Chapter Text
Hermione was nervous. Not because of her final year at Hogwarts, she can’t wait to finish with school and leave the wizarding world behind; all it has ever really brought her was pain. After fourth year, she finally learned her lesson and has been planning her escape from it ever since.
Maybe she’d go to university in the USA, far away from all the shit here, start somewhere new. Maybe she’d meet a cute guy, fall in love, make friends, and have the life she has always wanted. Hermione could really see herself in this imaginary world she was building for herself where she would-
“OW!” Hermione rubbed her head as she was brought back to the present, where she was not in an Ivy league college in the USA falling in love but rather; she was in a tiny bathroom inside a train cart on her way to school.
Hermione could do it; she would do it. She would make it. It was just one more year. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t see the 11-year-old who had been so excited to find out she was a witch anymore. That little girl who had been hopeful about finding a place where she fit in, where she wasn’t a freak was nowhere to be found.
Now, when she looked at in the mirror all she saw was the thin razor blade between her fingers. Sure, she could do it with magic but she felt she needed to feel something only she could do, not the magic. She looked down to her bare wrist, maybe if she cut now she would feel better for the arrival.
But, it was too public. Other might see, she always made sure to cut where people would not see her scars. But it might help to ease the tsunami inside her. Maybe she
“Oy! Hurry up! Some of us have been waiting to wee for the last 20 minutes” angry banging could be heard from the other side of the door.
Shit.
She hadn’t realized she’d been in the bathroom for so long. Hermione threw the razor blade in the trash, she had more in her trunk. She dazedly tried to fix herself up, maybe her long hair could hide the bags under her eyes. She quickly opened the door and fled the bathroom.
“Fucking loser, taking all that time in the bathroom. Why doesn’t she just disappear already?”. Hermione didn’t know who said that and didn’t bother to turn around and see, would it matter? She would just go hide in another bathroom until they arrived.
Hermione wasn’t really paying attention to the people sitting inside the rooms as she was rushing past.
“Hermione.”
Hermione looked up but saw no one, maybe she was going crazy?
“Hermione!”
She realized she wasn’t crazy; someone was actually calling her name. Her small heart squeezed tight, she realized she recognized the voice. She turned around to see Harry calling her from his cart.
“Don’t just stand there, come here”. It looked like summer had treated him well, he looked tan and happy. Hermione was stupefied, Harry and she hadn’t talked in years; unless you counted awkward greetings in their common room and tense smiles when people in class were looking for partners for assignments.
She looked into the cart he was in. His usual crew was there: Theo, Blaise, and Pansy. Thank god Malfoy wasn’t there, she wouldn’t know what to do. Every interaction with him either ended up with her getting embarrassed or turned on, a reaction she hated.
They were all staring at her, did she have something on her clothes? Hermione felt herself fill with apprehension. She had been friends with Harry her first few years in Hogwarts, but they had lost contact when he chose his childhood friends over her in their fourth year.
It still hurt to see him. He always looked so happy, while she felt miserable. Ever since the incident, Hermione hadn’t really had friends in Hogwarts; she was a loner. It was as if a cloak of invisibility was thrown over her and she ceased to exist. People either hated her for her blood status or were too scared to approach her and cause themselves the wrath of the elite.
“Hermione! Did you hear a word I’ve been saying?” Harry said in a playful tone wile snapping his fingers in front of her face. How she wanted to break his fingers, him pretending as if they were friends and jested all the time. Fucker. She missed him and all of their times together, but Hermione couldn’t help herself feel anger towards him. Why was he talking to her? Why now? Couldn’t he just leave her alone to finish her last year and disappear?
“Granger? Are you even listening to what we’re saying?” Pansy snapped her fingers in front of her face. Hermione saw red, she was about to grab Pansy’s hand and see how far she could twist her fingers before they snapped when Harry stepped in front of her with the tightest smile she had ever seen.
“Don’t mind her mione, she’s just cranky about waking up early after summer” Harry turned to look at Pansy with adoration, “isn’t that right Pans?”. Pansy smiled right back, her whole face lit up when she looked at Harry; Hermione felt like she was intruding in a private moment.
A moment passed.
Then, another.
Now she REALLY felt like she was intruding in a private moment.
“Uhm…. I’ll see you guys later” Hermione whispered. She hoped to get away while they were distracted. Unfortunately, fate had been a bitch to Hermione for the last few years.
“Aww come one Granger, we haven’t talked in so long and you’re leaving so quickly? I thought we could catch up. You know, like the good old times” a mocking voice she hoped she could have evaded all year spoke up behind her. She froze. It was her natural reaction to him. She refused to look at him, maybe if she pretended, he didn’t exist he would disappear.
Harry and Pansy stopped making googly eyes at each other and looked at the person behind Hermione. They both smiled at him. Hermione felt a pang of jealousy, she wished she had someone who would smile at her just by her presence.
Suddenly, Pansy squealed. “Oh Draco, did you hear the news?!?! Harry and I got engaged!” Pansy gushed and pushed and obnoxiously large ring into their faces. God, how hadn’t she seen it before? It was basically blinding her with how much the sun reflected off of it.
Hermione was speechless. She didn’t even know they were dating, much less engaged. She looked to harry, who was avoiding Hermione’s gaze.
She forced a smile onto her face. “Congrats! That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you and hope you have great lives together.” It hurt to say those words, but she had to stay civil. The consequences were much worse if she lost her cool.
A sardonic laugh sounded behind her. "Really? You're soooo happy for them? Because you’re so close with them nowadays?” Malfoy snorted. Hermione could feel her ears heating up due to embarrassment, could she cast a disillusionment spell at that moment? “Now don’t go being shy on us Granger, what is the Brightest Witch of our age thinking?”
Hermione took a deep breath in, if she continued ignoring him, maybe, just maybe he would get the hint and leave. She would not turn around and look at his stupidly good-looking face and body; it would just make her angrier and sadder at the same time.
“Anyway, congratulations you two; about time you popped the question, Potter. Pansy here was about to blow a gasket.” Malfoy walked in front of Hermione and hugged Pansy and Harry.
“Sod off Draco” Harry hit Malfoy on the shoulder playfully. “Speaking of the wedding though, I have an important question to ask you-“
“Yes Potter, I’ll be your best man” Hermione couldn’t see Malfoy’s face but from his tone she assumed he looked quite smug. Harry and Pansy just laugh and hug it out.
No one was paying attention to Hermione, she realized. It was the perfect opportunity to escape. So, escape she did, she silently walked all the way to the bathroom at the end of the cart. When she turned around to see if they had noticed her disappearance, she was sorely disappointed. All of them had continued with their conversation as if she didn’t exist. As if she was invisible.
She went into another bathroom and stayed there until she was sure they had arrived at Hogwarts.
No one went looking for her.
………………………………………………
The first night at the castle was always lively. Excited first years awaiting to see where they were going to get placed while everyone else would be cheering about their new members. Hermione hated these dinners, she used to enjoy them. There was a time where she would have been cheering the loudest and would have been sat at the front to welcome the newcomers, but those days were long gone.
She now was sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table, near the exit; in case she needed to use it. It was a strategy she had started implementing since her fifth year when the older Weasley twins, Fred and George, had spiked her drink with laxatives and each one sat beside her and wouldn’t let her leave. She still had not lived that down and sometimes walking down the hall she heard people whisper under their breath “poopymione”, the oh so wonderful nickname that had haunted her all of fifth year after that incident. It had mostly disappeared after that, but she could still hear it in the hall sometimes though she ignored it.
She never let herself react to the taunting; it wasn’t worth it. Outwardly she never let herself break, even though every jab chipped away at the little she had left on the inside.
Dinner had ended and all first years have been sorted, Dumbledore was now giving the same droll speech he gave each year. Hermione couldn’t stand him, he preached all about acceptance and diversity but turned a blind eye to all the bullying Hermione had endured in the last six years because of who led the charge.
If the coming announcement didn’t bring as much excitement as it did, she would have had already walked out of the great hall to go to for an evening walk. But she had waited years for this moment, had supported everything this school had thrown at her; it was now her time to shine. McGonagall, the only teacher in her corner, had assured her she would be chosen as Head Girl; she had the highest test scores of her year, had never earned a demerit or detention. She was the logical choice, and she couldn’t wait to for everyone to know; there would be no more whispered words in the hall, no more pranking or sabotaging. She would live this year in peace.
While Dumbledore continued with his speech, Hermione felt a prick at the back of her head. As if someone was watching her. When she turned around, she saw those violent grey eyes digging into her, as if they were trying to figure out what she was made of underneath her skin. Normally, Hermione would have turned around and ignored him, but she was about to be announced head girl and while she couldn’t exactly prove it, she was sure Malfoy had been behind her misery in Hogwarts. She couldn’t wait to watch his face when they announced her name.
As if Malfoy could hear her thoughts, laughed out loud. The people near him looked at him to be mad but his eyes never Hermione’s. He put on his signature smirk, which haunted Hermione’s dreams and nightmares and leaned in to whisper something to Nott, who also turned to stare intently into her. It felt like they were locked into a staring contest, one which she refused to lose; it felt as if the rest of the world ceased to exist and only them and her remained. She didn’t know how long they had been staring when both Slytherins turned away.
Hermione felt victorious for a second, until she realized they had turned away in favor to continue their conversation, pretending that their interaction with her had never existed while Hermione was still alone and had no one to talk to. Her “victory” started to taste sour in her mouth.
“Settle down everyone, it’s time for the final announcements of the night!” Dumbledore waited for the students to settle down before continuing. “Before we announce Head girl and Head boy, we are pleased to announce that Hogwarts will host another ball this year!” Students roared, they had all been asking for years about having another dance since fourth year.
Dumbledore stood patiently, waiting for the students to get the excitement outside their system. Once they had settled down, he continued “Unlike the last one, this one will be limited to upper years only, fifth year and above”. At this statement most students started protesting.
“QUIET DOWN! Any complaints can be made to the head of houses and there might be some reconsideration on the age allowance. Moving on, the final announcement of the night is that of the Head boy and Head girl. We shall start with Head boy; I am extremely pleased to announce that the head boy this year embodies all the qualities which we here value at Hogwarts. Please welcome your Head boy: Harry Potter.” The great hall filled with applause.
Hermione wasn’t necessarily surprised that Harry was chosen as head boy, he was well liked among his peers, had good grades (mediocre in Hermione’s opinion, but good for the general population), and came from an influential wizarding family. It was to be expected they chose someone from his background, considering she was going to be picked Head girl, it would balance things out.
Harry seemed surprised to be chosen, everyone could see the shock on his face as he got up from his side of the Gryffindor table, surrounded by their old friends. He slowly walked towards Dumbledore. Once he reached the stage, he shook Dumbledore’s hands and stood beside him. On the outside he looked perfectly fine, but Hermione had been her friend in the past and knew the signs of his nervousness like how was holding his arms near his chest like he was giving himself a sly hug.
“Now, to continue on with the next Head boy” Dumbledore continued on after all of Harry’s fanfare had died down. Hermione had to do a double take, was Dumbledore finally losing his mind? He had already announced head boy, head girl was next.
Hermione suddenly felt a pit form in the bottom of her stomach.
“Do not worry, I have not lost my marbles just yet. I did say head boy. This year we will have two head boys instead of a girl and a boy. This is because the faculty and I agree this other candidate deserved the spot just as much as Mr. Potter. Please come on up, Draco Malfoy!”
Hermione felt as if the room was closing in on her; she couldn’t hear anything and started feeling dizzy.
They chose him, not her. Why? McGonagall had promised her the position. Hermione couldn’t look away as he walked up to the podium, so self-assured, like he knew it was going to happen. God, did he know? Did everyone know except her? Was everyone laughing at her for believing the position was going to go to her?
Once Malfoy reached the Podium he smiled at the faculty and student body; he had that smile that told her he was the cat that got the cream.
“Thank you, headmaster and esteemed faculty, Potter and I will make sure to uphold Hogwarts values and bring our school to the highest standard” Malfoy stood straight as if the world bowed to him, well maybe he did feel the world bowed to him. When you grew up with money and privilege you started acting like that.
Hermione was about to duck out, she couldn’t handle one more second in the great hall, even though it felt like it was the size of a broom closet at the moment. Her whole dream of how the year was supposed to go shattered right in front of her, and as usual no one noticed. She thought it could not get any worse than this at the moment, until Malfoy looked right at her and smirked.
Smirked like he had won, and she had lost. The fucking nerve of that man.
“I want to make a toast” Malfoy summoned a goblet. As everyone around her put their arms up to make the toast, Malfoy was still looking at her. “To an unforgettable year”.
Hermione was sure it would be, she just wasn’t sure if in a good way or not.