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Despite it all, all the crimes, all the murder, everything, he still lets it be. He still visits him whenever he yearns for that wondrous smell and those soft touches, stroking his hair so tenderly it hurts him. There’s always a painful ache in his chest every time he visits.
“Satoru, are you okay? Need more time?”
Of course that stupid soft voice of his would be his final blow. A stab in his heart and it will never heal.
He shook his head, that’s all he can do. He doesn’t have the guts to speak or else he’ll end up whining and groaning. Suguru didn’t particularly trust that and wanted to check up on him but Satoru stopped him, already knowing his motives.
“I’m fine, just continue moving slowly,”
It hurts to speak but he still did it anyway because he’s an idiot.
Suguru paused for a moment before doing as Satoru said, continue moving slowly. The stretch was painful but that wasn’t the reason he wanted to cry.
He wanted to cry because of Suguru, whenever he sees him, he can’t help but feel the tears start to form. He can’t help but remember the incident, it happened so fast but also so slow. It felt so long ago but it felt like yesterday, it felt painful but also like nothing. It was a very numb memory, he forgets about it but at the time doesn’t forget about it.
It was such a weird feeling, the tears in his eyes almost streamed down his face as he almost closed his eyes. He noticed though and kept his eyes almost open, more squinted so it was somewhat pointless because the tears still streamed down.
Suguru felt it. That was the worst part. That’s why he tried to hold it in but failed, of course. That’s when Suguru stopped his movements and moved Satoru, just to see his face, just to make sure he’s okay.
It made him want to cry more from how much he cared about him, it was revolting. It was so lovely.
“You need a moment, Satoru?” Suguru asked, it was so soft, so caring. He felt another stab to his heart. He shook his head again, not trusting his voice. It really hurts to speak.
“Satoru, you can trust me. Tell me what’s wrong,”
“Nothing is wrong, just hurry up,” He shouted.
His voice was so shaky and his throat felt sore but he didn’t care. Suguru kept pestering him if he’s okay or if anything is wrong but none of that should matter.
His feelings, his emotions, should not get in the way.
And Suguru obeyed, he probably could tell that Satoru doesn’t want to talk about it now. He’s like a mutt, at least that’s what it feels like.
He moved slowly, Satoru gasped and groaned. He wanted him to go faster now, he wanted this painful wound in his chest to go away.
“Faster,”
And he did, he did go faster. It hurts but it helped his mind feel distracted and be only filled with lust. Now he’s moaning softly, his breath against Suguru’s shoulder and ears.
His waist and ass were being gripped harshly by the man in front of him. It felt so exhilarating and so agonizing. He wanted more.
More of the pain, more of the pleasure. Dear god, he’s a mess. An idiotic mess. His hair is already ruffled, tears flowing down his face, and his mouth wide open, moaning, whimpering, and drooling. He is ridiculous.
“You’re taking me so well, Satoru. You’re so perfect for me, my precious,”
God those stupid fucking praises making his heart pound. He almost came to that too. He held onto him so tightly and harshly, it probably had blood dripping down his back.
They don’t care though, eyes and minds are filled with lustful desires and they only want each other.
“More- More, please…Faster,” Satoru begged, panting and almost slurring his words.
“Of course, love,” Suguru replied teasingly.
Oh that nickname always gets him. He moaned at that. He felt his heart squeezed from that.
He felt the speed increasing, making his body feel weak. Suguru’s cock was big, big enough to already hit that sweet spot. Enough for him to go crazy like an animal.
He screams his name so desperately, he badly needs it and Suguru knows it. This is unhealthy, this isn’t okay but he’s taking it, accepting it.
Their touches were harsh, bruised and bloody. It was painfully satisfying. The pleasure was too much, too little. Satoru needed more.
He needed his body to tremble, forgetting his emotions and every one of his memories except for Suguru.
“Ugh…Mmn- ‘m getting close,” Satoru whimpered.
“Me too,” Suguru said, like an exhale.
Everything felt blank after that. His body felt numb as he came, but somehow, he still felt Suguru thrusting deep inside him. This feeling overwhelmed him, it didn’t make it any better that he was also overstimulated.
He let out whiny sobs and repeatedly called out Suguru’s name. He can’t exactly remember the rest, it was all a blur. The only thing he remembered was feeling Suguru coming inside him.
His throat was sore from all that moaning and screaming but he still let out a choked moan, biting his lips that it bled.
His body finally collapsed on top of Suguru. Suddenly felt his body move, it was Suguru moving his body with all of his energy he has left then laid down, next to him. Giving kisses on his neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist.
What the fuck, what the actual fuck. Why? Why is this happening? He’s so close to breaking, he is gonna break.
“Why,” He whispered.
“Why what?” Suguru asked.
“Why are you like this, why did we do this, I can’t—“ He broke.
He’s broken.
He’s crying and trembling, he genuinely doesn’t know why. His emotions are all over the place.
Suguru didn’t hesitate to comfort Satoru, pulling him close and stroking his hair but that made it worse. Satoru wanted to push him away but he doesn’t, he loves the way how warm he is and tender this moment is.
He absolutely despises himself for showing his vulnerability but it’s only Suguru who sees it, the only one who is allowed to see his vulnerable side. Satoru was still crying but he finally spoke, it was raspy and some words were slurred. But Suguru listened.
“I hate that I crave for your touch and attention, I miss you so much and I hate that I do,”
Suguru still listened.
“Sometimes I wish to go back and did something to make you stay with me. You’re probably much better now than then but I miss you so fucking much and I hate it!”
Suguru still listened.
“I love you so much,”
Suguru still listened. He was shocked, he felt an ache in his chest. Satoru was still crying and he couldn’t believe he managed to say all of that, his voice was shaky and raspy, his throat hurts and sore.
“Satoru…” Was all Suguru could say. He didn’t know how to respond other than holding him tighter.
“I love you too, I miss you a lot too. I didn’t think you loved me ever since that incident,”
God that made him cry harder. Hearing Suguru say that, even if it was a lie he still takes it. It made him so overwhelmingly happy.
Suguru turned his body around to face towards him, he had to admit that Satoru’s crying face was pretty. His hair was all over the place on his stunning pale face, his pretty blue eyes, glittering because of the tears.
And he wiped the tears off with his tanned hands and kissed his cheeks. Satoru’s face was so flushed it was so cute, it was a light pink color.
Goodness. He was so ethereal, like a god. But he is no god, he is a person. People never cared for that but him. He loves him. Satoru might not believe it but at least he heard it.
“You’re very pretty, Satoru,”
“Mhn, that was out of pocket,”
“I just wanted to say that,” Satoru smiled, it was a genuine smile too.
He could see Suguru also smiling, it was a genuine and gentle one. He has madly in love with him.
Whether it’s because of the memories or genuinely the person, he was just in love. What a terrible curse that can never be broken.