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There’s always a tell when it happens, when a memory returns. Sometimes it’s just a vacant stare, or a triple blink, but there are times when Tharn just smiles or sighs, and Phaya knows he’s remembering something.
Tharn is lying beneath him, his legs loosely wrapped around his waist. Phaya can still feel the little shakes, the quivers still ringing through Tharn’s body, coming down from his orgasm.
Phaya holds himself up with one arm, using his other hand to hold both of Tharn’s wrists to his mouth. He’s pressing his lips softly against the soft flesh of his lover’s wrists, something that Phaya has discovered that Tharn not only seems to find calming, but he actually enjoys it himself. It’s like kissing his lover’s heartbeat, like he can feel each little thump against his lips.
“Mmmmm,” Tharn murmurs, a smile on his lips as he closes his eyes and rolls his hips, reminding Phaya that he’s still inside him. He seems to ignore the spillage on his stomach and lets out another little noise of content.
“Someone’s happy,” Phaya says, and flicks his tongue out against the warm skin of Tharn’s wrists.
“Just a…thought…” Tharn whispers, and he pulls his wrists free to hold in front of his face. He looks at them curiously. “A memory, I think.”
“I thought so,” Phaya replies in a soft tone. He can feel himself softening, but that’s okay. Sometimes all he needs is to pleasure Tharn.
“I used to have…bruises.” Tharn rubs his right wrist. “From chains.”
That…wasn’t what Phaya was expecting.
Almost like he could feel the change in Phaya’s energy, Tharn places his hands on either side of Phaya’s face, and smiles up at him so brightly it could blind.
“And you kissed them better.”
Phaya blinks down at him, and without a word he rolls off and out of his small boyfriend. For a split second Tharn’s face breaks from it’s comfort, contorted and confused. It’s over quickly, though, as Phaya pulls him close, ignoring the stickiness as Tharn’s chest presses against him.
“Wha-“
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Tharn’s voice is small, concerned.
He sighs and takes a few seconds before he says, “That I didn’t take you away from him when I could have.”
Tharn huffs out a breath. “You scared me.”
Phaya kisses the top of his head. “I should have been braver, I should have taken you away as soon as we-“
“Shhh!” Tharn snakes a hand up to press a finger against Phaya’s mouth. “You didn’t know anything, it wasn’t-“
“I don’t care.” Phaya tightens his hold, and for a split second he thinks he can feel a rippling down his back, like another form is ready to take hold. “I should have killed him before he even had the chance to-“
Again, Tharn shushes him, and Phaya silences.
It had become the new norm, unlocking little memories for their past together. It could be joyful, Phaya remembering an ancient tea they’d been gifted whilst parading as humans in a little village, or Tharn suddenly recalling a traditional dance that had long been forgotten. Then there were other times, when all they could remember was the darkness.
Tonight, however, Phaya isn’t sure whether this revelation falls in the light or dark category.
“Why did he need chains?” Phaya finally asks.
Tharn blinks up at him. “To stop me running away.”
“To me?”
Tharn nods, and he raises his wrists to look at them one again. He’s a delicate man, but strong in more ways than meets the eye. However, the idea of bruises on his graceful wrists fills Phaya with a storm of emotions.
Tharn is his. His alone.
How dare anyone, even a Naga Prince think they could have a claim on him. It doesn’t matter whether he’s Wansurat or Tharn, they are one and the same and he is Phaya’s.
“Are you…jealous?”
Phaya snaps out of his thoughts and looks down at Tharn. “What?”
“You have that look in your eye.”
Phaya sighs. “How can I be jealous of a man who abused you?”
Tharn shrugs, but he reaches up and presses the inside of his wrist against Phaya’s lips. Phaya kisses it without pause, reaching up and holding Tharn’s arm in place. He presses soft, gentle kisses, tasting before he starts sucking on the skin gently. He swears he can taste Tharn’s heartbeat, and it makes his own heart race.
“I think you just want me all to yourself. I don’t think you even like remembering being Sakuna with me,” Tharn says, and his voice is a little strained.
He’s not completely wrong. Phaya knows that he is Sakuna. He knows they are one and the same. However, it still feels odd, almost unreal at times. He understands that their souls are forever intertwined, they will find each other in every lifetime, and whatever happens after that. Phaya knows that. That doesn’t stop him feeling a tingle of rage in his chest each time Tharn shares a story with him, a fleeting thought from a time gone by that Phaya can’t recall. It’s like someone else was living his life, making his decisions. It’s silly, and he knows he shouldn’t care, but he does.
Phaya doesn’t noticed when his teeth graze the skin of Tharn’s delicate wrists, and he only stops when Tharn snaps his arm back with a hiss.
“Shit!” Phaya yelps. “I’m sorry, I-”
Tharn looks at the little red marks on his wrist before he blinks up at Phaya. His eyes look slightly dazed, and before Phaya can apologise properly Tharn is pulling out of his embrace.
“Tharn, I’m sorry, baby, I-”
However, Tharn isn’t climbing out of the bed like Phaya expects him to. Instead, he’s climbing on top of Phaya, straddling his thighs.
“Uh, baby?” Phaya stares up his smaller lover. He’s got a small smirk on his face, the one he makes when he’s trying to pretend he’s mad but can’t quite do it.
“I think you’re jealous, of anyone that had me before you did.”
Phaya chuckles. “You were a virgin before me.”
Tharn raises one eyebrow. “In this life.”
Phaya’s brow furrows. “What are you saying?”
Tharn leans forward and Phaya lets out a small grunt when he feels Tharn’s lips make contact with his chest. He presses kisses along his clavicle before moving to suck his nipple gently.
“Tharn,” Phaya breathes out, and this night has taken a strange turn of events, he thinks.
Tharn leans back up and adjusts his position at the top of Phaya’s thighs. Phaya knows he’s getting hard again (because he finds it very difficult to be in any other kind of state when Tharn is naked around him - Buddha only knows how he got through training camp, and back then he thought it was just a crush, never mind eternal love).Tharn’s own dick is soft as it presses gently against Phaya’s. He starts to roll his hips a little, just bumping off Phaya softly.
“Forget about Chalathon,” Tharn says, and he pushes one finger against Phaya’s lips before he can chastise him for saying the name. “But you hate that Sakuna had me, don’t you?”
Phaya scowls and pushes Tharn’s hand aside. “Isn’t that like being jealous of myself?”
Tharn smiles and Phaya knows exactly what the little shit is doing.
He’s actually trying to make me jealous, isn’t he?”
Tharn’s hands find their way to Phaya’s dick, and he let’s out a small giggle when Phaya thrusts upwards.
“You don’t have to,” Phaya says, but he’s already reaching for the discarded lube bottle on the bedside table. Tharn takes it with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. He squeezes a generous amount into the palm of his hand before he grabs Phaya’s cock tightly, making the taller man arch his back suddenly.
“Fuck!” Phaya breathes out, hands grasping at the bed sheets.
“Admit it,” Tharn says, seemingly determined to keep this train of conversation. “Even when you remember being Sakuna, you’re jealous, aren’t you?”
Phaya gasps as Tharn pumps his hand up and down, slowly, an almost dangerously tight grip on the shaft whilst he massages Phaya’s balls with his other hand.
“But…it was still me…it was me…”
“When I was Wansurat, he used to fuck me so good,” Tharn says, and he’s got a dangerous look in his eyes Phaya doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. “I can almost still feel him.”
“It was me,” Phaya almost growls, and he surprises himself. What is Tharn trying to do?
“He was so gentle,” Tharn removes the hand from Phaya’s balls, but still works his cock as he reaches behind himself. “He’d lay me down and just...” he lets out a dreamy sigh.
“Tharn,” Phaya says, warily, but his eyes are on his now painfully hard dick, and he can hear the squelch of Tharn pressing his own fingers inside himself.
“Sometimes I just needed him,” Tharn keeps going, and he closes his eyes as if he’s lost in a memory. “Sometimes I just needed him to…to just take me, just make me feel nothing but him.”
“Me.” Phaya moans. “It was me."
Tharn smiles but doesn’t open his eyes. “He felt so good, so good inside me.”
Phaya snaps.
Grabbing Tharns waist he rolls them over so he’s once again holding himself above Tharn. He grabs his lover’s wrists and pins him to the bed.
“You’re trying to make me angry, aren’t you?” He huffs out, but Tharn just smirks.
“I’m just letting you know how good Sakuna was.”
“I am Sakuna.” Tharn growls, and he dips his head to crash his lips against Tharn’s. He kisses him like he’s hungry, like he’s been starved of all and any affection, like he’s staking a claim.
Tharn pulls away first, and whispers, “Why don’t you show me, then?”
It’s almost like a manic dash, and Phaya almost fumbles as he lines himself up with Tharn’s hole. It’s hard to believe they’d started the evening with their normal, preferred love making, barely an hour ago. Phaya had already decided he didn’t need to come tonight, but now…now he needs to do something. There’s a building tension in his groin, in his stomach, in his very soul, and the only thing his brain is telling him to do is to fuck Tharn as hard as he can.
So that’s what he does.
He goes in easily, they’d already been having sex, but Tharn still lets out a delicious moan that drives Phaya insane. He can help but start thrusting into him with vigour.
“Only me,” he grunts, and he’s holding Tharn’s wrists again, holding them down against the mattress. “I’m the only one that gets to do this. Me.”
“Uh huh,” Tharn moans, and he raises his knees, spreading his legs a little wider.
“You know that, right?” Phaya says, and the slapping of skin is louder than earlier. He’s giving everything he can, like this is the only thing keeping his heart beating. Like fucking Tharn is the only thing he can do to keep himself alive. “It’s always been me, and it always will be me.”
“Uh huh,” Tharn moans again, and he tries to pull one hand out of Phaya’s grip, but Phaya doesn’t allow it.
“Oh no you don’t,” Phaya grins, and he slams into Tharn hard, making him squeal. “I thought you wanted me to show you you’re mine?” He slams into him once again.
“Phaya!”
“What’s my name?”
“P’Phaya,” Tharn cries and Phaya finally lets his hands go free. Tharn had already come barely thirty minutes ago, but already he’s solid and grabbing at himself once again.
Phaya leans back on his heels and grips Tharn’s waist and lifts him to a higher angle and wiith every thrust Tharn lets out a sounds as beautiful and hungry as the one before it.
“I love you so much,” Phaya says, and he’s dangerously close all too soon, and he watches as Tharn twists his free hand into his own hair as he jerks his own dick with desperation. “Every,” he slams into him, “single,” again, “time,” and again, “it’s been me.” Tharn yells, his eyes screwed tightly, tugging at his own hair as he comes all over his stomach for the second time that night.
It sends Phaya over the edge, and he’s too slow to even attempt to pull out, but the sound Tharn makes as he feels Phaya fill him is enough to drag Phaya’s orgasm out further than anticipated. It’s like electric shocks are running through his body, and he can’t control the way his hips stutter as he collapses on top of Tharn.
They lay there like that, panting and soaked with sweat and Tharn’s come. When Phaya finally manages to pull himself off, he takes a second to watch as his seed drips out of Tharn’s slightly red and tender hole, it clenching as the loss of contact. He can’t help but let out a moan as he closes his eyes and falls onto the bed beside Tharn. If he’d had the energy, he’d use his mouth to clean him up but right now he can barely breathe.
It’s silent between them, both naked and a hot mess. The blankets had fallen to the floor some time before, but the air felt good against their skin.
“It’s always me,” Phaya finally manages, and he turns his head to see Tharn already staring at him, a sleepy smile on his and a trace of what Phaya thinks is satisfaction.
“It’s always been you.” Tharn agrees, and he turns to cuddle into Phaya’s side, ignoring the mess.
They can deal with that later.