyle and Cartman joined hands to hold and caress each other, they were kept apart by external factors they obeyed but didn’t understand, and they took that as the norm. Dealing with their flaws and issues before there was any kind of campaign to ensure the crush.
"Do you think they're secretly dating or something?" Scott Malkinson speculated.
"Nah, can't be. It's probably just a troll." Clyde commented.
"Maybe they want us to give them money or they just want our attention. Or both." Jason added.
"Could be." Douglas shrugged.
That was how it went the entire day. Kyle and Eric were closer than ever, breaking the barriers of friendship to make way for something else and gain more intimacy. Holding hands while walking and always gazing at each other — not very discreetly — when they were a few meters apart.
However, for them, the connection they were forming was much more than just a simple prank or an attempt to attract attention. It was something genuine and special, a friendship transforming into something deeper.
And there they were, walking hand in hand to their homes. When they stopped on the sidewalk in front of Kyle's house, they sighed. Neither wanted to see the other leave.
"Well, I guess this is it," the chubby one said awkwardly.
"Yeah..." Kyle let go of his boyfriend's large hand, feeling awkward.
"So, goodbye?"
"Goodbye."
As Kyle finished speaking, he was surprised when his chubby boyfriend wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close to his large body.
Broflovski was startled by the sudden touch but soon remembered that, unlike him, Eric had this odd habit of showing affection in public. If he was going to seriously date this asshole, he'd have to get used to it and learn to deal with it for when they got married.
Eric had no siblings or father, just one person for company – his mother, and she was neglectful to unimaginable levels. So, he was always alone if not with his friends. He played with his toys alone, played video games alone, watched TV alone, and even talked to himself. This made him clingy and affectionate, craving the touch and attention of his future partners. But it wasn't all bad – for now – after all, Kyle only wanted what was best for Eric, to protect him and make him happy. Hugging him in the toughest moments was what the redhead wanted most.
The one in the green Ushanka had no choice but to reciprocate and embrace his shoulders, pressing their cheeks together, savoring his warmth and his grip, assured that Cartman was there, safe and well with him.
"Thanks for being so understanding with me," the brunette whispered.
"Don't mention it," Kyle replied, embarrassed, his cheeks blushing as red as his hair. "I'm here for that!"
"Did you see how everyone was looking at us?" Cartman asked randomly, his voice laden with worry.
"How could I not? From now on, everyone's going to stare at us whenever we're together."
Eric released the redhead's face and his own, still embracing him and holding him by the waist. He looked down at the ground.
"Babe, I know we planned to play online together, and that would count as a date, but there's been a change of plans. I'm going to bed early tonight, okay?"
"Huh? Why?" Kyle was confused.
"Because my mom is working tonight. So, I'm going to sleep early and with the earplugs I bought on Amazon, so I don't hear anything, absolutely nothing."
Kyle raised his eyebrows, a mix of surprise and amusement crossing his face.
"Earplugs? Seriously, Cartman? Can't you just say you don't want to play tonight?"
Eric shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed.
"It's just... well, you know how it is. My mom is a noise-making machine when she comes home with a new boyfriend. And honestly, I just want a peaceful night's sleep without her moaning."
"Okay, that's too much information, even for you," Kyle couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriend's disarming honesty. "But alright, I understand. Go have a moan-free night's sleep."
"I'm off then," Cartman said, moving away to cross the street towards his house, which was literally in front of Kyle's. "See you later, love!"
"Bye! Text me when you get home!"
"Will do!" said the brunette, waving.
"Kyle, why are you smiling like that?" Sheila Broflovski asked inquisitively.
"Huh?" He snapped out of his daze and looked at the older redhead, slipping his phone into his pocket. "Oh, it's nothing, Mom. Just Eric being a goof, as usual."
"Ah, I see. And what did he say this time?"
Kyle's cheeks flushed even more, and he felt a bit embarrassed. His mother had known from day one that he was dating Eric Theodore Cartman, but it was still hard to get used to. He had always thought she would be against homosexual relationships within her family. And now here she was, supporting him, wanting to know all the details to follow the new dramatic romance her son was starring in. It seemed too good to be true.
"I'd rather not say."
"Oh, okay." She responded, picking up a dustpan to resume her cleaning.
"I'm going upstairs, okay? I'll be back down to eat in a bit."
Sheila nodded and the redheaded boy ascended the stairs to the bathroom for a shower, cleansing himself of the day's grime. This was one of his quirks, this discomfort with feeling unclean.
Well, the only thing Eric Cartman lacked to complete the stereotype of a gay child was that he couldn't care less about the bacteria that surrounded his body. Excessive cleanliness was the main characteristic of the gay stereotype that Kyle carried with him, and nobody ever suspected anything. They just needed to have paid attention to his room.
After bathing and dressing, Kyle arrived in the kitchen where Mrs. Broflovski was placing bread, juices, and fillings on the table for his snack. Hearing Kyle's footsteps, she turned and smiled at her son.
"Hi, dear. How was your day?" she asked, her smile warm and welcoming.
"Hi, Mom." The redheaded boy returned the smile. "It was a pretty insane day. Eric and I decided to go public with our serious commitment to the whole school at once, but it left us with mixed feelings about doing it."
"Ah, I see…"
"Everyone was staring at us, doubting if it was even real… I think even Eric felt uncomfortable about what they were thinking of him. I felt really weird. Suddenly I'm a celebrity who came out as gay to grab attention, as everyone thinks we do. But it's not like that… It was hard for me. Because both in the Torah and the Bible, it says that a man lying with another man is an abomination."
"You don't need to worry about that, dear. People will get used to it over time."
"Who would've thought, his own mother once said that God hates gay people. Everyone says that all the time!"
"You know, Kyle… Can I say something?" the redhead asked, embarrassed.
"Yes, mom. What is it?" he asked, bringing his glass of juice to his mouth.
"Well, it's just that…" She looked up and around, apprehensively. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. "I'm really happy about your relationship."
The boy in the green ushanka blushed violently.
"Really?"
"Yes. And your father too. I spoke to him on the phone while he's away on business. We're happy and proud that you're no longer repressing your feelings towards boys and towards Eric."
Kyle placed his hand on his cheek and rested his elbow on the table, thoughtful.
"You guys are okay with us? I mean, even knowing all the bad stuff he's done to me, to redheads, and our people?" he asked in a whisper.
"After many strange episodes with Mr. Garrison accepting himself as gay for everyone, people started getting used to his craziness and about some states' legislation for the protection against hate crimes towards people like him. And then more people like that started revealing themselves to us, including your classmates Tweek and Craig being gay." Sheila smiled faintly. "They make such a cute couple of opposites!"
"Mom, I know God doesn't like me anymore, but it's inside me. I didn't want to accept myself and the fact that I love Eric too. It all happened so fast and suddenly…"
"Yes, but society changes. We have to change. We are not the same, not even for a moment. I was from New Jersey, but now I'm from South Park, right?" Sheila asked, smiling tenderly. "Don't mind the way people look at you when you're holding hands. Your father and I will support you."
Kyle swallowed hard and smiled, holding back tears. But now was not the time for that.
"I… never imagined that one day we would hug and not be able to stay away from each other. It's killing me." He laughed sadly.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah. We even planned to play together today and team up to level up together." He looked sad. "But it's not going to happen today."
"Why not?"
"Because his mom is working tonight and he's already planned to go to bed early."
"Ah, Ms. Cartman is going out and leaving him alone?" She worried. "What if someone breaks in and commits robbery followed by murder while he's asleep?"
Kyle quickly cut Sheila off and her paranoia about her son-in-law, whom she cared for and saw a reflection of her young self in.
"Calm down, mom. It's not like that. He's used to Ms. Cartman bringing a client into the house for the service and getting paid there." He shrugged repeatedly. "It's routine, their usual. It's okay, he'll survive."
Sheila looked indignantly at her eldest son and furrowed her eyebrows in anger.
Eric, who was lying on his bed listening to music and critiquing the low-budget production of the music videos, was surprised when his screen showed that Kyle was calling. He pressed the green button and put the iPhone to his ear.
"Hi, sweetie!" he said sarcastically. "Miss me already and had to call? That's so cute coming from you, Kahl," he added with a mocking laugh at the end.
"No, dumbass," Kyle replied in a bored, impatient voice, even though just minutes earlier he had been confiding in his mother, Sheila, about how he couldn't stand being away from his beloved. "My mom wants me to ask: 'Do you want to sleep over at my place, hang out with me and Ike, and then go to school together the next day?'"
Broflovski's voice sounded as bored as Craig's, indicating he might be telling the truth, and Cartman raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Wow, things are getting pretty serious, huh! Why is my mother-in-law trying to play Cupid all of a sudden?" Cartman continued to laugh, obviously amused by the situation.
"It's not like that, fatass. She wants Ike to keep an eye on us," Kyle rolled his eyes. "I just mentioned what you said earlier, and my mom wants you to let your mom do her thing without you being around, and she wants you to feel at home here."
There was another brief silence before Eric finally responded.
"Well, if that's what she wants, who am I to say no? I'll come over, but just to keep the mother-in-law happy, okay?" he said, mockingly trying to act tough. The idea of spending more time with Kyle excited and surprised him, and knowing that Kyle's mom was trying to help them made him even more enthusiastic.
"Great. Pack your stuff and come over."
Eric nodded, said goodbye to his lover, and ended the call with the red button. Kyle looked at the ceiling, happy to have Eric in his life and grateful for his mother's acceptance of their relationship.
Cartman grabbed his backpack, stuffed his notebooks, pajamas, and toothbrush inside. He decided to take a shower and comb his hair to look presentable for sleeping over at his boyfriend's house. But soon he put on his classic cold-weather clothes, and all his efforts to look presentable went down the drain.
"Mom! I'm going to play video games at a friend's house!" he yelled around the house, with no response. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon when I get out of hell!"
He went downstairs and out the front door. His mother couldn't care less. Or rather, she could. He still hadn't told her about his fling with Kyle, his years-long archrival with a history of fights and hatred targeted at redheads and/or Jews, all witnessed by Liane Cartman.
He preferred not to tell her yet, unless he felt that their relationship had a chance of working out. It was still very new, and he was still traumatized by what he had felt in his previous relationship with Heidi Turner, even though he wouldn't admit it out loud to Kyle or anyone else.
Upon arriving at the Broflovskis', Eric rang the doorbell and was greeted by Mrs. Broflovski, who seemed quite happy to see him. The chubby boy had even combed his straight, brown hair to look presentable for his mother-in-law. Kyle, who had come down to greet him too, immediately started asking.
"I'm doing the homework, but what did you answer for the fifth question?"
Cartman was confused. Why was Kyle, who was so smart, suddenly asking him for homework help?
"Well, I don't know... I haven't even opened my notebook."
"How come you haven't opened your notebook?!" The redhead's expression changed quite quickly, and he got angry. "This is on the test, why aren't you doing it?"
"Come on, sweetie... I hated that subject. I didn't understand anything." He rolled his eyes sarcastically. "In my opinion, that Indian guy Bhaskara was just a lazy and jobless man, with a damn uncontrollable ADHD, who existed just to make our lives miserable in school."
"It doesn't matter if you don't like the subject, you have to learn it and answer it in the test later!"
The chubby one took a deep breath in and out. While his boyfriend crossed his arms, Sheila observed the couple's argument from a distance and decided to help.
"If that's the problem, why don't you do the homework together?"
The boys looked up, only now noticing that Kyle's mom was listening to them.
"Ah, well, it won't work." Eric lamented, disconcerted. "I haven't even started, and you must be almost done with the homework. With me here, you'll never finish your notebook."
"Nonsense, I'll get my stuff, and we'll do it."
Broflovski ran to his room — with his legs closed — to fetch his pencils and notebook and brought them to the first floor of the house. The two boyfriends sat at the dining table with their things and began to work.
"Okay, what don't you know about the theory so I can see where to start?"
"Well..." The brunette felt embarrassed, but it was better to speak now than later and not understand anything. "I don't know anything."
"Ah, damn it, Eric!!" shouted the boy in the green ushanka, looking up with a lot of anger.
He stopped acting like a jerk when he looked down again and caught a glimpse of his mother staring at him with rigidity and disgust. She knew very well that Cartman wasn't easy to deal with, but she knew her son well enough to tell everyone that he wasn't easy either. And acting lazily, carelessly, and indifferently to his boyfriend's problem was one of his difficulties.
"I mean..." He softened his voice. "But what do you mean, you don't know anything?"
"Mr. Garrison explained the subject, I saw him doing the same problem a zillion times, but it wasn't sinking in, you know?"
"Do I have to explain the theory to you, again?" Kyle asked, sarcastic and tired.
"Yes. And while you're at it, explain to me why we have to solve this useless crap. I have a better idea: invent an Artificial Intelligence to solve it for us and give me more time to make a huge sandwich for the two of us."
"I heard that Bhaskara's formula is used by scientists and engineers." Broflovski thought a bit because he also didn't like that problem. "Well, that explains why I'll never be a scientist or engineer."
"See?" He asked, picking up his pencil and eraser to start doing the exercises.
"You can use the formula to calculate loans or investments. For example, to find out how much money you'll have in the future if you invest a certain amount with an interest rate."
Kyle knew he would need this later when he worked and had his salary. He is Jewish, and according to the stereotype, Jews love money more than anything. Just talking about money, Eric's eyes widened.
"Forget what I said, teach me this thing and then apply a monetary situation to make it easier."
Time passed, and the boys were playing Mortal Kombat after having dinner made by Mrs. Broflovski, with Cartman feeling as welcomed as possible. They always ate healthy food, something he never imagined in his life. But he had to please his mother-in-law and was eating at someone else's house.
What else could he do? He was sure he would stay awake for a long time into the night, feeling his huge belly rumble with hunger as if an ogre were sleeping inside.
Sheila Broflovski was happy that, although they were dating, the two acted like a couple and talked like grown-ups. Even though they might say she was old-fashioned, nothing they did was risqué; it was mostly just friendship.
"Ike, can you buzz off and leave us alone?" Kyle asked, furiously, even though the younger boy wasn't doing anything but watching short videos on TikTok.
The Canadian boy, pissed off, flipped him off with a scowl and stormed off with his enormous head bobbing.
"Do you think I'm happy? Mom made me stay here, you know?!"
Eric heard a growl, even though there were no dogs around.
"Don't fight over me, Broflovskis. I know you both love me." Eric gave a sarcastic laugh at the end of the sentence, interpreting a possible jealousy between them for wanting the chubby guy all to themselves.
Oh, poor thing…
"No, honey. It's not you." Kyle said. "It's Ike here being annoying."
"You jerks!" the younger one complained.
"What's going on?" Sheila asked from the kitchen, puzzled.
Kyle felt his butt clench.
"Nothing, Mom." He waved his hands to deny.
When the redhead believed it was just a childish squabble, she shrugged and went back to what she was doing. The couple glared at Ike, the living third wheel, who returned the look.
Kyle sighed, defeated. The only way to comply with his mother's order without causing a fight was for the three of them to do something together.
He grabbed the TV remote, browsing through the Netflix catalog to find something interesting, but Kyle asked him to stop when they came across a new movie titled…
"Nimona?" Kyle asked, confused. "Never heard of it."
"A lot of people were saying the protagonist is gender-fluid and it's something about 'being a monster'. I got that spoiler. Wanna watch it, since we're not doing anything?"
"Alright, sure..."
Kyle pressed the play button, noting that the movie's duration would at least last until the time his mother would order them to go to sleep. Suddenly, he felt his beloved Cartman lay his head on his shoulder. The redhead smiled, placing his hand behind his neck and resting it on the chubby shoulder to watch the movie together, cuddled up. Ike looked on, finding it very strange and disgusting, but continued watching the movie.
The film began with a story being told for millennia and passed down through generations. Then we arrive at the present era. A medieval world where electronic devices existed amidst it all. The animation was quite poor and lacked filters, but the story was so intriguing that the three agreed to overlook this.
Eric even laughed when he commented that he saw Kyle acting just like the obnoxious way the antagonist treated the female protagonist. Wanting to be right about what he believed. Trying to protect everyone from the unknown.
Kyle, on the other hand, saw the protagonist's actions throughout the movie as something similar, yet family-friendly, to what he saw in Eric. A different being that everyone hates, yet he just wants to have fun. That's what it's about and it's okay.
The couple was even moved by the ending. It was exactly what they were trying to do and no one around them understood. Over time, Eric was changing for the better and Kyle was changing for the worse. And if they felt more in love because of it, it was impossible. Although it was indeed possible.
Sheila ordered the three to go to sleep around ten o'clock, so they would wake up well for school the next day.
Cartman was going to sleep on a spare mattress on the floor next to Kyle's bed, which his redhead found strange why they hadn't done this from the start when cousin Kyle Schwartz came to their house and annoyed Broflovski to no end with his "New York problems" in relation to a small town and the redhead wasn't even trying to help the place become a little more pleasant. Eric fluffed up the pillow to make it nice and comfy and lay down, covering himself.
"Good night, boys." Mrs. Broflovski appeared with her head in the doorway to see them.
"Good night, Mom." The redhead in the green hat spoke, pulling his own blanket up.
"Thanks for letting me sleep here, Mrs. Broflovski." Thanked the brunette, in that cute and manipulative way everyone knows when they see him use it for his own benefit. Except Kyle.
"Think nothing of it, Eric. You're welcome here anytime." The adult redhead said, kindly.
"But not too often." Kyle rolled his eyes. He was tired of having Cartman entering his room obsessively, but now he didn't need to anymore. The door was even more open for him to be welcomed. Thank God.
"Sleep well and leave the door open."
The boys nodded and each turned to their side, seeking comfort to enter the world of dreams. However, something was bothering Eric, causing him to toss and turn due to the energy within him.
"Kahl," he called out to his boyfriend. "Kahl, are you asleep, love?"
"With you pestering me, no," Kyle whispered angrily. He turned to face his chubby one. "What is it, fatass?"
"You know, not that I'm taking advantage of your kindness, at least I honestly hope not, you know..."
Broflovski already wanted to tell him to shut up and go to sleep with all that wordy beating around the bush. Can you believe it? At bedtime, this fatso wants to talk!
"I have to confess something. I never imagined Mrs. Broflovski would treat me this well. I'm feeling kind of weird."
Kyle listened to Eric's words and sat up to face him in the darkness. Their eyes met, and he saw a mix of emotions on his boyfriend's face. Surprise, gratitude, and a touch of uncertainty that made him anxious.
"Yeah, I get what you mean. I thought it was weird at first too," Kyle admitted. "But I think my mom is really trying to be more understanding in accepting that we're together."
Cartman nodded, still unsettled.
"Yeah, but after everything that's happened... She can still be nice to me." He pulled the blanket up over his nose, leaving only his eyes peering out. "I just hope she's not being fake, you know?"
"She's your neighbor. It's normal for her to know about your life and care about what happens in your house."
Kyle didn't like it when his loved one felt insecure about something that hurt him. With his protective instinct, he left his own bed to place his feet on Eric's makeshift bed. The brunette noticed Kyle approaching and decided to scoot over. But he didn't expect Broflovski to sit and arrange the blanket to lie down next to him.
"Kyle?" he asked, puzzled by his boyfriend looking at the ceiling.
"I've thought that maybe she hates the evil side of her from Jersey and decided to learn to deal with it. Sometimes it shows up to fight, and you can't imagine what she does to me. But I thought maybe her Jersey side could be this same evil side of South Park that you still have as a kid."
The brunette nodded in agreement. He recognized that what he said made sense. There was still a lot he needed to work on in psychiatric consultations to be this close to Kyle without hurting him. However, there was still the fact that he knew Kyle well enough to see that his boyfriend wasn't entirely happy.
"So, believe it or not, she just wants what's best for you. Even if you've called her a fat whore, old redhead, disgusting Jew, or whatever else." Broflovski whispered, smiling. "She likes you because you're important to me, idiot."
Kyle smiled softly and caressed Eric's face, who closed his heterochromatic eyes to enjoy the affection.
"I love you, Kyle. This is much better than having stayed at home and gone to sleep before everyone else."
"I love you too. Now sleep. We have school early tomorrow."
"Okay, you're the boss." He shrugged, and the two hugged and snuggled into each other. The brunette holding the slim waist of his beloved, and the redhead holding the round face of the other until they fell asleep.