Chapter Text
BUTCHER OF BALTIMORE CAPTURED!
In a shocking turn of events, the ‘Butcher of Baltimore,’ the serial killer whose trademark is dismemberment (‘butchering’), and who is assumed to be guilty of 100+ murders in Maryland, has finally been revealed as a 16 year old local*. After a tip-off called in by the killer’s frightened father, the FBI broke into the family home but were unfortunately too late to save the killer’s parents, who were both killed via The Butcher’s preferred method of dismemberment. More details to come as we have them.
*due to child protection laws, this person’s name cannot yet be released.
**
So, twins.
The general consensus is that there’s a kind of telepathy, kind of intuition. A kind of unique equilibrium only possible when one is a perfect half of a perfect whole.
Except Aaron doesn’t know he’s a twin. Except Aaron doesn’t know he’s half of a whole. Except Aaron grows up, alone, and he doesn’t know he’s lopsided.
When Aaron learns about Andrew – almost fourteen, and his brain already mostly developed – it’s too late for equilibrium. Aaron and Andrew’s relationship becomes an uneasy hourglass where one of them pours into the other, and then the other one pours into the other, and at any given time, one of them is empty.
Aaron learns about Andrew, even though he’s not meant to. The startled surprise of the police officer (Andrew’s police offer) sets him spinning, and Aaron tips the hourglass, and he finds Andrew, and he writes to him, and he sends his uncle to bring him home from juvie.
Andrew arrives, blank and gaunt and sharp enough to cut, and now Andrew tips the hourglass – Andrew sits in Aaron’s childhood home, in the home he was a single child in, and Andrew asks Aaron question after question about himself, and then he follows Aaron to school and positions himself at his shoulder as protector.
It’s Aaron’s turn next, and he thinks long and hard how to protect Andrew back. He decides to teach Andrew the thing he knows best – how to survive his mother. He teaches Andrew how to diffuse her, how to avoid her, how to calm her quickly. Aaron teaches him everything he’s learned, and Aaron expects Andrew to be as grateful to him as he is to Andrew.
Instead, when it’s Andrew’s turn, Andrew does it all wrong, and instead of sidestepping, instead of enduring her, Andrew inflames their mother into the worst version of herself. Andrew says that this is him taking care of Aaron – but his mother is too scared of Andrew to hit him, and so now Aaron endures not only his own punishments, but Andrew’s too.
The car crashes, and Andrew ends up in the hospital, and Tilda ends up in the morgue, and Aaron wants Andrew to reach for him, needs Andrew to reach for him – but it’s Aaron’s turn, isn’t it? So Aaron compacts his ache into the cluster of nerves jammed behind his eyeballs, and Aaron reaches for Andrew instead. Are you okay? He asks. What do you need?
It’s Andrew’s turn next, but he doesn’t take it. Nicky comes instead, and Andrew’s turn gets postponed, because Nicky’s takes it instead.
It’s still Andrew’s turn, but now Nicky finds them a home, and Nicky finds them jobs, and Nicky builds them a life, and it’s still Andrew’s turn, but when Aaron starts high school again, instead of standing at Aaron’s shoulder, Andrew stays home and teaches himself to blow smoke rings.
Aaron finishes grade eleven, and it’s still Andrew’s turn.
Aaron finishes grade twelve, and it’s still Andrew’s turn.
Aaron graduates, Aaron gets accepted into college, Aaron goes, and it’s all still Andrew’s turn.
Eventually, Aaron has no choice but to acknowledge that the twin bond is a myth. There is no special equilibrium, not even an uneasy hourglass one. Aaron will tell himself to stop waiting, and that it doesn’t matter to him what Andrew does. Aaron will tell himself that he believed himself to be an only child most of his life, and Aaron will tell himself that if he did it once, he can do it again.
**
So, the trouble with Katelyn Mackenzie is that she’s excruciatingly beautiful, and ten times smarter than him, and these two factors alone should be enough to thoroughly dismantle his crush – but for some reason, she is talking to him again, and if she keeps approaching him , he’s not going to walk away first.
“Okay, but think about it,” Katelyn says, and her face is so bright, and so warm, Aaron feels like curling into her like a leaf.
“About…”
“Joining cheer,” Katelyn says, as if this is not ridiculous.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Why not?”
Aaron is… flabbergasted. “I can’t, that, why would I do that?”
Katelyn shrugs a shoulder, challenge alight in her expression. “Why wouldn’t you?
“I… I’m not…” Aaron doesn’t want to say it. “You know… I’m not a… a…”
“A?” Katelyn raises one perfectly plucked eyebrow.
“A…” He coughs. “A girl , you know.”
Katelyn tsks at him.
“Boys can be cheerleaders, Aaron Minyard. Don’t be boring.”
Aaron is even more flabbergasted.
“Try again. You don’t want to be a cheerleader,” Katelyn prompts, “because…”
Aaron opens and closes his mouth several times.
“Because… I’m not… flexible enough?”
Katelyn nods. “Okay, I’ll accept that.” She dimples at him. “Though, that is a fixable problem. Stretching is a thing, you know.”
Aaron still can’t quite find his feet.
“I… yes. But I… don’t want to?”
Katelyn nods again, face solemn. “Very valid.”
They are standing in the hall outside their Thursday biochem class. When Kate pulled him aside on his way out with a “hey, can I ask you a question?”, he did not anticipate her asking him to join the cheer team.
“Okay listen,” Katelyn says, and Aaron cannot even fathom what is going to come out of her mouth next. “If you’re not going to join cheer, then we need something else to do together.”
“I… what?”
At this point, Aaron should just keep his mouth closed, so that he stops gaping like an earthed fish.
“I want to see you. My schedule is stupid, with school and with cheer, but there’s gotta be a way?”
Aaron is still stuck on ‘I want to see you.’
“You want to… do stuff… with me?”
Katelyn nods firmly. “Yes.”
“But… why?” Aaron asks, completely at a loss.
“Because I like you,” Katelyn says, like it’s obvious. “I like when we have class together.”
“You… do?”
Another firm nod. “Absolutely. And the other pre-meds are dumbasses, and we need each other.”
We need each other .
“Unless I’m reading this wrong,” Katelyn says, sounding suddenly unsure. “I know I come on too strong sometimes. All the time. Tell me to go away, and I will.”
Aaron stumbles over himself with the speed he tries to get words out of his mouth. “No. I. That. Not. Please. No. Not go away.”
Katelyn laughs once – delighted, relieved – and they look at each other, and Aaron thinks they are wearing matching blushes.
“Would you, uh,” Aaron says, “want to, uh, study. Together. I mean. The two of us. We could. Um. Study?”
“Yes,” Katelyn says, very fast.
“Okay,” Aaron says, flushed.
“Okay,” Katelyn says back.
And then they smile at each other, awkward, and Aaron thinks this may be the best day of his life.
“So, now it’s the two of us, against the world,” Kate beams. “Well, against a cohort full of morons,” she amends. “A cohort full of future doctors who are morons.”
The two of us, against the world.
“Yeah,” Aaron says. And then again, grinning, “Yeah.”
Katelyn laughs again, and holds out her pinky at him. Aaron, socially deprived child that he was (that he is), has no idea what she means by it.
“Put your pinky in mine, you dork. We’re pinky-promising, and those promises are unbreakable.”
Aaron puts his pinky through hers, maybe a little awkwardly. Katelyn smiles again, a little lopsided, and Aaron, reflexively, smiles back.
**
Aaron is very aware that in their game of ‘whose turn is it to care,’ the ball is currently in Andrew’s court, and Andrew doesn’t like when Aaron has friends who aren’t family, and Andrew likes even less when those friends are girls.
So, Aaron doesn’t tell him. At first.
It’s just…
Being friends with Katelyn is so bright, and so easy, and so good. It’s the zing of unlikely camaraderie, and the surprise shortcut of deep friendship that comes quicker than you expect. Ever since Andrew’s appearance in his life, Aaron has never had a friendship outside his brother’s supervision. He never had the kind of high school friendships other people have, the kind they keep and keep and keep post-graduation.
Aaron meets Kate, and Kate becomes college to him, and Kate becomes friendship to him, and he should tell Andrew, probably. He should tell Nicky, definitely. He knows that not saying anything reads like he’s ashamed of her, and he’s not ashamed. (He’s actually so proud he feels like bursting.)
Katelyn says ‘ two of us against the world ,’ and Aaron comes home, still blushing, still beaming, and the words are on the tip of his tongue.
“I met a girl,” he almost says. “I think she’s important. I think she’s going to be really important.”
Except he opens his mouth, and Andrew levels that unimpressed look at him, and Andrew has driven off every girl who has ever been important to him (has insulted them, has mocked them, has threatened them at knife point).
The words are on the tip of his tongue, and instead he says,
“How was Eden’s? Good shift?”
Andrew grunts and looks away, and doesn’t answer. Aaron shrugs like it doesn’t matter. (It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. If it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t hurt.)
“I’m gonna go study,” he says, and leaves the room without saying goodbye, and takes out his phone to talk to Katelyn instead.
**
“What are you doing for your elective next semester?” Katelyn asks.
They’re partway through their second year. They’ve got their books, and far too many papers, and the coloured cue cards Katelyn is fond of, all spread out in front of them on the floor of Katelyn’s living room. One of Katelyn’s roommates is poking around in the kitchen, and Aaron should really know her name by now, but he really doesn’t.
Aaron worries the edge of his textbook. “Okay, don’t laugh at me.”
“Aaron, I will not laugh at you.”
“You might.”
Katelyn’s face is very solemn. “I promise I will not.”
Aaron sighs. “Okay.”
“Wait,” Katelyn says, eyes brightening. “Can I guess?”
“My elective?”
“Yeah.”
Aaron shrugs. He leans his head in his hand, and feels a tug in his chest when Katelyn unconsciously mirrors him.
“Philosophy of Math?”
“Ha,” he laughs. “No.”
“Christian Symbolism in Contemporary TV?”
“Yeah no.”
“Um…” Katelyn scrunches up her face really tightly, in what Aaron now knows is her concentrating face. Eventually, she sighs in defeat. “Yeah I got nothing. Is it one of those pop culture classes? Anthropology of the Simpsons, or whatever?”
Aaron takes a moment too long to respond (He has become unfortunately distracted by Katelyn’s lips. He slaps himself internally. Focus, man ).
“Um, I was thinking about criminology,” Aaron finally admits.
Kate tilts her head. “Why is that embarrassing?”
Aaron pulls himself up to sitting.
“The Intro To Crim next semester is focussed on the criminal justice system.”
“Okay?”
Aaron wraps his arms around his drawn up knees. It’s the way he sits most often at the house when he, Andrew and Nicky share the living room. He tells himself it is not a protective posture.
“My brother went to juvie,” Aaron says, too fast, avoiding her eyes. “I don’t really get him. I thought that if I… Yeah, never mind, it’s stupid.”
Now Katelyn sits up.
“K, that’s not stupid. Actually, that’s very beautiful.”
“He probably won’t care,” Aaron says, and he still can’t meet Kate’s eyes. He holds his knees maybe a little tighter.
Katelyn scooches a little closer, so she can put her hand on his knee. Her hands always run a little warm – he can feel her touch through the fabric of his jeans.
“But part of you must think he might?” Kate tries, “For you to even think of it?”
“I don’t know, maybe,” Aaron says, and Katelyn’s hand squeezes his knee.
He finally looks at her, feeling overexposed, and Katelyn smiles that little uneven smile he’s only ever seen her smile at him.
“Would it make you feel better or worse if we took it together?”
“Better,” Aaron says immediately. “Five thousand times better.”
Katelyn smiles wider.
“Okay,” Katelyn says, and that thing in his chest that is tied to her tugs a little harder, “let’s go fall in love with criminology!”
**
“I am not in love with criminology,” Katelyn says, two weeks into CRIM 1000: Introduction to Criminal System. “I think I actively hate criminology.”
Aaron is inclined to agree. The material is dry and depressing, and their teacher is an older white man who derails their lectures constantly with stories about his ‘friends on the force.’ Two weeks in, Aaron thinks he’s already got his takeaway – the American legal system is shit.
“We could drop it,” Aaron suggests. He roots through his bag for his calendar. “I don’t think we’ve passed the cut off yet.”
Katelyn puts her hand on his arm to stop him. Her fingers linger maybe a little too long. This is something they’ve been trying lately: casual, friendly, platonic touch. They are both pretending that they touch anyone else as much as they’ve been touching each other.
“Aaron,” Kate says, and then, with emphasis: “ Andrew .”
Aaron wants to groan. Katelyn is very good at keeping him accountable, and he appreciates it, and also he hates it.
“It’s going to go bad, Katelyn. It always goes bad.”
“Weren’t you taking this for him?” She purses her lips. “Please tell me we are taking this horrible course for a reason.”
Now Aaron does groan. “Kate, I don’t want to talk to him. He’s going to judge me.”
“Sounds like he already does that all the time.”
“Exactly.”
Katelyn tilts her head at him. “You think this will be worse than usual?”
Aaron shrugs, perhaps too emphatically. “I don’t know.”
“I’m projecting,” Katelyn says, “but maybe you think it might be better than usual? And that’s what’s scary?”
Aaron puts his head in his hands. Kate puts her arm around his shoulders tentatively, and he softens into her. He thinks he likes her touch maybe more than he should.
“You are so much braver than you think,” she says quietly to him.
For some reason, this puts tears in Aaron’s eyes. He blinks, hard, until his eyes clear.
“You’re not going to let me get away with not doing this, are you?” Aaron asks.
Katelyn squeezes him a little tighter.
“Stop writing your essay here with me,” Kate says. “Go home and work on it there. We’re learning about juvie. Maybe Andrew will help you, if you ask.”
“My brother will not talk to me about juvie for an essay .”
Kate stands, pulls her backpack on, and looks at him, eyes calculating.
“If you talk to him about it, I’ll buy you ice cream. And if he’s an asshole, I’ll buy you fries too, and even pretend I don’t think it’s gross when you dip them in.”
Aaron feels his face pull into a smile. “How about if he’s an asshole, you have to eat the fries dipped in ice cream, and I get to laugh at your this-is-gross face?”
Kate rolls her eyes. “That sounds horrible. Okay.”
“Okay,” Aaron says, smiling, and Katelyn holds out her hand, and he takes it.
(Okay, so this is also something they are doing now. Hand holding can be platonic though. It’s platonic. Just a nice little platonic hand holding, and it doesn’t mean anything. Definitely not.)
**
Even with Katelyn’s urging, Aaron gets home late. In a rare turn of events, Aaron even gets home last.
When he comes in the front door, Andrew and Nicky are both still wearing their black work clothes, and are nearly liquefied in the living room. Andrew’s bartender apron hangs off the back of his chair, and Nicky’s dark hair is matted to his forehead with sweat. As usual, they are both unintentionally dusted with club glitter.
“Bad shift?” Aaron asks.
Nicky grumbles something incomprehensible. Andrew says nothing at all.
Aaron takes off his shoes, hangs his coat on the back of the door. Feeling like he’s carrying a live bomb, he carries his backpack over with him to his usual spot.
“So I’m taking a criminology class,” Aaron starts.
Aaron watches Nicky rally himself from exhaustion into support.
“That’s so cool, Aaron!”
Andrew does not turn his way. His eyes are fixed on the TV, which would make more sense if the TV were actually turned on.
“We’re studying the juvie system right now,” Aaron says, and watches Andrew’s shoulders tense, just so.
“To be honest,” Aaron says, slowly, tentatively, “the whole system seems fucking useless.”
Andrew laughs once, harshly, and Aaron is so fucking proud of himself.
“I have to write this paper,” Aaron says, bolder. “For this unit. On the benefits of juvie. Stupid right?”
(Aaron tries to sound casual. He hopes his phrasing doesn’t belie how much he’s practiced this exact sentence.)
For a moment, it seems like Andrew won’t respond. Aaron’s cheeks heat, and his moment of pride dissipates, and he thinks, I am trying so fucking hard. Will you try just a little bit?
“That is stupid,” Andrew says, without inflection, and Aaron is so deep in his own mental gripes he actually jumps.
“Right?” Aaron jumps back in, maybe too eagerly. “Like what’s the point? Rehabilitation for youth? Yeah right.” Aaron is going off script now, but Andrew’s actually listening, and Aaron will not lose his attention while he has it.
“You know what juvie is?” Aaron continues, and he stabs a finger at his textbook, open to the chapter on Juvenile Detention in the USA. “It’s a fucking trauma factory, where adults on a power trip can exert their right to punish children who are not their own. It’s fucking despicable .”
Aaron maybe undercuts his own vehemence with the searching look he throws at Andrew immediately after, but he can’t help it. Was that your experience, Aaron wants to ask . What do you think? What am I missing?
But they’re having a conversation, kind of, and Aaron’s not going to risk it. He feels strangely giddy with just this.
“But surely, we… need juvie?” Nicky asks, from across the room.
Aaron had not realized Andrew’s posture softened, until he stiffens again.
“Not for people like you,” Nicky amends quickly.
“People like me,” Andrew repeats, and Nicky flinches.
“I mean… I just… for the bad ones, I mean. The really bad ones. Like the, oh god I don’t even know his name. The Butcher of Baltimore kid. Wasn’t he sixteen when he was imprisoned? Like that guy’s gotta go to juvie.”
“Tried as an adult,” Aaron and Andrew say in synch, and their eyes flick to each other in surprise. Aaron thinks dazedly, twin telepathy .
“Oh,” Nicky says, blushing. “I didn’t know they could do that.”
Andrew scoffs in judgment, and Aaron tenses and thinks. Why do you always have to be so fucking mean? We’re trying our best.
Andrew looks back at the blank TV, and Aaron can tell they’re losing him. Aaron thinks about Kate, he thinks about being brave, and he makes himself speak again.
“Uh, Andrew, would you, uh, would you help me with this paper?” Aaron says, voice cracking embarrassingly in the middle. “You could be my primary source?”
“No,” Andrew says, flat.
Aaron tries to think quickly. Think about the ice cream , he thinks. Think about Kate eating french fries.
“Uh, if I, uh. Okay, if I write an exposé on why juvie is fucking awful, and potentially throw my grade to do it, will you, uh, will you read it? Just read it, that’s it.”
A pause, and the silence is stretched too tight, and Nicky and Aaron are both braced for impact, and oh god why does asking a question feel like putting your finger on the pin of a grenade – then Andrew dips his chin into a nod, and Aaron thinks that a human heart is not ever supposed to pump this quickly.
“Okay,” Aaron says, breathless. “Okay, great.”